Button climbed up the stairs and turned on the lights. Tootsie Flute followed him, her monkey wrench and lead pipe making a lot of noise as she was walking. Her jaw dropped when she saw the headquarters of the newly-formed superhero group, but she didn’t say anything. Instead, she followed Button inside, half-singing, half-humming some song about bubbles.
The room changed a bit since the first meeting. Now it had a large screen on one of the walls, flashing messages about all the team members. Under it, there was a radar and several smaller monitors. A few old, comfortable armchairs were standing around the large, round table.
“It seems that the rest isn’t here yet,” Button said. “Take a seat. Do you want some tea?”
“Sure, it’s five o’clock after all,” Tootsie replied, jumping on one of the armchairs. Button heard the metal plates hitting each other – Tootsie had told him that she’d reinforced her costume with pieces of an old stove. It restricted her movement a bit, but she seemed to be used to that, making Button wonder how often she wore it before she met them.
“The rest of the guys will be here soon,” Button said, preparing the tea. “If you really want to drink that, don’t ask Tagalong to show how her superpower works. I’d rather not clean this place… again.”
Tootsie shrugged. “I ain’t bovvered by nuffin’,” she muttered.
“So, you can be bothered by something...” Button replied, putting a cup of tea in front of Tootsie Flute. She levitated it in a way suggesting that she considered throwing it at him, but stopped herself eventually.
“Button? Are you here?” Twist called from the corridor. She opened the door and walked inside, followed by Nursery Rhyme. “And what are you doing here?”
Tootsie choked on her tea. “Auntie Twist? Auntie Nursery?” she exclaimed. “Since when are ya superheroes?”
“Stop referring to us like we were centuries old,” Twist muttered. “You’re older than us.”
“Only a few months,” Tootsie replied, sipping her tea. “Anyway, I’m Captain Cockneigh now. Da Slayer of Villains and Manechester United fans. I shall protect da weak and steal da wallets from da rich. I will steal your ‘earts.” She smirked. “Wiff one cut along da breastbone…”
“Seen that coming,” Nursery muttered, rolling her eyes. “Anyway, Button, of all the ponies in Ponyville, you had to hire our niece? She has no superpowers whatsoever. I checked, you know. But at least I found somepony with true superpowers.”
Button squinted his eyes. “Oh really? I can’t see anypony...”
“Just wait a minute...”
Suddenly, something hit one of the windows, breaking it. Button looked at the object rolling towards him and realised that it was an exceptionally large potato. A second later, a unicorn filly jumped inside, using a rope which looked like a thick vine. She was wearing an olive-coloured suit, complete with a green mask domino mask and matching socks on her hind legs. She also had chest insignia: an old metal pot cover with a potato painted crudely on it.
“Potato Mare, at your service!” the filly exclaimed, saluting and nearly knocking her mask off.
“True superpowers, huh?” Button muttered. “Those windows cost quite a bit, you know. And what exactly is wrong with her?”
“Tell him,” Nursery said. “You know, I’ve met her in the hospital...”
“We were on a school trip in the laboratory,” the Potato Mare said. She had some peculiar speech impediment; however, it’d sometimes disappear for a sentence or two, replaced by somewhat low-pitched tone, as if she had sore throat. “I accidentally sat on a genetically-modified potato, which stuck, umm... inside. Before they managed to remove it, it grew and now I’m a... umm...”
“A pony-plant hybrid,” Nursery said. “The stem of the plant replaced her spinal cord and implanted itself in her brain. Her nerves are made of a mix of neurons and plant cells. I bet she uses photosynthesis, though further research on that subject is needed.” Nursery smiled at Potato Mare and patted her mane. “Isn’t she wonderful?”
“So, what exactly can you do?” Button asked, taking a closer look at Potato Mare. Hybrids were quite cool in his book. Just behind robots, ninjas, and robot ninjas.
“I can shoot potatoes,” the masked filly replied.
“Shoot potatoes from where?” Button asked against his better judgement.
The filly showed him. At the end of demonstration, Tootsie put her tea on the table and pushed it far from herself. They also had another broken window and Button wished he’d brought brain bleach. Part of him was wondering how the filly could aim when facing away from the opponent, but it was probably yet another of her potato-based powers. Button hadn’t seen many aggressive potatoes, but he expected them to somehow hit their enemies. Otherwise they wouldn’t be called aggressive potatoes, right?
“It’s great,” Twist said. “She can knock somepony out with those... And we can make fries!”
“Ya mean chips,” Tootsie muttered. “And I ain’t gonna eat ‘em...”
“While we’re at it,” Nursery said, “she doesn’t have to eat. Photosynthesis is the future of ponykind, I’m telling you.”
“If dat involves stickin’ a potato up one’s bottle and glass, den I’ll pass,” Tootsie muttered. “Also, where’s dat girl ya talked ‘bout?”
“What girl?” Twist asked. “Who else did you hire?”
“You’ll see.” Button smirked. “She’s–”
“Hello, everypony!” Tagalong exclaimed, standing at the top of the stairs.
“Sweet Celestia!” Twist shouted. “Filly scouts discovered us!”
“What?” the Potato Mare turned, aiming at Tagalong, and shot a potato at her. Her aim was indeed amazing. The projectile hit the filly scout in the middle of the forehead, pushing her down the stairs. They heard a series of grunts, thuds and cracks, followed by silence.
“I think you killed her,” Nursery Rhyme whispered. “That sounded like multiple broken bones and possible internal haemorrhage...”
“The government will cover this,” Twist said. “Along with broken windows. Don’t worry about that.”
“Which government exactly supports us?” Button looked at the door unsurely.
Fwoosh!
“What was that?” Nursery asked.
“That, my dear, was the future of ponykind.” Button smiled triumphantly. At the same moment, they heard Tagalong calling from the downstairs.
“Hey, guys! I got hit by the potato! I’ve never died that way before!”
“Before?” Nursery lifted her eyebrows.
“Long story,” Button muttered. “Don’t shoot her next time and maybe she’ll tell it to you.”
After a while, everypony was finally at the table. Twist put her notes in front of her, while Tootsie started to hit her lead pipe idly against her armchair. The Potato Mare took off her mask.
“I know you,” Button said. “You’re Dinky Hooves, aren’t you?”
“Yeah,” Dinky replied. “And it’s ‘Dinky Do’, actually. No relation with Daring Do, though. She comes from Do’s from Vanhoover and mom is from Do’s from Cloudsdale. Sometimes called Hooves because there’s another family of Do’s in Cloudsdale and…” Her voice cracked. “I wonder if anyone actually listens to you.”
“I still wonder how did our little friend survive the fall...” Nursery Rhyme muttered, staring at Tagalong.
“I brought the shotgun,” Tagalong said. “I can show...”
“Not here, please, for Celestia’s sake,” Button muttered. “For some reason, her blood doesn’t disappear. She just, umm… goes all ‘fwoosh!’ and she’s back.”
“Not only blood.” Tagalong smiled innocently. “When I was trying to get the Lumberjack Badge, I had a chainsaw accident and woke up surrounded by severed limbs.”
“Interesting...” Nursery grabbed a piece of paper and started to take notes. “The older nurses told me about limbs, blood, and other body parts suddenly appearing in the forests and belonging seemingly to the same pony. The police was investigating them and they all indeed belonged to the same pony, but there were more of them than a pony should have. Like, four kidneys, seven legs, everything with the same DNA. Everyone thinks it’s just an urban legend. I guess your DNA is not in any database?”
“Probably not,” Tag replied. “I was trying to hide them, usually.”
Nursery nodded. “Hmm, to think about it, if we have urban legends, shouldn’t we also have rural legends? That’d fit the seven legs belonging to one filly more, since they were found in the forest.”
“I believe they’re called ‘folk tales’,” Tagalong replied. “Like that one out scoutmaster told us, about a colt who was bad to bugs, so a changeling queen turned him into a big spider everypony wanted to kill.”
Twist cleared her throat. “Excuse me,” she said. “I think we should focus on fighting evil now. Although Button and I watched the town for last few nights, we found no trace of criminal activity...”
“So, does it mean that we won?” Dinky asked. “Yay! I like winning!”
“No, it means we ‘ave to look for it,” Tootsie replied. “Where’s da root of all evil?”
“In the hearts of ponies who don’t buy cookies,” Tagalong muttered.
“I was gonna say Manechester, but ya’ve a point, mate.” Tagalong grabbed her monkey wrench and waved it, almost hitting Nursery. “So, if dere’s no evil, we need to find it. Or beat somepony until dey agree to be evil so we can beat ‘em once again.”
“I know!” Twist exclaimed. “Everything bad in this town comes from the Everfree Forest! We have to go there!”
“Hmm... I could finally get a Timberwolves Tamer Badge...” Tagalong said. “I still don’t have that one.”
“Is there such a badge?” Twist asked, suddenly doubting the sanity of her new friend. “Nursery, how many filly scouts with that badge do you know?”
“None. We bring them directly to the morgue,” Nursery Rhyme replied. “Usually in a few bags.” She shrugged. “But still no badge.”
“Okay...” Button said. “So, Nursery and I will stay here as the mission control, while you’ll go to the Everfree, right?”
“We’ll use the armoured carriage,” Twist replied, showing the rest the blueprint. “It’s pedal-powered, so nopony is outside. It’s armed with two death rays. We’ll go to the old castle in the Everfree and face evil...”
“How are you going to face evil if you don’t have a secret identity?” Button asked. “Also, I’m not sure if this thing works. We haven’t tested it against anypony stronger than Apple Bloom and it fell apart when she kicked it.”
“I’m the driver,” Twist said. “The rest will face evil. This will be a test. And don’t worry about the armour, I reinforced it with a ton of concrete.”
“I still see a problem…” Button raised his hoof, but nopony noticed him.
“Well, I’m in for asskickin’.” Tootsie smirked. “How ‘bout ya, gals?”
“Sure,” Dinky said.
“I want to spread good,” Tagalong added.
“Nice to hear that,” Twist said, smiling grimly. “So, let’s go...”