**********Canterlot Castle 3rd POV**********
In a dark room with a single light, three alicorn princesses sat around a table. The air was heavy and the silence tense. On the table was a manila folder that captivated all the eyes in the room. The folder was interesting but what really held the alicorns’ interest was the contents. It had started with an offhand comment from one of the royal guards. Princess Celestia had taken an interest in something he said. So through a series of shadowy and questionable political maneuvers, she had put together a secret fund. The fund was then used by the most trusted and skilled information gatherers Celestia could find. Who then set up several dummy organizations, that could never be traced back to the crown, that claimed to be about social dynamics and scientific research. The organizations created a bunch of fake studies in order to mask their true objective; a single survey. Which now completed, sat on the table before the most powerful ponies in Equestria. The results of which….
“Fellow princesses,” Celestia began. “I have called you here today because I believe we have an image problem.”
Luna arched an eyebrow. “I was aware of my own issues, but do you mean to say that the both of you are facing some as well?”
“According to this, yes,” Celestia said as she picked up the folder in her magic. “Luna, I don’t think your issues are what you think they are.”
“Our subjects do not fear me?” Luna said, eyes full of hope.
“Not quite,” Celestia said. “In fact you are quite popular with the stallions.” She opened the folder. “Many of them see you as dark mistress of the night that would don sexy black leather and quote ‘punish them like the naughty little colts they are.’ And it seem the other large section of stallions see you as a shy, misunderstood little sister type that is romantically challenged. And some view as the princess of sex.”
“Huzzah, I am not a creature of nightmares!” Luna cheered. “I’m…. wait what?”
“I fear it’s even worse for you Cadance,” Celestia said.
Cadance cringed. “Why did I have to be the princess of love?”
“It seems as though many of our little ponies get lust and love confused,” Celestia winked. “Many view you as a sex goddess. Others view you as the perfect filly next door type. And they unanimously agree that you quote ‘do the kinkiest shit imaginable with Shining Armor’.”
“I know I’m going to regret this but what kinds of things do they think I do with Shining?” Celestia showed Cadance the folder. Cadance’s face turned green. “I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.”
“You’ve had your laughs at our expense, dear sister,” Luna said dryly. “But what did they say about you?” Grabbed the folder in her magic. “Let’s see what the common pony thinks about their princess of the sun.”
“I’m sure we don’t need to get into that,” Celestia said nervously. Luna’s eyes furiously scanned the report.
“I’m curious too, auntie,” Cadance said. “What do ponies think about you?”
Suddenly, Luna fell to the floor laughing. “Apparently, they don’t think anything!” Luna rolled on the floor, laughing as Celestia’s face turned red.
“What do you mean?” Cadance picked up the folder in her magic. As she read through it she couldn’t help but giggle. “The majority of ponies view Princess Celestia as an asexual mother figure. Not only do they think she has no sex drive to speak of, they also think that she neither wants nor needs any type of romantic relationship. That’s so sad, auntie.”
“Keep reading, it gets worse,” Celestia grumbled.
“Those that can think of the princess as a sexual being also admitted to having an unhealthy sexual attraction to their own mothers.” Cadance looked at her aunt. “You mean they use you as a substitute for their moms? Ewww.”
“And yet there’s more,” Celestia said as she buried her head in her hooves.
“What could possibly be worse than...Oh my,” Cadance put down the folder.
“What?” Luna’s head poked above the table. “What did it say?”
Cadance looked at her aunt hesitantly. Celestia nodded. “It is a unanimous agreement that if the princess were to ever act on sexual desires, she would transform into an alternate persona called ‘Molestia’ and…. molest ponies.”
Luna fell back to the floor laughing. “I can’t breathe,” she gasped in between laughs.
“Should we help her?” Cadance asked.
“No, she’ll calm down soon,” Celestia deadpanned.
Luna laughed for a solid ten minutes. Cadance sat in awkward silence while Celestia stared emotionlessly at the wall.
“Ok, ok,” Luna said as she got back in her chair. “I think it’s all out. What are we going to do to about this?”
“I don’t want everypony thinking I’m some nymphomaniac sexual deviant,” Cadance said. “How can I fix this?”
“This one is easy,” Luna said. “Remember that group Sasuke told us about? They’re called noons, nas, nubes, or something. What was it sister?”
“I believe he said they were called nuns,” Celestia said. “And Luna’s right. He said nuns were seen as the opposite of complete perverts.”
“Really?” Cadance was curious. “Why?”
“Apparently, nuns leave home and join a special place that helps them focus on spirituality,” Celestia explained.
“Yes, the females of the species decide that they want to live a more pure life so they live together seeking higher states of mind,” Luna added.
“That’s great and all but why are they not seen as perverts who just prefer the same gender,” Cadance asked.
“That’s the thing,” Luna said. “They forsake any kind of romantic or sexual relations with mortals.”
“I don’t want to be celibate forever, I just…. What do you mean ‘mortals’?”
“The nuns become brides of a god and ‘commune’ with him several times a day,” Luna explained.
“Not quite,” Celestia said. “They become brides of the god’s son.”
“Right, my mistake,” Luna continued. “They become brides of a demigod. I believe his name was Chris.”
“Such an odd name. The same demigod?” Cadance asked.
“Exactly,” Luna said. “This demigod has many, many wives and finds time for all of them, according to Sasuke. And their attire is known to all so that there is no mistake in trying to woo one.”
“What do they wear?” Cadance asked trying to wrap her head around this idea.
“They wear black dresses and headdresses made of something called ‘latex’,” Luna explained cheerfully. “And the best part is that they still get to wear sexy undergarments.”
“Really,” Cadence asked.
“Yes. Nuns must wear their sexiest undergarments underneath their dress at all times,” Celestia said.
“Then I guess I’ll try being a nun,” Cadance sighed. “I don’t have to mate with the demigod, do I?”
“I do not believe that is mandatory,” Luna said. “Now what are we going to do about you, sister?”
“I have a few ideas about that,” Celestia grinned.
“Care to share them,” Luna asked.
“I feel like if say them out loud, I’ll lose my nerve,” Celestia blushed. “But don’t worry, you’ll know about it soon enough. Let’s adjourn this meeting and meet back here in a month.”
***
In a dark room with a single light, once again, three alicorns sat around a table. One had a paper bag over her head, a white horn sticking out of the top, and a rainbow mane sticking out of the bottom. Another was wearing a black latex tube dress that barely covered her flanks, black garters, and sheer thigh-high stockings. Her face was planted firmly on the table. The third was trying unsuccessfully to stifle her laughter. In the center of the table, much like the previous meeting, sat a manila folder. Inside of this folder there were newspaper clippings, surveys, a magazine, and some very candid photographs.
“Fellow princesses,” Celestia began. “I believe we have an image problem.”
“Speak for yourselves,” Luna laughed. “I’ve been welcomed with open hooves.”
“Anyway, I think we should discuss our tactics so we can figure out exactly where everything went wrong,” Celestia continued.
“Maybe we should start with this fetish outfit my aunts tricked me into wearing!” Cadance yelled.
“Yeah, I guess that would only work if nuns were common knowledge,” Celestia said.
“Why did you wear it for the whole month?” Luna asked. “Why are you still wearing it?”
“It makes me feel sexy,” Cadance whispered.
“At least it was positively received,” Luna laughed. She picked up the folder and flipped through the information. “You actually started a new trend. Boutiques across Equestria have been replicating the outfit and making a huge profit. But you are now cemented in your position as Equestria’s Sexpert.”
“I know,” Cadance grunted. “Random ponies have been coming up to me and telling me graphic stories about their sex lives in order to ‘spice things up in the bedroom’. I didn’t need to know about being strapped into a swing. I really didn’t.”
“And you sister,” Luna couldn’t speak without giggling. “I don’t even know what you were thinking.”
“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” Celestia muttered.
“I’m sorry sister, but I can’t hear you through your paper bag of shame,” Luna snickered. “Your voice is coming out muffled.” Luna could feel the heat from Celestia’s glare through the paper bag. “Don’t get mad at me Celestia. I didn’t tell you to do a Playcolt photoshoot. And if you had told me, I could have stopped you before I found out from my latest issue.”
“I don’t know what’s worse,” Celestia lamented. “The fact that nopony was turned on by my pictures or that my little sister is a monthly subscriber to Playcolt.”
“Don’t feel bad sister,” Luna said. “Your photos weren’t bad. That centerfold was just too amazing. And I subscribe to all of the popular erotic magazines. Playcolt, Playfilly, Plots Plots Plots, Traps and More, Fillyfoolers Monthly, Colt Cuddlers Weekly, and even Sensual Submissions Monthly. Did you know your photos have inspired an entire new genre of story? So it wasn’t a total loss.”
“Why do you keep telling me these things?” Cadance whimpered.
Eyes shining with a small glimmer of hope, Celestia asked, “What’s the new genre?”
“Princest,” Luna cheerfully stated. “Though it doesn’t feature you. Just Cadance and myself in the most imaginative situations. Our subjects are quite creative.”
The room was silent. Celestia took off her bag and the princesses stare at each other. Then she got up.
“That’s it, I’m done,” Celestia said as she walked away. “I’m going to die a virgin!” Celestia slammed the door as she left the other two princesses.
“Well, I think I’ve learned more about my family than I ever needed or wanted to,” Cadance said as she left. “I’m going to go look for my fiance and try to forget about this past month.”
Luna sat alone in the dark room. “Is that it then? Problem solved?” Nothing but a slight breeze answered. “I think that was a very productive meeting.” She opened up the file cabinet in the corner and placed the folder inside. “Ah, here’s we go,” she said as she took out another folder. She placed the folder on the center of the table. “Until next time.”