“Mister, are you okay?”
The costumed man’s eyes opened up to show pure white, and he stared into the space above him. Last thing he could recall was a meat grinder, about three fourths of his body going away, and...Oh! A sick ass tooth shot that got the fucker who put him in out the window. He could still hear the crack of his spine ringing in his ears. “Well, my little sweetness, I-” He looked over, and found a disturbing lack of titties on his regularly scheduled date. “Excuse me, but I do believe I have the wrong number. I was looking for death.”
The purple mare beamed at him as she floated over, and helped position the remains of his torso against a box in the warehouse. “She says she’s sorry, but as she is expecting a lot of work soon-”
“Well she better, because I still haven’t Mr. Wuggles, and I need my teddy bear to sleep.”
“-she wanted me to help her out. And hey, since I’m kind of borrowing her getup and she’s very nice-”
“Ooh, you can say that again.” The man turns to you, “Yes you,” and winks, “Even nicer than you as a succubus.”
“I thought I would help her out, especially when she speaks so kindly about you, Mr. Deadpool.”
“Ah, you know what, you’re just about cute enough for me to cuddle. I just hope this doesn’t force a crossover tag or nothing.”
Twilight snuggled into his chest, before pretending to lay on the ground in front of him. “You make really weird jokes. You know that, right?”
A gleam came to the pupil-less eyes before he leaned over and tried to pet the purple pony. “Yeah, but the folks, they love ‘em. Besides, I hear you’ve fallen on serious times, and need to lighten up a little. Speaking of which, when was the last time you were on fire? It’s exhilarating, even for a constant flamer like me.”
Twilight bit into her lip as she looked at him. While Death had said Deadpool was a fun guy, she was having a pretty hard time to keep up. However, she had also warned about asking too many questions, as the things she would learn were things nopony should know. So instead, she focused on other things. “So, are you without legs often?”
Deadpool nodded vigorously before letting out a content sigh. “Trust me when I say I’ve been through it all. Chewed legs, holes in my torso, even got my mouth sewn shut once. Worst, idea, ever. The worst injury though has got to go to whenever the main cannon goes bye-bye! Takes forever to come back, on account of its size, if you catch my drift.”
Twaith blinked a few times, before checking her watch. “I don’t think I do, actually.”
“Ooh, aren’t you the cutest? I could teach you, and trust me, my lessons would be very intense, just like I bet you like it, but I’m missing my pointer. Sorry.”
She nodded, a blush coming to her cheeks, despite not quite knowing. “Well, Mr. Pool, I think it’s about time for you to wake up, if the death clock I was given is a sign of anything.”
He tilted his head to the side and sighed. “Ah, and I didn’t get to do anything graphic. Good job on ya author, I bet you’re proud.” He waved a stump at the unicorn as she drifted away, and the sounds of yelling came into the room. “Oooh, that would be my boss. Time to get to work.”
“And so my- wait, why is the chapter still going?”
And so the author had to watch as I, the glorious, amazing Deadpool, got to work. I leaned over, picked up my gun, aimed, and, while you could probably guess what's coming, I'm gonna tell you anyways, proceeded to blow out the cocksucker’s brain in a gratuitous shower of-HOLY FUCK, MY MOUTH!!! Who in their right god damned mind would think of shooting a gun with their mouth as a good idea? I mean, that’s why I did it, but still, ow! That’s it, I’m going back to comics and movies. I’ve had enough of this fanfic bullshit!