//------------------------------//
// Chapter 12 
// Story: Wet Dreams 
// by totallynotabrony 
//------------------------------//

	The problem of the submarine was slight.  We could pretty much tow it wherever we needed to go.  However, the wooden box we’d found aboard was a mystery.  There was no way to tell what the tiny key was good for.
Everyone was still going on about the lack of vitamins.  They were all concerned about scurvy.  Truthfully, it was beginning to worry me slightly as well.
With nothing better to do, I studied the submarine a little more.  I had no idea who or what Astikus Alchés might have been, but it sounded like a name.  Perhaps some important moose?
At any rate, we sailed on.  We were now well into the part of the map that was blank, as if the cartographer had shrugged and said “Whatev, I be takin’ a break now, yo.”  It was kind of exciting to be exploring new territory, but at the same time, we had zero idea what might be out there.  I might have felt more confident if my mental image of the mapmaker spoke with a little less of a jive accent.
I remembered that the cargo hold was still full of crocodiles.  It had been a while since I’d thought about that.  Hmm, what to do with them?
I went back to my place on the wheel.  It was another rather boring day at sea, despite the vitamin situation and the lack of mappage, and the sharks that may or may not be circling below.
Off in the distance, I spotted a small dark shape.  I raised the spyglass and had a look.  It appeared to be an island.
“Hey Rainbow, go check that thing out!” I shouted.  After a moment, the sleepy pegasus complied.
Twilight came up on deck.  “Is there something out there?”
“Looks like an island,” I told her.  “Kind of a rocky shore and not much vegetation.”
She shrugged.  “Well, at the very least we can claim it for Equestria.”
“Um, yes.  Equestria.  Excuse me for a moment,” I said.  I went below deck and began working on something.

For whatever reason, we didn’t have a small boat to help us get to shore from the ship.  Instead, we just anchored We’re going to kill you all and took the submarine.  It wasn’t a perfect solution, but it was smaller and could get closer to shore.
Twilight jumped out with a flag pole.  “I hereby claim this land for—”
“Hang on,” I said, “What’s that over there?”
The eight of us walked over to where I had pointed.  A few crude fences dotted the area.  There was a scattering of bones and the ashes of old fires.
“These look like pig skeletons,” said Applejack.  “And they’ve been…chewed on.”
“Okay,” I said, looking at the scene.  “We’ve got pig pens over here, and barbecue fires over here.  I don’t see any other distinguishing features of this island, so I guess it’s down to those two to name it.”
“Pig pens versus barbecue?” said Rarity.  “I’m not sure which I prefer less.”
“Well, I’m the Fleet Admiral,” I said.  “I’ll make the decision.  Let’s call it Pen Island.”
“I guess that works,” said Twilight.  She levitated a quill and a piece of paper out of her saddlebags and wrote it down.  She stopped and frowned.  "P-e-n-I-s-l-a-n-d.  Wait, is this one of those double entendres?”
I didn’t reply.  I was too busy trying to tie a rough drawing of a US flag to a nearby tree.  There hadn’t been time to make a proper flag, and I don’t know how I would have managed the sewing, anyway.
“This place doesn’t look very nice,” said Fluttershy.
“Ugh, you’re right,” said Rainbow, carefully hovering above the pile of bones.
“I bet they threw some wicked parties here, though,” said Pinkie.  We all stared at her.  She laughed. “What?  I said they were wicked.  That’s what tearing apart animals is, right?”
“I’m not sure we actually want to claim this place for Equestria,” said Twilight.  “If it was our territory, we’d have to take responsibility for a meat-eating species living here, and then there’d be the environmental cleanup from these bones and fires.”
Aha, thinking like a bureaucrat.  You’re gonna go far in government, Twi.
“At the very least, maybe we could abandon the crocodiles here,” suggested Applejack.
“There’s not much here in the way of food for them,” said Fluttershy.  “We wouldn’t want them to starve.”
“On the other hand,” I pointed out, “if we did, we could call this place Crocodile Rock.”  I immediately regretted wasting that joke on ponies.  Not even Elton John is flamboyant enough to be known in Equestria.
Twilight sighed.  “Well, back to the ship, I guess.”
As we turned to go, a squealing noise began and seemed to be gaining in volume.  A plump pink pig came running over to us.
“Aren’t you the cutest thing?” said Fluttershy, putting out a hoof to stroke the pig on the back.  “Good piggy.”  Visions of bacon danced in my head, but I knew none of the ponies would go for that.
“We can’t leave him here to fend for himself,” said Twilight.
“It’s a girl,” corrected Fluttershy.
“But…but…a pig?” demanded Rarity.
“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with them,” said Applejack.
“Liver is high in vitamins,” I pointed out.  They all glared at me, the pig included.
“Relax Rarity,” said Pinkie.  “There’s no mud on the ship.  If given the opportunity, I’m sure a pig could be really clean.  Now, what are we going to name her?”  We kicked around several suggestions, but hadn’t decided on anything by the time we made it back to the ship.
“I don’t know how much longer we can last,” said Twilight sadly as we pulled away from the island.  “Without vitamins, we can’t go much further.”
“It’s a problem,” I admitted.  I left her and went below deck to get something to eat.  I grabbed a can of sauerkraut and opened it up.  As I munched through it, I idly turned the can around to look at the nutrition facts on the label.  Low in fat, high in Vitamin C.
I grinned.  This should be hilarious.


Author note:
Yes, I really did spend all the time since chapter 2 setting up the sauerkraut joke.
Suggestions for the pig’s name would not be unwelcome.