//------------------------------//
// 12 
// Story: Wayward Courier 
// by Speven Dillberg 
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	I was told that the pink one did something that defied all common sense. I’ve been to the Big Empty, I’ve seen things that just don’t make sense. Who in their right mind creates a building-sized warbot, let alone uses it? Really? Huh, guess things don’t make much sense where you’re from, either. What, really? No, you’re shitting me.





After the confusion with Pinkie Pie was wisely swept under the rug, the ponies present quickly assaulted the human with a barrage of questions. All of which were initially unanswered due to the language barrier. Princess Celestia couldn’t help but chuckle at the ponies as she set up a small translation field. In truth, she herself was eager to hear what he had to say.
“Calm down, girls, calm down,” she said serenely as the Courier flinched from the sheer number of questions being shot at him. “Forgive them, they are simply eager.”
“How are they suddenly speaking English?” he asked, sounding very confused. “And what was that radiation spike?”
“Princess Celestia cast a translation spell on all of us,” Twilight explained. “I guess that would explain the small surge in thaumatic fallout.”
“Well, it’s stopped, so I guess it doesn’t matter...” he muttered.
“I’m sorry, but how is thaumatic fallout relevant?” Rarity asked.
“Because, enough of that might just kill me.” The Courier paused, as though for dramatic effect. “If I’m lucky.”
There was silence. “If you’re lucky?” Twilight asked. “What could be worse than dying?”
The Courier chuckled darkly. “Sorry, but I think you could do without the nightmares.” He looked around. “Is there somewhere else we could go? Standing around talking isn’t exactly appealing.” 
“Of course,” Celestia said calmly, leading the way to the rarely-used council hall that was attached to the throne room. As they followed, the ponies couldn’t help but wonder just what could be worse than dying. Celestia, though, had seen many beings succumb to demons, becoming prisoners in their own bodies, only able to watch helplessly as atrocities were committed. She shuddered internally at the memories. “Please, take a seat,” she said as they entered the room, the guard remaining outside.
The Courier took the closest one, looking a little strangely at the high back it had. “Thanks.”





That confused me. They didn’t need the backs to the chairs, but they there were. Turns out, they weren’t the only sentient animals. I know. I figured it best not to think about it too much. It kinda hurt my head. My brain agreed with me about how strange that place is.





“I suppose proper introductions are in order. I am Princess Celestia, one of the rulers of Equestria,” the princess said, despite having told him in the dungeon. “You have already met Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy and Applejack,” she gestured to the three ponies. “The others are Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Pinkie Pie.” They each waved a wing, inclined her head and bounced happily, respectively.
There was a brief pause as he took a breath. In truth, this was because the names were the strangest things he had ever heard. “Well, I suppose you’ve all heard that I call myself the Courier by now. My actual name is Thomas. I am from the Mojave Wasteland, more specifically the city of New Vegas.”
“New Vegas?” Rainbow Dash asked loudly. “What happened to the old Vegas?”
“Two hundred years of abandonment after a nuclear war,” he stated simply.
“You live in two century old ruins?” Celestia asked while Rainbow titled her head in confusion.
“We don’t have much choice,” he shrugged. “It’s either that or shacks made from whatever scrap you can get your hands on.”
“Why would anyone want to live in ruined buildings or shacks?” Rarity asked, clearly disgusted by the idea.
“Beats sleeping outside,” was all the Courier had to say on the matter. “And even then ruins can be deathtraps.”
“Well, they are ruins,” Twilight said. “That’s kind of what they are.”
“I mean that just because they seemed abandoned doesn’t mean raiders or giant ants haven’t taken up residence inside,” he countered. “The last thing you want is to wake up to some drugged-up whackjob slicing you open with a rusty knife.” There was a stunned, disgusted, shocked silence. “And no, that hasn’t happened to me. I’ve just heard stories.” That didn’t do much to make things better. If possible, it made things worse.
“Stories about...?” Rarity looked ready to lose her latest meal, Pinkie Pie’s mane had deflated, Fluttershy’s eyes were threatening to roll up into her head, Rainbow Dash was doing her best to hide all emotion, Applejack doing the exact opposite and letting her disgust and horror show for all the world to see and Twilight Sparkle had her eyes closed, trying to get her brain to stop conjuring up those mental images. “What kind of place are you from?”
The Courier took a deep breath. “I won’t try and sugarcoat this for you. The Mojave, it’s terrible. There are whole towns struggling to survive. Gangs that rape and torture for fun are common. So are wild animals that want to tear you apart for a snack. If you can’t defend yourself, you either pay someone who can or get killed.” He looked at the group, the only member that seemed completely unphased by what he was saying being the alicorn. “Walking along an old train track can see you getting mauled to death by things that belong only in nightmares. Or shot. Or held hostage. Depends on your luck,” he said with a shrug.
“How can you speak so lightly of this?” the Princess asked quietly.
“When it’s all you know, how can else can you talk about it?” he asked back. “The only way to survive out there is to be prepared, and able, to kill everyone and everything that wants to kill you. Something I am very good at.”





No I don’t regret saying what I did. They had to learn, the world is not sunshine and rainbows all day long. The fact that there were slavers operating two hours from a town is evidence enough. 
They did not thank me at all. Hell, I probably traumatised all of them. Except the one with horn and wings. She seemed... sad, I guess. Not sure why.





The human’s tales of what he had to do to survive were disheartening. Death, murder and torture being so commonplace in a world was unheard of, even to her. She was saddened by what the residents of this ‘Mojave Wasteland’ had to go through.
“But...” Twilight said, her voice barely above a whisper, “what about the magic of friendship?”
“Friendship?” he asked. “Friendship... You ask difficult questions, you know that?” He went quiet for a few moments. “Making friends is harder than you’d like. Sometimes, it doesn’t seem worth the effort. But when you do...” A warm smile crossed his features. “You know you can put your life in their hands, and that they will put their own on the line to protect you.”
This went some way to making the ponies feel better. They all knew that they would do anything for their friends, and hearing that such things still existed, even if was to a small extent, in this ‘Wasteland’ he was from made them feel better.
“Where are all my things, anyway? I’ve still got a headache and I had some painkillers with me,” he said, looking around, abruptly changing the subject.
Princess Celestia blinked, temporarily stunned by this. “I can send somepony to retrieve them. However, I ask that your weapons be kept non-operational.”
“Now that I won’t agree to,” he said. He raised a hand as the alicorn tried to speak. “I know you’re saying that to keep the peace, but I am far from comfortable walking around in a place I am unfamiliar with completely unarmed without knowing what I’m getting into.” He looked around. “At least you didn’t hand them over to someone who has no idea what they’re messing with.”
There was an uncomfortable silence as the seven mortals in the room looked to the lone immortal, whose mouth was slightly open, wearing a sheepish expression.
“You’re shitting me,” the Courier said, staring at Celestia in disbelief. He stood up with an angry sigh. “Let’s go find them before someone gets killed.”





Author’s Notes:
And so the entire Mane Six has been effectively traumatised.
And someone should really teach Princess Celestia about gun safety, huh?
Fuck the language barrier! We have magic!