//------------------------------// // The Filly Factory (Ki): Failure To Recognize // Story: Awkward Conversations And Other Stories // by No one is home //------------------------------// -One Drink In- “Okay, D- I mean, ‘Gary’, what do you mean by this I don’t exist shit?” Ki demanded. “Well,” the grey goat sneered, “I think ‘you don’t really exist’ sums it up pretty well actually. I told you, you’re a figment of somepony’s imagination. How hard is that to understand?” “Okay,” Ki downed a shot of some sort of honey-like schnapps, chasing it down with a tart fruit-juice cocktail, “So just who’s this pony who imagined me into existence?” “Well,” Gary the goat teased playfully, “I wouldn’t know, but the fact that you’re walking around in the real world leaves a fairly short list of alicorns that are probably involved. If I had to guess I’d say you came from the mind of a suicidal human as the result of a catastrophically irresponsible use of dream magic. Unfortunately I can’t for the life of me think of a single suicidal human LuLu would risk THAT kind of magic on. Wait! The name’s on the tip of my tongue… Gold Plating, maybe?” “Fine,” the human sulked, “So you’re not gonna tell me. You’re just gonna drop it on me that I’m some kind of walking, talking figment of some human’s imagination.” “Pony,” the goat corrected, “I’m pretty sure it’s a human who was turned into a pony. Why is that name so hard to remember? Danny Golden, maybe? Well, I’m sure it will come to me, eventually...” -Two Drinks In- “This stuff is pretty good,” Ki made a toast motion before downing his second shot, “Changelings make the best booze. Just a fact. I used to date a changeling, although I guess she doesn’t exist either…” “Oh don’t mope,” the goat chided his companion, “I mean sure your life is a miserable broken existence, you may fall out of existence at any given moment, and everypony you ever knew either doesn’t exist or does exist but never actually met you in the real world, and you broke what was probably the best relationship you were going to find in the real world…” “Are you going somewhere with this?” the human ran has hand through his mohawk in annoyance. “I forget,” the goat shrugged, as a changeling mare came up from behind and playfully poked him in the flank with her horn. “Gary!” the changeling cooed, “What does a mare have to do to get your attention, these days?” “Whatserface!” the goat broke into a grin, “I was starting to wonder if you were still on the road. Ki, this lovely lady is Whatserface. Whatserface, this human is Ki. He’s cosplaying as an escaped mental patient, just FYI. The place seems rather festive tonight, my dear.” “Haven’t you heard the news?” Whatserface beamed, “There’s a new princess, a changeling princess!” “You don’t say? Well, that IS good news!” Gary grinned back, “We’ll have to get a room, and you can tell me all about it!” “Like, we’re gonna be doing SO much talking,” the changeling giggled, “You know I charge extra for threesomes, right?” “Oh I have no intention of sharing you, my dear Whatserface,” the goat grinned, then turned to Ki, “Don’t run off or do anything I wouldn’t… actually don’t do most anything I WOULD do. And seriously, don’t run off. If I have to chase you down again I’m putting you in a pet carrier. I’m serious!” Ki rolled his eyes, and waved the pair off. “So... Teenaged-Human-Twilight-Sparkle,” he heard Gary ask as the couple’s conversation drifted off, “Is that a thing you can pull off?” -Three Drinks In- “This stuff is really good, and I do LOVE me a good schnapps,” Ki said to the changeling dressed in a slinky maid outfit who brought the drinks around, “And yes, you can, and make sure you add you a good big bits-related tip at the end of that tab, too. I’m sure Gary can cover it.” “Thank you sir,” the changeling replied with a giggle. Ki offered the waitress a polite smile as she turned to leave, allowing his eye to follow her for only a few moments. The place was large, but followed the layout rules of pretty much every strip club everywhere, with oblong stages along the outer walls, allowing easy access to backstage dressing rooms, a couple of stand-alone island stages, and bars where dancers expertly avoided patrons drinks as they danced by. As strip shows go it was… confusing, if Ki was honest with himself. It wasn’t as if he had anything against the native female body. And it certainly wasn’t as if he didn’t particularly like changelings. Although, most of the dancers were actually dancing in the guise of (mostly famous) ponies. One particularly interesting stage featured a changeling performing a burlesque dance routine changing between Luna and Celestia rather artfully as she circled the obligatory dance pole. No, what confused Ki was what exactly the draw of a strip show was in a society made up largely of nudists. Of course, he was the only member of the audience, apparently, who was asking that particular question, as the ponies who made up the club's patronage seemed to be thoroughly enjoying themselves. -Four Drinks In- Ki tried not to stare. There she was, right on the other end of the bar. Their eyes met, and for a moment he thought she was going to recognize him. But, almost inevitably, she turned away in shy embarrassment, said something to one of the changeling bouncers and hurried backstage. And why wouldn’t she, Ki thought glumly. She just caught some strange, drunk human staring at her in a crowded strip-club, and Ki was well aware of his ambient creep-factor. And on cue, here came the bouncer to put him in back in line. Ki took a deep breath and mentally prepared his apology, when things got a little weird. An earth pony, whose coloration and clothing clearly marked him as a pimp, and whose bearing clearly marked him as the boss, broke in and whispered something to the bouncer, who simply nodded and took a position to watch events as they would unfold. As the pony made his way to Ki’s bar-stool, the human reminded himself that this was almost certainly a changeling he was dealing with. “Well,” the pimp approached all smiles, his voice slightly autotuned, “I see you took notice of my little delivery girl. Do you know Z-978 by some odd chance? She certainly doesn’t seem to know you.” “Maybe in another life,” Ki smiled wryly, “I.. thought she was somebody I used to know.” “Curiouser and curiouser,” the pimp grinned, “So how much experience do you have with other lives, ‘friend’? I just bet this isn’t the first time you’ve had this problem.” Ki did a slight double-take at the pointed statement as his somewhat inebriated brain spun wheels and put pieces in place. Something wasn’t right here, something he just couldn’t quite place. “I tell you what,” the pimp laughed easily, slipping into his natural changeling form, “You see a lot in this business. And every single time you think you’ve seen it all, well something new just walks right up to the bar and orders a drink. I am Nopony, Mr. Nopony, but mostly everyone just calls me Mr. N.” Ki’s blood ran cold, and deep down in the pit of his soul he prayed to any god that might be listening, “You meant everypony, I think…” “Damned if you ain’t right,” the buzzing voice took on distinctive southern drawl, “Still catches me sometimes. I’d say you should introduce yourself, but I hardly think that’s necessary at this point.” Ki just sat there, dumbfounded, mouth slightly agape. “I gotta say I never thought I’d see THAT ugly face again,” Mr. N chuckled maliciously, “I swear I don’t remember my reflection looking THAT ragged. No wonder you freaked the lady out. But hey, we’ve confirmed alternate universes, so yay for that, right?