//------------------------------// // 26 Recovery // Story: Homecoming of a Jumper // by tosety //------------------------------// Scootaloo nervously pushed open the door to Steelskin’s room. Inside she saw the now normal sight of Steelskin lying with his blankets almost covering his head and Valus off to one side, laying on his belly while staring at the door. “So...” Scootaloo began awkwardly. “Bloom, Bells, and I got our cutie marks...” Steelskin made an effort to lift his head, quickly giving up as his eyes filled with tears. Scootaloo pressed on. “We met up with Tiara after you left and, well, long story short, our talents are all about helping ponies understand their cutie mark. Kind of funny isn’t it? We’ve been hunting for our cutie marks for so long when we should have been helping others rediscover theirs.” Scootaloo smiled proudly for a moment before her smile fell and she let out a heavy sigh. “I found out who the other two cultists that foalnapped you were,” Scootaloo whispered. She waited for a few seconds, hoping for a response. “It was a good thing that you killed them. I feel safer than I have ever felt in my life knowing that they are finally dead.” “I...” Steelskin tried to talk, but only the single sound escaped his lips before he realized he had no idea how to put his feelings into words. Finally, Scootaloo’s pent-up emotions broke free and she stormed up to his bedside. “You rutting-plot-stupid-colt!” Scootaloo screamed at Steelskin. “I love you and I know you love me too! Everything you’ve done has been to help others! When you started helping Tiara, ponies were saying you wanted her for your herd, but I knew you were helping her just because it’s what you do. Tartarus, I’d even let you bring her in with how broken she was and how I know you’d keep her in line. I trust you. I have trusted you and yeah, you go overboard at times, but your heart has always been right!” Valus, still keeping guard, felt his hackles rise. He wanted to send Scootaloo from the room, knowing from his talks with his father that, while no progress was visible, Luna was making her own advances in his recovery. Steelskin shouldn’t have to listen to what he already knew, but was unable to act on. Sadly, in Scootaloo’s defense, she was hurting, too. She had her own pain and loss to work through. He had a slight panic when Scootaloo started slamming her forehooves into Steelskin’s face, but he quickly reassured himself that Steelskin was strong enough to take anything she could dish out and, even if she was successful in hurting him, he would likely see it as a just punishment. Still, there was only so long this could be allowed for. He drew in a breath and growled at Scootaloo. “Scootaloo, Daughter of Rainbow Dash and Cutie Mark Crusader in your own right, please stop.” Scootaloo turned her tear streaked face to him and sniffed. “I just want him to get up. I want to talk with him and show him my new cutie mark.” She just barely suppressed a sob. “I want him to stop thinking he’s a bad pony.” Valus hopped down and licked her tear streaked face comfortingly. “He needs time. My father says Luna is helping him. His mind was hurt from that gem they used on him and he needs to put himself back together. It is rough and it is painful to see, but I trust my father and know that what he needs right now is comfort.” Scootaloo hugged Valus tightly, crying into his fur. “Take my place and be present for him,” Valus whispered gently. Scootaloo nodded uncertainly and hopped up beside Steelskin, nuzzling his neck quietly. Valus left the room and went to talk with his father, where he found him talking with Alex. "Weyul, I'm taking Steel on a walk in the woods. Helps keep my soul clean and factory new. I think it could help Steel." “I do not believe it is time,” Weyul replied in a low growl. “Especially not with you.” Alex’s voice rose. “Well, what should I do? I can’t leave the kid like this,” he replied, gesturing to Steelskin’s door.” “I am sorry, Paladin Roberts, but you are too much of a representation of the violence he hates himself for and your relationship to little Scootaloo only adds to his torment.” Alex’s eyes went cold. “You may know this world, but I know jumpers. I’m taking him for a walk, and that’s final.” “I reject this line of therapy and request that you do not pursue it. You are neither pony, predator, nor native to this land. You are Luna’s paladin, so I have no right to stop you, but I believe this to be a mistake and one that is potentially harmful to my charge.” Alex strode past him deliberately and went into Steelskin’s room. Upon seeing Scootaloo’s muzzle pushed up behind Steelskin’s ear, Alex tightened his lips. Taking a moment to make sure his annoyance didn’t get into his voice, he spoke lightheartedly. “Hey, Steelskin, I’ve got some bad news.” Scootaloo looked toward her father guiltily while Steelskin took a deep breath and, with determination plastered all over his face, turned to look at Alex. “We’re going for a walk,” Alex continued with his trademark grin. Steelskin’s ears flattened against his head. “I’d rather you just geld me now.” “I’m not going to geld you,” Alex replied flatly. “You should!” Steelskin screamed, anger giving him the strength to get up and glare angrily at Alex. “If you don’t, who knows what I’ll do? You know what I want to do right now? I want to rut your daughter! I want to grab her by the her wings and rut her! And I want her to be afraid! I want her bucking scared senseless as I force myself on her!” Steelskin stood on his bed, snorting heavily as he glared death at Alex. Scootaloo’s ears were pinned back as well, but despite a nervous flutter of her wings, she moved closer to Steelskin. “You and I both know that you would never do that to her,” Alex said tightly. He took a slow, calming breath and continued with a forced lightheartedness. “Come on, it’s time to get some fresh air.” After walking a few of the trails, they exited Whitetail Woods. Steelskin felt like he should have felt better, but he still felt so tired that it was an effort just to put one hoof in front of another. Eleanor seemed to be waiting for him. “Hey, Steel,” a tentative Eleanor said. “Sorry about ‘Spect. She’s never been one to have much in the way of empathy...” She fidgeted as Steelskin looked up at her and sighed heavily. Alex tried to stay out of the conversation. “Yeah,” Steelskin replied. “I know how she is.” “I...” El’s voice trailed off. She took a deep breath to muster the courage before beginning again. “I’m not one to talk. I haven’t even forgiven myself... but you really need to just get up and move on... Find some way to atone...” Steelskin stared at his hooves and his pace started to get sluggish. “What if I do it again?” Steelskin’s tiny voice replied without looking at her. “What if I do it to somepony that doesn’t deserve it? What if I hurt Scootaloo or her friends?” El decided to dodge the question. “Hey, let’s get a drink.” Alex opened the door to the Grain Bucket for Steelskin and El and bellowed out a cheery, “Honey! I’m home!” Berry Punch greeted her friend with a bawdy wink, “Alex, you crazy monkey! You still with Rainbow Dash?” The man laughed, “‘Fraid so. How about a round of your best for my pals here? Put it on my tab.” Berry started pouring the drinks, “Two virgin humans for the stallions, and red wine with a shot of rum for the pretty mare.” Alex lead the little group to the private room out back. “Intervention?” Steelskin asked, seeing Trace, Gary, Matt, and Emerald sitting at a table and looking at them. All four of them nodded, smiling, as the three of them sat down. Before they were even settled, Berry Punch brought over everyone’s drinks. She gave a heavy lidded frown as Alex slid the salt bowl over to rest next to Steelskin’s cider. Steelskin gave the same look as Berry’s to the salt bowl before pushing it away. He gave a weary sigh. “You want to hear what happened, don’t you?” The encouraging smiles that faced him confirmed his assumption. “Di was completely crushed,” he began dispassionately. “Her mother had done an amazing job breaking her. I was pissed. I knocked on their door, not because I expected her to be there, but because, if Filthy was home, I wanted to let him know. I was going to make her pay. Needless to say, I got hit by one of their traps while I followed her scent through the Everfree.” “You’re an idiot, Steel,” Gary said with more compassion than his choice of words would indicate. “You should’ve gotten at least one of us, if not all.” Matt gave a grunt of assent. “I honestly can’t understand how you’ve survived with how you just charge straight in with no backup.” Alex gave them both a look that said ‘Can you at least try to be gentle with the truth?’ “After I woke up, they zapped me with lightning a couple times, threatened Loo and Tiara, then touched a gem to my head. I saw one spook and I got happy. I was glad to see her scared of me. I wrapped my tail around her neck and snapped it." Steelskin went from a monotone, almost robotic voice to a snarl. "I didn’t mean to snap her neck, but I was laughing about it. I thought it was funny. I was going to crush the stallion’s head slowly. I wanted to see him suffer. Killing them wasn’t an accident. The accident was killing them quickly.” Gary was looking a little green and Emerald was looking ready to bolt. The humans, of course, only looked mildly concerned. "I wouldn't worry so much about hurting your friends. From what you say, you were under some extreme provocation. I doubt Scootaloo or any of your other friends would deliberately put you in a situation like that," El said quietly. "If you were going off like that for no reason, randomly, I'd be worried." Matt nodded as he got his own thoughts together. "Well I look at it two ways." Matt took a deep breath. "One, according to Fleet law you did nothing wrong. I'd classify you as militia or military in your combat status. As such you are welcome to respond with lethal force against any who actively threaten multiple civilians as well as lethal force in response to the level of threat they represent. Enjoy it or not." Matt didn't look or sound pleased at his explanation. "Two, now I personally see it is that you did the right action with questionable results and a poor state of mind." Matt raised his hand to signify he wasn't done. He fixed Steelskin with a stare. "You wanted to protect the others, right?" Steelskin wasn’t sure how to reply. Matt decided to take the lack of denial as agreement. "That's important but that is not all that you need to focus on. You also need to remember that it isn't just about what or why you do things, your state of mind matters too." Matt gave a sad smile before continuing. "Alex is a better example than me, mostly because of how I was trained. Give every opportunity for mercy; you need to be better than your enemies. Not better at killing, that's a what. Not better at why, because the worst results can come from good intentions but the state of mind? That's important. That's your morality. Alex fights with his morals, his actions are a result of those morals. Not his skill, not his tools or weapons but his sheer force of will. It's a line in the sand that you draw in your mind, where you say 'this far, no further' and no matter what happens you never cross it. Not for victory, not for others and not for yourself because some things are more important than you." Steelskin wilted as he thought about his own ‘line in the sand’ and how many times he charged right past it. "What about you? Where are your limits?" He gave Steelskin a smile that made him want to hug Matt. There was something fragile about it. "My limit is that no one else becomes the monster that I am willing to become. Because, to me, what's left of my soul is less important than keeping those of others intact." Matt gave him a look that told him exactly what Matt would do if he thought Steelskin became a monster and a small part of him felt reassured by that. The rest of him just wanted Matt to see him as that monster and get it over with. “I hate myself for liking it, but I... It's so...” Steelskin squeezed his eyes shut before screaming out “I love the taste of blood! How can a pony do that?” Alex got up slowly and walked over. He knelt down and Steelskin turned his tear streaked face towards Alex. Alex gave a sad smile as he placed his hand on Steelskin’s head. Alex scratched behind his ears while his tears fell onto Alex’s shoulder. “No one is free from their dark thoughts,” Alex said just above a whisper. “Everyone has desires they shouldn’t listen to. All of us have acted on those desires. You’re a good pony and I know you’ll be a good boyfriend for Scoots.” Steelskin’s face went from sadness to fury in the time it took to turn and look at Alex. “I almost raped her!” he screamed. He pulled a hoof back, ready to pound it into Alex’s face before realizing with horror what he was about to do. Steelskin turned and bolted. “Well, that was productive,” Matt commented bitterly. "More so than you'd think," Trace commented calmly, taking a sip of his drink. "Progress with issues like this has many forms, even those that seem like the opposite." Luna watched Steelskin run blindly into the Everfree and extended her wings, preparing to fly after him. Quietly, she cursed the fact that Nightshade would not be arriving for another day. It wasn’t hard to find Steelskin; all she had to do was follow the broken foliage and occasional downed tree. One tree seemed to have been hit head-on and she was surprised he wasn’t knocked out next to its destroyed trunk. After that, the path was slightly less straight. Soon, she found him in a moderately large depression, apparently having run blindly over the lip. He was curled up at the bottom, sobbing silently. Luna levitated him into the air, repositioning him on a softer patch of ground and arranging him into a more comfortable position. Steelskin felt Luna’s aura wash over him and, despite himself, felt encouraged. Still, the self hatred was not buried deep. “How do you do it?” he asked quietly. “Do you mean living with myself having become Nightmare Moon?” Luna asked gently. Steelskin realized just who he was talking to. “I’m sorry. I must look pathetic.” “Neigh, little one,” Luna replied, closing her eyes and searching her memories for the right thing to say. After a moment, she spoke. “I remember something Weyul told me you said; something about the weight of an experience needing to be judged against the weight of experience?” Steelskin sniffed. “Yeah, I was telling him about how I stood up to Di at the dance. They were so impressed, but she was just a bully. Then I remembered that before I faced real monsters, bullies were scary.” “Yes. I have walked a similar road, and the demons of your own choices are the same as the ones in the physical plane.” Luna nuzzled him gently. “The monster of regret you face is only smaller than mine when you do not count what has come before. Rest easy and know that you are among compassionate friends.” “I don’t deserve them,” Steelskin replied miserably. Luna let out a gentle laugh. “None of us do. Friendship is actually more powerful the less it is deserved. Do you honestly think that Diamond Tiara deserves friends? Did you think of her worthiness when you offered her forgiveness?” That silenced Steelskin. “I wish an answer,” Luna said with a touch of command after a few seconds of silence. “No,” Steelskin replied. “But... yeah, I guess you’re right. “Twilight Sparkle has informed me that she is ready to bring Tallic back to you.” Steelskin’s eyes went wide even as his ears pinned back. “Let me guess,” Luna said knowingly. “You are feeling hundreds of emotions. You wish with all your heart to see him again, but you are fearful as well.” Steelskin nodded an affirmative. “Then I propose a delay.” Luna smiled as Steelskin cocked his head to the side in interest. “I would like to use you and your... unique temperament.” Steelskin looked a little nervous, but stayed interested, so Luna continued. “The village that worships me has some odd beliefs about learning to fight and I am hoping that you can help them see the foalishness of what they insist on doing.” Curiosity only just barely satisfied, Steelskin nodded acceptance. Truthfully, he told himself, he didn’t know what he could do, but wasn’t comfortable saying no to a royal request. Twilight pondered her notes, feeling ill at ease with how much magic it was going to take to pull a dragon into their world. It was possible, and she was certain Luna was willing to contribute the extra magic she would need, but there had to be a way to make it more efficient. She reviewed her calculations, trying to find where energy could be saved. “Too bad I can only create horizontal resonance...” she mumbled to herself. “Why not vertical?” Trace asked with a grin. “Because I’d need to suspend another circle above...” Twilight trailed off as Trace’s comment had its desired effect. “You’re brilliant!” Twilight exclaimed, giving him a kiss before rushing off to her research notes and slide rule. “I think Steelskin’s crystal even had something on three-dimensional enchanting circles!”