//------------------------------// // Chapter 15: Aftermath // Story: Actually, I'm Dead // by Magenta Cat //------------------------------// “Rainbow… Dash,” Trixie whispered. “Are you… sure this… a good… idea?” Trixie was unsure of facing down the ponies downstairs, especially after she tried to outright kill two of them, and one of those two being a Princess. As the memories of her old life came back, so too did more recent ones. “Sure thing, Trix.” Rainbow was guiding her friend to the room where she left the others before. They had a minor setback with the guards, specially when one of them fainted, but once Trixie proved she was in control of her actions, the remaining guard let them leave the room. Upon reaching the door to downstairs, Rainbow insisted that Trixie wait there behind it for her to give the all-clear. Trixie nodded, content let Rainbow take the lead. She had a lot to think about she realized and wanted a little time before confronting the others. Trixie never liked the introspection, that’s why she always held her own story as a secret. But since she-- she had to say it, she needed to. She had to accept how this started. Trixie took a long breath. For the first time in a long while, she actually felt the air filling her lungs, it was a nice feeling. After that, she swallowed in preparation for her next words to herself. “I… died,” she still had problems with speaking, but she paused for another reason. “Trixie… is dead.” She thought again about it. Trixie remembered dying again. She remembered being dead, and then coming back. She remembered waking under the storm, baptised by the rain under the darkness. She felt again the experience of giving in to her most basic desires and instincts because at the time they were all she knew. The fear and anger driving her, fueling her actions like a fire. Trixie didn’t want to, but she remembered everything she did. “My stars,” she whispered unconsciously. “What did… Trixie… do?” Being Trixie suddenly felt like a weight for her. She didn’t want to be a monster. She was a pony, wasn’t she? Trixie looked around, searching for anything to distract her. However, when her eyes caught a ray of sunlight coming through a window, Trixie was met with another memory of her previous life; the pain of the light. She quickly looked away, hoping that Twilight stored her goggles somewhere. Growing impatient, she shuffled closer to the door, but when doing so, she tripped and fell face-first against the floor. Trixie looked back at where her leg had stuck, but there wasn’t anything there. She twisted about and lifted her leg to look again, discovering three claw-marks dug deep in the wood. Then for the first time she really looked at her hooves, all her hooves, and saw the claws that had replaced her hooves. She closed her eyes, wishing that when she opened them again, her hooves would be back. //But she hasn’t done anything wrong!// Trixie ear twitched, hearing Rainbow’s voice in the darkness. Without opening her eyes, she turned her ear towards the door. //We still have to take precautions, Rainbow Dash,// Celestia answered her. //Even if what you say is true, she’s still too dangerous.// Trixie cringed at hearing that. Against her best judgement, she opened her eyes. She looked at herself once again, unable to help but think of her new figure as that of a monster from one of her old stories. She even recalled a quite fitting description of a hellish spawn she once read. “After years of playing the hero of the story, I’ve now become the beast.” Trixie smirked at the irony. Trixie shook her head, berating herself for thinking like that. She wasn’t a mindless beast. She was Trixie Silverlight Lulamoon, daughter of Hope Pearlshine Lulamoon. Born in Equestria, raised by its roads and heiress of the legacy of Roa. She may not be Great or Powerful, but she knew she was Trixie; she was not a monster. That was good enough. “Okay,” she thought. “Now time to convince everypony else of that.” She took another deep breath, absently noting she had not needed to before, and struggled to her… paws. “Here goes nothing,” she closed her eyes and pushed the door open. Trixie entered the living room as naturally as she could, and opened her eyes. “Trixie’s… sorry for… taking so… long.” She was still having troubles with her speech. Trixie gulped a little while trying to smile, but she noticed the fear and doubt in her friends’ faces, with the exception of Rainbow Dash. “Hello… everypony,” she saluted with a paw, trying to bend the claws under it. Trixie started to regret entering like this, but it was too late to go back. She looked around, meeting her gaze with the Princesses’ “Your… majesties,” Trixie bowed her head while closing her eyes. “Trixie’s… sorry for…” She couldn't help but dig her claws a little into the wooden floor. “For everything.” Everypony stood where they were for what felt like an eternity. Literally none of them knew what to do next. “Well… this is awkward,” Princess Luna broke the silence, trotting over Trixie. “Arise and open your eyes, daughter of Lulamoon. If it is truly you and not some deception.” Trixie looked up at Princess Luna, a surge of panic running through her. The beating that Trixie had inflicted upon her had done nothing to diminish Luna’s regal air, nor the swelling of one eye to lesson her piercing glare. She was standing there, sipping from a mug of cider held in her magical aura, and looking down upon Trixie as an army general might upon a defeated and surrendering enemy. Trixie couldn’t help but wilt under that gaze, her tail tucking itself between her legs, as the memories of how all those injuries were caused came back to her. “Now, Princess,” Rainbow Dash almost galloped next to Trixie. “I believe her.” She put a hoof over Trixie’s shoulder. Trixie looked back at Rainbow in awe. She wondered how much time she was buried, because she could swear that her friend seemed way more mature than before. “Trust me, this is our Trixie.” “Ah’ll vouch for that.” Trixie felt another hoof over her shoulders. She looked at her left to see Applejack standing next to her. “If Rainbow trusts it’s her, enough fer me too.” Trixie wanted to reply, to thank Applejack for her trust. “TRIXIE!” A pink voice assaulted Trixie’s new, more sensitive ears from behind. “MEOW!” In another time, she would have just cringed a little while looking back at the now familiar blur of pinkness approaching her. However, the sudden surprise, combined with her already tense nerves caused Trixie forget any composure as her instincts took over. She jumped away from her enthusiastic assailant and dug her claws as hard as she could into the wood upon landing. Once again, everypony froze in place, except for Pinkie, naturally. “Oh my gosh, Trixie!” she exclaimed. “How are you doing that?” Pinkie’s unmistakable voice came from above Trixie’s head. Recovering from the surprise, Trixie opened her eyes and looked about but couldn’t spot any pony. It wasn’t until she tilted her head back that she was able to spot all her friends and the Princesses staring down at her from the ceiling. After reconsidering her point of view and that her mane and tail were hanging up, Trixie realized where she was. “I… Trixie… doesn’t know.” She looked at her claws, firmly embedded in what she then realized was the ceiling. Trixie tried to yank them out, but she couldn’t. “Help?” “She seems a tad more high-strung than aggressive, I’d say,” Celestia commented. “That she does, Sister,” Luna affirmed, one eyebrow raised at the odd sight. Trixie had expected Rainbow to fly up and help her, but instead, a sky-blue aura of magic got wrapped around her right front claws and gently pulled them out of the wood. She looked down, nervously locking eyes with Rarity, who calmly returned the gaze with a smile. It was at that time, seeing clearly how far from the ground she was, that Trixie’s clouded memories found the perfect moment to remind her she was slightly afraid of heights. “Wait… Rarity.” As her right paw got free, Trixie dug the remaining three deeper in the wood and shook her head. Rarity stopped, but only for a moment to look aside. Then, she continued with Trixie’s left claws. Trixie was about to say something but a warm feeling around her barrel stopped her. Trixie looked at herself, noticing the purple aura holding her. “Trust me, Trixie,” Twilight said calmly from down below. “I’m not letting you fall.” Trixie was still nervous, but she tried to hide it. Despite the fear of falling, seeing her friends not afraid of her anymore was more important, so Trixie did what she could to stay still as Rarity worked with her rear claws. When there was only one leg left, Trixie couldn’t hold anymore and closed her eyes, shaking as her tail unconsciously wiped its pointed end against the roof, until two soft hooves took her forelegs. Trixie opened her eyes to meet Fluttershy’s upside down. She held Trixie’s paws while Twilight lowered her back to the floor. Once back within their hooves reach, they all surrounded Trixie, holding her together to show they’d never leave her side again. At the end of the day, the storm that hit Ponyville was already gone, the clear skies allowing the town to be painted in silver by the moonlight. The night’s fresh air also helped to calm the mood, specially for a certain librarian and her friends. Well, most of it. Twilight was still unsettled by the day’s happenings. She was lying inside her sleeping bag, looking straight up at the ceiling. Her mind was too busy to sleep, revisiting the day, trying to make any sense of what just happened. Princess Celestia had a talk with Trixie, but unlike their previous ones, this happened with everypony present. Twilight stood next to Trixie the entire time as the Princess asked Trixie all kinds of questions about herself. Afterwards though, Trixie had done something unexpected; she asked for a second talk with the Princesses, just them and her that time. Twilight and the rest were unsure, but Trixie requested they trust her. Reluctantly, the girls left for the privacy of Twilight’s room. After the longest hour in any of their lives, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna had their own private conversation with the six before returning once more to Canterlot. What they had asked of Twilight and the others in that conversation was still keeping the unicorn awake that night. *thunk* Twilight’s ears twitched at the noise coming from the kitchen. She checked around to see if anypony else had noticed it, but after being woken up at the sunrise, plus one tartarus of a day, they were all too tired to do anything but sleep. Twilight checked the clock and didn’t blame them for being asleep at four and twenty-two in the night. Or was it morning? Either way, she quietly rose from her sleeping bag and went for the door. She gave her friends one last look, only to realize Trixie wasn’t in her sleeping bag either. Twilight rushed downstairs. Why did Trixie leave the room? And more important, how? She has been awake the entire time and would have surely heard and seen Trixie getting up. In fact, the door was still closed, which meant Trixie was somehow able to open and close it without making any sound, in near total darkness. Twilight’s ears picked up some movement, once again coming from the kitchen, but all the lights were still off. She gulped a little, not knowing what to expect when she got in and turned the kitchen’s lights on. *click* “MEOW!” Trixie screamed. “For the… stars’ sake… Twilight!” Twilight looked around, hearing Trixie’s voice right next to her but not seeing anypony in the kitchen but herself. “Up here.” Trixie said from the ceiling. Twilight looked up and found Trixie with her eyes shut tight, holding on a beam with her claws. “And since… you are… at it… could you..?” Twilight nodded as she magically yanked out Trixie’s claws, supporting her in the air. Once Trixie was back in the floor, she covered her eyes with a paw. “Twilight?” Trixie asked. “You don’t… happen… to have… Trixie’s goggles… around?” “I’m sorry we--” Twilight stumbled over her next words. “We buried you with them.” She tried to not think about it. “I can turn off the lights, though.” “Yes, please.” Twilight turned off the lights. Trixie opened her cat eyes with a grin on her face. They glowed faintly red in the darkness of the kitchen, now lit only by the moon outside. “Ahh, much… better.” She looked at Twilight and her grin was replaced by a guilty expression. “Trixie’s sorry… for waking… you, Twilight.” “Don’t worry, I wasn’t sleeping anyways.” That clicked something in Twilight’s mind. “In fact, how did you got here? I was awake, I should have heard and see you leaving the room.” “Puh-leeze,” Trixie rolled her eyes. “Trixie has… dedicated… an entire life… to understanding… and practicing… illusions.” She waved a claw in quick circles as she spoke, as if trying to force the words to come out faster. “If I can’t… get out of… a closed room… without being noticed…” Trixie let the idea sink in Twilight’s mind while turning away. Twilight thought she was offended, but then she noticed the stove’s flame in the darkness and that Trixie had turned away to tend to the pot over it. Twilight smelled the air, finally noticing the strong aroma of herbs and spices. “Trixie?” Twilight looked over the table, studying the silhouettes of different packages and dishes in an effort to discern Trixie’s purpose. “What… are you… doing?” “Are you… imitating… Trixie?” she said without turning her head. “Nononononono, I’m sorry,” Twilight apologized as quick as she could. “I’m just curious. What are you doing?” “If you… must know.” Trixie took a spoon with her tail and mixed the pot’s content. “Trixie is… rediscovering… the pleasures… so long… denied her.” Then, she did something Twilight never expected her to do. Trixie took a sip of the food. She looked so happy, closing her eyes while licking her lips and then clicking her tongue against the palate. Using her tail again, she took a hooful of herbs from the table and let it fall inside the pot. Twilight was very surprised at Trixie’s dexterity with a limb she only had for less than a day. “After all… Trixie… hasn’t eaten… in weeks.” “You can eat now?” Twilight tilted her head. “Wasn’t sure… at first.” Trixie closed the pot and lowered the flame under it. “Started as… just hunger… as usual… But then… Trixie tried… with bread… then an apple… eventually… I realized… Trixie was… preparing… chili” “Wait,” Twilight considered Trixie’s words. “What do you mean by ‘as usual’?” “Trixie always… felt it.” She took a chunk of bread in her claws and started to eat. “Even when you--” The question got stuck on Twilight’s throat as she considered what it meant. “Even when couldn't eat?” She gazed at how Trixie finished with the chunk of bread and quickly got her claws on a muffin. “Especially… when she… couldn't eat.” She ate the muffin in one bite, happily chewing it. That only got Twilight more nervous. She thought about it, about all the days Trixie spent unable to eat while literally everypony around her could. She couldn’t help but imagine being in Trixie’s horseshoes, being hungry while also having food in front of her, but being unable to even touch it. Then, she realized that Trixie felt it for days, if not weeks, all while she and her friends didn’t even know that Trixie was in such pain. That first day that Trixie had made her breakfast, the pancakes, must have been torture for her to have made yet never be able to taste. Throughout it all, she hadn’t said a thing. “Was that why you went after Berry Punch’s wine?” Twilight nearly blurted out. “Because you were thirsty after all this time?” After the Princesses had left, Twilight and Fluttershy had gone into town to pick up groceries for the now-extended sleepover and had run across Berry hauling up shattered barrels from her cellar. The earth pony had told them the tale of her encounter with a monster in the night and how she had to spend all morning cleaning up its mess. She had been rather shocked upon learning that Trixie was that monster and what had happened to her after Twilight told her. “The wine… the wine…” Trixie croaked, her face scrunched up as she tried to remember. It relaxed into a smile when the memory came back to her. “Yes, Trixie… supposes she was. You can… blame Cheerilee… for that.” She lifted the spoon from the pot on the stove and licked its contents. “At Pinkie’s party… she told Trixie… the story… of her… family’s cellar. She joked that… the wine was… so good… it could restore Trixie… to life.” She chuckled and returned the spoon to the chili before the smile slid off her face. “Trixie will… go to Berry… tomorrow… and apologize.” “I think we’ll need go around town again and explain what’s happened to you,” Twilight gently suggested. “So that other ponies are prepared for you this time.” Trixie nodded and turned to face Twilight. The unicorn couldn’t help feeling unnerved at those glowing red eyes looking at her from out of the darkness again. “Twilight?” Trixie gently asked her. “Can Trixie… ask you… something?” Twilight nodded vigorously, relieved to have something else to think of. “How was… Trixie’s… funeral?” And any relief Twilight felt just banished to never be seen again. “Your funeral?” Twilight asked, uncertain of how to answer. “Yes, Trixie is… curious. It’s not... a question... most ponies... can ask.” She nodded back towards the pot. “The chili… is done… we can talk… over it.” Twilight arranged the plates and silverware with her magic, while Trixie got the pot off the oven and placed it on the table. Then, using her tail again, she served two generous portions in both bowls and sat down next to Twilight, ignoring the silverware and going muzzle first into the still-steaming chili. Twilight took the moment to think about what to say to Trixie. How do you tell somepony about her own funeral? She considered it while mindlessly taking a spoonful of the chili. Whatever thoughts she might have had on the topic were annihilated by the first taste of the chili hitting her tongue. “Oh, sweet Celestia!” Twilight bolted from her chair and over to the sink, sticking her head under the faucet and sucking on the merciful cold water that still seemed to do little to abate the burning on her tongue. “What did you put in there, Trixie, thermite?” Twilight wondered why the bowls weren’t dissolving and making holes in the table. “Emerald Archer’s… secret recipe,” Trixie commented while patting Twilight’s back, the slightest trace of smugness in her voice. “Drink this.” She pulled Twilight out of the sink and offered her a glass of milk. Twilight drank it greedily, sighing in relief as the burn finally slowed. “Too bad… you didn’t have… all the… right ingredients. Trixie couldn’t… make it… hot enough.” “Not hot enough?!” Twilight exclaimed, still sweating bullet and crying tears of pain. After Twilight’s encounter with the infernal chili, she needed a rest to recover her ability to think coherently. After clearing their dishes, Trixie joined her and sat down on an opposing cushion in the main room, waiting in the darkness for Twilight to say something. After that didn’t happen, she thought about what she was a about to say and how. Specifically how. She knew she should be able to speak better than she was but still having a frustrating time of it. The rest of her body, alien though much of it now appeared, was easier for her to function in. “Twilight,” she started. “Are you… better?” “Yes, Trixie.” Twilight was resting her head in a small pillow over the cushion. “Thank you.” “Well?” Trixie tried to not sound too demanding, at first. “You aren’t… getting out… of this.” She rose from her seat and trotted towards Twilight, having to stare down at her with her new height. “Tell Trixie… about her funeral.” As Trixie expected, the gesture put Twilight alert got her focused once more. Now Trixie just needed to prevent her from getting scared. “Please.” She lay down in front of Twilight, resting her head over her crossed paws. “Trixie wants… to know.” Internally, Trixie was proud to see she hadn’t lost her showmare-ism. Twilight still didn’t know how to react. Even with the restraining ring on her horn and a new restraining collar over her neck, Trixie’s new body was intimidating to see. On the other hoof, she was still Trixie in the inside; a pony who was lying down, looking up at Twilight after asking her to tell her about her own funeral. That last thought only brought more confusion to Twilight’s troubled mind. She finally decided to wing it and hope for the best. Twilight told Trixie about the funeral as she recalled it, all while Trixie listened silently, only moving her tail from side to side. The first real reaction she got was when Twilight brought up the Pie family and what Maud had done at the start of the ceremony. “That’s what… Maud said… about me?” Trixie’s question, and the choked tone it was asked in, caught Twilight off guard and she had to stop. Where Trixie had been listening to her recounting with polite interest before, she now appeared to be fighting to hold something back. Twilight tilted her head a little, asking in concern, “Trixie, are you alright?” Replying with a jerky nod, Trixie then looked away, fidgeting with her paws. To Twilight it looked like she was struggling very hard not to break down emotionally. She was about to ask again when Trixie spoke first. “Trixie… wouldn’t have imagined...” She shifted about on the cushion again, her tail tucking in tighter. “She was a … lousy employee.” Trixie ran a claw in circles over the floor. “If anything… I expected them… to be relieved… at Trixie’s departure.” She looked around, scratching her claws together while also clicking her tongue. Trixie’s tail inadvertently hit the cushion’s carpet, making a muffled sound. A shiver ran through her as she drew herself up, once more looking at Twilight. “Who else?” she suddenly asked. “Who else came to mourn for Trixie?” “Well…” said Twilight, as she tried to decide if she should press the issue or not. It struck her that Trixie’s reaction indicated there was much more to the matter than she had just admitted. “There were quite a few in attendance. In your terms, Trixie, you got a full house.” Twilight smiled at her, having decided to go for sure and supportive for now. She promised herself she’d bring up Trixie and her time with the Pie family later, when she felt Trixie would be better able to handle it. “Actually, there were a couple attendants that I’m rather curious to know how you met. I didn’t have the opportunity to ask them at the time.” Trixie cocked her head to a side, accidentally cracking her neck. The sound brought her back to reality. “You will have… to be more… specific… Twilight,” she shrugged and closed her eyes. “So far… Trixie’s notion… was that she… was alone.” Trixie smiled serenely, but Twilight could see its brittle edges. “Well, the one that stood out the most was a griffon. She had speckled feathers and grey fur. She wore a kerchief around her neck, the same pattern as your old cape,” said Twilight, gesturing to her own neck with a hoof. Trixie blinked and frowned, trying to bring up the memory of who that might be from the depths. Eventually, her face melted into a smile. “Gisela. Her name… is Gisela.” Twilight nodded and told Trixie of Gisela’s actions at the cemetery. “Now, I have read a little about griffon culture, and supposedly that was a gesture of great respect. How did you two meet, if I may ask.” “Trixie saved her life... if you... must know,” Trixie replied, the smile still holding on her muzzle. “This was… almost two years… ago now. Trixie was… traveling out… through the Smokey… Mountains. Gisela had been… set upon by… bandits.” She shrugged, trying to show it was no big deal. “A few… fireworks and… some stage magic... scared… them off. Gisela was… in no shape… to continue… on her own… and Trixie would never… abandon… a fellow traveller... so Trixie ended up… giving her… a ride… in her wagon… as we were both… headed to… the same city. Since she had… no means… on her… to repay Trixie’s… kindness, Gisela… instead told her… stories of her… homeland and… her own travels.” The smile had spread across her muzzle into a full smile at the fond memories. “Trixie actually… spent a week… longer in that city… than she intended… because she enjoyed… Gisela’s company so. In fact… her stories inspired… Trixie… to take her show… to the griffon… territories. She was making… her way back east… and working towards… that goal when she… first ran into… Ponyville.” “Oh… um, I hadn’t realized,” said Twilight as she squirmed on her cushion. She quickly jumped to the next subject. “Okay, how about Cranky Doodle? He and Matilda left a bouquet of flowers over your…” She never said the next word; casket. Twilight was having a lot of problems in accepting that she was speaking to a pony whose funeral she attended. “Cranky… Cranky…” Again Twilight could tell when the memory came to Trixie by her smile. “Cranky Doodle Donkey. So, Cranky Doodle… the Good… finally found... his love,” Trixie opened her eyes and looked over at Twilight in interest. “I’m glad… to hear it. Where did… he finally… find her?” “Ponyville, actually. It turns out she had moved here a number of years ago and in all his travels he had never come through here himself. Given the extent of your own travels I’m not too surprised you two had crossed paths. Where was that?” Trixie paused from scratching the back of her ear with a single claw. “Trixie met him… a few months… back… while she was... in Manehattan.” She smirked at the memory, as if she was remembering something particularly funny. “We were in... the same bar... after a particularly bad show... on Trixie’s part. Trixie saw him… so alone and… sad. We ended up… so wasted. Heh. Trixie suggested… Ponyville… to him.” She laughed out loud. If it wasn’t for the silence spell cast by Twilight, she would have probably woken up the rest of the girls upstairs. However, Twilight found the sound of her laughter unsettling. The feeling wasn’t helped by the terrifying sight of four sharp and quite long fangs in Trixie’s wide open mouth. “Ah-hem!” Twilight coughed as loud as she could, magically amplifying the sound. Trixie cut herself by shutting her snout with her claws, still giggling under it. “Trixie’s sorry -heh- Twilight.” She was smiling wide while shutting her eyes tight. The image was quite appalling for Twilight. “But you must.. understand -ha!- Trixie was…blind drunk -ha ha ha!” “No, Trixie, I don’t understand.” Twilight rose from her seat and trotted closer to her friend. At the back of her mind, she remembered the image of a joker card she saw when she was a filly, with the juggler looking like a demon rather than a clown. “Trixie, what are you laughing at?” “Cranky found… Matilda… in Ponyville!” Trixie coughed to stop her laughter, coughing a little while also taking air. It was the first time Twilight realized that Trixie was breathing again. “Trixie never… expected for… her to be… here.” “What?” “It was after… the ursa… situation.” The memory seemed to put a complete end to Trixie’s laugh. “Trixie said to… Cranky… ‘go to Ponyville’… as an insult.” Then she started to laugh again. Twilight tried to be angry at Trixie once she realized what really happened, but looking back at how it had all turned out, she couldn’t help but laugh. They went at it for a good chunk of time, until they were eventually caught by the first rays of sun and a surprisingly early awoken Fluttershy. After that, the others soon followed and went downstairs too. Trixie served them all chili for breakfast. It went as well as one would expect.