Discord Saves the Day: Now What?

by AkumaKami64


Alicown Rodeo

There are very, very few things that could make Twilight Sparkle's brain completely stall, come to a screeching halt. Sure, the locals of Ponyville seemed crazy, but she had seen her fill of strange things while studying under the Princess. In fact, the most common time this happened was when the unicorn found a particular kind of petition that nearly made her brain fry at trying to understand the logic of nobles. Another, one she thankfully had no clear mental image of, was walking in on her parents and possibly ruining a chance at having a L(B/S)OBFF.

Now she was currently staring at the strangest looking creature she had ever seen, who was staring down the scariest pony she had ever seen, who in turn was staring back at the aforementioned strangest creature like she thought he was the scariest creature she herself had ever seen. The fact that Nightmare Moon, an Alicorn that had to be able to rival Celestia, looked as terrified as a filly before a hydra was what truly stalled Twilight's mind for a moment.

Discord idly wondered if either of the ponies realized that overlapping their respective cutie marks were the words "7w1l16h7_5p4rkl3.exe has stopped working" and "Lun4.exe has been corrupt by program: N16h7m4r3."

Twilight took a moment to breathe, nice and slow, quickly rebooting her brain as the stare-down continued and did something she did very well: Mental multitasking, 'The elements are right at Nightmare Moon's hooves. If this turns into a fight, I can easily get to them or teleport them to me, and hopefully give them the spark they need. But I have to be careful with him. The head of a pony, body made of many creatures. Only one creature in all of Equestrian history matches that description and could terrify an Alicorn,' Twilight mentally paused as she took a quick restock of her information.

"A Draconequus. An immortal class of creature with magical power and knowledge treading into the realms of omnipotence and one of the only creatures known to possess and master Chaos Magic, as coined by Starswirl the Bearded. Judging by Nightmare Moon's reaction and coupled by the lack of any other known Draconequus, I have to assume that this is the Draconequus of Discord from the old legends, said to have been defeated by Princess Celestia herself and the Elements of Harmony for unleashing endless chaos on the lands," Twilight continued to herself.

"My, what a flatterer you are, Twilight Sparkle," Discord noted with a smirk, not looking away from Nightmare, who finally blinked and turned into a cloud of starlight blue mist.

"Oh buck me, I said that aloud," Twilight cursed to herself with wide eyes.

"Oh no you don't!" Discord declared, snapping himself up a large vacuum cleaner, using the hose to suck in all of the mist before it could escape. Once finished, Discord smirked as he turned it off and blew the end of the hose like it was a smoking gun.

Twilight blinked as the vacuum cleaner bounced and rattled with smothered screams of indignation while Discord proudly twirled the hose in his claw, "...Was that it?" Twilight asked in surprise.

"Oh no, we have less than a minute before she breaks out of there, Sparky," Discord answered with a dismissive wave.

"...Shouldn't you be getting ready then?" Twilight asked, eyeing the container as it started to gain cracks with a blue glow behind them.

"I am, I am. Oh, and by the way? It's Discord the Draconequus, not the other way around," Discord corrected offhandedly before stroking his goatee, "Though, it sounds good no matter what way you slice it, I suppose."

*BOOM*

"Hey, I just cleaned that up! And to think I was tidying up this dusty old castle for you," Discord scowled with a forced frown as dust spewed everywhere, making Twilight cough for a few seconds.

"DISCORD!" Nightmare screamed, her essence bursting forth and fleeing into the shadows of the room, "How did you get free?! We sealed you away for an eternity!" Nightmare snapped from the shadows.

'We? Is she speaking in the royal or normal plural?' Twilight wondered curiously, 'Princess Celestia was never alone in those tales, even if it's rarely consistent who or what it was that aided her. Could Nightmare Moon have allied with the Princess against the Dra...against Discord?,' Twilight hypothesized with a frown, watching Discord smirk with his arms crossed, obviously enjoying the Alicorn's displeasure and dismay, 'That would mean...not even two Alicorns working together can beat him.'

'7w1l16h7_5p4rkl3.exe has stopped working- Never mind, false alert!'

"That's funny, coming from you, Mare in the Moon!" Discord taunted as he kicked himself off the ground and started floating about in a circle, like a snake sniffing out its prey, "Really, if YOU could escape, what made you think I couldn't as well?" Discord pointed out smugly.

"Am I to believe that it is mere coincidence that you are freed at this exact moment?!" Nightmare Moon accused, just a bit frantically, "Was it her, this little minion?! Did SHE order her to release you, just to oppose me!?" Nightmare Moon accused, the shadows becoming heavier on the stone above and around Twilight, making her shiver as she readied her magic.

"Right, right- a young yet talented unicorn managed to undo a spell done by the Elements of Harmony all by herself," Discord mocked with an unamused expression, slowly clapping his hands, "Bravo, Luna. I mean, it was a horrible joke, but it's a start. Though, you always struck me as the riddling sort. That or a puzzler," Discord mused, now holding a highly unsolved rubix with red, orange, purple, blue, pink, and magenta sides. Absently, he fiddled with some of the sides of said cube. "Never been able to solve these things."

"Don't call me that. That isn't my name," Nightmare Moon ordered darkly.

"Oh, like it's a big difference. You just changed Luna to Moon, its literal meaning, and needlessly added the title of being a Mare of the Night into it," Discord said with an eye roll. His eyes fell out of his skull as he did so and he threw the rubix cube aside to catch them before they fell to the floor, "Really, you just made your name even more redundant and boring. At least Celestia-"

"Don't speak of her to me!" Nightmare Moon screeched, sending a horn beam to the back of Discord's head.

Without a word, Discord used his tail to deflect the attack with a hand held mirror, "Touchy," Discord commented before throwing the eye balls at her, both stopping right in front of her face, "Did you REALLY think you could hide from Chaos?" He mocked as he rejoined with his eyeballs, his body wrapped around the trunk of her form and the end of his tail around her own. This, if anything, made Nightmare angrier as she tried to buck him in the face with her front hooves, only for Discord to hold them back with his talon and paw, grinning as she struggled against him.

Twilight, meanwhile, made a mad dash for the elements, her horn glowing as she skidded to a halt and tried to 'spark' the stones. The result made them glow and fizzle with magical sparks for a moment. Discord frowned for an instant when he saw that Nightmare Moon was actually worried. He quickly hid this with his own grin when the orbs fizzled out with no results.

"What? But I don't understand! Where's the sixth element!?" Twilight questioned in disbelief.

"Wa, Wa, Waaaaa!" Discord sang off before unfurling his body and sending Nightmare Moon rolling onto the floor, just as lightning started to erupt from her body.

As the Alicorn got back on her hooves, she glared and growled at Discord, barring her fangs at him, "You shouldn't take me so lightly, Foal. I'm far stronger than I was the last time we faced each other."

"Oh? Are you under the impression I threw you aside because of your little lightning show?" Discord asked in mock surprise, a talon against his lips.

Nightmare Moon blinked and that was exactly as far as she got before four different ponies made direct contact with her right side. Rarity made a kick for the hind leg, Pinkie Pie body slammed into the mid-section, Applejack head-butted right into the shoulder just behind the armor, and Rainbow Dash's hooves rammed right into the muzzle and helmet. Even for an immortal Alicorn, the four-way sneak attack was enough to send her tumbling across the room in surprise and more than a little pain.

"Bravo, ladies, bravo!" Discord praised as a large set of miniature theater seats appeared behind him, all with tiny Discords giving a mighty applause- complete with adoration, catcalls, overdramatic tears of joy, and demands for an encore. The real Discord looked to the door way and spied Fluttershy peeking in, "Except you, but we'll give you points for showing up," He commented. The pale yellow Pegasus shrunk under his gaze a bit as she quickly rejoined her friends, her head dipped a bit in shame at not helping.

The other mares blinked, except Pinkie Pie who started making stage bows, "Thank you, thank you! You're all too kind!" Pinkie Pie announced with a grin.

"Any idea what's going with the freakazoid?" Rainbow asked blankly to Applejack, 'What the buck is up with those little wings?'

"Ain't got one bit of a clue," Applejack admitted in confusion, 'What the hay is that blue horn supposed to be from?'

"Girls!" Twilight called as she rejoined them, the elements in tow.

"Glad to see you're unharmed, dear," Rarity greeted with a smile.

"So, who's this weirdo?" Rainbow Dash asked with a raised eyebrow.

Twilight looked at her blankly, "This 'weirdo' is the reason I'm unharmed," She scolded lightly.

"Oh...my bad," Rainbow apologized sheepishly.

Discord blinked as he bit back the comment he was going to make before Twilight said anything, 'Huh, that's another first: a pony, or anyone really, standing up for me?' He mused curiously as he stroked his goatee, 'Actually, that's also the first time ponies have ever helped me in a fight, against an Alicorn no less. The world has gone mad,' He continued in his head before going wide eyed, 'The world has gone mad! Finally! I always knew this day would come! Hallelujah and huzzah! Ring bells, bang the dru-!' He had begun to think, only to blink and throw away the drum he'd just materialized into being. 'Okay, hold yourself together Discord old boy. Kick Alicorn flank now, celebrate all of Ponykind going around the bend later!' He reminded himself, his tail buzzing with potential chaotic energy for a moment.

Groaning from Nightmare Moon seemed to reinstall a bit of urgency into their mood or Twilight's at least, "Not to cut this short, but I think we have a problem," She pointed out as the Alicorn slowly got back to her feet.

"Umm, Twilight? Not to sound lazy or anything, but unless we were watching different rodeos, I don't think we have a problem with Mr. Puzzle Snake over here on our side," Applejack commented with a raised eyebrow.

"Over where?" Pinkie Pie asked curiously.

"Pinkie, he's standing righ-" Applejack trailed off with wide eyes, seeing Discord had vanished.

"And what happened to your hat?" Pinkie Pie asked, tilting her head, causing the farmer to touch her head, blinking as she found a note in place of her Stetson hat.

"What in tarnation?" Applejack muttered in surprise as she read the note which simply read as: "I'm borrowing this. P.S. Thanks for the idea!"

"Umm, girls?" Fluttershy whispered with a gulp of fear as Nightmare Moon marched menacingly to them.

She walked with a slight limp in her still-healing legs as blood dripped down from under her helmet, covering her right eye and dripping off her muzzle. With a snarl, she spat out a wad of blood from her mouth, "You are very brave foals, I grant. After I tan your hides, I'll be sure your names live on long after your executions, my traitorous subjects," Nightmare Moon ranted as she charged her horn, the blue glow cackling with excessive energy.

Twilight glared, reading her magical appendage as well...

At this point, Twilight wasn't too surprised that Discord tossed a lasso over Nightmare's muzzle, "That's enough of that, ya inky varmint!" Discord called, pulling back hard on the rope as she fired her attack, hitting the ceiling and carving a large arc into it, causing the ancient stonework to crumble. Twilight, prepared, teleported the girls and the elements to a safe corner. The ponies all looked around in surprise before realizing their new position and blinking as they saw...

Well, to be blunt, it was a Stetson-hat wearing Discord in a cow-colt outfit, riding on Nightmare Moon's back, pulling on the rope hard as she tried to buck him off her back.

"...Ya'll seeing this?" Applejack asked in surprise.

"I see your hat," Rarity pointed out with a slightly disturbed look.

"What the-...Oh, I am getting him for that," Applejack grumbled. No one touched the hat, not even some whacky chimera-god that happened to be saving Ponykind from some Night-loving Alicorn- and maybe she would cut him some slack, actually, assuming he returned the hat.

"Oh, oh, me next, me next! I want a turn!" Pinkie Pie cheered as she watched Nightmare Moon try to slam Discord against a pillar, only for him to slid under her the moment she did so and slid back up effortlessly.

"Sorry, Little Lady, but Alicorn rastling ain't for first timers!" Discord called back in a fairly convincing if overly thick southern accent as he slapped said Alicorn's rear with the tip of his tail, creating a whip like sound, making Nightmare Moon go wide eyed and blush before unleashing a muffled scream of indignation.

"Oh dear...," Fluttershy muttered with wide eyes, blushing a bit.

"That image isn't going away any time soon," Rarity commented to herself.

"This...is starting to get weird," Twilight noted awkwardly.

"I don't know what you're all talking about," Rainbow said with a grin as she hovered above them, "Yo, Goat-face! Keep it up, maybe we can turn her into a pony ride!" She cheered on with a smirk.

Discord looked Rainbow for a moment before cackling with laughter as he pulled back on the reigns, Nightmare rolling to attempt to get him off. Discord, still laughing, just went paper flat before reflating with every laugh.

"...You realize how crass and vulgar that sounds out loud, don't you?" Rarity asked in just a bit of disgust.

Rainbow eyed her oddly, "What gutter is your prissy mind crawling into, and can I get directions?" Rainbow joked, holding back a smirk as Rarity rolled her eyes with a humph.

"Hey, Sugarcube? Any idea on how to get these elements a workin while Nightmare Moon is busy with..." Applejack trailed off hopefully.

"Discord. His name is Discord. And I have no idea what to do. I tried to give the elements a spark, but nothing happened," Twilight answered, biting her lips.

"Do we really need them?" Fluttershy asked softly, looking over to see Nightmare Moon trying to tilt her head back and shot a beam at Discord. The Draconequus responded by grasping the horn and bending it in a ninety-degree angle, making the Alicorn shoot what was directly in front of her.

"Maybe not, but its better safe than sorry," Twilight reasoned, leaving out that there was a chance that they might need to use them on Discord. She hoped not, really.

"Look out!" Discord yelled as Nightmare Moon apparently tried to ram the smaller ponies, having wrestled away a good deal of slack on the rope.

"Don't make me use this!" Pinkie Pie warned with a too-serious glare, standing on two legs while aiming a party cannon right at the charging Alicorn, who just narrowed her eyes and formed a shield over her cranium, "I warned ya!"

What happened next was epically random. Pinkie Pie spun the cannon around in a snap and bucked it right at Nightmare Moon. The corrupted princess smirked as she jumped over it. Just as she did, the cannon's wheel hit a pebble, causing it to bounce off its wheel and land with its muzzle flat against the ground, its rear pointed upwards. And as Nightmare Moon dived over it, she became vastly aware of what it was like to have a cannon, a party cannon at that, blow backwards into her stomach and leave her gasping in pain for a moment.

Discord blinked as he reeled in the rope again before giving Pinkie Pie a thumbs up, who saluted in return. As Discord rode a once more struggling Nightmare Moon back away from them, Pinkie turned to her stunned and gaping friends, "Party Cannon: Never leave home without one," Pinkie Pie answered sagely with her hooves crossed before tilting her head as something caught her eye, "Ohhhhh! What's this?" Pinkie Pie said excitedly, picking up the discarded rubix cube.

Before anyone could comment or answer, Discord let out a great "Yeeha!" as he was thrown off of Nightmare's back, landing in front of her effortlessly. His draconic foot now held the rope, slamming it into the floor as it embedded itself there...and proceeded to turn into chains of chocolate licorice, which spread over the rest of the immortal pony's body, muzzling her while encasing her horn and wings.

"Oh, come now Prommare, don't tell me those mares knocked your sweet tooth out," Discord cooed mockingly as she glared and struggled to get free from the deceptively strong sweets. He just chuckled before flashing over to the girls, floating above them while leaning his head down to their level, "Miss me, ladies?" He asked with a grin, now devoid of his cow-colt outfit.

"I missed my hat," Applejack said blandly, looking up and just now noticing his horns were sticking throw the headwear, "Did you-!?" Applejack started, only for Discord to casually take the hat off, his horns phasing through it.

"Oh please, like I'd ruin a perfectly good hat," Discord said with a chuckle, tossing it up and rolling it down his spine.

"Can I have it back?" Applejack all but demanded, half of her friends rolling their eyes at the earth pony's fixation on her headwear.

"Of course, of course. Just one last thing," Discord assured, before using his tail to throw the Stetson hat like a Frisbee. The mares all stared in curious amazement as it shot around the four pillars closest to Nightmare Moon several times before zipping back to Applejack's head.

Rainbow rose an eyebrow at the display after an awkward second, "...Okay, that was cool and all, but-" She stopped as the columns each started to fall into several different pieces, Nightmare staring in horror as the ceiling above her started to fall down around her, burying her beneath it, "...Wow."

"Wow indeed," Discord agreed with a smirk as the smoke.

"Is she...dead?" Twilight asked in worry. Ponies were normally very averse to taking lives. Being herbivores, the killer instinct wasn't in them, making it harder to rationalize at times.

"If she was, I'd be very surprised and sorely disappointed," Discord commented, eyeing the debris suspiciously for a moment before pulling out a pair of X-ray glasses and staring into the debris, "Hmm, she's gone."

"Gone? What do you mean gone?" Rainbow asked with a scowl.

"Gone as in not here? As in alakazam?" Discord offered, waving a hand at Rainbow absently, who blinked as she appeared on the opposite side of Discord, "Getting it yet?"

While Rainbow stewed a bit, Rarity took this chance to step in, "I believe Rainbow means as to how Nightmare Moon escaped and to where if possible," She clarified, even if she was sure he knew what Rainbow meant.

"She moved into the shadows when the rubble broke some of the licorice," Discord answered offhandedly, taking off the glasses as his eyes turned every which way, even in the back of his head.

"She ran away?" Rainbow Dash asked, looking at him oddly, "Okay, what exactly sends an Alicorn running with her starry tail between her legs?" She inquired curiously.

"Discord, obviously," Discord answered smugly, before poofing up a brown hunter's outfit, complete with an brown-red hat and an old style hunting rifle, "So be vewy, vewy quite. I'm hunting Alicowns…hahahaha." he said, walking forward and descending into the shadows like they were stairs.

"Ali-CORN, as in one, as in not two," Twilight reminded quickly, getting an unseen eye roll.

"Ya want any help?" Applejack offered curiously.

Discord froze half way into the shadow realm with a surprised expression before remembering the world's apparent state of insanity. Still, he looked curiously at the farm mare before shaking his head a few times, "No, you six stay here in case she doubles back before I find her. If she does, feel free to scream at the top of your lungs," Discord offered with a smirk as he descended the rest of the way down, nearly losing his hat in the process.

"Well, that was perhaps the strangest individual I have ever met in my entire life," Rarity noted idly.

"Funny, I've had that same exact thought several times today," Twilight commented dryly before blinking, "Where's Pinkie?" She asked, realizing the party pony had been unusually quiet for some time now.

"Over here!" Pinkie announced, holding up the now-partially solved rubix cube.

"Pinkie Pie! This isn't time for games!" Rainbow Dash scolded with an annoyed look, blinking as the puzzle was caught in an aura of purple magic. The mares looked to Twilight curiously as she stared with wide eyes at the cube, solving it at admittedly impressive speeds, "Twilight? You okay?" Rainbow asked in concern.

Twilight looked from the cube to each of her friends before looking back at the toy one last time, a brief spark in her eyes.

Meanwhile

Discord, admittedly, was not surprised by where he found Nightmare Moon. If he was honest, it was exactly where he wanted her to be. It was cliché, it was predictable and it should be boring. Both where she was and what he was about to do. But really, there was something all too pleasing about it to him. Almost satisfying in a way; in the end, he dubbed it a guilty pleasure.

He chuckled oh so ominously as he walked out of the shadows she claimed to covet, his hoof and claws echoing into the cavern as a soft light bathed over him. And before him stood a shaken and injured Nightmare Moon. One of her wings looked like it was broken or had a dislocated bone, her armor was covered in cracks and missing chunks and her ethereal mane and tail were losing their mobility- reduced to being just a flowing mane, like her sister's. To his infinite amusement, parts of her were still covered in licorice and Discord swore he saw a red mark on her flank from one of his...assaults on her posterior.

She was crouched, as if to attack him like a wild animal rather than a royal Alicorn. And looming over her was the crystalized entity known to Ponykind as the Tree of Harmony.

Discord was sure that Nightmare didn't know who he was smirking at: Her, or Harmony. In truth, Discord wasn't sure himself.

"Of course you would come here," he mocked with a dark chuckle, glancing up at the tree briefly, "Just like you ponies to fall back on Harmony when you're unhappy with the lot you've been drawn. At least this new generation shows some promise, if that little thrashing they gave you was any indication," Discord mused as he walked closer and closer to her.

"Stay back...," Nightmare Moon grunted, trying and failing to snap at him, "This tree is your weakness, your antithesis," She warned with a glare.

Discord raised an eyebrow at that, looking a bit surprised, "Is that what you two really thought? Did you think the Tree could stop me?" He asked curiously.

"You are the Spirit of Disharmony," She reminded plainly, confidently that she had some level of protection here.

"Disharmony by profession, Chaos by nature," Discord countered vaguely as he appeared right before her, leaning against the Tree of Harmony without so much as flinching. Nightmare Moon just stared, her mind broken for a moment as she saw Discord unaffected by the tree that had once housed the elements that had petrified him for a millennium, just as the same elements had sealed her, "I don't know what's more interesting though. That you thought the Tree and me are natural enemies or that you thought it would help you. After all, you and your sister broke the Harmony a thousand years ago. It no longer has the strength or desire to aid you," He noted with a smirk as he tapped a talon on the tree trunk.

Nightmare wasn't sure, but she swore that the light of the tree shimmered for a moment, almost...sadly.

"Funny, really, Harmony. You and these Alicorns did what very few can lay claim to, truly putting a dam upon my flood of chaos. Yet, when peace came, your champions ripped each other apart oh so viciously. I suppose it's karma, really. You spent so much time sealing your enemies away, it was only fair you all got a taste as well: Luna into the Moon, Harmony into stone for the sake of poetic irony and Celestia into having to run this little perfect nation, all alone, for a thousand years. And I got a front row seat to it all," He mocked as he leaned down and cupped Nightmare's chin with his tail, staring right into her eyes, "Truly, Luna, I couldn't have done better myself. In fact, I might just give up the Disharmony title with how self-destructive Harmony seems to be. Not really a point in a job that does itself," He mused idly, feigning pride and praise.

There was another shimmer, brighter and...curious?

Nightmare went wide eyed as the tail wrapped around her neck, "Still, you aren't getting off quite that easy," He forewarned as he tossed the Alicorn into the Tree of Harmony, horn first. To Nightmare Moon's great shock, the crystal shattered like glass as she fell through it. Discord chuckled as he looked back up at the tree, "You had to know it would come to this, Harmony. Nothing can truly hold out against Chaos forever," He commented before stepping into the hole, pausing as the tree shimmered again. He blinked as he looked back curiously, "Oh? Is that right? Well, we'll see, I suppose," He answered, stepping the rest of the way through. The hole instantly closed itself up, leaving the Tree of Harmony alone once more....