"Yeah, kinda forgot to mention that the chariot doesn't really have brakes," Dan rubbed the back of his neck. "I know, kind of a big design flaw, I'm realizing that right now."
"DESIGN FLAW?!" Phoenix screeched. "A design flaw would mean you couldn't get it running! A design flaw would mean it doesn't come with cruise control!"
Dan nodded with everything Phoenix listed, as if making notes in his head. "Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, true and I will be making those adjustments when I can get the parts from the hardware store."
"By the way, we just passed the hardware store," Chrys said, apparently one of the only ones keeping an eye on the road. They were in town now, blazing through the outskirts of Ponyville. Brightly-colored buildings and straw-roof houses blurred past them into a rainbow background of looped animation because even in fan fiction, we have to do things to keep the spending down. But they only passed the hardware store once, specifically because we're going to use it in another scene.
"For now, we need a way to slow us down safely," Dan said. "Unfortunately, the chariot's essentially a big Segway and it'll keep going so long as we're standing on it. So, here's my idea-"
"We aim for something soft and you get arrested for DUI?" the Blast sisters asked. Dan shot an unamused glare at both of them and the two returned to their tinkering. During the trip back to Ponyville, the girls had decided to busy themselves the only way they knew how: with high-yield recreational grade explosives. Specifically, a few fireworks from the brief wedding ceremony, some leftover parts from the chariot itself and a few vegetables. With these parts, Blast Fuse was building an exploding vegetable launcher while Blast Powder was mixing chemicals together to try and create armor-piercing carrots, incendiary celery and a tomato. Just a tomato. With a blast radius of five hundred yards and a yield of five-thousand… tomatoes.
"No, we get off one at a time-"
"WHILE the chariot is moving?" Lightning's voice cracked.
"Those of us with WINGS are welcome to jump first," Dan clarified. "Carrying maybe a couple of those of us who don't fly quite as well would probably HELP."
Lightning rolled his eyes. "Well, if you want to do this the easy way. Come on, FD."
"Piggyback ride!" the younger gray pony hopped on Lightning's back. They took off quickly, decelerated quicker and then were watching the chariot speed away.
"Guess it's you and me next, Twi," Chrys said. The purple princess nodded and climbed on Chrys' back. Being a little bit sturdier than the other fliers, she also picked up Phoenix and Spike. Fluffle Puff, ever resourceful, deployed her own parachute from her fluff and was immediately propelled skyward as it caught the backdraft.
Shining and Cadence embraced, then the pink princess carried her husbando into the sky.
Blast Fuse and Blast Powder both looked at Dan innocently.
"Well? What's your problem, you two? It's your turn."
"Yeah," Fuse looked away. She took off her wings like a cardboard cutout. "These are more just for show than actual flying."
Dan grabbed the fake wings out of her hoof. "GET OFF THE FRIGGIN CHARIOT!"
The sisters giggled. Fuse deployed her real wings and lifted her sister up. "Sheesh, we were just kidding, Dan."
"Talk about road rage."
"Great, that's fine. Don't forget your potato gun," he apathetically placed the firearm in Fuse's muzzle before she took off. Once they had disembarked, Dan carefully turned the chariot on Ponyville's main street and pointed it directly for home.
He smiled as he took the handlebars once more. With all the weight off the platform, the large segway should slow to a stop just as soon as he hopped off. He steadied the controls and locked the chariot on its course. He jumped off the back and was caught by Twilight's levitation spell just before his feet touched the ground.
"Very good job guys," Dan remarked. "Textbook, textbook all of you. That's our new emergency disembarkation plan from now on and you guys executed it exceptionally. I'm proud of you all."
"Woo hoo," Phoenix said, being held up by Chrys. "I'll remember this every time you take us on a joyride in a homemade demolition cart."
"Don't encourage him," Twilight added.
The group landed on the main road into town. Dan beamed with pride, not just at himself but at his companions. They all assembled one after the other, touching down with almost coordinated precision. After making sure they were all okay, the group celebrated.
"Good job, everypony," Twilight said. "And good idea, Dan. We got everyone off safely thanks to you."
"And thankfully, Ponyville doesn't have speed limits yet, so we didn't even break the law," Phoenix added.
Dan nodded. "Right you are, Nicky."
"Ha."
He turned back to his vehicle, which slowed to a safe and gentle halt in the middle of the road. "I'm just happy we got back home with the chariot inta-"
*BOOOOM!*
The chariot exploded in a ball of fire.
"MY CHARIOT!!! NOOOO!!!" Dan yelled, buckling down to his knees. "What happened?!! WHY?!"
"DUCK!" Twilight shouted, creating a quick shield around the group as the flaming wreckage of Dan's chariot rained down upon them. A single burning wheel rolled by, prompting Fluffle Puff to follow it with her eyes. It seemed to go on its own journey, drawn by some unknown calling until it tilted and fell on one side in the middle of the street.
"Wh-WHO DID THIS?!!" Dan yelled, pounding the ground with his fist.
The twin explosive sisters hid their latest weapon behind their backs and tried to look innocent. Cartoon halos appeared above their heads. "Don't look at us~" they said simultaneously.
Phoenix pointed at the burning heap of slag that was the vehicle they had just arrived in. "Th-that's not another design flaw, I'm guessing. I'm hoping. I'm praying."
Twilight put a hoof on Dan's shoulder. "Dan, I-"
"Well, hello all!" a strange voice called from up above.
"What."
"The."
"Thpp?"
A giant golden leg smashed down on what was left of Dan's chariot. The group looked up to see a familiar sight:
Decadently Decorated Destructive Droid of Decimation
Magic Gear KING
Prince Blueblood's custom(and expensive) personalized Magic Gear
"No… no," Dan shook his head.
Twilight looked up at the massive machine. "It followed us home."
The giant mech was solid gold, or at least appeared that way. Unlike other gears, it was a colt instead of a filly. Its eyes glittered like sapphires and glared at the assembled group. Around its back was an elegant purple robe tied around its neck. Its mane and tail wavered with artificial ephemerality like Celestia's or Luna's and a rainbow of gems rowed every inch of its body at equal intervals. Atop its head was a massive crown that dwarfed even its own golden horn. The crown seemed to be made out of a crystal that had the qualities of both precious metal and precious stone. A platinum diamond, the kind of absurd luxury there would only be one of, not that there would ever need to be.
Prince Blueblood's throne was atop this crown. The mech bent down to the ground so that he might see all of the group. "Hello, all and welcome. Welcome to Bluebloodestria!"
"Bluebloodestria?" Twilight asked.
Chrys rose an eyebrow at him. "Is this guy on something?"
"Why, yes," Blueblood chuckled. "I'm on a giant golden throne, dear maiden. Is that not apparent?"
"Did… did he just call me a maiden?"
"You're on a giant walking war machine!" Dan shouted. "That thing's a safety hazard to the whole PLANET! Its design flaws alone nearly nuked the town twice! You need to get OFF that thing before somepony gets hurt!"
Twilight, Phoenix, Spike and the others all exchanged mixed glances. "Does anyone else feel like we just got through this about two seconds ago?"
"Yeah," Shining said. "But Dan's chariot was cool."
"Thank you!"
"Blueblood," Shining called up to him, "what are you doing in that thing?"
The other white stallion looked almost shocked. "Prince Armor, where is your regard for royal etiquette? Aha," he sighed, looking away. "Just because we are among the… more rural subjects does not mean we abandon our practice of decorum for the sake of the company."
Shining shook his head. "The buck did you just call me?"
Cadence patted him on the back. "He's gone off the deep end, sweetie. I'm sorry we have to endure this… all of us."
"Ah, but I'm so happy you've finally arrived!" Blueblood exclaimed.
"Look buddy," Dan pointed at him, "that thing's dangerous to the town. And as a royal guard captain, I'm going to have to ask you to get off your giant, gold monstrosity for the sake of safety… and sanity. AND MY CHARIOT."
"Ho, indeed you are, Captain Dan," the prince said, looking down at him. "Which is why I'm having you reassigned to my personal attaché immediately."
Dan stared up blankly. "Wut."
Twilight shook her head. "No no no no no, Dan is part of the Sparkle Guard- err, my guard. He helps me, Chrys and the others."
Prince Blueblood smiled at her. "Of course he does, Princess Twilight. And he will continue to do so."
Now, Twilight stared blankly up at him. "H-how?"
Shining raised his hoof. "Dan can't be part of two royal guard divisions. No guard can; to better help with organization and also to prevent against infiltration by rival powers, all guards are assigned to only one princess each or the city they serve. It also prevents against possible changeling incursions," he looked over at Chrys. "Uh, no offense."
"None taken."
"Ah," the prince's eyes lit up. "But of course, I wouldn't be trying to take one of Princess Twilight's own guards unless I was wanting to combine both our protection services."
Cadence swallowed. "But… you could only do that if-"
Blueblood chuckled. "I'm afraid, I've had to take quite a few liberties with the absence of my auntie Princess Celestia and auntie Princess Luna. Why, I was the only royalty left for a whole week and as such, it was my duty to lead the kingdom."
"Ah," Dan nodded. "So that explains the Bluebloodestria part. I'm surprised that actually lasted a week."
"I'm surprised it lasted a day."
"I'm surprised they didn't try to kill him."
"WHO SAID WE DIDN'T?!!" Vinyl yelled, galloping by randomly, her and Octavia pulling a large covered wagon behind them.
"Now that you're here, though, the we can restore the kingdom's royal governance," Blueblood said, grinning at Twilight.
Twilight looked around. "M-me?"
"Why, yes. As the last single princess in Equestria, err… Bluebloodestria, our marriage will reestablish the royal family's leadership. And we will rule the world as husband and waifu," Blueblood said, eyes fluttering.
"I… I…" Twilight stammered.
"I know," Blueblood said. "It's so wonderful, isn't it?"
"I think I'm gonna be sick…"
Chrys moved to hold Twilight, who was suddenly feeling weak. "I can't marry Blueblood…" Twilight said, heaving.
"But you know you have to," Blueblood said, fanning himself in a way that even Rarity would sneer at. "Under Equestrian… ahem, excuse me, Bluebloodestrian rule, a prince may only rule alongside that of a princess, in this case, his wife."
Originally, the three pony tribes ruled equally when Equestria was founded. But one dark day, over a thousand years ago, something happened and the next day only the princess was ruler. Instead of three tribes, three cities and three leaders, there was only one leader, one Equestria and everypony under them in it. Celestia and Luna were the sisters of prophecy, both part of the royal family and something else entirely. According to legend, they were the only daughters of King Eternos and Queen Galaxina who had both left Equestria long ago in search of their creators. The royal family today were unicorn descendants of Starswirl the Bearded, the first pony to rule the lost nation of Enchantria after the king and before the exodus that led the three tribes to Equestria.
Blueblood was a prince by blood only, not magic. In order to truly rule Equestria, he needed to marry a pony ordained as a princess by the magic of harmony itself. And that meant marrying Princess Twilight Sparkle.