Lightning was able to give me SOME advice that helped, namely a good friend can calm you down. Especially a friend you know is bigger than your fears.
Well that should have helped. Thing is, my dad isn’t a giant fire breathing dragon like Lightning’s. The only friend I was pretty sure was more powerful than Gray before he died that was around me at the time anyway was Luna.
When the train stopped, Luna went one way to deal with matters of state and Scootaloo went on a stretcher to the local hospital. Course I went with Scoots. Me and the whole troop did, including Vinyl, as this time the general had no reason to stop her. Moonstone accompanied us.
Scootaloo was stabilized pretty quickly. She was left to sleep, but apparently she was never really “in the woods” to begin with as far as her life being in danger this time. The doctors who examined her when she got off the train said they had theories as to what was going on, but they needed to do some tests at the hospital. Still, they were pretty certain she was going to be alright.
A mother worries, no one likes to hear their own child screaming. However I was relieved.
As we walked, I turned to our escort. “Can I speak candidly?” He nodded. “Why are you with us?”
“You don’t know do you?” he asked back.
“Know what?”
“Whenever something like this happens, the enemies of the kingdom start to get bolder.”
“Something like Scootaloo getting hurt?” I asked, confused.
“No,” he shook his head. “About two months ago one pony devastated all six of the elements of harmony, injuring all but one, nearly killing one, injuring her for life and driving another to near insanity. This creature escaped capture by the princesses themselves and was only defeated by a freak circumstance, undone by his own creation. Equestria is guarded by failures. Paper tigers only tend to threaten others until the material they are made of is exposed. Do you have any idea how many ponies and other creatures would like to claim the head of an element bearer or one of the princesses?”
“But… I’m just a…”
“You’re one of the ponies protecting this entire nation. Knowing you’re just another mare- welp, it was something we tried to keep silent. Royal bards told of the great acts you’ve all done, like the sonic Rainboom… apparently they had problems fudging things for Apple Jack…”
“Hey!” the farm pony shouted.
“Trixie Bard?” I asked, waving her off.
“One of the best. Her magical talents help a lot with storytelling, you’d be surprised. The point remains, with word of your now multiple humiliating defeats, those who want to prove themselves or overthrow the government… you’re targets now okay?”
“And our kids? Scootaloo, Sweetie, Apple Bloom… Scootaloo…?” I asked.
The general seemed ready to speak, but then he looked back at me and seemed to choke something back. “There are things better left unsaid to a parent. Just know that I will protect you both with my life.”
“What about our friends back in Ponyville?” asked Apple Jack.
“Surely you’ve noticed the larger number of guard ponies during both night and day,” he replied.
“I thought they were there to make sure Gray didn’t have any associates,” Rarity put in.
“Not going to deny they’re also looking for that,” the general acknowledged. “Course make no mistake, Gray, as a mere pegasus, broke the spell of the princess of the night, a spell that was meant as a death sentence. Do you have any idea how much easier that is to explain if he had allies?”
‘This isn’t over is it?’ Vinyl wrote, jogging ahead of us so the general could read her question.
“There are too many unanswered questions for it to be over,” the general said with a sigh. “Someone had to be working with Gray, who? What did Gray really want? If he wanted to continue his research, as some have proposed, why expose himself willingly like he did? Even the circumstances of his death raise more questions than answers. Why that clearing? Why fly your daughter all the way out there instead of just slitting her throat? How did he know a timber wolf would be there? What exactly are the nature of Lightning’s abilities, and how did he underestimate them when he created them? Or more to the point, did he underestimate them?”
“You mean did he know he would be killed? What kind of question is that?” I prodded.
“A disquieting one. Why wouldn’t that bother him, or why would he go through with it anyway?” The general gritted his teeth. “What was he after?” He grunted. “All of Equestria could hang in the balance here and I can’t figure any of this out.”
“All of Equestria?” asked Apple Jack. “Pfff, he was just attacking us. That sounds like a bit of a leap-“
“Dark ascension is not a minor concept. If it is possible to ascend through evil…” he snorted. “I can’t figure any of this out. It’s like… like I’ve been given a puzzle with pieces deliberately left out and I can’t even figure out how many are gone.”
“Are you okay?” I asked, seeing his continued antics.
“No I’m not,” he admitted. “Celestia… long have I been told of her great power, her great calm, how she held the peace of this land. I was told how her sister rivaled her and when I was young I was honored to join the guard, believing an invincible force awaited me… but I saw the looks on their faces when they returned with your broken bodies. Luna was scared, she even confided in me that she wasn’t sure that she could fight something that could conquer all of you. And Celestia was on the verge of tears, so afraid she would lose Twilight most of all… I think… if I were to guess, Twilight is like her own child. Just like you, seeing her child like that, shook her majesty to her core.” He bit his lip. “I’m sorry. My bluntness makes me able to cause others to follow me, it allows them to trust my words. However, it also means I bear my soul when I don’t know if I should. I’m scaring all of you no doubt.”
Rarity walked up next to him. “We’re not helpless you know. And perhaps it would be better if Twilight were here, however I’m quite intelligent myself. Perhaps I can help you with these mysteries?”
The general nodded. “I suppose. I’ve already gotten intelligence officers working on these mysteries round the clock. But another mind to bounce ideas off of can’t hurt.”
“Besides… that horrifying experience with Scootaloo aside, whom turned out to be fine, I still want to date you…” Rarity confessed.
“How old are you?”
“I beg your pardon?” she asked back.
“I’m forty one,” he said back. “I need to know if I’m robbing the cradle.”
“You think I look young?” she asked.
“A bit,” said the general, nodding his head, the statement more an exclamation.
Rarity floofed her main a few times. “Oh go on,” she said. “PLEASE!”
“I’m being honest, please return the favor,” Moonstone simply replied.
“Well… um… thirty,” she said hesitantly.
“I admit I like the company of beautiful mares such as… well most everyone here, save the children of course. However actually dating them beyond just casual conversation, one has to be sure. I suppose eleven years is a gap I could perhaps tolerate. No offense.”
“None taken I suppose,” Rarity answered.
I held my tongue, but yes, I was twenty one. It struck me right away that the general was older than my father. I had a feeling he was out of my league and this further confirmed that. Still, maybe I couldn’t have romantic thoughts about him, but I could still wish him the best in my head, and I did. Gray was dead, I was certain of that, however, I wished this protector of ours the best of luck with both the mysteries he was facing and dating my friends. Celestia knows both would be complicated and he did pledge his life to protect mine and my daughter’s. Wishing him well was the least I could do.
(***)
In Dodge City clinic the hours ticked by. And as they did, my stomach turned several knots. What was taking the doctors so long? I was told she was fine. She was fine right?
The general and my friends Rarity and AJ left to talk for a while, Pinkie and me knowing the real reason. HEY! Get your mind out of the gutter! They were most likely just talking, ya know, working out who would be dating him and stuff… whatever one does with romance besides sex.
They came back and my stomach was in so many knots, I needed something to think about besides my mounting questions about what was taking the doctors so freaking long. So... small talk it was!
The general walked away, seeming rather… not happy. That wasn’t a good sign. “Sooo…” I started.
“So who’s hooking up with the general!?” Pinkie shouted. Wow. Yes I’m the youngest of the group. Not the most immature though.
“Um, no one girls,” Apple Jack replied. She was obviously trying to be calm in her delivery. “At least, we’re not sure about somethin’.”
“What did he say to you two?” I asked, seeing both my friends upset. I started to glare. “If he said something mean to you-“
“Yer gonna fight HIM?” Apple Jack said, motioning to the general and rolling her eyes. “Sugar cube, we’re all injured enough as it is, don’t do anything stupid. Besides, if anyone is bein’ mean here…” she looked at Rarity.
Rarity continued. “It’s us. We can’t help it, but we know we’re not being fair. If we’re being honest, some things have to be thought about critically.”
“Why?” I asked, kinda disappointed now.
“It’s personal Rainbow, but no one is at fault. Ah’m warning ya, it’s none of yer business, please just leave it alone,” Apple Jack said, still looking rather disappointed and… a little guilty.
I had to sit and wonder for a little while what was wrong. Well, not for too much of a while, because a doctor finally came in and called my name.
I jumped and nearly scrambled over to her. “Seriously what took you so freaking long?!” I demanded. The doctor just stood there, looking at me. “What?... She’s okay right? She’s gonna be okay right?”
“She is,” the doctor replied finally. “We removed the offending object from her system. The stitches to sew her back up are already in place as well. She’s pretty much ready to go.”
“Well… what’s with the look?” I almost chuckled out, I was getting so nervous.
“We should go talk,” she said. I waved my hoof for her to continue. “Please, for your daughter, this is not something we should talk about in public. Come with me.” I did NOT like the sound of that.
We traveled into a secluded hallway. “Um…” the doctor started nervously. “Rainbow Dash… first, many of the doctors were wondering something… it’s kind of off subject, but how is a mare your age the mother of an eight year old child?”
“I adopted, now what’s going on?” I asked, brows lowered.
“Then who is her real mother?” she asked.
“You’re looking at her. If you’re talking about Violet Blaze she walked out on her own daughter and couldn’t even say “I love you” to her,” I spat at the floor. “If I never see that bitch again, she should consider herself lucky.”
“And her father?”
“Purple Cloud? Okay guy. Visits on the weekends. Long story, but he’s not here today,” I said.
“Do you know how to contact him?” she queried further.
“If nothing else, there’s always pony wing express,” I said, flapping my wings. “Now out with it, Scootaloo is my daughter and I deserve to know if something is wrong.”
“Yes, I’m getting to that, but I need to understand that you will get in touch with any other possibly concerned parents, or if we need to do it for you.”
“I’ll talk to Purple Cloud soon as I can. The mayor has a phone.”
“And her bio mother?”
“Fuck her.” I said without hesitation.
“In other words we’ll have to look her up ourselves…”
“If anything is gonna get that mare anywhere near Scootaloo, I’m not helping it.”
“You don’t understand, this is a legal matter.”
I chuckled sickly, remembering how Violet Blaze just walked away from Scootaloo one day when she was crying in the hospital, begging her to stay, saying she would forgive everything she did if she just said she loved her. Violet Blaze was so lucky I let her live after seeing Scootaloo crying like that. “No you don’t understand. Don’t let me go anywhere near that mare or they’re gonna have to lock me up. Now out with it already, what’s wrong?”
“Well… how do I put this?” my mind raced at that statement. Not good. Not good at all. “I’m sure you’re aware that as mares, there are parts of us that are important to… to bearing children.”
“No…” I said, shakily.
“Keep it down, this is not something any young lady would want to share. It seems when that timber wolf bit her, it left a small piece of wood embedded in her uterus. The other doctors apparently missed it. It might have moved out and been noticed another way if not for the train ride. The vibrations of the wheels on the track agitated the wound however and… Rainbow Dash her womb is destroyed for good. Perhaps if she were older and her womb were larger, but at her age it’s still developing and this kind of damage… I’m sorry.” I sat down. “She... how much did being a mother seem to be something she wanted?” the doctor asked.
“She’s eight!” I practically shouted. “Eight year olds don’t know if they want kids of their own or not. It’s not even possible until- you’re telling me it never will be possible?” she nodded. “Look I… I know there’s more to life but, the poor kid has had enough taken away from her. This too?”
“If she wants children she can always adopt,” the nurse said, obviously trying to encourage me.
“Yea but… that’s supposed to be an option, not the only way. Look, I never really was able to talk to my mom about pregnancy before she died, but I was able to ask Ms. Cake about it back in Ponyville. She said it had its downs, but it was one of the best experiences of her life. I actually want to know what it’s like myself someday. You can’t be serious.”
“This is a problem for mares all around Equestria, stallions too,” she noted. “She won’t be alone. And like I said, there’s always adoption. Do you really think you would be any closer to her if you gave birth to your daughter?”
“Of course not,” I said without hesitation. I loved Scootaloo and I couldn’t love her more. She was mine, my daughter. I would always love her and genes couldn’t change that. “I… does she know?”
“No. We thought it best she talk to her family about this first, not strangers.”
“Can it… wait?” I asked, not sure what I meant myself by the statement.
“The situation isn’t going to change. But you can wait until you think best to tell her. We’ll just let her know she needs to talk to you and we’ll leave it at that.”
“Thankyou.”
(***)
I couldn’t bear to talk to Scoots just yet. No, how I felt about her as my child hadn’t changed, that’s what made this so hard. How was I supposed to talk to a little kid about something like this? I wanted the best of everything for her, not locked doors. Can’t fly, can’t bear children, can’t have her bio mother… I wanted to help her, to save her, but there was nothing I could do. I was happy her life wasn’t in danger, but this seemed so cruel.
When she came out of her hospital room, I had to excuse myself and leave, telling her to just hang out with her friends for a while, I needed to go think. Luckily she didn’t press the issue too much. I left the clinic and started walking the grounds.
The general followed me. I wheeled on him after we left the building. “The heck are you doing?!” I demanded. “If I want someone to talk to, it’ll be one of my friends, not some-“
“You’re the one Gray showed the most interest in recently while he was alive, remember? We still don’t know if anything remains of those working with him, and mark my words, he was NOT alone. Besides,” he looked up, motioning with his eyes for me to do so as well. I looked up and saw in the darkening sky several bat ponies circling over the clinic. “You’re all being watched by the guard. Just you especially because of what I just said.” He walked a little closer. “Still, it seems something is bearing on your mind. Either that or you’re still forgetting I’m a general and not a stallion you should feel at liberty to just mouth off to.” I nearly choked. I was so glad this guy was understanding on that point. “Go ahead. I’m not stupid. Doctors don’t pull mothers aside in private to give good news. If you need to speak your mind, you can. And, as an added bonus,” he said, with a kind of side smile. “I’m a member of her majesty’s royal guard, if any secret leaves my lips, I could be demoted for breach of trust. Especially something critical entrusted to me by a fellow soldier. It’s a matter of honor.”
I sighed. “Fine. Scootaloo can’t give birth. Her uterus was destroyed,” I looked away, somewhat relieved to have said that to someone.
“Damn.”
“That’s it? Damn?”
“Well what are you looking for? It's unfortunate. Still, she’s not going to die and she can still adopt when she gets older.”
“It’s a big deal. Do stallions have that hard of a time being sympathetic over matters unique to mares?”
“Excuse me?”
“You said I could speak candidly,” I replied.
“You’re walking the line.”
“What line? Why don’t you care? I should have known a stallion wouldn’t care about something like this!” I snapped. “What would you know? Stallions only care about one thing anyway,” Wow… yes, I would later realize just how stupid and bigoted I was sounding with that statement, but show me one pony who hasn’t gone a little nutty in cases like this. I had long ago reached my boiling point. “and by extension only want kids one way. If a mare can’t give them to him, well then I guess she should accept being alone right?!“ The general turned away from me. “Nothing to say huh?”
“No, I’m just pissed off at you right now and I’m practicing methods of restraint because you’re not in a right mind. You’re a parent and something bad happened to your child, of course you’re distraught.”
“Pissed.” I gaffed. “Why should you be pissed?”
“Are you that dense?” He asked, an agitated edge to his voice. “Could your friends have spelled it out for you any better? Why do you think a pair of mares would turn down a stallion they’re both attracted to but not be able to say why in public? Why would they see themselves as the ones being unfair, but still think it’s for the best?”
“I don’t know how could I-“
“I’m sterile.”
“Oh… no… no AJ and Rares wouldn’t be that shallow,” I said back.
“It’s not like they rejected me on the spot, though I wouldn’t have begrudged them that decision either. There’s only one way to get pregnant if that’s what they want. They both have every right to want foals do they not?”
“Well yea but-“
“They have every right to choose pregnancy or not. Both of them were clear with me that they want marriage material. A life commitment is something you have to consider carefully. Even considering things that are, “unfair” to consider. Finances, politics, family planning, it’s their lives soldier. Their bodies and lives are theirs to give, not mine to take. As would be the case if a stallion were to take interest in your daughter when she grows up.”
“She’s… she’s… she’s not broken,” I said, almost like I was pleading with myself to remember that.
He turned back to look at me. “I never said she was. She’s every bit as much a filly and will be as much a mare as any mare who can give birth. Do you think less of me?”
“I might pity you.”
“Don’t. My sterility has not really held me back from dating, more my career choice and direct speaking.”
“Guess I can see that.”
“You’re walking the line again.”
“Sorry.”
I hesitantly walked next to him and he continued. “It’s not so bad though really. She can have children through adoption like you did, and there are hundreds, nay thousands of foals who will need her if she so chooses. Still I understand what kind of a blow this can be.”
“It’ll devastate her. If I can ask, how did you lose your ability to make kids?”
“I don’t really know. I just found out one doctor visit back when I was fifteen. Something was… different about my um… member. No children for me, sorry… Stallions want to pass on their genes. It’s hard to explain but, we do.” He looked up at the sky and raised an eyebrow. “If you really think about it, I suppose a reasonable mare or stallion wouldn’t be sure why it matters at all. It’s not like having wings or legs that don’t work. Adopt a baby, what would I really miss out on right? Heck I’m a stallion, I don’t get pregnant, the mare does.” He sighed. “But any time reality takes something away, it still hurts.”
“Any advice?”
“From a stallion? I thought we only cared about one thing.”
“Sorry I said that. I’m just really upset right now. Mess with me all you want, but mess with my daughter and… and what? There’s nothing I can do about this. Can’t even blame Gray as he couldn’t have predicted something like this.”
“Blame him all you want, he was a horrible pony.”
“Doesn’t make me feel better.”
I waited for a few minutes, standing there with him, looking up at the stars. Finally he spoke up again. “Don’t make a big deal out of it I suppose. If she wants kids, just tell her about adoption.”
“Should I hide it from her? Or tell everyone to just shut up about pregnancy around her?”
“She has every right to know. As to everyone shutting up about it, if they know it’s a problem for her, it’s rude to talk about. However, no, especially if a friend of hers gets pregnant in the future, she’ll want to share in the joy of it I’m sure.”
“I just wish… if there were one thing I want right now that isn’t impossible, I want my dad. Daddy could help me. I know he could. I’m so messed up right now and I don’t know what to do for my daughter. No matter what, he always believes in me. He always knows what to say. He’s… he’s my daddy.” I looked over at the general, who seemed to stutter a little in his stance.
“I can’t- if you’re looking for something like that from me…”
“No, not really. I mean, you did listen to my crap just now and talked some sense into me, and that was great. Thanks. Last thing Scoots needs is for me to fall apart on her ya know?” I sighed. I did feel better having gotten through that. “And… ya know, for what it’s worth, you seem like a nice guy when someone gets to know you. I hope Rarity or AJ gives you a chance.”
“They probably will. These days most ponies have to think about this sort of thing, but most of the good ones decide it’s not that important.”
“It’s not that important right?”
“That’s not for you to decide. My dad made a huge deal out of it and my mother told me it didn’t matter. Years later and I’m still confused. If I had my wish, I wish one of them just would have supported me in however I felt about it.”
“Just be there for her?” he nodded. “You sound like my therapist.” I turned to walk back in. “Um… general, this has been a really messed up time for me. It’s kinda nice to have an older pony around, like when I was a kid and I had my dad.” He looked at me nervously. “Nothing big I swear but, can you stick around while I tell her? Please?”
“Is that what you need soldier?”
“Yes.”
“Then so be it. Lead the way. I’ll be with you.”
(***)
I pulled Scootaloo aside in the clinic into an empty hall, deciding spur the moment she could have Apple Bloom stay with her. I hoped that was the right choice.
We talked. It was so hard to get out the words to explain to her what had happened.
“I… I can’t? Ever?” She finally shouted when she understood.
“Keep it down,” I said.
“He knows?” she said, pointing at the general.
“I am sworn to secrecy by her majesty Princess Luna’s service. She could have told a stone and it would have made about at much difference,” said the general.
“They can’t fix it?” she asked. I shook my head. “I don’t know if I’ll want kids someday but… what does this mean?”
“It just means you can’t get pregnant that’s all. You can have kids, there’s adoption.” I said.
Apple Bloom looked at her. “You okay?”
“Don’t tell anyone,” she told her friend. “And… I don’t know. How should I feel about this?”
“No one can tell you how to feel,” I replied. “But I’m right here. We’ve done this before kiddo. You know I’m going to be here for you… if I can ask, how do you feel?”
“Just confused. I haven’t ever really thought about that sort of thing.” She turned to her friend. “Apple Bloom, how would you feel?”
“Me?! Um… well… ah want ta be a mom someday, ah really do but, well, adoption seemed ta work out for you and yer mom sooooo…. maybe it’s not a big deal right?”
“Yea… yea I guess so- LIGHTNING!” she suddenly shouted. “You were listening?”
“I was worried,” she said back, backing away from the corner where she had been hiding. She hid her head under her hooves. “I’m sorry, please don’t hate me.”
Scootaloo grunted. “I… just keep it to yourself.”
“Gray did this. The evil scientist pony did this.” Lightning said.
“Yea but he’s dead…” Scootaloo started to turn around, like she was angry, but she stopped and closed her eyes. She then turned back. “Thank you. You’re a good friend. Thank you for saving me and Rainbow Dash.” She paused. “And thank you for killing him.”
(***)
Finally the group got up to leave the hospital. Scootaloo swore me, Apple Bloom and Lightning to secrecy, which was understandable. The general said he was going to lead us home, or at least to where we would all be assigned to stay.
As we walked, Rarity and AJ talked to him again. Apparently they had decided Apple Jack’s commitment to her family meant she couldn’t really date him, though the way she phrased her reasons, I doubt anyone but me, Moonstone, Rarity and herself understood what she meant. Rarity however had no real issue with “what he brought up”.
As we went along, Pinkie suddenly stopped and looked left. “Um, hey general, everyone seems all gloomy, but you just hooked up with Rarity, so you two should be happy right?” she asked. We all stopped and Rarity looked back at her along with Moonstone, both of them rather befuddled. They then looked at each other and shrugged.
“We’re happy to date darling, but this isn’t exactly a very happy time,” Rarity pointed out.
“It could be!” Pinkie said back.
“I don’t see how,” Moonstone said back. Pinkie motioned next to us to a large abandoned building. “I’m not following.” Pinkie shot into the building.
“It looks like everything is pretty sturdy in here,” we looked in after her, everyone still bewildered. “No loose debris or anything.”
We followed her in finally, the general speaking up. “This used to be a dance studio. It’s not run down, the owners only lost it about a month ago.”
“Used to be?” Pinkie asked.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked.
“I… I get that I kinda sometimes mess up… I sometimes get the mood wrong… is this a bad time to try to make everyone happy? Does everyone want to be all frowny?”
“Not especially,” I replied. “We’re not in mourning. It’s just something happened. Again I can’t say exactly what. Don’t worry though, Scoots is fine…”
“So…” she bounced over to a large stage overlooking the dance floor we were all standing on. “If I pulled out something like this,” suddenly a large mix track and speakers appeared with her.
“How the heck-“ asked the general.
“It’s Pinkie don’t question it,” I said. I looked over and saw Vinyl’s face light up.
“Before we go home, would anyone be interested in a little fun?” Pinkie said, bouncing with anticipation behind her set up.
“A dance party!” Lightning shouted. “By the mistress of party herself?”
“I like that name by the way,” Pinkie said. “We do have a DJ in the house…” she looked over at Vinyl. Vinyl scurried up beside her.
The general shrugged. “Um well… I won’t forbid it, but I don’t understand how you’re going to use a mix track that isn’t even plugged in-“
“LIGHTS!” Pinkie shouted and suddenly the entire room was lit up with light with no apparent origin.
“What the?” the general asked, spinning.
“Party pony general,” Rarity said.
“Are they really that powerful?” he asked back.
“You have no idea how used to this I am, now if I may be so bold,” she turned to Pinkie. “HIT IT!”
“I um…” the general said, looking around as the music started at a low hum.
“Shut up and dance with me!” Rarity said.
Speaking of that line, a familiar tune started to play.
And thus, yes, with a platoon of night ponies flying overhead -which I was sure Pinkie would soon invite in-, horrible news and our lives probably in danger, in defiance of it all, we were about to have a good time anyway.