//------------------------------// // Sweet Soap // Story: Randomzied // by BlazingAngel //------------------------------// Time Turner, the world's youngest inventor, stood before his greatest invention, ready to run the first test. Built from an assortment of old parts he'd found in the basement and a few new pieces he'd bought from his allowance, the Transubstantiator would change the world. Time Turner was sure of that. "So, how does it work?" his trusty assistant, Derpy, asked. "Very complicated," Time Turner said, "Hard to explain." "So you mean, in other words," Derpy said, "you really don't know." Time Turner shrugged. "I guess you could say that. But it doesn't matter whether I know how its work. As long as it works, I'm happy." Derpy examined the machine at every angle then asked, "I have one question." "Ask away!" Time Turner said from behind the machine. "Can it make muffins?" Derpy smiled, thinking about the deliciously smell and taste of homemade muffins. She should've gotten some at Sugarcube Corner when Time Turner came around and invited her to watch this experiment that he was about to make that will change the world forever. It will change Derpy world if the machine actually makes muffins and she will love Time Turner forever. At least that the case. Time Turner seems to teleport next to Derpy as he chuckle and place his hoof on Derpy shoulder, "Ah Derpy, you are so funny. You've been my trusty assistant for a long time now and I must say; you do have a knack of telling jokes." "Um… thank you?" Derpy said with crossed eye. Time Turner walks away from her and said as he approach the machine, "Like I said before, I do not know what this machine will make once I place a substance within the machine itself. Quick, hand me that soap." "Okay." Derpy said, picking up a bar of soap on a table next to her and handed it to Time Turner. "Thanks." Time Turner put the bar of soap into the container in the middle of the Transubstantiator. The soap was an extra-large bar that Time Turner had snatched from the spa bathroom cabinet in town. The container was an old butter tub. There was no longer any butter in it. "Ready?" Time Turner asked. "Is it dangerous?" "I have no idea!" Time Turner put his hoof on the button, then froze. He realized that last statement was pretty unimpressive. He really needed to make a great and memorable quotation on this special occasion. He took a deep breath, and then said, "I do this for all of my fellow ponies." Then he pressed the button. The Transubstantiator sprang into action, chugging and huffing and making a wide assortment of sounds normally associated with a wagon that is about to stop running or explode. When all the grinding and buzzing faded back into silence, and the last moving parts became motionless, Time Turner reached inside the container and removed the soap. "Well?" Derpy asked. Time Turner sniffed the soap. "I think it isn't soap anymore. I think it's candy." He took a bite. "Well?" Derpy asked again. She wasn't alarmed. She'd seen her friend/mentor put things far more dreadful than soap in his mouth. For a moment, Time Turner was so excited, he couldn't speak. This was fabulous. He'd succeeded beyond his wildest dreams. "Here, try it." Derpy, less eager than Time Turner, took a sniff. "It does smell sort of good." Then she took a small bite. An instant later, she took a huge chomp. "This is great!" she said between mouthfuls. "Sure is. It tastes like all of my favorite candies mixed together." Time Turner ran through the house, collecting more soap. After he and Derpy had eaten their fill, he started sharing his invention with the world. Soon, every home had the Transubstantiator, even the royal castle in Canterlot and all the other capitals in the world. Around the world, ponies were turning soap into candy. It was fabulous. It was delicious. It was great. For a while. Then Time Turner noticed that he'd gained a few pounds. He noticed that almost everyone he saw had gained weight. Worse, everyone smelled. Very few bars of soap escaped the Transubstantiator. Very few folks took shower or bath anymore. "I'd better do something about this," Time Turner told Derpy. "Mmffff," Derpy said, trying to speak with her mouth full of candy. Time Turner got to work and came up with the perfect conversion strategy. He constructed a modified model of the Transubstantiator. As the word spread, people flocked to his home, eager to see what he'd done. "Watch," Time Turner said when he'd tightened the final bolt and was ready to test his invention. He struggled to lift the old wheel he'd found behind the garage and put it in his new machine. Then he pressed the button. The new machine sprang into action, chugging and huffing and making a wide assortment of sounds normally associated with a washing machine that is about to burst into flame. When all was still again, Time Turner reached inside and pulled out an armful of soap, neatly cut into perfectly shaped bars. That had been the hardest part of his new invention-getting the bars cut so neatly-and he was really proud of how well it worked. "Soap." Time Turner said. "Soap!" the crowd shouted. "Yay!" They rushed forward and grabbed all the bars. I did it, Time Turner thought as he posted the modification plans on papers to be posted all over Ponyville. He was happy for the rest of the day. The next day, he learned that people pull all the soap they taken into their Transubstantiators. They didn't wash. They made more candy. The ponies grew so fat and stinky that nobody ever invited them to visit. Not that it mattered, since they didn't have any wheels for their wagons or chariots, they couldn't go anywhere, even if they wanted to. "I've got it," Time Turner told Derpy after a full week of brainstorming. "I've figured out how to turn chairs into wheels." "Oh boy," Derpy said. Time Turner hurried to the garage to start looking for parts. Derpy hurried into the kitchen to find a chair to sit on. She realized it might be her last chance.