The time is about 4 pm and Anon is still in the bar, he has been talking/ drinking with the guards, he has a nice buzz going on, though he's not totally wasted.
The first guard's name is Swordsworth, the other one is Jeff. (I got lazy with Jeff's name)
Jeff asks, "So, do the princesses sometimes, you know, fool around? We never see any stallions nor mares enter nor exit, do you know?" Anon laughs a bit.
"Yes, I do have a funny story about that, wanna hear it?" They nodded, "Alright, it was way back, way back when they were teenagers which is quite literally a thousand years ago. They used to party a lot, I mean beer, dudes, sex, the works.
Anyway, Celestia was great at drinking, while Luna was well, I mean well known by the stallions in Canterlot. So one day they both got very drunk, they meant to sleep with their coltfriends, though they slept with each other instead, the next morning they swore to never speak of it again. The only reason I know is because Luna got really, really, really drunk."
The guards just looked at him with their mouths open in shock, "Now that I talked about the princesses a bit, I think you guys owe me a drink or two." They looked at each other, Swordsworth said.
"Bar tender, another round, on me!" Anon and Jeff cheered,
"Now then, I have talked a lot about royalty, how about a bit from my life before I came here?" They nodded, "Alright, one day I decided to take a shower and headed to the shower room. Two girls of private rank smiled at me seductively, I smiled back and entered the shower room.
But what I didn't know was, I didn't go into the guy's locker room, but the girl's locker room." The guards started to snicker, "So I stripped down and started to shower.
After a few minutes I heard two people enter, I assumed they were guys and continued, until I heard them talking, I realized why it looked cleaner then it did last time. Because lets face it guys, the girl's bathroom looks so much better then our bathroom. Once I actually saw a sofa in there.
Anyway, I had to think quickly, so I ran out of the shower and hid behind the nearest locker rack, I had to wait a bit until the girls entered the shower, I saw a bit of tit and pussy, it got me thinking. Anon, there are two very hot girl's showering, what will you do, run away and think what could be, or act?
I had to think for a second, 2 minutes later I busted out of the locker room with my shirt and pants on still trying to put on my left shoe."
Jeff asked, "W-why didn't you watch them?!"
"Because if I got caught I could of been drummed out of the military, or worse, I could of went back to the frontlines where I had already lost my real heart in." They just stared at his chest, Jeff asked.
"Wait, you have a fake heart?!" Anon nodded, "Can I hear?" Anon pulled up his I love tits shirt. The guard planted his ear on his chest. After a minute he stepped back a bit.
"He r-r-really does have a fake heart! Holy crap sir!" Anon laughed a bit,
"Ya, it used to fail on a daily basis meaning there would be moments that I wouldn't be able to breath, but thanks to Celsestia's magic that doesn't happen anymore, I don't have any magic in me my ass Twilight! Enough about that. Any juicy facts about the guard?"
They looked at each other with wide eyes, "Where do we begin?" Anon smirked, just then a messenger walked into the bar and walked over to Anon. the messenger was a purple with a pink mane, she had royal guard armor.
"Mister Anon I presume?"
"No I am the king of tits, ya I'm Anon."
"I have a message from Celestia, shall I read it?"
"Yes, why even ask?"
"Um, Anon, I think I finally found you a mare and-" Anon poured the pint of beer onto the messenger, "What was that for?!"
"Oh sorry, whenever Celestia tries to set me up I just get a bit ticked off. Oh, could you please send another message from me." Anon started to smirk.
Throne room, 5 minutes later:
Celestia was on her throne (you all know it from the opening song) she was signing paperwork with her magic, the messenger walked in with a pint of beer, "Princess Celestia, I have a message from Mr. Anon."
"Proceed."
"Thank you ma'am, he says he isn't interested and that I should pour this pint of beer on you like he did me, I think he is drunk. But should I?"
Celestia had to think for a second, "No you may not, but I would like to have it."
A guard asked, "During work hours princess?"
"Yes, just watch." Celestia took it with her magic, opened the window closest to the bar, and held the pint out with her magic, she looked out and waited for a minute.
Anon and the two guards walked out in a group, she smiled and poured the drink. Everypony in the throne room was watching as it was about to hit Anon.
Bar 15 seconds ago:
Anon, Swordsworth, and Jeff were walking out and laughing their asses off.
"You are a boss, none of us would do that."
"I know, though I am her friend, not her guard. We should drink again, maybe after the next guard we should get really drunk and try to get some tit!" They cheered.
just then Anon looked up and at that moment, he realized he f**ked up. The beer splashed all over his cloths and got the guards a bit, though he was now soaked in beer.
"Next time pour the drink on me yourself you sad little man!" Shouted Celestia, after a second they heard the window close.
"Anon you alr-"
"J-just shut up, I gotta think of another prank, bigger and better. Celestia, you win the battle, though I'll win the war."