Many, many thousands of thousands of thousands of years ago, before even Ponykind had built a proper civilisation...
Magic ran wild throughout the word, ruins all that was left of the old civilisations, the entire world blanketed by black, shadowy clouds that blocked the sun and moonlight, most creatures trying their best to hide, even predators and nocturnal animals feared to venture into this wild world.
The Spirit of Chaos surveyed his surroundings, pouting huffily. He grumbled as she finally spotted his prey, skating towards him wearing ice skates while travelling along a road of soap.
In front of him, his quarry sat: a figure drenched in darkness, smiling smugly as he rubbed his flat stomach satisfyingly. The Jester was tall and skinny, with long thin arms and legs that ended in curled-toed boots and long flappy fingers, both boots and all fingers having small bells at the tips. The Jester wear a purple, almost skin tight suit with his boots, gloves and head being jet black, a many-pointed Jester’s hat atop his head, the tips of each point also bearing a bell. The Jester’s yellow eyes glared at the Spirit, his yellow teeth snarling in disdain.
“Ooooh Jester it has been TOO long!” Discord cheered, giving a friendly wave as his lower half spun around. “Why I haven’t seen you since our last battle!”
The Jester spat at the ground as he gritted his teeth. “A pleasure I must now be denied.”
The Spirit huffed and crossed his arms...and his legs like they were arms too. “Hmph! Is that any way to greet a friend?”
“How many times shall we go through this farce, you ridiculous moron?” The Jester seethed. “What reason do you have for even wanting to control this world?”
“Well, Jester, I’ll make the world more fun and exciting and CHAOTIC than it is right now!” The Spirit stuck out his tongue mockingly. “It’ll be way more fun than the dreary, dark mess YOU’RE content with ruling.”
“You have no ambition, all you care about is making this world your playground! There is no rhyme or reason to anything you do, it’s all completely pointless!”
“Well at least I’m interesting, not like you, who’s only content with sitting on his rear, gorging himself on anything he can, simply because he can! You have absolutely no style, no pizzazz!” The Spirit exploded into confetti, which then proceeded to transform into winged roller skates that flew up in the air, while the Spirit reappeared behind the Jester, wrapping his arm around his shoulder.
The Jester’s eyes burned with rage as he reached behind himself and grabbed the Spirit’s face, squeezing until his head burst like a balloon, shattered rubber spilling to the ground as the Spirit’s hands turned into boxing gloves and started jabbing the Jester repeatedly across the face as a boxing ring surrounded the pair.
Jester roared in anger as he was pummelled as he reached behind himself to lift up a tree by its roots, impaling it deep into the Spirit’s chest like a blade, only for the Spirit and the boxing ring to melt and flood the forest and everything else in vanilla pudding, drowning the Jester into it’s depths.
The Spirit appeared high in the air, laughing uproariously, only to yelp in surprise as the Jester grabbed him by the horns, dragging him into the pudding, the two swirling and tumbling under the mess as they kicked and clawed and bit at each other.
A storms raged as the clouds darkness swirled alongside clouds of darkness overhead, earthquakes and lightning and tornadoes ravaged the lands alongside storms of darkness and fire spewed out from the ground, ice freezing over ballerina hippos and oceans alike; the two would-be deities battling furiously with each other at the centre of all this.
The Jester screamed in hate as he spewed an unceasing stream of blades into the Spirit, slicing his body to literally ribbons, only for said ribbons to reconstitute instantly into the Spirit’s mismatched form.
“This world is mine to control!” The Jester screeched, waving his hand as a wave of fire and lava spewed from the ground and melted the Spirit’s flesh to the bone.
“This world is mine to play with, you unimaginative bore!” The Spirit retorted, turning the lava into orange jello as he spat a tweeting blue bird at The Jester, said bird then proceeding to cleave the Jester in half with a unicycle.
The Jester’s form wavered and morphed into a many tentacle, many faced and eyed nightmare monster, biting and clawing at the Spirit before swirling the earth around them, encasing the Spirit in a tomb of earth as the Jester reformed himself standing outside of the Spirit’s grave.
“How many times must I fight you before I can be at peace!?”
The Spirit punched out through the top of the newly formed mountain, wearing a blue super hero costume that fit his morhphing body loosely. “This ends here and now, Shadow Jester!”
The Jester roared as a horde of undead rose from the ground, forming a veritable sea of clawing, biting corpses that surged towards and over the spirit. “Just die Discord! I am the only one with a proper order in mind for this place! I NEED MY FILL!”
The area turned into a wild west town, complete with a noon sun, buildings and cacti and cheering people standing on the sidelines as the Spirit stood wearing a white-hatted cowboy costume, pulling out several guns from his chest with his feet that literally shot the word ‘BOOM’ several times into the Jester’s body.
The Jester screamed angrily as he drew a massive red axe, only for his eyes to widen in surprise as he was sucker punched hard in the stomach, a black burst of air from his lungs being shot far north. The Spirit grinned as he tore a claw deep inside, tearing out a black, throbbing heart which he casually tossed far into the horizon.
The Jester gasped for breath as he glared at his foe,swinging his axe down, only to hit a switch that sent a heavy weight climbing up a meter and hittimg him square in the jaw, shattering his teeth and sending his eyes literally popping out of his skull and falling into a great chasm that had opened around the battling titans.
“I....REFUSE....TO L” The Jester was interrupted as the Spirit tore his mouth off, tied into a tight knot and threw it into the ocean.
The now battered form of the Jester wheezed pitifully, still poised to battle however as the Spirit tossed him over with a German suplex, causing the remains of his tongue fall out onto the ground, melting into a puddle of saliva that formed a mirror like pond.
The Spirit laughed as he pulled as he tore his foe’s stomach out, turning it into a swarm of smiling, colourful insects: he knew the Jester would hate that especially. As the creatures flew off to seek food, he turned his attention to his rival.
The Jester’s battered, ruined body twitched, slowly struggling to his feet, hate oozing from his very pores...quite literally, forming a large shadow, only for the Spirit to summon a giant freezer and slam it shut on the shadow, the appliance disappearing and leaving behind a large crystal with a dark, shadowy centre. The spirit grinned as he donned a baseball players costume and swung a golfclub at the object, sending it far north.
The Jester’s body was broken, shattered, oozing black tar as its rib cage was exposed, the remains of it’s ruined face managing to somehow glare at the Spirit.
The Spirit chuckled and stuck a plunger onto the Jester’s head, pulling on it strongly and tightly with strong pumps his many arms, before pulling it off along with the head stuck to it, throwing both into the moon.
The Spirit turned to look at the headless, jittering mess that was the Jester, tapping a finger to his chin. “Hmmm a little avant garde, but abstract is gauche and passé these days! Oh well, into the trash it goes!”
He pulled the Jester by his legs, slamming him repeatedly back and forth onto the ground before, with one final slam, he buried him deep beneath the earth, the Jester’s exposed, shattered ribs protruding outwards as they slowly grow into dark, foreboding trees.
The Spirit looked up at the moon, a swirling black, scowling visage appearing momentarily before oozing towards the backside of the moon, the Spirit stuck out his tongue (in the form of a literal fist sized raspberry at the moment) and then looked at the ruined landscape around him.
“Now with that fuddy duddy out of the way, I can focus on reshaping this world into a perfect hotbed of chaos!” He grinned, and then started to yawn. “Hmm though I suppose with him gone, I can finally get a well deserved rest! Yes that’s the ticket! When I wake up, my mind will be practically SWARMING with ideas!”
With that, the Spirit flopped down onto his back, pulled a mountain range over his form like a literal blanket, and then began to snore.
As he slept, unbeknownst to him, something grew, in the very centre of the great battle: a crystal sapling, it’s roots slowly starting to spread throughout the land, as it was finally able to begin the one thing it couldn’t all these centuries: heal the land and bring harmony.
And thus, the world that would become Equestria, finally started its birth.