//------------------------------//
// Home Again 
// Story: Life in the Fast Lane 
// by TheAmazingMe 
//------------------------------//

Luna's night sky still reigned as I got up from our bed. I wrapped myself in my robe to stay warm outside of Div's embrace. I turned back to gaze at him as he nuzzled against the pillow I'd set in my place. The corners of my mouth curled up; even though he was a Royal Guard, my husband was still adorable. 

Slipping silently into our bathroom, I started the water for a shower. The warming charm on the showerhead took its sweet time to kick in. Sighing, I resolved to add that to the list of minor fixes around the house. Testing the water with one foreleg, I shed my robe and stepped into place.  

Toying with the stream settings, I exhaled softly in relief as the night's sweat ran off under the stream of refreshingly hot water. Emptying my mind, I relaxed into the shower. It was a simple joy, but after going through so much, just being able to stand on my own hooves and let my cares go down the drain meant everything. The only thing that could make it any better... 

...Arrived as soon as he crossed my mind. I felt the air shift as Div entered the bathroom. A soft rustle told me he discarded his own robe as well. Thanking Celestia for the roomy shower stall, I tried to maintain my cool as Div stepped in to join me. My tail gave me away, swishing with excitement at the feel of his side against mine. 

I looked at him and nuzzled under his chin, careful to keep my horn angled away from his face. In return, he took hold of the shampoo we shared while I searched for a replacement for my regular brand. I let the annoyance of discontinued shampoo roll off me as easily as the suds that Div rubbed on us both.  

With Div's schedule, this was a familiar morning ritual. The level of comfort was so great at this point in the morning that we scarcely said a word until we went downstairs for breakfast. Today was no different; no words needed. Div sat in front of me and massaged my scalp in his hooves; it was more comfortable than it sounds. I closed my eyes as he directed the spray over my mane, washing out the two-in-one that he used. I'd smell like Div today, but I wasn't about to complain.  

Our little necessities taken care of (as well as a bit of nuzzling and kisses), Div shut off the water and I retrieved our towels from the rack with my magic. Taking turns, we dried each other off. I loved the feel of the plush towel on my coat almost as I loved any excuse to touch Div all over. Laughter bubbled up out of us, me especially as Div knew just how ticklish I could be. Were it not for work, we could have spent the whole day like this. Alas, we were responsible adults. Our playtime would have to be slipped into the small cracks in our schedules.  

After breakfast, Div insisted on seeing me out to the cab that morning. He’d also insisted on the cab in the first place. After two attacks in less than a week, I wasn’t about to argue. The ride was uneventful, thankfully. When I stepped out in front of the City Guard station, I was hyper aware of my surroundings. Luckily, I’d picked Jelly out within seconds.  

He looked bored. Idly, I wondered how long Paisley made him wait. Evidently, it was long enough for him to fail to notice me. I walked up and tapped him on the shoulder. 

He jumped. “Oh, Mr. Story.” The city guard brushed his front down as he looked around. “Um, allow me to escort you to Sgt. Ember.” 

“Thank you.” I said as we walked up the stairs and through the lobby.  

“Thanks for meeting with us.” Sgt. Ember said as we walked up. 

I nodded. “I’m here for answers, not just to answer questions.” 

Paisley mirrored my nod, her lips pressed into a line. “I’ll try my best, but there are some details I won’t be able to share.” 

I shrugged. “Fair enough.” 

“My office is just this way. If you’ll follow me.” 

Her office was small. Well, the boxes and piles of paperwork might have made the space feel smaller than it really was. Paisley cleared a seat in front of her small desk and picked her way through the labyrinth of boxes on the floor. 

“Please excuse the mess. I've organized a lot of the chaos; I have a system. It doesn’t look pretty but I always get my paperwork in on time.” I heard a snort from outside. Paisley sighed and jumped back over the boxes to the doorway. 

“You got something to say, Jogger?” She asked testily. 

“No ma'am, just reading the funnies.” He lied. 

She reached for something out of the doorway and returned with a box of donuts. Batting away Jelly's hoof with a wing, she looked at me. 

“Can I offer you anything to drink?” She asked as she offered me a donut. 

“Water will be fine.” I said as I took a look inside the box. At least half of the dozen looked to be jelly filled with powdered sugar. Go figure. I selected a cinnamon sugar dusted filled donut that turned out to be apple pie filled. 

Leaning back to give the addict back his box of jelly donuts, Paisley barked. “JJ!” 

“On it.” He said and headed down the hall. 

Picking her way back across the room, Paisley spoke around the donut in her mouth. “Let me start and we’ll see how many of your questions I can answer afterwards.” 

I shrugged and swallowed my bite. “I’m an open book.” 

"Glad to hear it. Okay. Let's just jump right into it. Do you have any negative relationships?" 

"Like enemies?" I asked. 

She snorted. "Not everything is like the cop movies. So?" 

I sighed. "Genuine Article. We had a disagreement a few months ago. My boss and I thought she was trying to either blackmail or ruin me." 

She sat back and regarded me seriously. "Ooph. What's the story there?" 

I gave her the short version. "She sent a rare book to me after I submitted an article about her antique bookstore." 

“Negative review?” She guessed. 

I shook my head. “It was positive.” 

She frowned. “Then why try to blackmail or ruin you?” 

I shrugged. “My boss thought she might be doing it to get back at him. Their relationship didn’t end well.” 

“Seems petty.” Paisley said as she made a note on a sheet in front of her. 

“She's since said that somepony paid her to send the book to me.” I offered, hoping she wouldn't dig too deeply there. Part of me trusted Genuine on this. 

Paisley looked up. “She say who?” 

I shook my head. “Nope. Best I can figure is it’s somepony close to her.” 

She nodded. “Makes sense.” 

I figured I'd put a bit more out there for this investigation. “She’s sold the bookstore and is moving out of Canterlot soon.” 

“Is she? Well, we might see if she’ll stick around a little while as we investigate.” Paisley finished her notes. “Anypony else?” 

“Just whoever Genuine’s friend is. Oh, and I guess Vindictive, but he didn't strike me as the type to organize and lead a group that could operate without him.” 

“Not a lot to go on.” She said as she looked down at her notes. 

“What have you learned so far?” I hazarded.  

Paisley bit her lip. “Without getting into specifics, we think the two attacks are probably unrelated.” 

"Just my luck, I guess." I sighed. 

"Or lack thereof." She observed. Fair point. 

"Any of my attackers said anything?" I asked. 

She looked at me for a moment. "That's a broad question. The best I can say is that they haven't been cooperative. We've learned a few things in spite of that and what we've learned lead us to classifying these two incidents as separate." 


"That's more work for you." I pointed out. 

She snorted. "Don't I know it?" 

"Any recommendations for me?" I asked.  

She folded her forehooves on her desk. "You're the only witness we have to pin down Masquerade for a long time. Somepony had to send her after you in the first place and they know where you live. I'd recommend moving out if you can or looking into protection spells. Are you any good with long-term shielding?" 

"I'm not." 

"Then you might consider bringing in a security company." She said. 

I exhaled. That could be pricey. "How am I supposed to afford this? My husband is a Royal Guard and I'm a writer." 

Pulling out a few forms from a drawer, she organized her desktop. "Considering your importance to this case, we might be able to set you up with a protection program that should defray most if not all of the costs. I'll have it cleared before lunch and I'll visit you on my beat." She directed me to sign at a few places and fill in some information. 

"Anything else I should know?" I asked.  

She answered while I continued to fill out the paperwork. "Try not to be alone if at all possible. Bring in your family if you can. If your enemy can afford to send Masquerade, there's no telling who might break your door down next. We've already gotten approval to increase patrols in your area. I'm overseeing that personally and I'll be around. Most of all try to stay positive. I know that's difficult given the circumstances..." 

I nodded. "I have a foal to take care of. You can bet I'll try my best to keep up everypony's spirits." 

The forms completed, Paisley stood. "Would you like Jelly to escort you home?" 

I followed suit. "I have a few errands to run. If I'm going to be home-bound for the foreseeable future, I need to pick up a few things." 

"Understandable. I'm sure he'd be happy to take you around town." 

*** 

"Foalsitting." I hadn't been able to make out many words Jelly muttered under his breath, but I did hear that one. Our carriage ride together wasn't friendly, although Jelly maintained an air of professionalism...mostly. 

"Could be worse. You could be directing traffic." I quipped. 

His face turned red. "I'm sorry." 

"I know this isn't exactly exciting." I said sincerely.

He lifted his chin. "Excitement's not usually a good thing. Too many reports afterwards." 

I smiled. "I just have to stop by the Crystal Delicacy shop and then find some mane, coat, and tail care products." I thought for a moment. The curse of imports; I'd been using a Bitalian brand since I'd moved out of my parent's place and the shop no longer stocked them. "You wouldn't happen to know a good shop for that? My normal place stopped carrying my usual products."  

"Ask the driver." He said as the carriage came to a halt in front of Ruby's shop. 

A trifle miffed, I followed Jogger out of the carriage and turned to the driver. "Do you happen to know a good place for hair care products?" 

The driver nodded as I passed over the bits for the ride. "It's a favorite place of most mares I know, but they have stallion products as well. Owner's a bit...eccentric, but his products are affordable and, if my wife is to be believed, heavenly." He rattled off the address..

I smiled, making a mental note. "Thank you. Do you have another fare? I shouldn't be too long, but I can call another driver..." 

"I can wait, sir. No charge." He said casually.

My smile widened. "You're very kind. Thank you." 

As the doorbell tinkled overhead, I could practically feel Ruby's gaze on us before I saw her. A sultry smile formed on her face and she came around the counter to greet us. Jelly was blissfully unaware, the poor guy. "Well, Mr. Story it is a pleasure to see you again!" 

I grinned; I hadn't expected her to remember my name. "Good to see you, too." 

"But this is a new face. Have you tired of that blue Earth pony already? He wasn't too bad on the eyes; just a little on the lightweight side. This strapping stallion is more my speed. Big and burly. And not too shy to eat, by the look of him!" For a married mare, Ruby sure had her hooves all over Jogger. I resisted the urge to snicker. 

Jelly looked off-balance as Ruby sized him up. "Um, actually, I'm just Mr. Story's escort..." 

Ruby gasped theatrically and stared at me wide-eyed. "Life, you've surprised me! Buying an escort when you have a husband and foal at home!" She wiggled her ears and eyebrows. "Then again, even new marriages need a bit of spice now and then? Does the hubby know? Do you share with him?"   

I couldn't resist laughing, Jogger's face was priceless. "Jelly Jogger, this is Ruby Moon, the owner. Ruby, this is Jelly, a city guard and my protective escort for the day." 

“A Guard?” Her posture straightened and she looked at Jelly with a much harder expression. “Stand like you’ve got a pair, guardpony!” She barked. 

Surprised, Jelly jumped into proper posture and stared straight ahead. His familiar blush stole across his muzzle as he realized he just followed orders from a civilian. 

“Look alive, you soft-bellied city stalker! You’re protecting one of my new favorite customers and I expect nothing but the best from Canterlot’s finest. Do you understand me?” 

“Ma'am, yes ma’am!” Jelly sounded off. 

“Well, you aren’t half bad. Nothing like the Royal Guards I once commanded, but not bad. You just might be worth a damn in a year or two.” She grinned and turned towards the counter. 

"Ruby, you wouldn't happen to have some suggestions on family games? I've got a foal to entertain and I think a larger rotation would keep him out of my mane." 

"Suggestions? We do have quite a few popular titles. There are the expandable card games, a few problem-solving mystery games and the like. As far as my personal recommendation?" She raised her eyebrows, inviting me to ask. 

I decided to humor her. "What would you recommend personally?" 

She looked serious. Beckoning us to follow, she pointed out things as she went. "First, get a few of these building sets that require a lot of focus. Second, take a domino set and have him mix it with the builders to maximize his attention. Third!" With the two of us off-balance, she pushed me into Jelly Jogger and we went through a doorway into a smaller side room. By the incredible amount of red, I knew exactly where we were.  

Ruby confirmed it. "Pick out a nice game for you and your husband. Oh, and any other stallion or mare if that works for you. By the time you've gotten halfway through, you won't want to just play around anymore." She laughed as I rolled my eyes. "Just because you have a foal, that's no reason to neglect playtime with the grown-ups." 

As I got up and sorted the boxes back into a stack, a title on a lower shelf caught my eye. Jelly was distracted; the poor stallion ended up next to a few sizable...prop games and was fighting to retain a shred of dignity without looking at anything on the shelves. Surreptitiously, I grabbed the game and added it to the pile without Jelly noticing. Picking up the stack in my magic, I turned to Ruby. 

"These will do, Ruby. Thanks for your recommendations." I said politely. 

Ruby grinned practically from ear to ear. I'm sure she caught my little addition. She'd have to ring it all up anyway, but she kept it mostly professional. "I'm sure they will do very nicely." 

My purchases bagged and paid for (and Jelly still none the wiser about the racy game), we made our escape while saying our goodbyes. I was certain Jelly would never set hoof in that store again, but it was worth it for the entertainment alone. 

***