//------------------------------//
// Episode Sixty-Three   The Morning After 
// Story: STAR TREK: EQUESTRIA 
// by Alicorne 
//------------------------------//



EPISODE SIXTY-THREE


THE MORNING AFTER


Captains Personal Log, Stardate 1013.8. The Hermes is in Cruise Mode on course for the co-ordinates stipulated in Luna's Scroll at Time Warp Five point one seven six on a heading of two, zero, five mark three-five, Ships systems Fair. Repairs to our Engine and Computer Core are ongoing. I am submitting  Official Commendations for Jerry and the entire Engineering Crew who have been working miracles with our limited resources. The ship really needs a Starbase to get back into prime working order!
Starfleet Tactical should be advised that its proposal to use the Cargo Transporters to deploy Photon Torpedoes is a viable one, if only as a desperation measure, that is. It was effective against a ship running without shields that was dead in space. Against an effective vessel in running combat I'd be hard put to see how it would work out!
Attached to this log is the reason I am committing this copy to the Starfleet Archives at the new Memory Alpha complex to remain sealed until cleared by the Federation Council. The file contains all the data we have been able to gather regarding the individual known as The Doctor.  The Doctor intimated to me that he had dealings with certain organizations on Earth prior to the Eugenics Wars. I am recommending lines of inquiry being opened regarding 'U.N.I.T' and 'Torchwood'. Captain Archer's logs of the Enterprise should, in my opinion, also be referenced. I suggest a search using the keywords  'Temporal Cold War'.
The Doctor seemed keen on keeping his activities out of the public eye. As a  tribute to efforts for this ship and crew... and to honor his Final Sacrifice...I intend to honor his wishes. All Departments will be debriefed in regards to this matter before this Ship come Home.
Final note. When we get access to the complete Federation database I intend to acquire any and all references to one Miss Ditzy-Do, female Pegasus, resident of Ponyville, Equestria, Earth circa thirty to two hundred Before the Change. Subject; identify any and all living descendants. Intent; ...to offer my congratulations and condolences to the family of an heroic Mare.
Attach file designated 'TardisBlue'. Archive and seal for Memory Alpha upload. Copy audio for Ship's Log. Captain Starry-Eyes, out.
I clicked off the recorder and cocked at ear toward the bathroom. Sunny had finished her shower while I was speaking and I wanted to be sure she hadn't fallen asleep on the toilet.
Eleven hours ago we had returned from the TARDIS, precisely three minutes and thirty-three seconds after we'd departed. I had my injuries attended to in Sickbay from which we'd gone to bed.
We didn't get much sleep. We talked long into the ships night in quiet voices, discussing our time with the Time-traveling pair and comparing notes and impressions. Tyllae drifted off early on, 'sooper-duper pooped' after her efforts on the Werewolf.
Neither of us would venture an opinion regarding the fate of the Timelord or poor Ditzy.
I almost had to pry Sunny out of bed. I waited until she began her shower before I checked the Communicator the TARDIS had given me.
'No signal/Out of range.' Was all it said. ...Damn.
I sighed and set about sending messages to the Department Heads. We all had plenty to do these days and I intended to combine breakfast with a briefing to get everypony up to speed with what we had found in our time on the Klingon Ship.
I also had an idea I wanted to trot out to Tyllae...
I turned to look. She was were I'd left her, taking a nap on my pillow after we'd made up the bed. She snoozed in the light of the sunglobe where Myrl sat in his planter near the head of my side of the bed.
“Hey, Squirt!” I called softly. “You up?”
One antenna and ear flicked in my direction before that tiny head popped up and nodded. She flitted slowly over to where I was, combining a slow stretch and a barrel-roll during the trip.
She came in for a four-point landing on the top of my head... then hopped back into the air!
“Hay! Looky-look!”
I had to look in the mirror to see what she wanted. She was hovering over my head, pointing with a forehoof.
“What? What's wrong? I got bed-head? I brushed it out already!” I protested, bending my neck and trying to see. Dipping my muzzle and peering out of the top of my eyes I could just see it!
Sunny had used a protoplaser to mend the three-inch split in my scalp the Prism had given me. Back in the day I'm given to understand that Ponies used to sew skin back together with sutures, more often than not leaving lurid scars. Protoplasers use light beamed through an enchanted focusing lens to heal lacerations, stimulating the natural healing process one hundred fold. With my Augmentation the process goes even faster, neat and clean and with no scars. The procedure was a complete success. Hell, I'd had my own shower that morning and didn't notice a thing while I'd shampooed!
Now, though, there was a strip of gleaming white in my mane as long as Tyllae's foreleg and exactly as wide as the original laceration growing out of the left side of the site!
I'm not a vain Pony by any means. Prior to meeting Sunny I'd just done my mane up in a tail and tossed it over my shoulder, neat and practical. But she'd coaxed me into doing more with it and I'd genuinely come to like the more built-up style I'd adopted and took a real... if secret... delight in the sheen of those jet-dark curls and the topology I managed to pull off as my own personal style.
The thought that Discord had managed to somehow... taint my mane was really upsetting!
“Sunuvabitch! I growled, trying to tilt my head to get a really good look and feeling the new growth with my fingertips.
“Issa not so bad!” Tyllae flitted around, taking my head in from multiple vantage points. “Tyllae can fix... maybe. Holda still, Starry!”
In the mirror I saw her go into an Arcane wind-up. I dodged aside and stood so fast the chair fell over with a clatter!
“What 'r ye two on aboot?” Sunny yawned, entering the room wearing just her towel slung over one shoulder.
Any other time I'd sit back and enjoy the show. Just then, though, I had a Faery stylist to secure!
I snatched her out of the air just as she brought her hoof down. Encountering nothing but air, she went into a forward tumble!
“Hay!”
“Sorry, Squirt! But this is my head and I don't want to end up with a polka-dot mane or something!”
“Aww! Starry should not be sucha scardey-chicken! Polky-dots looka nice!”
“Not in my mane they don't!” I cupped the Fey completely in my hooves and shook her like a hoof-full of dice as she giggled.
“What's all that then?” Sunny squinted at my head. “Are ye indulgin' in a wee bit o' dyein' yer mane or summat? Och, but ye could pay just a wee bit more attention t' th' directions. Remember, highlights go on th' end o' th' hairs!”
“It's not cosmetics! It showed up overnight!” I insisted. I bowed my the top of my head to her eye level. “Take a look and see what you make of it.”
Tyllae pried against my fingers and I let her free and distracted myself with looking at Sunny's lower half. I reached out to move the towel out of my way.
“Aye...” I could imagine Sunny's frown as I felt her gently parting my hair to look at my scalp. “'Tis th' site o' yer scalp laceration fer sure. Th' skin looks fine, whatever's goin' on is a-goin' on only wi' th' follicles. ...Looks morena half like radiation. But fer th' lack o' scarrin' I'd put me money on a Delta Radiation burn. ...'N behave yersel'!”
Her tail came up and spatted my hoof!
“Issa curse... kinna!” Tyllae declared.
I winced and retrieved my chair. Setting it to rights, I sat down and Sunny settled down onto my knee and laid her towel primly across her lap.
“Great.” I said with as much enthusiasm as a Tellarite invited to a Vulcan dinner party. “More Luna-be-damned magic! I'm getting sick of being the subject of whacked-out spellcasters!”
Sunny gave my pectoral anatomy a companionable pat.
“Aye n' that's just because yer sich a braw, great target, are ye no? We'll be a-keepin' our eyes on it. Just coom by at end o' th' shift n' we'll have another look-see. If 'tis radiation we'll start ye on some hyronaline or summat n' get ye cleaned out in no time!”
“Watch.” I corrected her, my mind on other things. “It's a watch onboard a ship, not a shift in a mine.”
She fetched me a tweak to a certain sensitive bit and gave me a warning look!
“I'll be a-makin' yon a hyronaline enema if ye're no careful, Miss Walkin' Bloody Dictionary!”
“Issa not ray-dee-a-shun, issa curse!” The Fey insisted, lighting atop my head and stomping a hoof on the white bit! “Tyllae does not know why Tyllae bothers to say anything! Big Ponies jus don' respeck little Tyllae, nope, nope, nope!”
I reached up and snatched her again.
“If you're trying to make it ring like a bell you're banging up the wrong coconut, kid!” I poked her in the tummy and collapsed her into giggles before continuing. “Which reminds me! I've got something I want to ask you.”
The little tyke sprang up to hover in my palm. “Whassat, Starry? Tyllae wanna help, yep, yep, yep!”
I felt a pang of guilt at her eagerness. It was true, as Tyllae pointed out herself earlier, ...she was just so cute and lovable in this form that all of us wrote her off as an adorable little tyke instead of a functioning adult with as big a stake in the events of the day as any of us. Well, that was going to change!
“When you, ah, shift into your other form... how long can you hold it? Does it cost you to stay that way?”
“Huh?” She cocked her elfin head and peered up at me.
“Can you hold your Big Faery form or does it tire you out?”
“Tyllae can do as easy as Starry changes clothes. Lots, lots, lots faster too! Whyfor Starry ask?”
“Aye!” Sunny shifted a little to get into my lap as opposed to staying on my knees. “What're ye drivin' at?”
“I think the whole Crew needs to know there's more to Tyllae than goodie-scarfing and good intentions.” I pointed out. “They need to see her as she really is as compared to what they're comfortable with thinking her to be.”
“Och! Ah ken noo!” Sunny gave me a dig in the ribs. “They desairve t' be a-seein' th' Faery Queen in all her glory is it? Aye, well, 'tis only right. Why should we be a-keepin' her t' oursels? Ye're a canny one, t' be sure!”
Tyllae plopped down to sit in my palm, looking unsure.
“... But thissa how Tyllae really is! Big Tyllae, Little Tyllae, alla same inna coco!” She bopped the side of her head to illustrate. “Don't need alla that magic around Tyllae's friends, nope, nope, nope!” She shook her head resolutely, her antennae jangling.
“Oh ye kin bear t' put on yer Sun-Day n' Moon-Day Best fer a wee while each day!” Sunny coaxed. “Th' Lassie's a bonny good idea there. Ah must be a-rubbin' off on her!”
I gave her a poke in the tummy!
“Don't flatter yourself! What do you think, kiddo? I think it would raise everypony's spirits... and give you more respect on the part of the rank-and-file of the Crew!”
She waved a teeny hoof in my direction.
“No, no, no! Tyllae was not really complaining, nope, nope, nope! Tyllae loves Tyllae's friends an don't care if alla think Tyllae jussa silly little bug. Tyllae still help alla same, yep, yep, yep!”
“Well, it's up to you Squirt.” I conceded. “It was just an idea on my part. I'm not going to twist your arm. You've been a big help already and I don't doubt you're going to Do Your Part before this is all over. ...But I think everypony would get a big kick out of it in the meantime!” I tipped the Fey a wink and tickled her with a finger-tip.
“Sure and t'would only be a-givin 'em more reasons t' be a-lovin' ye, ye wee Spriggan!” Sunny snuck a finger in to tickle from the other side.
The little Fey collapsed onto her back, giggling and flailing her hooves in the air until we stopped! When she regained what passes for Faery composure... and her breath... she stood up and shook herself!
“No fair ganging up on Tyllae, nope, nope, nope!” She settled her wings and plopped down on her rump, looking up at me with solemn eyes.
“Starry sure bouta thissa idea? Tyllae does not know...” She shook her head, her forelegs fidgeting. “Oooh! Tyllae wanna say issa all against Faery Rules... but Tyllae throw away alla Faery Rules since Tyllae got here already! Tyllae lets Tyllae be seen by everypony cause Starry wants Tyllae to be safe inna new Her-mees place... but thissa different, yep, yep, yep!”
She paddled her hooves in frustration and looked to me for support.
“Tyllae does not want Tyllaes' new friends to be all scaredy-scared of Tyllae! Looky whahoppen back on Gornie-ship! Even Starry an Sunny were scared at Tyllae!”
“Sure n' yer just a mickle bit wrong on that one, ye wee Scamp!” Sunny waved a finger in the direction of her tummy and the little Fey danced back!
“Ye surprised us 'n that's a fact! Ye did a bonny job o' hidin' yer light under a bushel basket n' when ye brought it out ye caught us all flathoofed! But we were no a-fearing ye, we were in awe!”
“And...” I put in, reaching out to bop the end of her nose with a fingertip. “We're better off knowing a side of you we never expected till then! We got to know the whole you and not just the half you keep out in the open all the time. I'm just saying... shouldn't the rest of your friends have the same chance?”
“What we're a-sayin' is...” Sunny got the Fey's attention again. “That we're proud t' know ye... th' whole bloody package... n' we think yer friends should be able t' share that. Now is that sich a chore fer such a bonny Fey?”
Tyllae pawed my palm with one tiny hoof, then looked at me coyly.
“...Tyllae does not know...”
The Mare In My Head accessed my Memory Banks and called my attention to that hoary old Faery Rule...
“...You're going to make me ask three times, aren't you?”
“Coursa am! Thissa important, Starry!”
I raised her up to eye level.
“Well, will you do it?”
The Fey considered, tilting her head to one side.
“... Gotta do alla time? Hard to play Faery games all biggety-big-big likea that.”
“Sure n' ye'll just have t' come up wi' new games then.” Sunny egged her on. “Th' possibilities'll be endless!” 
“Just don't do anything,” I cautioned. “Around Engineering or the Computer systems. From what I've seen you have a lot more Magic at your disposal and Jerry's Ponies have enough on their plate as it is!”
I took a page out of Caper's Big Book Of Command and added.
“I'm nothing if not a reasonable Pony. You don't have to do it twenty-four, seven! Just between one meal and the next. Call it one watch. ...But stagger it out over a few days so that everypony on every watch gets a chance to see you. Give it three days. If it works out, then use your discretion. Sound like a plan to you, Squirt?”
The little Fey rubbed her jaw with one hoof, looking almost absurdly thoughtful!
“Hokay!” She nodded three times. “Tyllae will do! But...?”
“But what?”
“Gotta do all night, too? Tyllae likes sleepy-sleeping witha Starry an Sunny but Tyllae thinks Starry would be a lumpy, lumpy, lumpy mattress!”
“Oh, aye!” Sunny chortled. “Me Auntie had a couch like that! Great pillows, but th' frame always dug through th' paddin'! Yon lassie's got titanium bones!” Sunny wriggled her bottom in my lap as the two of them shared a giggle at my expense!
I gave her tail a tug that made her jump!
“You want lumps? I'll give your lumps, Toots!'
“Feh!” Sunny gave me a snuggle. “ Hoosh on yer savage ways. Yer foolin' nopony, ye great Softie!”
I cleared my throat and continued. “ Consider yourself off-duty at night, kiddo! Fair enough?”
“Oakey-dokey-lokey, Sunny!” The little Fey trilled. “Want do now?” She flitted backwards towards to one side of the bed to give herself room, no doubt, and went into another Arcane wind-up.
I held up a hoof. “No, it can wait until breakfast. ...Don't look at me like that! We introduced Tyllae to the Crew at breakfast and, well, it just seems fitting that we re-introduce her at breakfast. It appeals to my sense of symmetry, all right?”
“Have it yer way, thin!” Sunny shrugged.
“Issa hokay with Tyllae, yep, yep, yep!” Tyllae noddled, then frowned. “Wassa 'sim-a-tree'?”
“It means that it worked out great the first time we did it so why not do it that way again? Get a move on, Sunny, get dressed and lets get this tunnel dug! I'm hungry!” I picked her up by her bottom and deposited her on the deck.
“Come on Sunny!” The little Fey caroled, circling her like a manic meteor! “Brekkist-time! Hubbity-hubba-hubba! One-two, one-two! Huppity-hup-hup! Thassa right, Starry?”
“Give her Hell, kid!” I said as I discretely moved my chair farther away.
“Bugger th' both o' ye!” Sunny groused, flapping her towel at Starfleet's tiniest Drill Sargent and glaring daggers at myself! “Struth! How's a body get out o' this chicken bloody outfit? Hurry n' roosh first thing in th' bloody morn then sit on yer bloody thumbs all bloody day! Tis enough t' make a body take up drinkin'!”


*          *          *

We don't stand on ceremony on the Hermes. We were the last to arrive at breakfast but that was no reason for anypony else to have to wait... especially since I gave them all such short notice!
Merry, Xantippe, Bors and Sekkack sat along one side of the table opposite Jerry, Evee, Dazzle, Guiding Star. Rocky sat in Caper's old spot at the foot, the head of the table being reserved for myself and Sunny. All in all a pretty cozy fit... I began to wonder just how we were going to squeeze Tyllae in there! Oh, well...
Breakfast had an Appleoosan theme that morning. Bob's cart was loaded down with cornbread drenched with white Country Gravy laced with just enough cracked pepper to make it interesting. Bowls of grits, steaming hot and just begging for butter, lay alongside platters of biscuits fresh from the oven! Plates of carrot sticks and the inevitable platter of apples stood ready to take up any slack that anypony had left. Honey, syrup, jam and sugar were laid out in containers around the model Hermes in the center of the table. My stomach rumbled as I pulled Sunny's seat out for her!
“G'day, you lot!” Bob, wearing a his customary spotless t-shirt with a pristine apron covering his trousers drawled, smiling with his eyes as he began laying our dishes out for us. Tyllae got extra helpings, of course!
Sunny blanched at the sight of the cornbread and gravy he set out for the Fey and I. I knew Sunny had been feeling ill these last few mornings. Sunny being Sunny, whenever I tried to broach the subject with her she told me... with plenty of colorful expressions from her lexicon... to stick to running a starship! I held my peace as I watched her search for a tactful reason why she would pass up Bob's wonderful cuisine.
A good Crew looks out for itself, however! With only a sly wink on his part Bob reached back to his cart and laid a cup of tea and three slices of dry toast in front of her.
“Got fresh coffee cake comin' up in just a couple, so save some room!” He advised the table before moving to collect dishes.
I  seated myself and  gave the assorted faces a smile.
“Now that Bob's given us the good news it's my turn to dish out the bad! But, first...”
I dug out a heavy fork-full of cornbread and popped it into my mouth!
“'Ere it comes!” Merry dug Xantippe with an elbow as I chewed. “Starfleet's on a 'conomy kick and all ranks under Captain 're takin' a seventy-foive percent pay cut. Oh, me achin' bar-tab! Eh? Eh?”
“...If you make me spill gravy on my dress I'll make you clean up the mess... under duress!” The Zebra warned her, hurriedly replacing her fork and taking up her bowl of tea. “And, trust me, you do not want to know what happens if you spill my tea!”
Rocky gestured with his coffee cup. “See? This is why I don't do breakfast!” He paused, looking thoughtful. “Coffee cake is an exception. Put me down for a hunk, Bob!”
Evee put her empty plate aside and helped herself to syrup, pouring a good quarter-inch of the stuff over her grits.
“Gee, if that's the case, I'd better eat up... unless they're going to start charging us for our food!”
“Ssh!” Merry hissed across the table. “Don't be givin' 'em any oideas! 'Ave another biscuit, Boss Lady, whoile we talk treason!”
I split my biscuit open and slathered on some butter. I grabbed a couple more for the bottomless Fey and heaped jam on them. ...She'd nearly finished her cornbread already!
Star paused halfway through his bowl of grits and poured himself a glass of apple juice.
“Don't mind paying for good food, no sirree.” He said placidly.
“Mother Tellar pays me well for my hardworking services!” Bors declared, helping himself to another bowl of grits. “You Ponies should renounce your citizenship and apply for membership with a truly advanced culture!” He nudged aside a growing pile of dirty dishes and belched.
Sekkack drew an elbow in, making room, and paused with a meat stick halfway to his mouth.
“Unfortunately Vulcan immigration quotas are quite full.” He murmured quietly. “Though I'm given to understand that the Andorians are always looking for skilled personnel. At least they are civilized... by comparison.”
“Bah!” The Tellarite said through a full mouth. “Pass me some biscuits before that four-legged Singularity absorbs them all!”
Jerry slid a cloth-covered platter his way. I noticed with a pang the element of weariness in his eyes. I wondered how long it had been since he'd had a full nights sleep?
“I'll stay where I'm at where I get to work on real cutting-edge systems.” He said. “At least I'll never be bored!”
“You Ponies put too much faith in your over-rated Magic!” Bors grabbed himself a trio of biscuits and proceeded to drown them in syrup! “True advancement comes through working with honest tried-and-true hardware!”
Xantippe poured herself another bowl of tea and brought it to her lips to cool it.
“I shall stay with the Federation, if you please. I have never been comfortable being infested with fleas!” She said with a smile in her demurely downcast eyes.
“Hah!” Bors sprayed crumbs! “Somepony else finally learns civilized discourse!”
The Vulcan reached pointedly through the Tellarites' personal space and primly offered the grateful Zebra a napkin.
“Beware, you Pony Folk, beware!” She muttered. “There are too many calories in the air!”
“ As if Life Support didn't have enough to contend with! More work for Engineering!” Jerry sighed.
“Yer a basket case, Fuzz-face!” Merry shook her head at the Tellarite, then pulled an overdone expression of comic surprise. “Oi! Must be all the stress, Oy'm turnin' into a ruddy Zebress! Pretty good, eh? Eh?” She dug Xantippe in the ribs again. She chucked the napkin at her in reply!
Star took a long sip and put his glass down before taking up his bowl again.
“Eyup. I do declare there must be something in the air.”
“Goodness gracious!” Evee chimed in. “It's contagious!”
Sekkack looked around the room from face to face and returned to his meat stick wondering in his Vulcan way, no doubt, why he even bothered to get up this morning! Bob, shaking his head, left the room for a bit.
Tyllae sputtered, nearly choking on a sticky mouthful of biscuits and jam. I swallowed quickly before I suffered the same fate and turned to see Sunny frowning at me.
“Och! Go ahead! Go ahead!” She flapped an irritable hoof at me... before adding quietly. “Ye were never th' kind could resist a bad rhyme!”
“I disagree, of course.” Xantippe came to my defense. “This is what I call civilized discourse!” She made a face at Bors. 
“So poo on you!”
The Tellarite would have responded but he was busy pounding on his chest to get his food down!
I saved him the effort by banging my spoon on the table for attention!
“'Ang on, you lot! Incomin' punch loine!” Merry braced herself!
“All right! All right!” Only an Augment could have kept such a  straight face as I looked sternly out at the faces around me. “Time to rein in all this 'sport'” I began, looking everypony levelly before breaking out a wide grin. “...Or do I have to put you all on report?”
Bors sprayed a laugh, Xantippe saluted me gravely with her tea, and the rest of the table rolled eyes, chuckled, or groaned!
“N' there goes me appetite!” Sunny dropped her last bit of toast back on her plate while Tyllae rolled over on her back and giggled, waving all four legs in the air! “Pull yersel' together, ye wee exhibitionist! 'Struth...!” She glared at all the more-or-less composed faces. “ What's it say aboot th' bloody Roamulans if we beat 'em wi' ships full o' this sort?”
“We 'ad 'em by the ol' technological fuzzy-wuzzies!” Merry hooked a thumb at Jerry who nodded as he added sugar to his coffee. “We're loight years ahead of 'em 'cept in the 'air-dressin' department! Whatcher do to yer mane, Boss-Lady? Some sorta 'Questrin fashion statement? Or is this Zebra stuff really contagious? Eh? Eh?”
“A bed in Sick Bay you'll have dibs if you don't stop hitting me in the ribs!” Xantippe scooted her chair as close to Bors as she could and warded the Communications Officer off with a spoon!
“Thanks but no thanks, Tippy!” Merry chortled. “Oy don't go in fer spoonin' with Mares. Oy leaves that fer them Command Toypes! Roight, Boss-Lady?” She tipped me a, well, merry  wink and took a swig of juice from her glass.
“Maybe with the Crew I could share a ration of what went on at Altair Station...?” Xantippe said sweetly.
Merry almost drowned in her juice! She wiped her mouth on her sleeve and whirled to face the smiling Zebra!
“'Ere! Oy was...!” She peered closely at Xantippe for a moment, then guffawed! “Oi, yer a scrapper, aintcha? Must be sumpin' to that there Fallen Seize 'Er foightin' stoyle! You and me oughta go on a Pub Crawl next Shore Leave! Ol' Jerry needs some proctectin' and Oy could use somepony to watch me back! Wotta ya say, Mate, no 'ard feelin's?”
She stuck a hoof out to the Zebra who took it at once.
“I would hate to see you choke on juice so I am happy to declare a truce.” She declared formally, closing her eyes for a moment and bowing her head in that Zebrican way. “... And the 'C' in Caesar is hard not soft. It is an error in translation that happens oft.”
“You're really reaching with that one!” Jerry protested from across the way. “... And for the record, I don't need protecting!”
“Sure ya don't Mate, sure ya don't!” Merry patted the Engineer's hoof reassuringly without looking at him and leaned toward the Zebra conspiratorially.
“Ya know 'ow it is with these Boffin toypes, Tippy! Get 'em outa their Departments and they're reglar' Foals in the Woods. Woyde-eyed and innocent! Put a drink in their 'oofs and before ya know it they've said the wrong thing to some local and there's three kindsa o' “Ell to pay!” She hooked a thumb at the Engineer. “They needs watchin, look fer yerself!”
Xantippe tilted her head and peered sagely at Jerry before leaning toward Merry.
“You know, there is some truth to this! I heard about what happened on Equestris!”
“Hay! I didn't do anything!” Jerry said plaintively!
“... Though I seem to recall that it was another Officer that instigated the brawl!” The Zebra waggled her eyebrows meaningfully at the Comm Officer.
“Ere! Quit turnin' the tables on me, this ain't one of them Smarty-Pants fancy chess games! Oy wuz the very soul of Diplomacy Oy wuz... by Pub Standards, you understand! You Zebra toypes are slipperier than a greased wallaby! Oops...!” She shot a theatrical glance over the Zebras' shoulder.  “'Ere comes ol' Bob! Act casual, Oy won't say a word about you makin' a pass at me if you don't!”
“You are one to talk of a slippery switch, you silly, blowhard Horsetralian...”
“'Ey, Mate!” Merry called out in her Pub Voice, cutting off the acerbic end of that particular rhyme. “Whatcher got there? Coffee cake? Park a slab roight 'ere!”
Bob came in rolling a cart with with a fresh pan on it hot out of the oven. The smell alone was enough to focus everypony's attention!
“What's that I hear 'bout Horsetralia?” He drawled, producing a knife and making swift, practiced cuts in the hot confection.
“A load of treason... without a reason!” Xantippe shot the Comm Officer a spiteful look.
He produced a spatula and began loading up plates that he began laying out at our places. ...Xantippe got the biggest piece. Mine was the second smallest... after Merry's!
“ S' ruddy favoritism, that wot is is!” Merry regarded her serving indignantly.
“Luck of the draw, Mate! Luck of the bloody draw!” Bob pointed out before the corner of his lip lifted ever so slightly.
“Still more then what ya got on Altair, innit?”
“Oi! Don't you start in! Really gotta learn t' zip me bloody lips someday! ...'Ere, Doc! Think you gotta patient there!” Merry pointed my way with her fork.
I had put down my utensils and was just hugging myself, trying to keep the laughter penned inside. I looked around at my friends and wiped my eyes. 
“Just give me a minute, OK?”
“Nowt wrong wi' th Lass!” Sunny sliced the end of my coffee cake off with her fork and raised it to her lips. “Just got a touch o' th' silly vapors is all!”
She popped the treat into her mouth and chewed... a look of relief broke across her features and she waved to Bob.
“Ye ken, Ah think Ah can manage a bit o' this, grand stuff that it is! Would ye be so kind, Bob-me-Lad?”
“Starry jus feeling happy, yep, yep, yep!” Tyllae declared as she ferried her empty dishes back to the serving cart. “Cake makes everypony happy anna thassa fack!”
She zipped back to her place at the table and danced around in all the empty space, waving a foreleg at Bob.
“Lossa room over here for cake, Bobby-Bob! Pleeeze?”
“Gotcher covered, kid!” He murmured, laying a Xantippe-sized piece before the almost indecently pleased Fey, before serving the rest of the table.
Dazzle leaned in to peer at me.
“You sure she's all right?”
Sekkack politely refused the offer of coffee cake. Bogan added it to his serving!
“Speaking from a strictly non-medical point of view...” He said thoughtfully. “She does seem to be in some respiratory distress. Captain, are you well?”
“I'm fine! I'm fine!” I wiped my eyes again. “It's just...” I caught my breath. “It's just great to be back Home again!”