About ten months ago, while Ponyville was under Trixie’s iron hoof.
“What are we gonna do, Thunderlane?”
Thunderlane swallowed the lump in his throat and turned to his precious little brother, Rumble. “Don’t worry, little guy. Your big brother’s got a plan to make this all better.”
Rumble didn’t look convinced. “How? Not even Twilight Sparkle could beat Trixie in a duel. Now we’re all stuck in a giant snow globe!” He pointed to the glass dome far above his head. “What am I gonna do if Snips or Snails can’t pull her carriage anymore and she needs a new colt? Her carriage doesn’t have any wheels. I’m gonna be swaybacked before I’m a stallion!” Rumble whimpered, his lower lip quivering. “I’m too cute for slavery!”
Thunderlane smirked. “Damned right you are.” Thunderlane knelt down and put a hoof on Rumble’s shoulder. “Just let your big brother handle this; I’ve got a way with the mares, trust me.”
“You mean like Cloudchaser? I heard you two were ‘taking a break’.”
“W-Well, yeah. Cause… I’m just too much for her!” Thunderlane stuttered, but recovered with a grin.
“And my foalsitter, Flitter? I heard Cloudchaser yelling at you last week about chasing Flitter’s tail. And the next day, Flitter didn’t seem happy with you either.”
“Th-That was just a little misunderstanding,” Thunderlane explained. “You see—”
“Before that it was Blossomforth. I liked her,” Rumble said wistfully. “She always gave me candy when she came over. Why’d she stop? Is it because you’re a filly-and-er-er… I think that’s what she called you. Did she fall on her head? You’re not a filly, or an ‘er,’ whatever that is.”
Thunderlane looked downcast. “Yeah, she hit her head, and, uh… needed to visit the doctor. She’ll be back…” He blushed and sighed. “I hope,” he added under his breath.
“Plus those other mares you’re always tryin’ to talk to. I remember you rubbin’ noses with Meadow Flower, and before that you did the same thing with Sassaflash, and before that you introduced me to Wildfire. You know, now that I think about it, all those mares ended up not likin’ you and never came back to the house. Gosh, I hope that doesn’t happen with Flitter; I like her as a foalsitter.”
Thunderlane cleared his throat. “Th-That won’t happen with Flitter. She’s a nice mare, and as soon as I can get her to believe me when—”
“Oh, I almost forgot about that time Clear Skies and Derpy hooves arrived at the house at the same time for a date. Clear Skies got real mad, but Derpy just looked all embarrassed. I know you sent me up to my room, but I heard Clear Skies yelling from downstairs. By the way, what’s a threesome?”
“Nothing! It’s nothing, Rumble, don’t worry about all that, you precocious little scamp,” Thunderlane said, sweating bullets.
“And whatever happened to Sunshower Raindrops, Wind Chill, and Cloudkicker? They all seemed to visit one day after the other, and then all of a sudden I never saw ‘em again. An’ the next day, the windows on your carriage were all smashed, and all that spray paint appeared on it. Did you ever figure out who the mean pony was? You know, the one that wrote ‘pig’ over and over on your carriage?”
Thunderlane held a plastic smile for the trio of flower mares that walked by. Thier glares told him that yes, they had overheard Rumble. “Rumble, ut-shay up-yay efore-bay ou-yay et-gay e-may into-yay ouble-tray!”
Rumble looked at Thunderlane with wide eyes. “Oh, is this why some mean pony wrote pig on your carriage, because you speak that pig-something languge? I remember your lessons, big brother! Okay, let me try… um… igs-pay ill-way y-flay efore-bay y-may other-bray inds-fay a-way over-lay!” The mares looked at the two of them like a compass at the north pole, confused and lost. “That means: ‘I love my awesome brother who taught me how to fly and speak pig’... right?” Rumble whispered.
Before Thunderlane could respond, the ground trembled. Thunderlane, Rumble, and several other denizens of Ponyville watched in horror as Snips and Snails rounded the corner at the far end of the lane. Grunting and heaving, they pulled a massive ‘sleigh’ through the mud, churning up a trench behind them. Trixie looked on imperiously, cracking a whip across their flanks whenever they lagged. “Onward! Trixie is thirsty!” She spied an empty rain barrel along the street. “A spy!” she cried, and blasted it to cinders. “Trixie doesn’t trust barrels, they’re too much like wheels.”
Everypony backed away from the demon-eyed Trixie as the vehicle ground to a stop in front of the Punch Bowl. Snips and Snails collapsed into the mud, face first, gasping for air. “N-No more, Great, Powerful, and Beautiful Trixie!” Snips cried.
Trixie raised a single eyebrow. “And?”
“...And… uh… wise! And, and, uh, trusting!” Snips quaked in fear, squeezing his eyes shut.
Trixie stared at him. Suddenly, a smile broke across her face. “Yes… that’s right. Trixie is all of those things. Trixie… is perfect,” she purred, looking around at the townsfolk. “ISN’T SHE?!”
The sudden fury on her face made everypony kneel, bow, or run away. Thunderlane bowed, hugging Rumble under a wing. He heard the crunch of gravel, and looked up to find Trixie towering over him, a devilish smirk on her face.
Thunderlane couldn’t believe it. Now, of all times, he felt heat rising in his body. He swallowed, tried to smile, and said, “O-Oh, what a beautiful and wise unicorn you are.” Snips had called her those things, right? He hoped so; her moods were so fickle, and he didn’t want to anger her.
“And trusting,” she replied, looking down on him.
“Yes! So trusting. Why, anypony could just gallop right up to to you and steal your amulet, buck you in the back of the head, and run away without any... punishments.” He let the last word drip off his tongue. His mind flashed to several secret fantasies, each one putting him in grave peril. His heart raced, for many reasons.
Trixie gasped. “How could you say such a thing? What pony would do that?”
Thunderlane quivered; he felt lightheaded and hot. “Nopony would do that to such a beautiful and perfect mare.” He almost meant what he said. Given the chance, he’d gladly buck this mare into the mud and free the town. He wasn’t sure if he could do that on a good day, and today, she had that amulet....
Trixie sighed and nodded. “Yes, that’s right. It would be foolish for anypony to even think of such a thing.” She snorted, smirked, and puffed her chest out. Her eyes glowed with the power of the amulet as she turned away from him and towards the pub.
“Well, almost perfect.” Thunderlane couldn’t stop himself. He didn’t actually believe he said it until the words tumbled out of his mouth. Oh, Celestia, I hope this works!
“Excuse me?” Trixie whirled on him, like a viper.
“Oh, Trixie is a perfect beauty. Flawless. It’s that amulet. It looks all wrong on you. Jewelry is wasted on you, wasted! You’re absolutely perfect; anything else besides you just makes you look…” Thunderlane watched her, gauging the danger. He didn’t finish his sentence because he felt quite sure he’d be dead if he did.
Trixie’s expression flashed from fury, to confusion, to contemplation, to looking at her amulet. She looked at Thunderlane, the ponies, the pub, and finally, to Rumble, quivering under Thunderlane’s wing. She smirked. “Perhaps you’re right. Trixie is perfect, and doesn’t need the Alicorn Amulet…” Everypony stopped breathing. Did they have a chance at freedom? “But it belongs to her, and NOPONY shall have it!” Trixie declared.
Thunderlane couldn’t stop her if he wanted to. She lit her horn, and her aura surrounded him. She peeled away his wing and held Rumble by his hind legs. The little colt whimpered, but stayed boneless in her magic. Trixie idly tossed Thunderlane aside and walked up to the levitating colt. Thunderlane stayed on the ground but looked up, fear racing up his spine like an electric current. Trixie gave him a quick smirk and a wink before she summoned a large, water-filled crystal tank below Rumble. Her horn flashed twice, then Trixie sighed. The Alicorn Amulet slipped off her neck. She pushed the jewelry into Rumble’s chest, then released her spell.
“Thunderlane! Help—” Rumble fell into the tank with a splash. Trixie flipped the lid, and locked the tank with a deft flick of her hoof. Rumble put both hooves on the wall of the tank, pressing his adorable face against it. He tried to talk, but only bubbles came out. He stuffed both forehooves into his mouth in panic.
Trixie sighed, then looked at the colt in the death trap and rolled her eyes. “Hold onto the amulet, fool. I’ve enchanted it to let you breath water.” Rumble scrambled for the forgotten trinket, and held it to his chest. He sucked in water, but apparently this didn’t bother him.
“I’ll get you out of there!” Thunderlane shouted. He charged at the tank and rammed into it with all of his might.
Nearby ponies tensed up, coiled like springs, ready to pounce on her. Trixie sauntered up to Thunderlane, who’d bounced off the tank like a ping pong ball and lay in a heap. She spoke to him, loudly, so the others could hear. “Trixie is both trusting, and wise. She’s decided to be extra beautiful and perfect tonight, so that you can properly worship her, but Trixie isn’t a fool. The Alicorn Amulet belongs to Trixie, and Trixie alone. It’s the only thing keeping your little brother alive now. If he were to lose it, Trixie is quite sure he’d drown.” She smiled, watching Thunderlane squirm without even touching him. “And nopony wants that, now do we?!” she screeched to the crowd.
Everypony quivered in fear and shook their heads. Trixie smirked, and held a foreleg out with her eyes blissfully closed. After a moment, she cracked one eye open, and used it to glare at Thunderlane. “Oh, right!” Thunderlane took her hoof and kissed it like an inept teenager, slobbering on her hoof. He looked up at her with what he believed to be adoring passion.
She blinked at the slobber on her fetlock and the dopey stallion at her hooves. She wiped her hoof on his forelock with a sigh, then put the same hoof to her temple. “Oh, Trixie has a headache. Shall we get a drink, right now?”
Thunderlane blinked at her sudden, and perfectly pleasant tone of voice. “Y-Yes, of course, let’s go.” Thunderlane stood, put a wing over Trixie, and the two of them walked into The Punch Bowl like a perfectly normal couple.
As they pushed past the swinging doors, Trixie shrugged off Thunderlane’s wing. “Trixie doesn’t need protection. Trixie can take care of herself.”
Thunderlane blushed, and said in a breathy voice, “Of course, Great and Powerful Trixie.” The Punch Bowl had more patrons than normal, since many townsfolk tried to numb the prospects of living under a snow globe for the rest of their lives. When they spied Trixie, the boisterous crowd quieted, the music stopped, and the barkeep slipped his hooves under the bar.
The Great and Powerful Trixie desires companionship!” the petite mare yelled as she entered The Punch Bowl. “The Great and Powerful Trixie needs a Great and Powerful Companion that they might produce a Great and Powerful heir for her Great and Powerful Kingdom!” Trixie sauntered up to the bar, each step accompanied by the jingle of spurs. Trixie moved as if half-drunk already, trailing a hoof across the piano player’s withers. He stiffened at her touch. She stopped at the bar, rapped her hooves on it twice, and said, “Absinthe, with a sugarcube, if you would, good barkeep.” Her brow fell flat, she glanced to the other end of the bar and said, “and will you please stop that? Trixie doesn’t need sound effects every time she takes a step!”
A mousey stallion at the other end of the bar sheepishly put away his tiny pair of cymbals.
The barkeeper puffed once more on his cigar, set it down, and pulled out his tools of the trade. He poured a green liquid over a sugarcube and into a tall wine glass. “Six bits.”
Trixie glared at him. “Are you serious? Look at me! Trixie is far too beautiful and powerful to pay for drinks.” She gestured at her trim figure. “And one more for my… date.”
Thunderlane wasted no time trotting across the pub to stand next to Trixie. He’d never refused free cider in his life. Well, this would be the only time in his life he’d ever had an offer of free cider… but still! “Hard cider please.” He couldn’t believe his good luck.
They picked up their drinks. Trixie abruptly wrapped a hoof around Thunderlane and pulled him close, like a filly with a large plushie. “To the Great and Powerful Trixie!” Trixie said, raising her glass. She turned to the rest of the bar, only to find it empty, except for the barkeep, piano player, and the small stallion with the cymbals. “Oh well, no free cider for them. They weren’t worthy of Trixie anyway,” Trixie said with a smirk.
Thunderlane, his head already at her side, slid a bit lower as she turned. He felt lightheaded, because she gripped him so tight… or perhaps because she held him to her naked belly and he got an eyeful of Trixie’s—
Gulp
Thunderlane reluctantly looked up as Trixie set down an empty glass. “Whoa,” he whispered to himself.
“Another!” Trixie demanded. Thunderlane sipped his drink, but Trixie didn’t let him go. On the contrary, once she got another drink, she sat on a barstool and leaned back into the bar with a sigh. “Now isn’t this nice?” she asked. She held his head against her, idly stroking his mane. “Uhhh, my head…” Trixie moaned. She downed another glass of absinthe.
“Th-This is s-so nice,” Thunderlane mumbled. He downed his drink, and rested into Trixie. “You’re so nice.”
“Really? Nopony’s ever called Trixie nice. Hmm….” Trixie ran her hoof further along Thunderlane’s neck and down his back. “Another, for both of us, barkeep.” Thunderlane’s eyes went wide. He drank absinthe once before in his life; it amazed him to see her down it so fast. “Bottom’s up,” Trixie ordered.
“Yes ma'am,” Thunderlane said, like a slave.
They downed their drinks again. Trixie ran her hoof even lower, brushing his mane, back, and wing. He shivered, then she reached his pinion. “An-hic-other barcreep,” Trixie slurred.
Thunderlane stood, his wings flared behind him. “I-I-I gotta… uh… use the bathroom.” His eyes darted every which way, searching. The barkeep pointed to the other end of the bar, past the only remaining patron, who had passed out.
Trixie shrugged, and sipped her drink. She blinked one eye, then the other. “Trixie iss in ch-hic-arge. Sho why do-hic-shn’t she feel…”
The patron at the other end of the bar suddenly woke up and said, “Ya don’t need power ta feel good.” He chuckled and added under his alcohol-soaked breath, “But if’n ya use power over that stallion he’s gonna—”
“Ahhhhh!” Thunderlane exclaimed, coming out of the bathroom. He seemed upbeat and alert as he took his seat next to Trixie. He smirked, a dopey expression on his face. “Hey there, good lookin’, you come here often?”
Trixie looked at him like he’d grown a second head. The stallion at the other end of the bar chuckled and said, “You ain’t no Cassanova.”
“Oh, my head,” Trixie moaned. She stood and swayed to the bathroom, turning to the right, just as Thunderlane did.
“Uh… that’s the stallions’—” the barkeep started, but Trixie staggered into the bathroom anyway.
“Whew!” Thunderlane let out a big sigh and relaxed against the bar. “That was a big release... I mean, relief!” he quickly corrected himself. The patron and bartender snickered.
“Ugh! Barcreep, you’re shkillsh at shanitration is… is… you suck at cleaning!” Trixie exclaimed as she staggered back to her barstool. “You left wat-hic-er on the s-seat. You owe Trixshie another absence!” The barkeep quivered under her drunken gaze. He poured her another.
“You sure that were water?” the patron asked quietly. She ignored him.
“Ugh, you’re no fun,” Trixie groaned as Thunderlane tried and failed miserably to fondle Trixie with inept hooves.
Thunderlane seemed to sober up rather quickly. “What?” was all he managed to say.
Trixie laughed. “You might work better as a carriage puller. Unless you know another stallion who can entertain me?”
Thunderlane shot out of the bar with all of the speed he could muster.
Thunderlane paced back and forth in front of Rumble. It had been hours since Big Mac had agreed to do his best in Thunderlane’s place. He just didn’t know what to do. Rumble still clutched the Alicorn Amulet to his chest, breathing normally.
Suddenly, the doors swung open. Big Mac and Trixie strode out, laughing. She leaned on him heavily; it looked like they both had plenty. “…An’ that’s how ya plow a field,” Big Mac finished. He smiled at her. “Ya sure are a nice mare.”
As they walked by Rumble, Trixie idly bucked the tank holding Rumble, causing it to crack and shatter. Rumble coughed several times, laying in a puddle of water and crystaline shards. Trixie took up the Alicorn Amulet in her aura, and snapped it back on before anypony could react. She gave Big Mac a devilish grin.
“Rumble!” Thunderlane darted to his brother and helped him up. Rumble was still coughing and sopping wet, as Thunderlane led him away. “I was so worried about you.”
He didn’t watch as Trixie and Big Mac disappeared around the bend toward the Apple family farmhouse.
Three months after the wedding
Thunderlane bucked the cloud, blowing it apart. “I swear, I don’t have any other special someponies.”
Cloudchaser angrily bucked another cloud. “You changed the schedule just so you could talk to me,” she said, her voice flat.
“Yeah.”
“You’ve said you’re sorry, like, a hundred times.”
“Yeah.”
“And you tried to get in bed with my best friend!”
“...Yeah,” he replied sadly.
“How can I trust you?” Cloudchaser asked, truly looking at him for the first time in a year.
“You can trust me, I promise!” he almost shouted back. Hope blossomed in his chest. She hadn’t so much as looked at him until now. “I know I’m not perfect, but please give me another chance. I… I figured out what’s important to me. About a year ago, I almost lost Rumble. I realized how much I like that little colt, and I couldn’t stop thinking about losing him. I… I feel the same way when I think about losing you.”
Cloudchaser stopped her weather work and eyed him. She lifted his chin with a forehoof. He wasn’t sure if she planned to line up his face for a kiss or a buck. “You have a wandering eye, Thunderlane.”
He blushed in shame. “…Yeah. B-But I don’t have any foals running around,” returning to a point from previous arguments. “I haven’t even tried to sleep with any other mares for a over year! Honest!”
She tilted her head. Slowly, they descended, until they stood on a little, leftover cloud. “You promise me you won’t chase any other mares? Cross your heart, hope to fly?”
“Stick a cupcake in my eye!” Thunderlane said, pantomiming the required motions.
“Good!” She leaned in and kissed him, full on the lips. He smiled. She leaned back, and smiled herself… Then spun around and bucked him right in the muzzle. “That one’s for Flitter!”
He lay on his back, both forehooves on his bleeding nose. Cloudchaser quirked an eyebrow when she noticed his wings flared out behind him. Not after the kiss, but after she bucked him in the nose. Oh, I think I know how to keep those eyes from wandering she thought to herself with a smirk.
Far below them, Big Mac and Trixie walked along the edge of the field. “Trixie needs more sleep.”
Big Mac smiled, and glanced over his shoulder. “Apple Feather finally fell asleep,” he rumbled. The foal liked to sleep on either of his parents’ backs while they walked. Something about the motion soothed him.
Trixie hauled the last basket of apples into the barn, then took Apple Feather in her magic. His eyes twitched behind the lids, but he remained asleep. She put him on her own back, then they walked into the house. “There’s mah great-grandcolt! Bring ‘em here,” Granny Smith demanded once Trixie walked into the door.
Trixie floated the sleeping colt into Granny Smith’s lap. She continued to rock in her favorite rocking chair, keeping the foal asleep. Applejack sidled up next to Trixie. “Ya git all the apples bucked?”
Trixie sighed. “Yes.”
“Fix the weathervane?”
“Yes.”
“Repair the fence along the south end?”
“Yes.”
“Help Apple Bloom with her homework?”
“Yes.”
“Wash the dirty diapers?”
Trixie crinkled her nose, but replied, “Yes.”
“Do everything the earth pony way, without magic?”
Trixie rolled her eyes. “Of course not. Trixie isn’t going to waste time not using her Great and—” Granny Smith shot her a look. “Ahem, Trixie used magic and refuses to do things without it. Trixie is a busy new mother, and needs all the help she can get.”
Applejack sighed. “Ah’m gonna make an Apple outta you yet. Ya see—”
“Leave ‘er be, AJ. ‘S hard enough with a foal, she kin do whatever works fer her,” Granny Smith said from her rocking chair of authority.
“B-But—”
“No buts! Now everypony git washed up. Time fer supper, then ta bed. Gonna be a long night again; we all need as much sleep as we kin git,” Granny Smith commanded. She looked at the bundle in her lap and cooed, “Ain’t that right, little one? Yer gonna keep us up again, ain’t cha? That’s jus’ the nature o’ foals.”
Big Mac and Trixie looked extra tired. Each had bags under their eyes, and made sluggish movements. “Trixie would like a few hours of sleep, if that’s alright with her wonderful, helpful grandmother-in-law.”
Granny Smith looked up with a smirk. “Flattery, eh? Ya think that’ll work with me?” Apple Feather made a sound only a foal can make, still asleep. “Well, ya make quite the argument there, little colt. Ah reckon Ah’ll watch ya fer a spell.”
Trixie smiled and whispered to Big Mac, “Did you pick up the prescription from the pharmacy?”
“Eeeyup!” he whispered back.
“That’s bad for us,” Trixie replied. Big Mac gave her a questioning look. “Because we won’t get any sleep tonight,” she finished, flashing him a wicked smirk.
“Ah’ll make some coffee,” Big Mac announced.
“That’s right kind of ya, Big Mac,” Applejack said with a smile. “Ah already got dinner started. Don’t forget ta wash up.” She turned to the kitchen and called out, “Apple Bloom, ya finished settin’ the table?”
“Yeah, with shiny plates!” she called back.
Applejack chuckled and said, “Ah guess ya got a handle on things, Trixie.”
Trixie nuzzled up against Big Mac, hiding her forehoof that snaked under his barrel. Big Mac tensed, his eyes wide. “Yes, Trixie does have her hooves on what she wants…”
FIN (for real this time)