Okay, so maybe I over-reacted at the utterly troll-ish expression on Celestia's face, muzzle, whatever you want to call it. Turns out the only thing I have to worry about is helping Luna adjust to modern equestrian society... With a babysitt- I mean Guard, of course. Nothing wrong with that... mostly.
I yawned as I once again pondered on whether or not I was going crazy, what with mentally narrating my life and all, as I finished making some oatmeal for breakfast. "LUNA! BREAKFAST!" I shouted, serving up a bowl and sitting down at the table. I guess I forgot to mention that Celestia also has us living together as well... Though, for the record, we have our own bedrooms. "LUNA, WAKE UP OR I WON'T MAKE PANCAKES TOMORROW!" I yelled after a few minutes of eating in peace. Don't want the oatmeal going cold after all.
"WE'RE UP, WE'RE UP!" Luna shouted back, galloping down the stairs. Heh, that mare really likes pancakes.
"It's 'I'm up' Luna, not 'We're up'. There's no we in I or you. No royal 'we'." I reminded her, rolling my eyes as she served herself some oatmeal. Yep, adjustment to modern society also means learning modern speak- Equish, as the locals call it.
"Did I hear that you're making pancakes?" Shadofang, or Ombrage as she says her real name is, asked.
"No, that's tomorrow. You know, you eat a lot for someone without an actual stomach." I replied, looking at her genie-like form.
"Pancakes transcend the boundaries of physical form!" Shady - as I tend to call her, since Ombrage reminds me too much of that toady Umbrage woman from Harry Potter - preached.
I snorted as Luna nodded, trading a hoofbump with her fellow pancake worshipper. "What next?" I asked jokingly, "Are you two going to have a statue erected in honor of Pancakes?"
"A most wonderous idea! All shall be able to bask in the joy of the delicious dough disks!" Luna cheered, causing me to facepalm. With these two around, the exasperation has been doubled... tripled, even! I can only imagine what would happen if John were here. Oh Jeeze, I can feel the phantom migraine already!
"No, no monuments of pancakes." I said firmly, stopping that train of thought from crashing into reality.
"But wwhhyyy Noooot~?!" The two whined, making adorable pouts at me.
"Because you can either have pancakes or a pancake monument." I think the phrase 'You can't have your cake and eat it too.' applies here perfectly... "If you build a pancake monument, I won't build you pancakes. Simple as that."
The two went from pouting adorably to sulking angrily in two-point-five seconds flat, giving me a faint "Fine..." I never would've guessed something as simple as home-made pancakes could hold so much sway over anyone...
This is my life now, isn't it?
After breakfast, we went for a walk... After alerting our babysitter of course - Seriously, I swear I can't go to the bathroom without having to alert the guy first. Cause one minor panic a millennium ago and then let dark magic take you over for about a day and they never let it go.. - The guy requested to be able to use force on me if I don't follow all of the rules of my 'Probation'. I think he's still sore over the whole 'Turning his teammates into ghouls' thing. Which is kind of stupid if you thin- And I'm rambling in my own head. Great.
"We See-" Luna began, to which I cleared my throat loudly. -"We- er... I mean that I can see a Sweets Shop! Let us partake of the sugary delights held within!" She corrected herself, stressing the corrections so much that I almost swear I could hear it underlined or something... Though I'm pretty sure that's impossible. Then again, this is a different world. A different world that's probably driving me crazy
"Alright, fine. But don't expect me to pay for it princess." I retorted, rolling my eyes slightly.
Luna, of course, made a dramatic gasp and held a forehoof to her head "But it is only proper that a gentlecolt pays for a mare's meal when accompanying them.." She replied, batting her eyelashes at me with a hopeful gaze.
I chuckled, opening the door of Sugarcube Corner for her, "Well then it's too bad that I'm a gentleman, isn't it?" I replied, watching her pleading look turn into a disappointed pout as she walked inside. "Besides, you're a princess. Don't you have access to some sort of royal treasury or something? Why try and mooch off of me?"
"Our access to the royal treasury hath been restricted until our probation is lifted..." She replied sulkily, drawing circles on the floor with her hoof. I decided to let that speech slip pass, given the current situation I'd feel like a jerk for correcting her on that one.
"Fine, I'll pay for your sweets." I told her, rolling my eyes. "Just cheer up." I never could stand to see a girl sad... Even if said girl is a completely different species.
"Really?!" Luna exclaimed happily, looking up at me with hope-filled and sparkling - Literally sparkling, kinda weird actually. - eyes.
"Yeah, just don't go crazy with it. I only have so many bits I can waste on junk food." I replied, pulling out my wallet - Aka bag of bits. Seriously though, is gold just that common in this world? Not only is their currency made of it, so is the guard armor at the palace. - and removing some bits.
"Here." I said, offering the handful I'd removed to the lunar princess.
"Only 10 bits?" Luna asked, looking disappointed as she pulled the coins into a telekinetic grip. "Can't you spare just a few more?"
"I could always just take them back if you want." I replied easily, reaching towards the floating currency.
"No, no!" Luna replied, pulling the coins out of my reach, "This is fine!" She quickly trotted over to the counter.
I took a seat as she ordered, watching as a uniformed pegasus - our assigned 'watcher' - slipped in quietly and took a seat on the other side of the room. I would frown, but it was a bit hard not to chuckle at the sight of the multi-chromatic pegasus attempting to stealthily follow him. Though I couldn't help but laugh as he rolled his eyes at her.
I turned to see if Luna was done ordering, raising a brow as she walked back with a veritable mountain of baked goods. "How did you afford all of that with just ten bits?" I asked incredulously.
She smiled sheepishly as she set the pile down on the table, "Princess Discount.." Luna replied with a squeaky smile -How the hell that works, I have no idea. Dunno where to even start. - , "And some of my own bits."
I shook my head in exasperation, "Whatever…” Then I paused, “wait, What bits? I didn’t see you carrying any when we walked inside…”
“Just because you didn’t see them, doesn’t mean they weren’t there.” Luna responded with a grin.
“well it's not like you're wearing saddle-bags or anything, so where else could you have…” I trailed off, raising an eyebrow at her in disbelief.
“What? Do I have something on my face?” The moon princess asked, looking back at me, pastry crumbs falling down to the table as she moved.
“Don't worry about it.” I responded, looking around the shop again to distract myself. I'm just gonna assume magic on this one.
I noticed my guard try and give an ‘I’m watching you’ hoof motion, and I nearly fell over laughing as his rainbow colored fangirl took it as an offer for a hoof-shake. Sometimes it's the little things in life that you’ve gotta enjoy. Like watching my little stalker get stalked by the pony lovechild of a rainbow and the sky.
I was pulled out of my thoughts by Luna tugging on my shirt - nice of that white pony, Rarity I think, to make a wardrobe for me. Didn't exactly have anything else to wear after all and I really don't feel like going native - “What are you laughing at?” She asked curiously.
I pointed our guard out. “I think I'm gonna go mess with him a bit, seeing as he definitely seems to have an admirer there.”
“Like a prank?” Luna asked excitedly, rubbing her hooves together. “What fun!”
“Be back in a bit princess.” I smirked, walking towards our guard.
“Hey, will you let go of my hoof already!?” I heard him ask the other Pegasus in an annoyed tone. “I kind of need to focus on my guard duty.”
“So you’re saying you can't focus when I'm holding your hoof?” Rainbow asked.
“Yes! I mean no! I mean- will you just let go of my hoof already?” My guard - Lightning something... Lightning Lasher? Lightning knocker? Ah! Lightning Crasher, that’s right. - replied.
“Hello Lovebirds!” I said cheerfully as I walked up to the table, looking towards their still connected hooves. “Having a nice date?”
“We’re not on a date!” Lightning replied, a slight amount of distress in his tone as he pulled his hoof out of Rainbow Dash’s grasp. Speaking of which, how the hell do they grasp things so well with hooves? Damn magic, defying the laws of physics. For shame Magic, for shame...
“Really? It looked like a date. Are you saying you wouldn't date this nice wo- er.. Mare?” I replied with a sly grin, which faltered slightly as I corrected myself, gesturing towards the multi-chromatic Pegasus. Said Pegasus looked Lightning expectantly, hope written all over her face.
“I never said that!” Lightning replied, annoyed.
“So you would date her?” I countered with a raised brow.
“I never said that either!”
“But you were thinking it.”
“Like you would know what I was thinking!”
“Pfft, I know that you’ve got a mare just hoping for a chance. Are you gonna crush this nice mare’s heart?” Said mare was surprisingly quiet as she watched the back-and-forth; her head following the conversation like it was a tennis match.
“Well maybe I would give her a chance, but I don’t exactly get much personal time as your personal baby-sitter!” Lightning spat back.
“Then it’s set! You’re gonna take her out on a date on your next day off.” I responded with a grin, gaining one of those ‘squee’ smiles from Rainbow, who was now looking at Lightning with excitement.
“Well I-”
Whatever Lightning was going to say was cut off as Luna walked up. “If I recall, my sister did mention that you could have the weekends for thyself.” She supplied helpfully.
Funny thing about the assignment of our punishment, it took three days to get the sentence; Two of which were me getting lost in the castle. That place was a frickin’ MAZE!
“Like I was saying, I would but my weekends are filled. I need to go back to the headquarters in Cloudsdale to report on my mission.” Lightning said, “I still have to report to my commanding officer.”
“So are you going to be adding anything about a certain rainbow colored mare catching your eye?” I asked, giving him a knowing wink.
“Potential relationships with mares is not a viable report to send up.”
“So you’re admitting that you see her as a potential marefriend. You sly pony you~!” I laughed.
“I didn't mean that!” Lightning backtracked, “I was just making a statement.”
“Oh I think you meant it.” I grinned, “A nice statement about how you’re looking at her as potential relationship material.”
“I need to get back to work; this conversation is distracting me from my duties” Lightning replied, attempting to end the conversation. Not letting you off that easy pal!
“But I thought keeping your eyes and ears on Luna and I was your duty?” I responded easily, motioning to myself and the moon princess; who had wandered off to sit at a table for some reason.
“Well it is, but this conversation has nothing to do with my assignment.” The Wonderbolt said stubbornly.
“Are you sure about that? Maybe there's some dastardly plans involving that mare, and you should stick close to her for the sake of protection and investigation.” I told him, chuckling slightly.
“My assignment is to keep you and Princess Luna in my sight until my mission is complete or I am relieved. Therefore, I am not leaving you.”
“So I guess that means that you’ll just have to stick around for that date Rainbow!” I exclaimed, looking at said mare. “I think he’s hinting that he can’t escape you if you stick with Luna and I!”
“I'm not hinting anything.” Lightning denied, “And from what I have heard, Rainbow Dash is not one for relationships.”
“So either your info gathering skills suck, or your pony-reading abilities do.” I responded somewhat teasingly, “Because this mare has been like a beacon of want for you.”
“Hey, I’m not that desperate!” Rainbow spoke up, glaring at me slightly.
“She doesn’t want ‘me’, She just wants to be near me because I’m a Wonderbolt; no other reason.’ Lightning added his two bits. Wow, his two bits. That sounded kinda wrong now that I think about it. Moving on!
“Maybe initially, but then again maybe she’ll calm down if you give her a chance. I'm not suggesting you marry or something, just that you give her a chance” Then I got a really mischievous look on my face. “Or are you too CHICKEN to ask her out?”
“I'm not chicken!” Lightning barked out.
“I mean, I know that you pegasi could be distantly related to birds; But with that attitude I would’ve assumed a hawk.” I continued with a smirk. “Not a puffed up rooster.”
“Hold your tongue!” Lightning yelled. “I’m not going to pressure a mare to go out with me. This is her decision, not mine!”
“Well in that case, we’re going out!” Rainbow piped up, giving a hoof-pump.
Lightning sighed in resignation. “Fine then, I’ll go out on one date, but that’s it. Nothing more.”
“So you say now.” I chuckled.
“My mission comes first, I don't have time for dates.”
“Well you’d better make time, because you just promised her one.”
“I can make room for one, but that's it.”
“Good news!” Luna called, walking up and waving a letter. ‘Celly just said that she personally gives you time off for any and all dates as long as it doesn’t keep you from writing reports once in awhile.” She then looked at the letter, “She said that your long term duties shouldn”t affect your love life, but to remember that the opposite should hold true as well.”
Lightning facehoofed, “Fine, but I still have to make time to find a house. I’m not staying in government housing my whole time here.”
“Well maybe you could talk to Rainbow Dash about that.” Luna suggested with a grin, “She is a local after all!”
Lightning agreed with a shrug, “I guess I can do that.”
“Then it's settled!” And just in time too, based on how dark it’s getting.” I said, gesturing at the darkening sky. “It looks like we'll have to take our tour of Ponyville tomorrow instead.”
Lightning looked outside, “I guess I’ll escort you back home and get some sleep myself. Early day tomorrow after all.”
Luna was disappointed for a moment before realizing something... “Yay! Pancake day tomorrow!” She cheered, running out of the shop.
“Luna! Hey, wait up!” I shouted, chasing after her. “Good luck with your date Lightning!” I threw over my shoulder as I ran after the pancake-pining Princess.