Everypony says Hearts and Hooves Day is one of their favorite holidays. They talk about how special their somepony is and the things they have planned, how special this day will be and how happy they are. Even in my class, Ms. Cheerilee has us make valentines for all our classmates and write something we appreciate about them within the card.
It's funny. I can think of almost every filly and colt in the class and what I like about them. Apple Bloom is always so cheerful, Truffles shares his treats with us, Sweetie Belle always says thank you and Dinky shares her pencils and paper with everypony. They're all so special, building friendships and learning to grow. I have my own friends who give me a valentine every year, writing in something that makes me happy.
But... there's one filly who sits all by herself when her one friend isn't in class. She doesn't like to talk to anypony, just scribbling onto a sheet of paper whenever she can. I don't know what she writes, but she usually crumples it up and throws it away when class is over. Some of the other fillies and colts like to make fun of her for doing that, calling her names and laughing when she gets angry.
She seems to be angry all the time now. I haven't heard her say anything nice to anypony in months, even to Ms. Cheerilee. She always yells at or make fun of us, and she can be really mean about it. Her friend is mean to us when she's here, too. They've made other fillies cry before and once scared a colt into going home early. He said he was sick, but I knew he wasn't and she had to stay behind after class that day.
Sometimes, I wonder about her. I think about why she is so mean and nasty to other colts and fillies, including me. I don't talk much in class, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised she eventually got around to picking on me. She says I'm weird, that if I don't talk, I will lose my voice and that I'll never make friends. In a way, I suppose she is right. My circle of friends is just as small as hers and I really don't try to make it any bigger. It still stings when she says that, though.
My big brother often tells me I should try to make more friends, to smile and talk with the other colts or join them for a game of kickball. I try to do what he suggests, but it's a lot harder to do than he makes it out to be. I'm not as fast as the other colts, or as loud and fun. Hearts and Hooves Day reminds me of that, which makes it one of my least favorite days to go to school. All of the other classmates have a really close friend they share the day with, but I just sit at my desk after passing out my cards and read.
I noticed today I wasn't alone sitting at my desk while all the others were chatting and laughing. She was at her desk as well, scribbling on a piece of paper again. Her friend, the silver filly, wasn't in class today. Her back was to me, so I could see her hunched over the paper and her ears down against her head. Some of the other fillies brought her cards, but she didn't look at them. Instead, she just took them and dumped the cards into her saddlebags, scribbling again when we were allowed outside for recess.
The playground was pretty big for a small school like this one, allowing a lot of the other fillies and colts to run around or play on the swings. Some of them loved the sandbox and others wanted to play tag, but I didn't see that one filly with them. The others wouldn't notice her absence, but then again, they didn't care if she was there. I knew where she was, though. There was a small area on the other side of the schoolhouse that was really quiet, a little space to sit down and read. I had used the place often when I didn't want to play, but she used it whenever her friend wasn't there.
I trotted off to that spot, hidden on the other side of the playground, when I stopped and adjusted the book in my mouth. I knew she was there, sitting all by herself again, but I heard her sniffling. A pit formed in my stomach as I sat on the grass and listened, staring at the corner of the building. I reached up and took the book out of my mouth and set it on the ground, flipped it open to the page I had been reading and stared at the words while I listened to her.
She was crying again. It wasn't often she did that, but I had heard her before. She sometimes kicked me out of the spot to use it. Since there were no windows on that side and trees on the other, it was perfect to be alone when you wanted to be. I felt bad about listening to her cry sometimes, thinking I was a mean pony for not trying to comfort her. I knew she was sad and alone, but I also knew she was mean and would yell at me if I said anything.
I hadn't told anypony else about her crying, either. Ms. Cheerilee wasn't the pony to tell. She'd just try to ask what was wrong and make her more upset that somepony knew she would cry by herself at recess. She'd probably also know I would be the one to tell on her anyway. My big brother would just be mad at me for making a scene out of this and tell me I need to apologize to her for not helping.
It sometimes felt like we were alone in the whole school when I would sit there and pretend to read while she cried. I had read books about sadness and how to help somepony who is sad, but they never seemed to do anything. Sometimes, I would just get sad reading them and stay away from her. It wasn't like my life was perfect, so I often wondered why I would think I could help her. She would just get mad and yell at me, so I never did try to cheer her up.
The thoughts crossed my mind as I stared at my bookmark, a sealed blank envelope. Inside was a Hearts and Hooves Day card I had planned to give her today during recess. It wasn't anything special or that I liked her, but I thought it might cheer her up today. I had planned out a whole conversation with her in my head, but now that I was here, I began to think about how dumb the idea was. She really wouldn't be happy if I walked in on her crying to give her a stupid card and then tried to talk to her. This place was so she could be alone, not one to be told some creepy colt knew she would cry here and listened without saying anything.
Goddess, I felt so stupid as I ran a hoof along the envelope edge. What was I doing? If I did anything, she would just get mad and yell at me or cry more knowing she didn't even have privacy here. Was there something wrong with me? I didn't enjoy hearing her be upset, but it wasn't like I could tell her I knew about this. Those dumb books and this dumb holiday had nearly gotten me to do something incredibly stupid. An urge to tear up the card and walk away made my hoof tremble.
But... wasn't that why she was here, anyway? Because nopony cared about her feelings or that she was alone? Sure, I was an idiot for thinking this would work, but I had heard enough of her crying and not done something about it. Somepony needed to do something, and the adults would only make it worse. She very well could hate me after this and call me names, but perhaps she'd also know that I cared enough to try and make her happy. Then again, that could be just wishful thinking on my part.
I glanced back at the corner and stared at it, my mind blank as I heard her sniffles again. I could easily turn around and walk away, pretending this wasn't happening. I could run and play tag with the other colts and fillies like my brother told me, but she would still be here, thinking nopony knew. It would be so easy to pretend I didn't know about this when she eventually would be caught and made fun of, but there was some kind of invisible wall behind me.
There was no reason I shouldn't do anything to help her. Nopony else would, so why not me? Nothing about this would matter once we left school and never saw each other again. There was also the possibility that nothing would change if I did this. She could still come here and cry and I could still pretend to ignore it and life would go on. Sure, she'd be mad at me for a little while, but it would probably fade with time.
I traced the envelope with my hoof once more before I gulped and stood. This would be something I would regret for the rest of my life if I didn't do it, so I bent over and picked up the card. It was a few short steps before I could peek around the wall, watching her rub her eyes. Goddess, I would never live this down.
"H-Hi," I said.
She jumped and spun to me, shock apparent in her blue eyes. "W-What are you doing here?" she shouted.
I looked down at my hooves and cringed. Nothing I could say would make this less weird, but there had to be some way to get her to understand. "I, uh, I was looking for you."
She scowled back. "Why? What does a stupid bookworm like you want?"
I was silent for a few seconds before I held out my hoof, the envelope resting on it. "I wanted to give you this," I mumbled.
She glanced between me and the card a couple of times before snatching it out of my hoof and ripping it open. She pulled out the card, staring at the front before opening it. As she read, I cleared my throat.
"I know it's just a silly card, but I was hoping I could--"
"No," she said, throwing the card back at me. "You're gross and nerdy. I don't want to be your special somepony for today."
I sighed at that, nodding my head. I had thought she would say that, but thankfully I wasn't wanting her to be my valentine.
"If that's it, then go away," she said, turning away from me.
"Look, I... uh, I know what you do back here," I said.
She turned to me, her angry stare piercing me. "What?"
"I know you cry by yourself."
A long silence followed what I said, reminding me that what I was doing was stupid.
"As if," she said, standing up. "Maybe YOU cry back here, but I don't."
I looked up and locked eyes with her, watching her puffy red eyes shift ever so slightly. "I know you have. When Silver Spoon isn't here, you force me out of here and take the spot."
"SO?" she shouted, scrunching up her face. "It's not like I care whether she's here or not! I like to be alone sometimes!"
I looked down and kicked the grass as I thought about what to say. Perhaps it was just best to apologize and walk away at this point. It's not like I thought this would work anyway. Slowly, I nodded to her and looked up at her frown.
"I'm sorry," I murmured. "I just wanted to give you that card."
I turned and walked back to my book, feeling like the world's biggest idiot. I hadn't said anything I wanted or helped her to stop crying. Now she was mad at me and probably would make fun of me for the rest of the year. I picked up my book and walked back to the classroom, wondering why I was such an idiot. Those dumb books always said the first step to helping somepony was to talk to them, but they never said what to talk about.
Perhaps that's why I failed. I wasn't friendly or outgoing, just a dumb bookworm like she said. I sat down at my desk and opened my book when Ms. Cheerilee walked by.
"Is everything okay?" she asked.
I nodded silently and buried my head into my hooves, staring at the mass of words in front of my snout. The pit in my stomach refused to go away as I shook my head slowly. Maybe I was an idiot. A big, gross bookworm idiot.
I heard the door open again and raised my head slightly when Ms. Cheerilee said, "What are you doing in here, Diamond?"
Her hoofsteps rang out as the door shut, making me feel even dumber. She would probably say I was being creepy by telling her I knew she cried by herself or was making up lies about her. It didn't matter to me, though. What I had done was dumb.
"Hey," she said once her hoofsteps stopped.
I looked up again and saw her standing at the front of my desk, staring at me and frowning. I smiled weakly back and said, "Hi."
She sighed dramatically, but looked me in the eyes and held out her hoof. I glanced down to see a Hearts and Hooves Day card in it and looked back at her.
"I'm... sorry for calling you names," she said, looking down at her own hooves.
I looked back at the card and took it, staring at the heart-shaped balloons and glitter on the cover. We looked at each other again and I smiled.
"It's okay," I murmured.
For the first time in a long time, she smiled back and trotted back to her desk. She sat in it and began scribbling on her paper again when Ms. Cheerilee began calling the class back in. Her smile burned in my mind. It wasn't her usual sneer or a look of enjoyment when she made fun of the other ponies. I could tell it was genuine.
I've thought about that smile ever since we exchanged cards that day. She doesn't cry back there anymore, which is fine with me.