Just Girls Talking

by MythrilMoth


Just Immortals Talking

"You seem a bit down this morning, Discord."

Celestia and Discord sat in one of the many receiving rooms of Canterlot Castle, sipping tea. It was a ritual they indulged in once or twice a month—once Discord had been reformed and accepted friendship, Celestia found she actually enjoyed his occasional company, and even found his antics amusing. (Well...some of his antics.)

Today, Discord wasn't joking, making things disappear, or bringing the tea service to life. He was sipping his tea like a normal being instead of drinking it sideways or in reverse. There was a droop to his posture that was different from his normal serpentine slouch.

Discord sighed. "A very old friend of mine just died," he said.

Celestia's eyes widened. "Oh my. I'm so sorry." She sipped her tea. "Would this be anypony I know?"

Discord shook his head. "Completely different universe." He gave a brief, sardonic chuckle. "Actually, I say 'friend', but he was more of a...social acquaintance. Actually, if I'm being honest with myself, the guy was a jerk and a major creep. You think I used to be bad? The torment I put your little ponies through is nothing compared to what he would have done if he ever visited Equestria. He was the kind of guy who literally burns worlds for laughs."

Celestia frowned thinly. "Sounds like a...charming fellow," she said.

Discord laughed. "He thought he was. He was certainly amusing, in his own way, but he was a complete psycho." He shook his head. "Ran with a bad crowd, too. Mostly interdimensional criminals, demons, freakish monsters..." He drained his tea noisily, then absently refilled it.

"If I might ask...how did he die?"

Discord waved his lion paw airily. "I don't know the details, exactly. I just felt it when he ceased to exist. If I had to guess, though? He ticked someone off who knew how to kill him and finally got what he deserved."

Celestia raised an eyebrow. "That's a bit dark for you," she said. With a frown, she added, "And it's more than a little disturbing to hear anypony speak so casually about execution. That's the kind of thing I try to actively discourage here."

Discord shook his head. "You'd think otherwise if you knew his list of crimes. Nothing you've ever faced, including me and Tirek, is as bad as even a fraction of what this joker called 'fun'." He gave Celestia a firm look. "Picture every last pony in Equestria turned inside out, set on fire, and cursed to not die just so they could burn in freakish misery forever."

Celestia paled, nearly dropping her tea. "Wh-what? That...that's the sickest, most disgusting thing I've ever heard!"

"That's the kind of thing this guy would call a morning stretch."

Celestia's cheeks bulged. She discretely conjured a small pot, ducked under the table, and threw up as quietly as she could.

"And now you know why he's better off dead." Discord frowned. "Well, probably dead. You know how it is with demons. You can never really be sure." He shrugged. "Anyway, whatever happened to him killed him pretty severely. If he does come back, it'll probably take a few eons." He chuckled. "Even for an immortal, that's a long time."

Celestia's muzzle crinkled as she dabbed her face with a napkin, then vanished it. "There's immortal and there's eternal," she said, adding sugar and lemon to her tea and draining it. "I'm immortal and I don't measure time in eons."

"Nor do I," Discord said. "I'm only seven hundred thousand years old. There are beings so ancient it's unfathomable, even for a spirit of chaos."

"Well spoken, cousin," a voice eerily similar to Discord's, but deeper and more powerful, said from all around them.

Discord groaned. "I really should have expected this," he muttered.

In a bright flash, a dark-haired human appeared. He was wearing some sort of red and black form-fitting uniform; piercing eyes shone with cold intelligence from a severe face.

Discord raised an eyebrow. "Really, Q?" A third teacup appeared, filling itself. "This is the form you're taking now?"

"I find it suits me, limited as it is," Q said. "Besides, I'll be damned if I turn myself into a horse. No offense, Your Majesty," he added to Celestia.

Celestia pursed her lips. "Discord, would you introduce me to your...friend?"

"Celestia, this is Q. Q, this is Princess Celestia, ruler of—"

"Ruler of Equestria, bearer of this dimension's singularly improbable sun—a distortion of the universal laws of physics I rather approve of, by the way—and proponent of the ideals of friendship and harmony," Q said. "Yes, charmed." He accepted the tea and sipped it. "Earl Grey. That certainly takes me back." He smirked. "Well, I gather you know why I'm here."

Discord nodded. "I don't suppose you know where, when, and how?"

"Earth, twenty-first century," Q said. With a darkly ironic chuckle, he added, "Oregon of all places, if you can believe that. As to how, it's a bit complicated, but suffice to say his own arrogance did him in."

"That figures," Discord said. "Isn't that always the way? You live forever, you have nigh-infinite power, you think nothing can stand in your way, and some insignificant little band of mortals takes it all away." He coughed. "Erm. Not to disparage my wonderful friends in Ponyville, of course."

"Of course," Celestia said dryly.

"Mortals should never be taken lightly, Discord," Q said in a serious tone. "I should know. I've tested the best of them. I've seen mortals do things gods can only dream of. I've seen mortals do things gods don't dare to dream of." He finished his tea. "Well, I must be off. The Continuum is meeting to debate exactly how much of the mess he made we should get involved in cleaning up. He managed to kill a few beings even we can't will back into existence, and that isn't even taking into account the dimension he burned." He turned to Celestia and nodded respectfully. "A pleasure." In a white flash, he vanished.

Discord shook his head. "That guy. He used to be such a party animal."

A cigar appeared in his mouth in a white flash, Q's face floating in the smoke. "I still am," it said before vanishing.

Discord blinked. Celestia covered an amused giggle.