//------------------------------// // 2. Yo, Discord! // Story: Discord's After-Mails // by Lise //------------------------------// Disorganizing letters was one of Discord's least favourite activities, yet someone had to do it. It was enraging how annoyingly organized ponies were. Originally, the letters had been divided into three groups — personal, spam, and confirmations for attending Rainbow Dash and Screwball's wedding. The latter composed almost the full extent of the mail. The draconequus still wasn't sure whether he should be relieved or alarmed. "Hey, Dad." Screwball floated into the living room. She was followed by a stack of books and, much to Discord's dismay, Rainbow Dash. "I gathered most my stuff, so we'll be leaving shortly." "Hello, sweetie," Discord said in a specific tone of voice that clearly showed he was attempting to hide his disapproval. "Rainbow Dash," he said coldly, not bothering to look up. "Discord." The pegasus narrowed her eyes, responding in turn. "Nice! Nearly everypony is coming." Screwball glanced at the letters, completely oblivious. "And, Dad, please don't start with mail so early in the morning. Didn't you have a bit too much last night?" Discord was just about to respond with a comeback of his own when the sound of hooves interrupted him. Usually, he wouldn't worry about such details. However, today was different — only Deliria preferred walking in this house, and she had already left... "Discord," a soaking wet Octavia came into the living room, "I cannot, for the life of me, understand how your bathroom functions. A few suggestions would—" Seeing what she had walked into, the earth pony stopped. "Oh, dear," she added quietly. "Octavia." Screwball nodded, neutrally. "Screwball." The musician pursed her lips. "Rainbow." "Octy." Rainbow Dash arched a brow, surprised. "Discord?" She looked at the draconequus, silently asking Are you two a pair? "Rainbow Dash," he grumbled, indicating this was none of her business. "Dad!?" Screwball said accusingly, meaning Please tell me you two didn't. "Discord?" Octavia looked him in her Haven't you told her about us? fashion. "Screws?" Rainbow Dash turned towards the chaos pony in disbelief, asking Are Octy and your dad together? Meanwhile, Discord grabbed the first letter addressed to him and started reading. Yo, Discord! What can I say? You got me. Yep, all's true. Damn, I never thought you'd notice! I wub you all the way! That one time with the bass cannon — total accident! Those other ten times — I just wub you so much I want you to feel my vibe. Seriously, was just that. I didn't want to hurt you much or anything. Besides, what are a few bruises between lovers, right? I bet you've been through more with Tia and Luna. Talking about Tia — daymn! How'd you end up with such a hottie? That mane, those wings, you gotta tell me how you got such a sweet deal. And Luna too? Some creatures have all the luck. You know Octy told me. She told me everything. Damn it, Discord, you really have all the luck! Have you any idea how long I've been working on getting her to join my team? Ages! Last week I really thought we started sharing something, then you snatch her from me just like that. I miss her already. I know we'll still see each other as friends and at gigs and all, but it won't be the same. Life is just like music — all fun until somepony drops the bass. Still, is all good. So, how about you hitch me with that sweet Deliria? She's goth, I like goths. It'll be perfect! She's everything a DJ could dream for — wicked mane, cool lines, digs music, is awake all night. Bonus — Luna's her mom! How cool is that? Now, I know what you gonna say. Admit it, you think I'm no good. Well, I party hard, but I work harder. You know how many gigs I have? Tons of gigs! I can get her a ten percent discount in every club, in some even twenty! Plus all backstage passes you can think of. (I know a mare that knows a mare.) All you gotta do is just say "wow that DJ Pon3 is really single and something" when she's near. Just don't make it too obvious. Do that and I'll get you copies of the best techno albums for free. Sweet deal, right? Oh, don't worry about Ria being into stallions. Just let her spend a few months with me and I'll change her mind. And don't tell her I can speak. She thinks I'm mute and finds that cool. Bet she's gonna be surprised when she learns I do the vocals in my albums. Hold it! I got an idea! She could make a real cool goth band! Her look is perfect, her voice is perfect, and that depressed expression she has... pone, the crowd will eat her up! Even her name — Deliria! Bestest band name ever! And if she can get Luna to join in on electric guitar, that's gonna bring the roof down! Luna's more into death metal, but her cords are cool, and they can so work with Ria's voice. Tell you what, just get her to sign to work with me and we gonna take it from there. I'll be her manager-mentor-friend, then maybe more. Oh, and don't let Lyra get her greedy little hooves on her! That mare is trouble! In the good way, but still trouble! Really glad we understand each other, drake! You're the hay, dude! It'll be so fun working with Ria! I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner! I know somepony who's good at all that business contracting stuff, so he'll get back to you with the details. Oh, and don't worry about groupies. Sure they'll be lots of those, but I'll keep Ria safe. All'll be cool! No worries! Gotta hit the clubs. Super rave tonight! Say congrats to Octy for me. DJ pon3 P.S. Don't tell her I told you, but Octy's really ticklish. So you better get some feathers! "Dad!" A loud shout made Discord look up. "You didn't hear a thing we said, did you?" "That's not true!" Discord lied, innocently making a plane out of the letter. His mind was still busy imagining Deliria having her own goth band. That didn't seem too far fetched. Picturing Luna playing guitar, however, made him shiver. "I've heard every word that has been said in existence, and—" "Dad, shut up!" Screwball snapped at him. "I've had it with you and your letter addiction!" "Now listen here!" Discord made an attempt to stand up, but an invisible force thrust him back down onto the couch. "Stay!" Screwball said firmly. "Octavia and I will have a talk." "Screws," Rainbow Dash began tentatively, "maybe we should just—" "Dash, sit on the couch!" Screwball ordered. The pegasus instantly obeyed, landing next to Discord faster than the blink of an eye. "Let's go, Octavia," the chaos pony added, far softer than before. "I'll get something so you could dry your mane." "Thank you, that would be most appreciated," the earth pony said and followed Screwball out of the room. For nearly a minute Discord and Rainbow Dash remained sitting motionless next to each other, eyes wide with confusion. "So, you and Octy, huh?" Rainbow Dash asked, still staring forward. "Yep." Discord replied, not moving an inch of his body. "You and Screwball really getting married?" "Aha." Another ten seconds of silence followed. "Want to read some letters?" Discord offered, throwing the paper plane he had made of Vinyl's letter. "Sure."