//------------------------------// // 5. Discord, Nooooooooo! // Story: Seven Scrolls For Discord // by Lise //------------------------------// The three scrolls squirmed on the table as Discord approached menacingly, holding a giant fork. "You better not disappoint me," he warned. The last two had left a foul taste in his mouth. The way the draconequus saw it, these had better fix that, or— "Hmm, Dad," a depressed voice said. Instantly, a second head appeared on Discord, facing the source of the voice. "Deliria, sweetie." He forced the largest smile he was capable of. "You look well." The creature only growled in response. Like Screwball, she was a chaos pony. Unlike her sister, however, she was neither cheerful nor chaotic. Dark blue coat with a mane of glimmering green, she was the embodiment of the Aurora Borealis, and just as moody as her mother. "Want to have fun with your old dad?" the draconequus offered, reverting to his normal form. Any other day he would grumble at her for being so orderly, but the thought of losing both his daughters on the same day, even if it was April's Fools, was a bit too much. "Whatever." Deliria sighed in response then slowly made her way to her room. As usual, she walked instead of floating. Five hundred years and she still hadn't gotten through her rebellious phase. If it weren't for the nightmares she brought to ponies, Discord would seriously doubt she was his own daughter. "Come on!" He teleported her to the couch next to him. "It’ll be fun!" "Dad, I don't like f—" she began with the most depressed expression possible. "Here, pick one!" Discord shoved a scroll into her hooves. The chaos pony just looked at it, not budging. "Err, you're supposed to open it, sweetheart," the draconequus suggested patiently. Left with no alternative, Deliria slowly unrolled the scroll. The moment she did, an explosion of confetti and streamers emerged from within, covering her and Discord. "That's it!" Deliria growled, throwing the scroll on the floor. "I'm going to my room!" She vanished in a flash of light. "Well..." Cautiously, Discord took the scroll, brushing the confetti off. "At least she teleported this time." He started reading. Discord, Noooooooo! Why oh why oh why?! Married? Divorced twice?? With children?! Oh, sad saddenings, why are all the good ones taken!? Cheese hasn't written in months, King Grover is a statue, the Smooze is engaged, and now I learn you were married to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna? My dreams are so totally crushed! All this time I was so convinced you were a virgin. The way you grumble, the way you joke, your fake bravado, oh and how shy you are in front of Fluttershy. It's soooooo cute. You have no idea how difficult it’s been to keep myself from jumping right up and hugging you! Of course I know you noticed me, silly. I thought you were just playing hard to get. You know — I make some chaos, you pretend to ignore it, I make some more chaos, you look the other way. And to think I was afraid I might scare you off. Jokes on me, right? Talking about jokes, I really liked the ones at the Gala! They were super duper mega funny. You really shouldn't feel bad, Maud has way more practice. Take it from me, being made a statue has a bad effect on any performance skills. I remember when I accidentally mistook a huge bowl of dough for my bed. Took me hours to chew myself out once I woke up. And after that my jokes were bad for minutes! (You're picturing it in your mind, aren't you? Naughty Discord, you.) Also, why didn't you tell me Screwball and Deliria were your daughters? I hang out with them all the time! Well, Screwball hangs with Dash mostly. Oh, and I got an invitation to their wedding! You don't have to worry about a thing! The party is going to be my best one yet! I might even talk with Princess Luna into letting us have a dream party. Deliria would simply love that! Did I tell you we hang out a lot when I dream? She's really funny! I didn't know Screwball wanted party lessons! *gasp* That would be sooo cool! With her and Rainbow Dash, we'll make the greatest prank ever! Just one thing, though, why do Deliria and Princess Luna act so weirdly each time they meet? Always "Hey" and "Hey", then they sit down and look in different directions before one of them leaves. What's with that? Thank you for the clouds! I really liked the first one! I would never have thought of mixing roses with candles. Absolutely delicious! I'm so making a cake of that for Screwball and Dash's wedding! Don't tell them, though! It'll be a surprise! Are you sure you aren't a virgin? Maybe Screwball and Deliria were actually adopted, but never told you about it? (Better ask them just in case. It might turn out you are their adopted father.) Because if you are a virgin, I'm totally inviting you on a date! (Don't tell anyone, but I have Sugarcube Corner to myself once a week, so we can have it all to ourselves!) Also, no need to be shy — I'll take good care of you. Nothing but the best for my little Disky. Oh, and I've already promised Screwball to bring you back home before midnight. Maybe in a few months we might stay out for longer, but for now I don't want to rush you. You'll tell me when you’re ready. Brown?! You’re giving me a chocolate cloud? That's so sweet of you! I really love those. You know what I was thinking? Maybe I can help you improve the recipe. Chocolate clouds are good and all, but after a while they become so standard. You should spice things up a bit every now and again! Maybe add a few chilli peppers, or a lemon. Mustard! That would be great! Chocolate cloud mustard! Anyway, must rush now. Spike is looking miserable and I simply have to cheer him up! See you! Pinkie Pie P.S. Gummy is a little protective of me, so if we start dating, he might act a bit rashly or something. Don't worry, though. I won't let him hurt you. Just don't make any sudden moves when he's around and never ever ever remain alone with him. Discord's wings fell off his body. What did he just read?! This was way weirder than the first letter! There was so much chaos in Pinkie's words that he felt he was looking into a mirror. But what, by Tartarus, gave her the impression he was a virgin? He had mastered the art of seduction to the fullest! "Wars have been fought because of me!" he said loudly, paw in the air. "Wars have been fought for me and against me!" Or had they really? Maybe he was just deluding himself? "Deliria, sweetie," he shouted. "Did you adopt me?"