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// Chapter One: Why? 
// Story: You Want to Buy... What? 
// by stupidhand14 
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        Sassy Saddles stood in Canterlot Carousel’s main foyer. The last mare wanting to order a Princess Dress was standing before her, filling out the info. Sassy was more than ready to finish the day and go home. Glancing briefly to the workroom, she saw that the light was still on and the sounds of sewing could still be heard. Rarity wouldn’t likely get much sleep tonight, she did need to create 200 Princess Dresses, after all. Unfortunately, such hours are required to become truly successful. Sassy had done her job, spent her hours preparing for the opening. Her pattern was perfect, her planning meticulous. Now all Rarity had to do was make the dresses and the Canterlot Carousel would succeed.
        Turning back to the young mare, Sassy continued the process.
        “So, you want the Princess Dress, a size 7, right?”
        “Yes, please,” said the teal unicorn. “How long before it’s done?” Sassy smiled and looked at the workroom again.
        “I can guarantee you’ll get it within the week,” Sassy answered with her usual cheerful smile. 
        “That’s great! Anyway, I have to hoof it to Donut Joe’s fast. Good night!” the odd unicorn said before bursting out into the night.
        “G-good night,” Sassy replied, knowing it was too late. How uncultured, running away like that. No, no, Sassy, don’t judge a pony based on one action, she may have a good reason.
Sighing in contentment at the events of a productive day, Sassy went to the backroom to file away all the receipts and documents. It was tiring thankless work, but it was what she was hired to do, after all. After an hour had passed, Sassy was sure she was done, but noticed one final blank form.  Gripping it with her magic, she read over it and noticed it was an order sheet for the Princess Dress. Letting out an unladylike growl, Sassy began to look through the cabinets, trying to remember where the spare order forms were supposed to go.
        Before she could put this final sheet away, the bell from the foyer rang out. Putting on her cheerful smile again, Sassy trotted out to meet the potential customer. Expecting a mare, she was surprised to discover an orange stallion in royal guard armor, carrying a bag.
        The guardspony spotted her before the shock of his presence could be removed from her face. A sheepish grin spreading across his face, he nodded in understanding.
        “Hello,” Sassy finally said, regaining some of her professional attitude. “How may I help you?”
        “Hey, I was wondering if I could see the Princess Dress.”
        “Basque and bonnets, yes. Right this way.” Sassy led the strange stallion to the stage where the Princess Dress was situated. Using her magic, she activated the lights above the dress to illuminate it in just the right lighting to make the gemstones pop.
        After staring at the dress for a few seconds, the customer turned to Sassy.
        “Was this the one that Princess Twilight herself wore?”
        Confused, Sassy kept a smile as she replied, “Yes it is, why do you ask?”
        “I’d like to buy it,” was his answer.
        “The Princess Dress costs, roughly, 200 bits, depending on the pony’s size and stature.” Sassy pulled out the spare form she had been about to put away. “What are the measurements of the lucky mare?” The guardspony stood still for a few seconds, his face turning a light pink.
        After a few moments of silence, Sassy looked again at the pony. It seemed that the dress would fit him well enough. Let it never be said that Sassy Saddles couldn’t cater to the stallions who wanted to dress in a mare’s clothing.
        “I see. Well, have no fear. You’re secret is safe with me.” Sassy could see the relief on his face plainly. She levitated measuring tape and the form over to her and began to take the measures for him. He certainly was muscular and well built, all nice and lean.
        “Thank you so much,” he said awkwardly as he was measured. He reached a hoof into his saddlebag, emerging with a sack of bits. “200 bits you said?”
        “Godet and gusset, you don’t have to pay until after the dress is made.” Some customers simply didn’t understand how buying a dress works, though Sassy could certainly forgive this stallion for not understanding the process. She finished her notes and filled out the form.
        “What do you mean, ‘after the dress is made.’?” Sassy stifled a sigh. Some customers are simply too much.
        “The designer has over 200 orders for the Princess Dress. She will get to your… outfit soon.” Sassy was about to levitate the final order through the door and into the inbox before a hoof stopped her.
“It’s… you see… I want this exact dress.” Sassy looked at him again as the connection clicked in her head.
        “Oh… I see.” This guard was quite possibly one of those ponies obsessed with Princess Twilight Sparkle; she hoped he wasn’t a stalker. “I’m afraid this dress is not for sale.”
        The guard looked at her again, getting more serious. His pink had faded and in its place stood confidence. The stallion’s golden armor gleamed in the light, his face cast in shadow. His stern look appeared almost threatening to the thin manager.
        “You don’t understand, I really need this dress. It’s… for somepony else,” he said. Naturally, Sassy wasn’t inclined to believe a word he was saying.
        “Right… Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” Sassy opened the door with her magic. “Have a safe walk home.”
        “I can’t go home without this dress,” he replied firmly. She watched as he gripped the bag with more force than was truly needed. A tiny amount of irrational fear entered her mind as she thought of the horror novels she liked to read, where a nice looking stallion used a bag as cover to house a weapon. Mentally berating herself for her flights of fancy, she attempted to crush her fear. After a few seconds, the stallion dropped the bag onto the floor, with a small sigh escaping his lips.
        “There are 352 bits in this bag. I need to buy this dress.”
        Sassy looked at him again and saw a crazed need in his eyes. Thinking again to her horror novels, she began to run a quick analysis of that look. The only times that look was talked about was with ponies who had gone mad. It was becoming more evident that he was, perhaps, the sort of pony she feared him to be. And yet, despite her mind telling her to be afraid, she had feeling in her gut that he wasn’t truly crazy. But if he wasn’t crazy, why was he acting like this?
        “Why do you want this particular dress so much?” she finally asked. Somehow, it caught the guardspony off guard.
        “Uh… well, let me show you,” he answered as he reached into his bag again. This time, his hoof came out holding a book. Sassy picked it up with her magic and brought it closer into the light. It appeared to be a scrapbook, with each and every page dedicated to Princess Twilight Sparkle. This did not increase Sassy’s opinion of the stallion, or the thought that he may have an unhealthy obsession.
        “This is an… interesting scrapbook you have here,” she said truthfully. There were many, many pictures in it. The strangest part was that there were also pictures of Twilight Sparkle, student of Princess Celestia. It seemed that this particular pony had been watching Twilight even before she had gained her alicornhood.
        “If I may ask,” Sassy continued cautiously, “What were you hoping to achieve by showing this to me?” The stallion blinked a few times as with the look that seemed to say that the answer should be obvious.
        “You mean you seriously don’t get it?” He seemed baffled, his mind not able to catch up with what was happening.
        “No, I can’t say that I do,” Sassy said as bluntly as possible. 
        “I love Twilight Sparkle.”
        “Yes, I believe I got that.” Sassy closed and returned the scrapbook to the oddly behaving stallion. “That still doesn’t explain why you want the dress she personally wore.”
        “I want it as a surprise, for her.” The pegasus reached back again and once more pulled something from his bags, this time a piece of paper with a number of steps written on it. “This is part of my 153 step plan to get her to marry me. Right here, step 133, ‘Show her the Princess Dress and ask her to wear it for the wedding.’”
        Sassy looked at the pony in front of her one more time. He wasn’t a stalker, well maybe he was, but it appeared he was confused about reality to a pathetic degree. An oblivious fool, lost in whatever fantasy romance he had convinced himself of.
        “I believe you and I should sit down and talk,” Sassy commented. “Do you want some tea?”
        “Uh, no thanks. I don’t drink tea,” Flash responded while tilting his head. “Why do we need to talk?”
        “Trust me on this.” Sassy led them to the back office, her back office. After setting some water to boil for tea, she sat down behind the desk and looked at the pony in front of her. It was then that it occurred that she didn’t even know this pony’s name.
        “If I may ask, what is your name?”
        “My name’s Flash Sentry, royal guard of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza.” Sassy looked at the youth in front of her again. He didn’t seem like an important pony, much less one that could gain rank in a relatively new royal guard.
        “Pleasure to make your acquaintance. My name is Sassy Saddles.” Sassy had to think for a few seconds on how to broach the subject. “Let’s start with the pony of your affections: Princess Twilight Sparkle. What do you know about her?”
“She weighs 153 pounds, obtained princesshood through the magic of friendship, loves books, understands complicated magical theorems, and is very close to her friends, one of them being the owner of this shop.” Sassy listened attentively but noticed some things were lacking.
“That is all good information, but what do you know about her? Her likes and dislikes? Anything about her personality?”
Flash seemed stopped, for the moment. He went into deep thought, considering how much he truly knew about her.
“She’s smart, pretty, and is the youngest in her family. She likes magic, books, magic books, and friendship… she dislikes… uh…” Flash looked down, his eyes squinting as if that would help him find the answers.
“You want to marry her simply because you think she’s beautiful, don’t you?” Sassy said bluntly, interrupting his concentration. 
“W-what?” he exclaimed. “N-no! It’s not like that!” Sassy smiled at his awkwardness.
“Certainly not. However, let us consider this: she’s out of your league.” Sassy thought about the silly, naive fool before her. He might even have the potential to be suave and lovely, but the strength of his crush was unknown, and his current plans most off-putting. Before proceeding, Sassy decided to push him a bit harder, to see his true feelings.
“What do you mean by that?” Flash’s voice became angrier.
“She is a princess, and while you are a royal guard, you aren’t high ranking enough for it. No matter what you may believe, the fact is that she has to marry somepony that is her equal, not her lesser.”
“Do… do you really think that?” he asked, tears beginning to enter his eyes. “That I’m her lesser?” Seeing his hurt, Sassy realized she may have pushed a bit too hard. Crying stallions were always a soft spot for her.
“Unfortunately yes, especially with that plan of yours,” she replied, taking hold of the plan in a spell.
“What’s wrong with it?” Flash Sentry grabbed the plan back and held it closely to his chest. “It’s perfectly mapped out, perfectly planned, and so perfectly perfect that it can’t fail!”
“And therein lies your problem,” Sassy pointed out. “It will fail, because it relies on Princess Twilight Sparkle to respond how you want her to respond, without considering what happens if she responds any differently. What happens if she doesn’t respond in a manner at all like you have in your plan?”
Flash looked at the plan again and began to go over it. Even though he had edited it to perfection, he began to notice the suggested flaws in it.
“Tell me, have you even met her or talked to her?”
“Well, we did talk briefly once after she bumped into me.”
“That’s not good enough.” Sassy got up out of her seat and walked over to Flash. Putting her hoof around him, she continued. “I know how hopeful you feel, about your first crush, but you need to understand romance.”
“I understand romance,” Flash insisted before being shushed softly. Sassy broke off the embrace and sat back down.
“I know you may think that, but this plan of yours shows that isn’t true. Please, listen to me for but a few moments.” Flash nodded, allowing Sassy to continue.
“You can’t plan out how to win a pony’s love. The only way you can truly gain her heart is if you open yourself up to her. No more of this craziness. No more grand plans. No more smoke and mirrors. You simply have to talk to her, maybe bring a gift, and be yourself. If she doesn’t love you for yourself, no matter who it is, she doesn’t deserve you. I have a sense that you are a nice, lovely, passionate stallion. You deserve somepony that loves you as much as you love them, but that will take the right effort with the right pony first.”
After speaking, Sassy gave him a weak smile.
“So… I should just go talk to her, maybe ask her on a date?” Flash asked, clearly lost.
“Yes, just be yourself,” Sassy answered. Before she could continue, the tea kettle began to announce itself. Sassy casually lifted it from the heating plate and poured herself a glass. “Are you sure you don’t want any?”
“No, I’m fine, thanks.”
Sassy sat looking at him for a few moments longer, considering a very weighty choice. True, many mares would consider this stallion a hopeless case, but he was at least trying. It might make Rarity mad, though she could always pretend another dress was the premiere one. Then again, in matters of love, some risks had to be taken, especially for such a sweet gesture. It may not be the best plan, but a little kindness does do wonders.
“The dress will cost 225 bits,” she said after a minute had past.
“W-what?” Flash looked at her in confusion.
“The Princess Dress that Princess Twilight Sparkle wore. It will cost you 225 bits,” Sassy repeated with a smile.
“Why are you selling it to me now?”
“Because, love takes risks. You have to put yourself out there. If this dress can be used as an act of love, should you begin dating Princess Twilight Sparkle, I would find it my pleasure to have helped.”
“Thank you!” Flash said in an excited tone before running to Sassy and giving her a hug. “Thank you, for everything.”
“No problem, dear.”
The two walked out of the office and back into the main store. Nopony had entered the building while they were talking, which was fortunate. They finished the purchase in short order.
“Well, I guess I should probably go now,” Flash said after they were done. “Seriously, thank you for all your help. I won’t forget your help.”
“No problem, just don’t tell anypony about it being the very one. Some ponies would do anything to get one early.”
“Right! Smart idea.” The orange pegasus put the dress in his bag. Waving farewell, he exited the building.



Over an hour had passed since he had entered the store, and even fewer ponies were walking about the city in the night. Smiling, he returned to his friend’s place, where he was currently crashing. Pulling out the dress to hang up, he noticed some lavender fur and feathers.
Instinctively, he sat up with a smile. Opening his bag again, he brought out his most prized possessions: two jars, one with purple fur and another with a few feathers. He placed his newly acquired trophies into their respective jars when a sudden realization hit him.
This exact collection was what Sassy had been talking about.
He stared at the jars, weighing the decision in his mind. In the end, he took Sassy’s advice to heart.
After a few minutes of building up his courage, he threw the contents of the two jars into the fireplace and threw in a match. He cried as he saw some of his favorite items in the world disappear into the smoke. He realized it was necessary, though. Flash went to sleep soon after, knowing that he would follow the advice of that nice mare and be better for it.
That night, he slept easily. In the morning, he would go and ask Twilight on a date. 
Besides, even if she said no, there are plenty of mares, right? Maybe he could even go back to talk to the manager of Canterlot Carousel, she seemed interesting… and understanding. For the first time in months, his dreams did not only contain a purple alicorn.