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// Things You Don't Do For the Homie 
// Story: Aria Ignite 
// by Third Brony 
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We'd made the front page.
At lunch on Monday, I sat with Sunset at Aria's table (minus the Aria) with a newspaper in between us. On the cover was a cellphone picture of Aria singing, Silver scratching throat out and Sunset, Rainbow and I watching in fear; the title read: MONSTERS AMONG US?
My first thought was cynical: our school has been attacked twice by a maniacal humanized pony turned all powerful demon and trio of soul-eating sirens and you're only just realizing that there are monsters among us? I swore, this town was so lax that if a girl suddenly developed a device to steal magical power and subsequently rip holes in the fabric of space and time and ultimately turn into another demon forcing one of Rainbow's group (let's say Sunset) to become a goddess-like creature in order to defeat her, they still wouldn't know that something was up.
That being said, Sunset was worried.
"This isn't good. No wonder Aria isn't here," she said.
"So the town picked up on a little supernatural stuff, big deal," I scoffed. "All she has to do is lay low for a while; they'll forget about it."
"The town isn't the problem," she said. "It's her sisters. If they think what Aria did endangered them then they're gonna take it out on her."
"Can we do anything to help?" I asked.
"I probably can," Sunset put emphasis on the word I.
I understood. As involved as I was in their world now, I was still only human.
Sunset seemed to notice my dejection and pointed over to Rainbow Dash who was barely picking at her food. Her other friends were respectfully giving her space while they chattered on.
"Go cheer up Dash," she said. "She could use the company."
I nodded and got up. On my way walking over to her, Snails ambushed me and dragged me off to the hallway.
"I need your help," he said before I could ask.
"What is it?" I queried.
"I've got a date with Sugar later tonight and I'm really not prepared," he told me.
"A date with Sugar? And Snips is okay with this?" I asked.
"Well... kind of. I mean, he's not really okay per say but he's..."
"He doesn't know, does he?"
Snails shook his head.
"Do you just hate life?" I wondered out loud. "He's going to flip if he finds out. We're talking about the guy who has a restraining order from the entire cast of Transformers."
"That's why you're not going to say anything," he insisted.
On some level, I knew he was threatening me but it was hard to take him seriously. He looked like an anorexic tangerine in a tacky sweater.
"What do you need?" I asked, trying not to laugh. 
"Come by after school," he said. "I really need help."
I thought about it. Did I want to help Snails date Sugar behind Snips' back? Then, thinking to the hilarity that would ensue I answered myself yes.
"No problem, pal," I said. 
He hugged me tightly. "Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!"
"Yeah," I said trying to push him off me.
A couple of the lower grade kids walked by and giggled.
"Snails," I spoke calmly. "If you don't let me go right now, I'll kill you faster than Snips will when he finds out about Sugar."
As the image flashed into his mind, he released me.
"I'll be there at four thirty," I told him. "What time is your date?"
"Five thirty," he replied. 
"Good, we'll have an hour. See you after school."
I walked away hoping to get to Rainbow before the end of lunch, but I was too late. Her friends were there but her seat was empty. I glanced over to Sunset but she shrugged.
Oh well I thought. I'll talk to her tomorrow


 
I arrived at Snails' place right on time. I had planned to ask Rainbow for a lift after school so that I could talk to her without having to wait until the next day but her friends told me that she had left immediately after dismissal. I didn't ask Snips as I knew he'd want to hang out with us and that would ruin Snails' plan. I took the bus.
As soon as Snails dragged me inside, I knew I had made a mistake.
The air was thick with cologne and his hair was slicked back with so much hair gel I was sure it was a fire hazard. Admittedly, he was wearing a nice suit (much too nice for a first date with his best friend's younger sister) but he was also wearing a pair of glasses to, no doubt, make himself look more intellectual. 
Spice walked out with a handkerchief over her mouth. 
"Please take him to his room," she pleaded with me. 
I nodded and led him to his room and closed the door.
"Alright," I said. "What do you need? Wardrobe advice? Do's and don't during a date? Want me to tag along?"
From his dresser, Snails produced an amber wig.
He didn't need to tell me what he wanted me to do.
"Bye," I said and tried to leave.
He blocked my path and begged me to stay.
"I can just give you advice," I offered.
"I'll forget it," he insisted. "At least if you pretend to be Sugar I can think of this during the date."
My face wrinkled involuntarily. "Don't ever say that again!" I said firmly. "What if I come with you and do the talking so you don't mess up?"
His eyes began to water.
I sighed and put on the wig. "I hope you go to hell," I let him know.
He broke out into a grin and sat on his bed. I pulled up a chair and crossed my legs all lady-like just how Sugar did.
"H... hi Sugar," he started.
I cringed. "Hi Snails," I choked out.
"You look nice tonight."
"Thanks, you lo... you look nice too."
"Really?"
I nodded. "Why are you wearing glasses though? You know I've seen you before and I know exactly how smart you are so those aren't going to impress me."
He snatched the glasses off his face and pocketed them. "W... what would you like to eat?"
I broke character for a minute, "Apart from that weird flavour of ice-cream, I don't know what she likes."
"In almost any situation, fries is her go to choice, but if it's a fancy setting, she'll go for Caesar salad with fettuccine and a non-alcoholic white wine at the side," he replied.
I narrowed my eyes at him because it was weird and he blushed because he knew it.
The rest of the hour went like that: me trying my damnedest to be Sugar and him interjecting fun facts about her where I fell short. Five thirty took entirely too long to roll around.
"It's time!" he squeaked. 
I couldn't pull off that wig fast enough. I gave Snails a few last minute words of encouragement and laughed as he dived out of the house. I looked at Spice who was lounging on the couch with her handkerchief as the last traces of his cologne lingered.
"You have a really weird brother," I told her.
"Try living with him," she replied.

I was on my way home, a few steps from my driveway, in fact, trying to erase the feelings of Snails flirting with me in place of Sugar. Things were said that could not be unheard. I was mid-shudder when I looked up and saw someone with bright purple hair leaning against my door. I stopped and stared for a few seconds until she noticed me.
"Hey Lost," Aria greeted. "Can I come in?"