//------------------------------// // A Chapter About Nothing // Story: Awful Lot of Coffee in Equestria // by NorrisThePony //------------------------------// Luna fiddled with her mug awkwardly, finally looking up from the depths of the dark liquid to meet Celestia's eyes. The two royal sisters were seated at a café booth, Celestia sipping away at an expertly steeped camomille tea and Luna taking hefty slurps of coffee from a mug that might as well have been a porcelain cooking pot with a handle. It truly was a meeting of utmost regality, in a café of only the most pristine calibre for Equestria's princesses. Or, at least, it truly should have been. Celestia had raved to Luna about Pony Joe's Café for much of the week, and Luna earnestly could not tell why. It was a simple dive, with mediocre coffee, unimpressive decor, and at least thirty new types of donuts that hadn't been around a thousand years ago. “I daresay you seem nervous, Sister,” Celestia grinned devilishly, pointing at Luna with a scone. “Nervous?” Luna scoffed, batting Celestia’s obtrusive pastry away. “Of some preppy, perfect little saint?” “Luna,” Celestia warned. “Don’t make me regret bringing you.” “You did not such thing,” Luna sniffed. “I accompanied you because I wanted coffee. I am getting coffee. I am then meeting with your niece because I’d prefer to get it over with now. Then, after I assert my dominance, I am leaving.” Celestia raised an eyebrow. “‘Assert your dominance?”’ Luna nodded vigorously and opened her mouth to elaborate, but a jingling of bells from in the entranceway stopped the words before they could form. Celestia’s grin only intensified at Luna’s visible tenseness, for sure enough Princess Mi Amore Cadenza was making her way through the shocked patrons of the diner towards the only table that also happened to have the regal princesses of day and night bickering like school-fillies. “Good morning, Cadance!” Celestia greeted, shuffling a little to make way for her niece at the booth. Cadance greeted her aunt with a smile, which was quick to falter the moment she looked forwards at the pouting blue alicorn before her. “Cadance, meet my sister Luna,” Celestia interjected before the meeting could stretch into awkward-silence territory. “Princess of the Night.” “Hello, Princess Luna!” Cadance offered, with a wide and exaggerated smile. “Yeah, hi.” Cadance’s smile fell a little. Celestia cleared her throat. Luna swiped a scone from Celestia’s plate and viciously tore into it. “So… ah… Princess of the Night. That’s neat,” Cadance offered. “You raise the moon now?” Luna’s gaze returned to the pink alicorn, now a fiery glare. Celestia grimaced, nudging her niece, wordlessly exclaiming; Raise the moon now? Seriously, Cadance? “I raised the moon when there were entirely different constellations in the sky! I saw empires rise and fall under the night sky I brought forwards!” Luna exclaimed, her dramatic tone muddled by a mouth full of scone. “I stood on the precipice of creation looking across dark unfilled voids of undeveloped space as life crept into existence from beyond the—” “Luna,” Celestia interjected. “I believe she gets it.” As with Cadance, Celestia wordlessly added to her remark with an icy glare. “‘Assert your dominance’ when we’re not in public, please.” “The moon thing is really more of an extracurricular thing, anyways,” Luna said flippantly. “I also guard the dreamscape of monsters your pretty little self couldn’t possibly stand in the presence of.” “I...interesting,” Cadance replied shakily. “Thank you. And what about you? Celestia says you are a very important princess yourself.” “Ah… well. I’m the… ah… Princess of Love.” Luna blinked. Cadance blinked back. Celestia hid behind the dessert menu. Then, Luna abruptly shattered the silence with an impolite, snorting laugh. “No, seriously. What do you do?” “I was being serious,” Cadance sighed. Silence. “Princess of Love?” “Yes. It’s much more impressive than it sounds.” “Oh, I’m sure it is,” Luna said, winking devilishly. From the depths of the dessert menu Celestia groaned; “Luna, please stop.” “Well, Princess of Love, you might be interested to hear of some of my dreams, then, if you are so inclined—” “Luna, stop!” “—because trust me, sometimes I wish I had the backup of the Princess of Love venturing into those dreams—” “Luna for goodness sake, we’re in a public place!” “What’s the matter, Celestia? Afraid I’m going to enlist Cadance to help you based on your dreams?” “That’s it!” Celestia shrilled, flinging the menu away and pushing Cadance out of the way as she exited the booth. “I need to use the bathroom.” “Sure, sure,” Luna said, chuckling. Cadance cast a desperate look back in the direction of her fleeing aunt, then at Luna’s devious smile. She sat back down on shaking hooves. “So, Princess of Love,” Luna continued. “Indulge me. What do your duties entail?” “Oh… you know,” Cadance stuttered shakily. “Princess stuff. Waitress!” Unfortunately for Cadance, the cafe was not exactly bustling with life and the only waitress had her attention directed elsewhere. Ignoring the interruption, Luna pressed on. “So, are you like a dating expert?” Cadance slumped back in defeat. “No.” “Marriage counsellor?” “No!” “Well then, what?” “I… am kind of those things,” Cadance sighed. Then, looking up at Luna’s patronizing grin, a newfound sense of something earnestly not love spiked through her. It was more akin to a sense of frustrated anger.   “I solve love-related problems, all over Equestria. Love magic is my specialty. I doubt there’s a mare in Equestria who knows as much about the subject as me.” “Especially not some passive-aggresive nocturnal weirdo,” she was tempted to add. “Love magic?” Luna repeated. “Isn’t that a little unethical?” In an instant, Cadance’s mask fell. “Oh, and sneaking through a pony’s subconsciousness is a-okay? Thanks for the tips on ethics, Mistress of the Eternal Night!” Luna blinked. Cadance realized that she had risen from out of the booth and had violently extended a hoof right into Luna’s face. Calmly, she crept back into her seat, a violent blush flooding into her expression. Luna continued to stare. Then, she breathed a long, exaggerated sigh of relief. “Good. You’re not a preppy little saint.” “W… what?” “When Celestia told me about Princess Mi Amore Cadenza… I assumed the worst.” Cadance shuddered. “Please don’t call me that, Princess Luna.” “Only if you drop the Princess from my name, too. Point is, I was expecting some smug little bundle of perfection." "Like Celestia?" Cadance's remark was met with a sudden snort from Luna. "Yes. I love her sincerely, but sister dearest is intolerable at times. Unlike you. I can see we’re going to get along well, Mistress of Morally Ambiguous Love.” Cadance responded to Luna's gibe with a polite giggle, and then; "So... about those Celestia dreams..." By time Celestia finally worked up the courage to return, she saw with horror that Luna and Cadance seemed to be engaged in some form of vigorous argument, for she could hear raised voices as she approached the table. She groaned in despair. Would it really have been too much to ask for Cadance and Luna to simply get along? Heavens knew they would need to, considering how many grueling and boring summits or court sessions or other royal nonsense awaited the three of them. How could they expect to survive those if Cadance and Luna could not even stay away from each other's throats over coffee? With these thoughts pounding in her head, it was with great surprise that she realized that Cadance and Luna were not shouting at all. They were... Laughing...? "Celestia!" Luna called the moment she saw her sister. "You are alive. I was getting worried." "Yes," Celestia said, giving Luna and Cadance a suspicious glare. "Are you two...?" "We must do this more often, Auntie Celestia," Cadance replied, to feverish nods from Luna. "Well, good," Celestia smiled. "I'm glad you two found some common ground, after all."