The sound of running water caused the young pony’s ears to twitch, even in sleep. Nearby, a songbird called out to its partner, filling the clearing with a beautiful tune.
“Shaddup!” The bird’s song turned into a squawk as a lightning bolt struck the branch it was sitting on at the base. Wits End pulled himself to his hooves, shaking a few spare motes of magic away from his horn as he did so. “Bloody birbs,” he muttered. “I was having a lovely dream about having fingers and a gall bladder again…”
He blinked, taking in his surroundings. “I don’t wish to alarm myself,” he said aloud, “but I don’t think this is where I was before my nap.” The mint-colored unicorn frowned, his face screwing up in concentration as he tried to remember. “Let’s see… I fell down a cliff, pretended to be Rarity, got a drink from a sunbrony, and then…
“And then…” Wits shook his head. “And then what? I was gonna try to invent a new appearance, and…” He winced, holding a hoof to his head. “Oh, that’s unpleasant. Less icepicks stabbing behind my eyes, please.” The sound of water got his attention again, and he looked to one side to see a flowing stream. “Water. Water is good for headaches, right?”
The unicorn stallion trotted over to the stream and drank heavily from it. “Ah, much better.” Wits End closed his eyes and splashed water on his face, feeling the sudden jolt of cold force his brain to fully awaken. “Now, all I gotta do is-”
“Take a bit of a break? Excellent idea.”
Wits froze. “Um… Okay. That was weird. I know that was in my brain, but I certainly didn’t say it.”
“You don’t have to.” Wits could feel his mouth working to say the words now. Quickly, he leaned back over the stream to watch his reflection. “After all,” the voice coming out of his mouth said, “you’ve done more than your share of thinking over the last few weeks, haven’t you?” Wits watched as his mouth was pulled into a grin. “Just leave things to me for a while.”
“Wait, what?” Wits stumbled backwards, watching as a familiar light began to shine from his hooves, and slowly overtake his body. “But- But-” He winced as the light approached his neck, his eyes widening in panic. “I don’t want to go!”
The light enveloped the young stallion’s body. Just as quickly as it had covered him, the glow receded, the minty blues of his coat replaced by muddy greens. The stallion’s short mane blossomed into raven-black locks, with a similarly colored tuft of hair capping an otherwise plain tail. The newly formed pony grinned, running a hoof over its smooth features.
“You were expecting someone else?” the mysterious pony chuckled, watching its reflection in the stream as its eyes transitioned from Wits End’s green to its own yellow. “Now then, I’ve some business to take care of.” The raven-maned pony retrieved a strange telescoping rod from Wits End’s saddle bag, sliding it over the hilt of Wits’ sword and locking it into place. “This, too, is pony’s work.”
* * *
“Hey, Mugsy?”
The rust-brown pegasus glanced up from the road. “Yes, Bugsy?”
“I was-” The muddy blue unicorn was cut off by her stomach growling. “I was wonderin’,” she continued, “maybe… Maybe th’ banditin’ life ain’t for us? Maybe we’d be better off farmin’ rocks or somethin’ like that.”
“Hmm…” Mugsy turned back to the path in front of them. “Perhaps.”
“I mean,” Bugsy continued, “E’er since we met those three ponies, our luck’s been nothin’ but bad! Th’ boss got taken down by those village weaklin’s, then HIS boss got his in th’ capital thanks t’ th’ queen.” The unicorn idly kicked a rock out of her way. “Maybe we oughta look int’ some other way of makin’ bits.”
“We certainly don’t have any bits,” the pegasus mused. The pair talked in silence for a time. “There is another possibility,” Bugsy said.
Bugsy’s ears perked up. “What’s that, Mugsy?”
Mugsy gestured with a wing up the road. “We just need the right target.”
Up ahead, a black-maned pony was trotting towards them; seemingly unarmed and unaware of their presence. With a well-practiced head motion, the two ne'er-do-wells split up, each one moving to flank the traveller. “So,” Mugsy rasped, drawing his sword as he took to the air, “what do we got here, Bugsy?”
The unicorn grinned, nocking an arrow to her bow. “Looks like a wanderin’ piggy bank, Mugsy,” she chuckled. “Hoof over yer bits, an’ no-pony gets it!”
The black-maned pony glanced at the two bandits with a look of faint confusion. Soon, however, a smile of recognition replaced it. “Ah, you two. You wouldn’t happen to have a talking cat, would you?”
Mugsy frowned. “Look, we have had quite enough trouble so far, so if you would not mind, please just give us your bits before we have to get violent.”
“Oh, we wouldn’t want that.” The raven-maned pony’s smile turned to a toothy grin. “However, I’m disinclined to acquiesce your request for my monetary allotment.” The pony watched as the two bandits shared the same uncomprehending stare. “Means no.”
“I was afraid that would be the case,” Mugsy sighed. With a flap of his wings, the pegasus dove forward, spinning his entire body to provide force to his swinging sword. “Then we will have to take them from you!”
At the last moment, the mysterious pony’s grin widened. It stepped back and leaned away from the sword’s tip, watching as it passed. It leaped backwards, throwing its cloak back to draw a sword of its own; a strange metal rod locked in place over the handle. The pony landed with the tip of its blade pointed at the pegasus.
All the while, its toothy grin hadn’t changed. “En garde.”
“Eat this!” Bugsy loosed an arrow from her bow, aimed right between the pony’s eyes. The raven-maned unicorn flicked its sword, batting the arrow out of the air. It leaped forward in an instant, closing the distance between them.
“That was rude,” it chuckled. It lunged, driving the point of its sword forward with the full weight of its body behind it.
Steel met steel with a clash as Mugsy swooped in, deflecting the blow before it could connect. “Do not forget about me!” he shouted, pulling in the air and making another pass.
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” The raven-maned pony waited until Mugsy was committed to his dive before sidestepping. With a flick, the rod on its sword’s hilt extended into a spear, and it thrusted into the side of the surprised pegasus. The blade cut into his leather armor, sending him crashing into the ground.
“Mugsy!” Bugsy took a step toward the prone pegasus, only to be stopped by the mysterious pony stepping between them. She grit her teeth, taking aim at the grinning pony as she drew another arrow. “Keep yer hooves offa ‘im, ba-”
The pony shifted its magical grip to the very end of the spear. In a flash of steel, Bugsy’s bow was split in two, the arrow sailing away harmlessly. “Mind your language,” it tutted, sliding its grip back up towards the blade and continuing the swing to slam the butt of the spear into her stomach. The unicorn mare’s breath left her in a rush as she was thrown back, landing next to her companion. “Now,” it trotted to stand over the fallen bandits, raising the spear over its head, “to end this nuisance.”
“Stop!”
The mysterious unicorn paused, the word resounding inside its mind. “So,” it muttered under its breath, “you’ve found your voice again, have you?”
“Whatever you are,” Wits End’s thoughts echoed, “you can back off. I won’t let you do anything else to them.”
“Hah!” The unicorn placed the butt of the spear against Mugsy’s face, pushing it into the dirt. “They are, and will always be, nothing more than an irritant. You’ve seen it yourself. I’m doing you a favor, finishing them off.”
“Absolutely not!” The words stung the inside of its brain. “What part of ‘I won’t let you’ didn’t register, buddy? Everypony lives! Just this once, everypony lives. So you can either find a way to deal with it, or I swear on my pretty blue cap that I’ll kick your skinny butt so hard you’ll land behind my memories of calculus. Got it?”
The mysterious pony thought for a moment. “Fine.” It twisted the spear handle, collapsing it back into the hilt. “You two,” it said, “get up. You’ve still got some use to me, after all.”
Mugsy groaned, looking down at where the blade had pierced his armor. The point had been stopped by the chainmail he wore underneath, but he could still feel a massive bruise forming. “And what would that be, exactly?” he growled.”
“Head north.” The raven-maned pony slid its sword back into its sheath. “Keep going until you find a village. You’ll find a stallion looking for ponies of your skills.”
“Wha?” Bugsy pulled herself to her hooves. “Whadyah mean?”
“Congratulate yourselves,” the unicorn continued with a grin. “I’ve found you a job.”
With a grunt, Mugsy stood as well. “You thoroughly thrashed us, and now you help us? What do you get out of this?”
“Why, the simple satisfaction of helping another pony.” The mysterious unicorn’s grin widened. “However, there will come a day when I find you again and ask for a favor. When that day comes, you would do well to do everything in your power to help me.”
“Or else?” Bugsy asked.
The raven-maned pony turned away. “That would not be in your best interest. Gather your things and go. Quickly, before I change my mind.” It glanced over its shoulder, watching the two bandits retrieve their weaponry. Once the two of them were on their way northward, it turned back to the path. “Feel better?” it asked.
“I’d feel better if you, ya know, didn’t exist so I had my body back,” Wits End thought back. “I’ve got a lot of questions for you, headmate.”
The pony grinned again. “I’ll have to put you on hold. I’m getting another call.”
“What? Hey! Don’t make cheesy jokes! This is one of the few times I’m being serious, you ba-”
With a mental click, the mysterious pony changed where its thoughts were directed. “Ah, Twilight. I’ve been expecting you.”
“Wits?” Twilight Sparkle’s voice echoed in its head. “What in Equestria is going on? And why do you sound different? ...Well, not ‘sound’ per se, but you know what I mean!”
“I’m sorry. I’m not quite myself today.” The pony chuckled. “Anyway, I’ll have to make this short. I’m fine. Talk to you tomorrow.”
“Wits, don’t you dare disconnect me again, or I swear to Celes-”
The mental connection closed with a click. “Now,” the raven-maned unicorn said, focusing on the unicorn inside his mind, “where were we?”
“You wouldn’t be so smug if I was the one bodyjacking you, buddy. Let’s start with the immediate questions. Who-slash-what are you? What village did you sent to Team Rocket to? How’d you know that’s Holdfast’s rod-a-ma-jig would make that sword all trick weapon-y?”
“To answer those in reverse order,” the pony said, “I have some prior knowledge of their design. You may have noticed that there are things that I know that you do not. And finally…” It chuckled. “I’m you, of course.”