Deadpool arrived to the castle on... what the hell is that?
A HOVERBOARD!!!
It's not a hoverboard!
What is it then?
It's called a Monorover.
"I call it a 'Vine-Board'!" Deadpool spoke. "Mostly because it became popular thanks to vine."
...Whatever. Deadpool traveled on the board to the Crystal Empire's castle, but stopped at the stairs.
"Stairs!? NOOO!!!"
Both Cadence and Shining Armor left the room with their baby. Two guards stood near the doorway, both holding spears in their hooves.
"You two," Shining Armor ordered "You both stay here and make sure no one enters the room with our baby!"
"Yes, your majesty." both spoke in unison.
"And be on the lookout for Deadpool. If you see him, be prepared for anything. I don't want him messing with my daughter's head."
"Yes, sir." Shining walked over to her wife.
"Are you sure they can handle that man?" Cadence asked "You know how creative he is."
"I know, but these are my best men. Nothing will get past them." They both left. Unbeknownst to either of them, Deadpool was hanging on the ceiling like-
"Don't compare me as Peter."
... I was gonna say a ninja.
"Oh... I'll accept that."
Well, we better find a way to get past those two guards.
Oh please! They're all as effective as Stormtroopers.
"Hey! Don't spoil what we're going to do with Flurry Heart."
Flurry Heart!?
"I heard something!" One of the guards spoke "Show yourself!"
Well, we failed at being sneaky.
That's why we have a plan B. Activate Operation Spaghetti!
Deadpool landed on the floor and pulled a boombox, playing an 8-Bit tune. Both guards were hypnotized by the tune, and both began to dance out of their will. The first guard did a stereotypical Russian dance while the other did the pumpkin dance. The two danced, yelling for help, but Deadpool laid the boombox away from the two and entered the room. A soundproof spell was around the room, and the baby's crib was in the back, at the middle between two clusters of crystals. Deadpool literally slithered his way to the crib and peeked at the baby inside: it was a filly with a light pink coat, a mane with the same color as Starlight Glimmer's, and a large head popped out of her forehead. The filly was asleep.
D'aww!!! She's so cute!!!
Indeed. She is adorable.
I just wanna snuggle with her like a plushie!
And I wouldn't be surprised if we did.
Deadpool lifted the filly from her crib carefully. Flurry Heart blinked, but looked at Deadpool. She let out an adorable gurgle, lifting her forelegs up as any baby would. Deadpool scratched her tummy with his right index finger.
"Gootchy goo! Gootchy goo!" He babbled. Flurry giggled at his actions.
I CAN'T HANDLE IT!!! I'm already getting Type 3 Diabeetus!!!
It's alright. What Baby song should we use? Player's 'Baby come back'? Sir-Mix-A-Lot's 'Baby got Back'? Justin Beiber's 'Baby'?
Deadpool remained silent as he stroked Flurry's mane. The cloth she was in came off, showing her larger wings that would make Scootaloo jealous and feel inferior.
Uh... why aren't we singing? This is usually the part where we sing!
I believe... we're having an emotional moment.
Emotional moment!? We should spread comedy, not the feels!
Well, we can't be funny all the time. We're still human, afterall.
What the-!? We're no human! We're-
"Hush!" Deadpool spoke to his voices. He looked down at Flurry Heart, seeing her happily gurgling as she waved her hooves around. A tear fell down Deadpool's face.
Are... are you crying?
"...Yeah. So?"
Why? We only cry when we're laughing hard.
"Just... look at her; she's so young, new to this world... innocent in every way possible. Now, look at us; we're messed up in every way. She's looking up to me like a father, not judging me at all, for I wear this mask, literally and figuratively, to hide all the pains I hold behind me, to tell everyone 'Hey! I'm a funny guy! Laugh at me! I don't care what happens to me at all!'. If I take this mask off... she's going to fear me and ridicule me for what I am: A monster."
...maybe not.
What?
This is deep of us, and, who knows, maybe she won't be afraid of us. Many ponies who see us were freaked out, but they understand us.
Deadpool sat quietly. He then reached behind and pulled off his mask. Flurry Heart stared at the tumor-like face of Wade silently, but smiled, reaching out for him. He couldn't help but smile, a waterfall of tears fell down his cheeks as he gave the filly a hug.
Holy Sh-!
Language!
...Cow! It worked!
"It sure did." Deadpool spoke, crying, but with a warm smile. He pulled her away from him. "Now, Flurry Heart (if that's your name), I'll be watching over you as your guardian angel. And though I lack wings, magic... and a sense of morality with sanity, know that I will always be with you, no matter what!" Flurry Heart smiled again with some gurgling.
"D-Dada." She spoke.
HHHNNNGGG!!!
HHHNNNGGG!!!
Deadpool had another heart attack, but quickly got up from it. He pulled out a large book, placing the young princess on his lap.
"Okay, Flurry Heart. This is a timeless story, one that is remembered by all back where I came from, but was ruined with the so called 'Special Editions'. This, is Star Wars, Episode IV: A new Hope. Or, as I call it: Star Wars, before the Lucasing." He cleared his throat. "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away..."
9 Hours later
Nighttime just arrived as Luna's moon rose with Celestia's sun dissapearing over the horizon. Cadence and Shining Armor arrived to see their child, but gasped at the sight of the two guards dancing in their sleep with the music still played. Shining Armor budged into their room.
"Alright!" He yelled "Who's-!"
"Shh!" Deadpool shushed. "We're finishing the final chapter." The room was decorated with Star Wars merchandise, from posters, to action figures, blankets, and, as an added bonus, Flurry Heart's crib was now the Millennium Falcon. Flurry Heart was nearly asleep, but Deadpool finished. "With the Emperor gone, the Empire destroyed, the second Death Star in bits & pieces, and Darth Vader finally redeemed, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Han Solo, Chwebacca, Lando Calrisian, C-3P0 & R2-D2, and the galaxy was now in peace. The End." He closed the book as Flurry Heart closed her eyes. "Good Night, my little princess, and may the force be with you. When you're older, I'll read you the next trilogy by J.J. Abrahms." He leaned closer to her ear. "Spoiler Alert: Han Solo Dies." He gently placed her in the ship-crib, pulling a Chewbacca plushie and gave it to her. She accepted it and cuddled with it, snoring peacefully. Deadpool turned to the couple, surprised at not only how the room changed, but how Deadpool was like a parent. "Please, for all that's good in the world and for her sake, don't show her the Prequels!"
"Uh... we won't." Cadence replied, though confused.
"Oh thank goodness! Ruin her childhood, I wish not to happen."
"O... kay." Shining Armor spoke, also confused. Deadpool teleported behind them.
"Now, if you excuse me, I have to battle against Boba Fett!" He put on his mask and grabbed a Mic. "Let's hope he's good with the mic as he is with his blaster." He teleported away. Both Cadence and Shining Armor stared at each other, but Deadpool came back. "He won." He teleported away again.