//------------------------------// // "Noooo, Anything But a Princess!" // Story: Pajama Sam: Friendship's Not Tragic, in Fact it's Like Magic! // by Architect Ironturtle //------------------------------// Spike placed the last diamond and sat back to admire his work. Finally, after weeks of preparation, his triple-deluxe-ice-cream-diamond-emerald Supreme Sundae was finished. At four feet high, two feet wide it was the ultimate dragon treat, so large that a young drake such as himself would never be able to finish it in one sitting. Spike licked his lips and pulled out a spoon. That wouldn't stop him from trying, though. However, as he brought the first spoonful to his gaping maw and prepared to bite, a faint sound intruded on the corners of his hearing. "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!" With a CRASH that echoed around the crystal kitchen, a small blue and red form fell out of a hole in the ceiling and smashed into the table a scant two inches away from Spike's pride and joy. A quick glance at the hole confirmed that it had in fact closed itself after the visitor, and Spike rolled his eyes as he bit down. As long as it didn't disturb his food he just didn't care anymore. A low, drawn out groan from the creature that had just interrupted Spike's day off signaled that he was awake, and after swallowing (Twilight would lecture him on manners if he talked with his mouth full, regardless of whether there was any conceivable way she could know it happened) said, "If you're looking for the way home, Twilight's three doors down the hall on the right. She can send you back." He gestured with a claw. "Uuuugh," The creature said as it rolled off the table and stood up, wobbling from side to side before bracing himself (Spike was pretty sure it was a he by now) and straightening up, balancing on the small pads covering his hind legs. He stared at Spike in shock for a moment before whispering, "Are you a dragon?" Spike sat up straighter, "That's right," he said proudly, "I am. The name's Spike, at your service." "My name's Pajama Sam!" Sam proclaimed with a heroic pose, as his bright rep cape billowed in a non-existent breeze, "I'm on a mission to rescue my big brother Mark from Queen Chrysalis!" "Wait, wait, wait," Spike said as a chill went down his spine, "Did you say Queen Chrysalis?" Sam nodded enthusiastically. "Wait right here, I'm going to go get Princess Twilight. And don't. Touch. My. Sundae." Spike breathed a touch of fire for emphasis, "Got it?" "Got it," Sam replied weakly, still rubbing his head from where he'd fallen. Spike raced out the door and down the hall, and Sam faintly heard him yelling, "Twilight, did you activate your summoning circle again?" somewhere deeper in the castle. This left Sam by himself in the kitchen, wondering why the giant pile of ice cream in front of him was covered in gems. After all, the gems would get in the way of eating it, and what's the point of ice cream if you can't eat it? Dump it down someone's shirt? What a waste. Sam wasn't going to take a bite, of course. He wasn't about to mess with a dragon, even a small one, assuming he could actually eat the stuff in the first place. Instead, he looked around, checking to see if anything useful was within reach. Knives? Nah, too pokey. Bowls? He already had a hardhat left over from his escapade in the weather factory, so he didn't need one for a helmet. A diamond the size of his fist? That, Sam slipped into his cape. It might come in handy. While taking a second look to make sure Sam hadn't missed anything, a splash of color caught his eye. He leapt over to the trash can, and, after rummaging behind it for a few seconds, pulled out... one of Mark's comic books? A picture of all the comic's Mark had brought with him scattering across the room filled Sam's mind, and he groaned as he slapped his forehead. Of course they ended up here. It wouldn't be an adventure without some sort of item to collect as he went along. Sam just hoped he'd actually find them all this time. He'd usually missed one or two in the past, and for once these weren't his things. On top of that, given what had happened the last time Sam messed with Mark's stuff, he didn't even want to consider what Mark would do if he came up short. The clop of hooves and click of claws against the crystal floor prompted his host's return, and he slipped the comic into his cape as he glanced towards the door and saw... a unicorn (with wings?) wearing a crown, and jewelry, and looking at Sam with a terrifyingly gleeful expression. "Uh, h-hello," he stammered nervously. If this was Twilight, she was giving him the creeps. Wait, didn't Spike say she was a Princess? "You didn't tell me he was cute," she whispered to Spike, although Sam could hear her perfectly. "I didn't think it was important," Spike whispered back while Sam frantically went through his cape. There had to be something he could use to get out of there, because right now Twilight was looking an awful lot like that single lady down the street with a dozen cats who always wanted to pinched Sam's cheeks. No thank you, he'd find Chrysalis on his own. Twilight was saying something to him now, but he'd stopped paying attention by that point. He still had a bunch of stuff left over from his previous adventures, there had to be something- oh, of course! The test-your-strength mallet from the Mop-Top Islands! "Spike, could you make some tea for our guest please?" Twilight said, instantly grabbing Sam's full attention. BAA-OOGA! BAA-OOGA! RED ALERT! ABANDON SHIP! A-BAND-ON SHIP! Sam was not going to have a tea party with a pony princess under any circumstances what-so-ever! His mind made up, Sam spun around and charged towards the nearest window wielding the wooden mallet in both hands, ignoring Twilight's cry of surprise. "AAAAAAAAHHHH!" CRASH! "AAAAAAAAHHHH!" They really should make windows out of sterner stuff. 88888888 "Noooo, come back!" Twilight said in a panic, still staring at the hole Sam had made in her brand new castle, before turning to Spike, "We can't just have him running around Ponyville by himself! We have to find him!" "Well, if you hadn't scared him off, maybe he'd still be here," Spike retorted, walking over to the hole to look out, "Besides, he just jumped out a third story window, I don't think he's going anywhere." Then Spike spotted Sam's red cape racing into the countryside, "Or maybe he is." "Come on, Spike! if we move fast we'll be able to catch him!" Spike cast one longing look at the sundae, then sighed and followed Twilight out the door. He'd been smart enough to use the frost-charmed bowl so it wouldn't melt while he was working on it, so it should still be there when he got back. Hopefully. 88888888 Sam let go of the tips of his cape-turned-makeshift-parachute and dropped the last foot to the ground, being careful to avoid the bits of glass from the destroyed window, then hightailed it towards the nearby bushes. That pony was crazy! Completely nuts! Even by Sam's standards! As if he'd ever willingly drink tea. As he ducked down into the shrubbery, disturbing a couple of birds that started screeching, "Ni!" at him until he moved to the next bush over, he paused when the rustle of the leaves was interrupted by the crinkling of paper. Looking down, he spotted another of Mark's comics, and picked it up without giving it further thought. Of course, now that he was out here and his panic was fading, he realized he really didn't have any clue where to start. Usually he just naturally ended up where he needed to go, so the idea of being aimless was somewhat disconcerting. He glanced down at the comic he was holding, then grimaced. Girly ponies or not, Mark was counting on him. If it meant saving his brother, well, he'd just have to live with it, and so he sat down, and opened the book. Surprisingly, he actually found himself not despising it by the end. It mostly had to do with this Discord fellow who was messing with the dreamscape and another Princess with a funny way of speaking, which made it more tolerable. Speaking of which, if Discord was the lord of chaos, did that mean- "Ooooh, what have we here?" Sam squeaked and fell over, then scrambled to his feet facing a creature made up of a bunch of other creatures. Discord, meanwhile was perusing the comic, his eyebrows climbing higher and higher as he read until they left his scalp entirely and floated off into the sky. He shut the comic with a snap as a new pair of brows grew into place, then fixed Sam with a skeptical gaze. "And just whoooo, aaaare, yoooou?" he said as he handed the book back to Sam, circling him to take him in from every angle. "I-I'm Pajama Sam," Sam stuttered, "I'm on a mission to rescue-" "Aaaah, that Sam," Discord said with a grin, "Future-Pinkie was quite flattering of you. So," he continued, stroking his bread, "you need to rescue your brother but don't really know where to start?" Sam nodded. "I can help with that, in return for one teensy little favor." Sam started to ask what it was, but Discord snapped his fingers and summoned a small eight pointed star on a string interrupted him, saying, "This little beauty will allow me to see everything you do. If you just keep it on you until you leave I'll tell where you need to go." "Um, ok, I guess," Sam said as he took the pendant and slipped it into his cape, "but why?-" "My dear boy," Discord said with a grin that split his face in half, "Do you have any idea how much mayhem you've caused just in the short time you've been here? Watching you bumble around is going to be an excellent use of my time." "Ok-aaaay. Thanks, I guess," Sam said cautiously. Just remember that it's all for Mark and you'll be sure not to panic. Yeah, good luck with that. "Now, your hint and warning," Discord said as he donned the robes of a mysterious old wizard, "Go to the town whose name is not a pun, and inquire of the whereabouts of an orange vegetable merchant. She will know what to do." Sam just stared at Discord blankly, who sighed, rubbed his temples, and clarified, "There's a town called Ponyville a few minutes walk that way," he pointed with a claw, "go there and find a pony named Carrot Top. She's got a bunch of carrots on her flank, you can't miss her. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised." He raised his hand, fingers poised to snap, but paused and said, "Oh right, the warning. Twilight's reaction was not abnormal. Unless you want a stampede on your claws I suggest you avoid the adults. Not that I would mind if you didn't." His fingers moved, and he disappeared in a burst of lightning without thunder, leaving Sam frantically looking around in case more ponies were sneaking up on him. This was going to be harder than he thought.