“So.” Anthony says, walking back to the group’s Outrunner. “We got some cash for that Skag den job, and the assassin job we’ll turn in to Roland in a bit. In the meantime, we now have some spare cash. But if I’m right, the Hunters should be reaching Tundra Express and chatting with Tina.”
“Who?” Pinkie asks. “I don’t think we’ve met anyone with that name.”
Anthony just laughs “You haven’t, but I know her. She’s gonna help with robbing the train.”
“The one you said was booby-trapped by that Wilhelm guy, right?”
Anthony nods and settles into the gunner seat of the car. “Fight won’t be impossible, but it won’t be easy. Jack doesn’t want Wilhelm to be too easy, otherwise it’d raise suspicion.”
“Why not just ignore the train completely then?” Pinkie asks. “I mean, we don’t want to put them through a fight they could avoid, right? They are our friends...”
“Yeah.” Anthony nods. “But best they take care of Wilhelm while he’s weak and get him out of the way. We don’t want Jack to be able to use him later for a real job, not just a trap.”
“Yeah, that does sound like a good idea. But you’re sure they can handle Wilhelm? The way you build him up he sounds really strong.” Dash comments.
“Oh they’ll die for sure, but they’ll take him out eventually, but as I said, if they fight him this time it’ll be possible to beat him. If they don’t take the chance now and Jack fixes Wilhelm up, there’s no guarantees that Wilhelm will be beatable.”
“I’m still a bit iffy about the whole ‘dying and coming back’ thing. Can’t Jack just shut them off whenever he wants and kill us for good at the drop of a hat?”
“Sure he could.” Anthony says, but smiling. “But remember? That’s how he’s getting most of his income, we put money in his pocket each time we die, and considering Vault Hunters tend to get a good amount of cash by profession, he’d be insane to throw away a perfectly good money source like that. Besides, those Loaders and stuff are not cheap, especially with Hyperion needing every cent it can get to maintain a strong presence here.”
“So, even if we die, he can still make money off us?” Dash says, looking disgusted. “The Canterlot nobles are kinda... okay, really vicious with deals but that’s just kinda sick.”
“No no.” Anthony corrects. “It’s good business sense. The fact that he laughs at us each time we die and rubs it in our faces is sick.”
“Ah... I see.” Dash says, still sounding grouchy about it.
“But hey, there’s incentive not to die still. Sure we’d still be alive anyways, but at least we won’t be putting money in Jack’s pocket. Staying alive is just a lot harder out here.”
The ponies nod as they approach Sanctuary. Hopping out, they head to the Raider HQ. “Alright, the spies have been taken care of.”
“What were they spies of anyway?” Pinkie asks. “I mean, I know they were working for Jack but... what did they know that we had to keep them from talking about?”
“As far as we knew, they knew where I was.” Lilith says, leaning on the far wall of the war room. “The other bandits in Frostburn Canyon wouldn’t out me, they never even met me, but, well... since I made a lot of commotion out there dealing with the Bloodshots...”
“It was only a matter of time before they figured they were dealing with a Siren.” Roland finishes. “That job may not have been too high on our priority list since Lilith is staying here instead of Frostburn canyon, but we still didn’t want Jack getting any clues that she’s even alive yet. But that’s a job for another time.”
“Yeah.” Anthony says, leaning on the war-room’s holographic map table. “So we are gonna take Angel’s job of heading over to the Preserve, but the problem is that we’re way underprepared to handle the bulk of Jack’s security out there. And even with the level-up boost Angel’s giving us, it might still be a while.”
<“Oh! I didn’t tell you... right, sorry. I wasn’t going to send you in the front.”>
“That...” Anthony starts. “Would make things a lot easier. So if our job isn’t to go in there and help trash the place in general, what are we gonna do?”
<“Well, Jack’s notes mentioned some sort of experiments going on in there. The other Vault Hunters are meant to be lured in, and I think I’m supposed to be the one to let them in, there’s a timer attached to the mail counting something down for a few days from now. I was thinking, since Jack doesn’t really know anything about you, I could sneak you in a side entrance under false credentials, and have you go through the office block. In there, you’d only have to face some support personnel and a few guards, nothing too challenging, and make your way to the underside of the labs. From there, you can sabotage the entire reserve, before Jack’s plans come to fruition.”>
“I like the sound of that plan.” Anthony says, turning to Roland, who nods. “Alright, we’ll do it your way. Of course subtlety might be hard to pull off with Pinkie and Rainbow around. What do we say? They’re Skags who ended up with some really interesting Slag transfusions?”
<“Actually, if you come in first, Anthony, you can shoot down anyone before they can raise an alarm. All the people working there are very sure that no vault hunters can get in, and none of the alarms are automatic, in case of traitors. You should only face them a few at a time, maybe up to a dozen or so in the main cubicle farm.”>
“But we’ll be undercover for a good part of it, meaning sneaking around. And no explosives, I assume.”
<“Yeah. In fact, you won’t be able to bring most of your guns, I’m afraid. I can divert a few Hyperion-made weapons, but it won’t be more than some pistols and maybe a shotgun. I’m sorry, but it’s the best I can do without sending up red flags all over. I can also loop the security footage to keep anyone from seeing the ponies.”>
“Gotcha. Thanks Angel. We should talk some later though. Right now, we got a job. Just tell us where to get the special guns. I can lead us to the reserve.” Anthony explains. “It should be easy, aside from the Stalkers all over the highlands. We... won’t need to gear up long before we actually start the mission will we? Sorry, but I’m not gonna run into a bunch of Stalkers without something stronger than a pistol.”
<“Don’t worry. I know a place you can get an experimental shield type that will repel Stalkers without having to fight them. It’ll be a bit dangerous, though, at your current gear levels. Are you alright with that?”>
Before Anthony can respond, Dash yells, “Heck yeah! We can do this, just fine. I mean, there’ll be loot, and we can level up, and maybe not die as often on this run. I’m kinda sick of being low on money.”
“Yeah, is there a way to keep some of our cash out of your d-” Anthony catches himself. “Jack’s pockets? Even just, Idunno, a ten-percent discount?”
“Hmm... I think I can point you in a good direction, but that won’t be a place you can survive any time soon. You’ll need much higher-level gear than you have to make it through the Arid Nexus.”
“Yeah. So I’ll assume we should, to reduce suspicion, head through the Dust entrance to the Highlands. If we try trekking through the Outwash, Jack’s little base out there will definitely blow our cover since there’s so many cameras around.”
<“Most likely, yes. Also... I will want to talk to you privately, but later. Turn in your jobs, and I’ll lead you to the shield. There’s only one, so you’ll have to stay close together.”>
“We can do that.” Anthony says, fairly sure of himself. “We’ll just be a while since the Dust will have some pretty tough customers. It’ll be a chore getting to the Highlands through it, but shorter and less likely we’ll go through any of Jack’s stuff.”
Dash and Pinkie nod to him.
“Hey, and ya’ll can meet mah sister while yer there!” Scooter’s voice chimes over the ECHOs, making all three jump.
“Yeah...” Anthony fakes checking the map by his hands. “Ellie’s garage?”
“Tha’s the one. And Dash, she’ll be able to give ya that tune-up Ah told ya about, jes bring ‘er the schee-may-tick I gave ya.” Dash nods at Scooter’s words.
“Alright, guess we’ll be in the Dust a bit longer than we planned a few moments before, but I think we’ll still have time.” Anthony says. “What do you think Angel, time enough for a detour or two?”
<“Yes. The shield is actually in an old Dahl substation in the Dust, so this works out just fine. You seem to know the area fairly well; do you know about the little houses and bunkers in the Dust, near the old road?”>
“Yeah, the Hodunks used them as ramps and such before they made their racetrack I think.”
<“Well, one of them, I’m not sure which, has a back room with a hatch under it. I know for a fact none of the local bandits have gotten into it yet, and I can give you the passcode, but you’ll need to figure out which one it is, first.”>
“Should be easy enough to find.” Anthony nods. “We’ll be going now then. Oh, and Roland.” When Anthony gets Roland’s attention he continues. “Look a Hyperion gift horse in the mouth. Every time.” Anthony wasn’t going to specify the rigged power core, but he was hoping it was specific enough for Roland to know what to expect.
Roland just nods and Anthony leads the ponies down the stairs. They’re about to leave when Tannis blocks their way. “I couldn’t help but hear... well, actually I could but I don’t care, but I hear you’re heading to the Exploitation Reserve, yes?”
“Uh, ye-”
“While you’re there, I would be greatly appreciative if you could get some samples of the slag they are using on the local wildlife. I was going to give this job to the other vault hunters but you seem to be going sooner.”
Anthony shrugs. “Maybe. Depends on a few variables, but we’ll get some if we can.”
“Splendid. Just get that done and bring them to me when you’re finished with whatever irrelevant thing you’re doing at the time.”
“Will do.” Pinkie salutes and rushes out the door, Anthony and Dash running to catch up.
“Remember Pinkie, get all your energy out while we’re in the Dust. Once we get to the Reserve we need to be quiet.”
“Oh, Anthony. I can be completely stealthy. There’s only two ponies that’ve ever seen my surprise parties coming, and those were my parents the fifteenth time I threw them one in the same week.”
“Alright, just don’t yell ‘Surprise’ until we’re done. That said, we’re gonna need to do some car-on-car combat out in the Dust.”
Dash shivers with anticipation. “Does that mean what I think it means?”
Anthony grins. “Yep, but those Bandit Stinger vehicles are serious business. We’re gonna need to be pretty maneuverable to avoid them before we can take some shots of our own.”
“Oh, don’t you worry about that, Anthony.” Dash says, confidently. “Trust me. After some of the hookup augs Scooter gave my Exo, I think I can really get some performance outta these things.”
“Good, we’re gonna need it.” Anthony says. “Alright, to the Dust.”
“Right!” Dash says, hopping into the Outrunner, Anthony and Pinkie taking their usual positions. “Just tell me where it is.”
“Head to the Bloodshot stronghold in the old Memorial Dam. It’s just past that.”
“Gotcha.” The engine revs, and the three zoom off in a blast of heat and engine exhaust.
----- (/\) -----
It doesn’t take more than a few hours, but the group is at the entrance to the Dust and as soon as they round the corner and take in the enormity of the desert, Dash sees all the rocks and outcroppings in the sand, perfectly smoothed and made for doing car tricks.
“We go see Ellie first, right?” Dash asks, to which Anthony nods.
“It’s dead ahead and on your right.”
“On it!” Dash says, slamming the gas pedal back down and zooming forward fast enough to blow Anthony back and almost out were he not holding onto the missile controls with a deathgrip.
She slaloms through the junk, hitting several Spiderants, and scattering the small pack that keeps assembling in front of Ellie’s, cyan blood coating the front of the car, giving it a splattered ‘paint job’.
She screeches to a stop, coming in sidelong right in front of the titanic woman known as Ellie, who seems delighted to see them. “Hoo-ee! Y’all’re real ponies! Scooter wudn’t shittin’ me!”
“You bet we’re real!” Pinkie says, hopping out of Anthony’s lap and running up to say hello. “I’m Pinkie Pie!”
“Ooh, aint-chu just the sweetus little thang. An you, yer th one mah littler bro said had to get a fixer-upper fer her Exo?” she says, pointing at Dash, who hops out of the car, nodding.
“Yeah, he said you could help me get more landspeed outta the frame, something about a lighter material?”
“Sure thing, hun! And you, shuga, what’s yer name~?” she says, sing-songing at Anthony.
“Anthony.” he says, noticing a Bandit Stinger off in the distance. He spins the turret around and launches a missile and misses, but the knock of the blast tips the bandit car over where it explodes. Satisfied once the cyan bar on his HUD flash with the signal of an experience boost, hops out of the car. “And how are you doing?”
“Oh, ah’m jes fine, shuga~” she says, tittering.
Anthony nods. “Well, we’ll be out here for a little bit until we find what we’re looking for but in the meantime we have some time to do some jobs if you have any.”
“Hmm... yea, ah gotta few. Fer one, ah wanna git ridda those spiderants. They’re driving away customers! Ah hear there’s this super-stuff in the reserve that repels ‘em. Git it, an I’ll pay ya well.”
“We’re headed that way anyways!” Pinkie says happily. “We’re gonna go in there all sneaky and then... uh... What exactly did Angel mean by sabotage, Anthony? What are we gonna be breaking?”
“Probably everything. I hope.” Dash says, as Ellie goes over the schematics the pony handed her.
“Well, fer a closer job, kin ya git summa them figurines off the hoodsa those Hodunk’s Technicals, an’ ah’ll getcha somethin nice.”
“We’ll get those for you then.” Anthony says. “Shouldn’t be hard if we can... hold up. I just had an idea.”
“Go ahead, hansum~” Ellie says, ogling him over the top of the schematic.
“Well, if you got us one of those Bandit Technicals for ourselves, we could have enough room for Pinkie to use her launcher, the turret, and the drivers’ guns. Those cars the Hodunks are driving wouldn’t stand a chance!”
“Ah like the way ya think.” Ellie says. “Ah’ll add the Technicals to yer profiles in the Catch-A-Ride. And a special paint job, jess fer you~”
Anthony smiles, thinking to himself. ‘Everything is going better than expected. And maybe, if Sanctuary makes it without needing to be sent sky-high... this will go perfectly.’
“Thanks Ell, you’ve saved us a lotta trouble dealing with those cars.”
Ellie just gives Anthony a smile and walks into her garage, and after a few minutes she calls out that it’s ready. Dash heads over to the machine and selects the Technical. “Oooooh, man, this is a hard choice.”
“What is, Dashie?” Pinkie asks, hopping up and down excitedly.
“Well, the Technical’s turret can either fire giant saw blades, or launch exploding barrels.”
“Exploding barrels!” Pinkie yells, and Anthony agrees.
“Alright then, barrels it is.” Dash says, selecting the car, and the vehicle is digistructed before their eyes right in the garage.
The vehicle looks just like a normal bandit car, excepting the special paint job Ellie talked about. It has a blood-splatter paint job across the front and the wheel wells, and the tires are painted to have similar ‘splatters’ in a circular pattern. And the main body of the car is a bright, eye-catching pink. On the wide hood of the car is a portrait of Ellie, blowing a kiss at the viewer with a wink.
“Ohhhh yeah.” Dash says, looking the car over. “This’ll do.”
“Alright.” Anthony says, hopping into the turret, holding a thumb out far in front of him to judge the barrel’s arc and distance. He’d need to test it, but he’d get at least a good guess based on the position of the launcher. “Yeah, this is perfect. Alright Pinkie, you get the back.”
“Roger dodger!” she says, performing a flip into the back, looking eagerly around. “Wow, it’s so much roomier in here! Though, I kinda liked sitting on your lap, Anthony.”
“Yeah well, this time there’s room for you to use your launcher, so make good use of that room.”
With a happy, “I will!” Pinkie pulls out her rocket launcher, aiming it around in practice.
“Everypony ready? ‘Cause once I start going, this thing isn’t stopping for nothing but to grab those ornament things.”
The two affirm their readiness, Pinkie using a clip line to secure herself in the back. “Let’s-a go!” She shouts, bracing herself.
Dash slams on the gas and the group shoots out of the garage, Dash hitting the boost soon after, launching them all off the metal ramp just outside the outer area of Ellie’s place, giving the group a sense of temporary weightlessness, before landing hard on the ground, the car bouncing but steadying soon after.
“This car is amazing!” Dash yells as she heads for another ramp before Anthony reminds her of the job.
“We can do that later, and when we do I’ll show you a great spot for it, the ramps are low enough angle that you don’t go up much but you just fly forward.”
“That is awesome!” Dash yells in response. “Alright, work before pleasure it is.”
The group train their various vehicle weapons on a Stinger they come upon, the bandit driving taking a double then a triple take when he sees Dash driving, not seeing Pinkie toss a grenade into his turret seat.
The bandit looks down, as Pinkie yells, “Go, go!” and Dash hits the boost again, their car rocketing forward in time for the fiery blast to consume the car, the bandit screaming as he despawns, having had the most interesting death of his life, even more so than the one that involved three midget psychos and a bowl of salad.
The three cheer, sweeping over the wreckage as their ECHOs, keyed into the car, check for and pick up the needed figurine, another Technical and an Outrunner heading their way.
“He’s got backup!” Anthony yells, tossing a barrel out and landing it right behind the outrunner, cursing at the miss. He still wasn’t the perfect shot he was in the games. He was looking forward to getting better to the point that he could take out a Buzzard mid-escape.
Trying again, the barrel hits the outrunner dead on and sends it spinning, when Pinkie aims her launcher and gets a shot on the Technical, obliterating the front in a ball of fire.
“These things blow up really easily!” Pinkie says, giggling.
“Yeah, but they overheat like crazy.” Rainbow replies. “I mean, I can’t boost for that long or I’m afraid I’m gonna run this thing into the ground, or just blow us up.”
“Nah, don’ worry ‘bout blowin ‘em up. They don’t do that any more, I fixed that yesterday.” there’s a long pause over the ECHO while Dash gives a breath of relief. “At least, I think I did. It was on mah to-do list.”
Anthony looks worriedly at Rainbow. “You aren’t-”
“We’re trying it anyways!” Dash yells, deciding that if they were going to be forced to respawn, it might as well be while going as fast as possible.
Dash hits the booster full force and while the car does groan for a few seconds, the speed output is incredible, blowing Pinkie back a bit, sending her into a laughing frenzy yelling ‘faster’ to which Dash, somehow, manages to oblige, sending the car over a ramp to land on the Stinger of another bandit, crushing the smaller model with the heavy frame of the Technical.
After the crunch and screaming ends, the group retrieves another hood ornament, putting them at five.
“Just one more to go!” Anthony yells. This was certainly easier than in the game with its more limited physics engine.
Dash suddenly whips to the side, almost throwing Anthony out of the vehicle, a missile streaking by where they’d been, turning and slamming into the ground instead of into the car. “‘Nother outrunner! With missiles!” Dash clarifies. However, she’s not entirely right.
It’s three outrunners and another Technical, and all the bandits in them seem not just crazy but angry. The shouts of ‘they wrecks my ride!’ and ‘skin ‘em for the new seat covers!’ pretty much gave that part away.
Anthony and Pinkie look at the bandits and then each other. “Double explosion?”
“Definitely!”
Anthony launches a barrel at the front vehicle where it gets knocked into the air by the force of the explosion... where Pinkie blasts it with her launcher, a direct hit on the underbelly of the car. Had they not been going so fast, the explosion would have caught the other cars, but nevertheless, the spectacle itself had all three Vault-Hunters-in-training whooping and screaming with joy at the sheer awesomeness.
Tossing more barrels out, all but one car is taken down. And it’s the last one with an ornament, and driving spectacularly. The Echo states the name of the Vehicle as Rubber-Face’s Racer, and it’s got mounted guns instead of a turret, all pointing forward.
‘An on-road miniboss?’ Anthony thought. ‘This is exactly what was missing from the Campaign of Carnage! Fuck yes!’
“You shits’re gonna regret messing with my roadies!” the bandit leader shouts, audible even over the noises of speeding across the dunes and roads, and he starts to overtake the Technical.
The chok-chok-chok-chok of a heavy machine gun fills the air, and bullets begin to slam into the Technical the junior Vault Hunters are riding in, and the whole thing shakes as electricity runs across the metal.
Pinkie goes to fire a rocket, but quickly realizes her launcher is out, forcing her to reload, Anthony missing three barrels in a row. “He’s a dodger!” Anthony yells to Dash. “Anything you can do about that?”
“If y-you can make him stop z-zapping us!” she yells back, jittering slightly, gritting her teeth as she hauls the steering wheel towards the road again, before spotting a rise on the horizon. “Hey, Anthony, can you get the guy to come closer to us? I have an idea. Get him right next to us if you can!”
“No problem.” Anthony grins and turns back to the guy, calling him up on the ECHO. “Is that as fast as you can go? No wonder you’re being outpaced!”
The bandit racer growls, and shouts back, “I’m gonna burn ya ta cinders and use yer corpses for kindling!” before boosting, zooming up close enough for Anthony to see that the front of his Racer has a bunch of spikes and what looks like bayonets taken from Fire-elemental weapons of all sorts.
“Nice car.” Anthony replies sarcastically. “Are you sure you wanna race? You might get a scratch on that god-awful paint-job.” Rubber-face just gives an inarticulate scream of rage, and pulls up to the side, a long-handled buzz axe being put to use to menace Anthony with, until Dash hits the ramp she’d seen. It’s the edge of a buried sign, and only half the technical gets serious air, causing the entire thing to flip up and over his racer in the most magnificent barrel roll a land-bound vehicle has ever done before. A shower of grenades drops as they pass over the flabbergasted Rubber-face, who is wearing a mask made of car tire pieces.
The Technical lands, barely, on its wheels on the other side of the Racer right as it blows sky-high, the Ornament getting launched hard enough it embeds itself in the siding right next to Anthony, leaving a dent he bumps against when trying to turn.
He looks over at the racer and Pinkie, having managed to reload during the confusion, sends a rocket right at the Racer’s back tire, adding injury to... well, injury.
Anthony watches as the wheel flies off, the racer wobbling on the three it had left. “Ohhhh,” Anthony says, a semi-pained ‘o’ on his lips. “That ain’t gonna buff out.”
“No kiddin’” Pinkie agrees, grinning at the fiery wreck as ‘Level Up!’ shows up on each of their HUDs.
“Holy smokes! You guys took out Rubber Face!” Claptrap’s voice shouts in all their ears.
“I’m gonna break your face if you keep startling me like that.” Dash mutters.
“Wow, he’s been terrorizing the Dust for ages! Hey, if you go back to his ride, and search for his black box unit, I’ll reward you all handsomely when you get back to Sanctuary!”
“Not sure how Claptrap gets money...” Anthony starts. “But I got a deep wallet that needs filling. All the dying I’ve been doing lately has taken a lot of cash. Fine, take us over to Rubber Face’s racer.”
Dash nods, and takes them closer, some parts of the wreckage still letting off minor explosions as backup fuel canisters blow up. However, their ECHOs have highlighted the Black Box, some thirty yards away, with cyan light.
Anthony nods in the direction of the Black Box but calls up CLaptrap again. “Alright. Say, what do you want with his Box? I mean, unless he stores schematics on it too, knowing where he’s been and the like doesn’t seem like it’d do you much good.”
“You wouldn’t understand, meatsack, but that baby’s gonna do great things for me!” Claptrap assures him, sounding even more enthusiastic.
“Sure, bolts-for-brains.” If Claptrap had no compunctions about insulting Anthony, he wouldn’t hold back insulting the robot. Once Dash slows down, Anthony hops out of the Technical and starts searching the wreckage. “Man, this thing just got wasted. He was a good driver but his car sure couldn’t take much.”
“Nah.” Dash says, cockily. “I think it was just us.”
Anthony chuckles. “Yeah, maybe. That said, I’m out of ‘nades, you must have used all of yours and Pinkie...” Anthony does the math in his head “Must have used her second in Southpaw. We’re down to one grenade between us all, we’ll have to hit an ammo dump soon. Anthony gets nods of agreement as he starts rummaging around the wreckage. “That said, let’s see what we can get from his car...”
“What’s left of it.” Pinkie adds, and both mares share a hoof bump.
“Yeah, what’s left of it. Nice job back there.” Anthony comes up with a roll of duct tape and one of the bayonets from the car. “Not much these can do alone but we could always jury rig a blade onto a gun we make. Oh yeah, we should be looking for guns to loot for parts not just to use ourselves.”
“Right.” Pinkie says. “Hey, do you think Scooter could help us make an E-Tech gun?”
“Doubtful.” Anthony responds. “Scooter’s good, but nobody can do something that they’ve got no practice with.”
Dash seems about to rush to defend Scooter but closes her mouth. “Yeah, you’re right. No trick ever works the first time.”
After rummaging for any other salvageable pieces, Anthony comes up with one of the vehicle’s mounted guns and the Black Box. “Here’s the Box. And I think this turret can still shoot. The other ones are bent to hell, but this one looks like it could still fire. Help me load it into the back, would ya Pinkie?”
With Anthony and Pinkie working together they get the turret strapped to their truck. “So... what do we need that for?” Dash asks, as she starts driving back to Ellie’s garage.
Anthony shrugs. “It’s a gun, and a big one. Maybe we could stick it on another vehicle, weaponize it some more.”
“Oh, oh oh!” Pinkie shouts. “A second turret on the Outrunner!”
“I’m not sure there’s enough room, Pinks.” Dash says. “But maybe.”
“At the very least, if we can’t attach it to anything, we can sell it.” Anthony reasons.
The two nod agreement. “Alright, let’s get these ornaments back to Ellie, and then we can head for that Dahl bunker.”
Anthony nods and, once they get to Ellie’s, hops out of the car and heads to the nearby Fast-Travel station with the Black Box. “I’ll head over to Sanctuary, hand this to Claptrap.”
The mares nod again, and Anthony warps to Sanctuary, heading for the little trash heap that is Claptrap’s ’home’ just past Zed’s.
“So we meet. What’ll ya give me for this?” Anthony says, holding up the Black Box. “Better be good.”
“My sincere appreciation!” Claptrap says, striking a pose. At Anthony’s raised eyebrow, the little robot deflates. “Oh, alright. Here, fifteen thousand dollars for each of you, and an SDU for each of your backpacks. Take ‘em and go, I gotta get to work on this beautiful baby!”
Anthony raises the other eyebrow but takes the money and SDUs. They are actually a decent reward. At least they wouldn’t need Eridium to buy them off Crazy Earl. “Thanks, bolt-brain.” Anthony says and heads back to Sanctuary’s Fast Travel. Looking up into the sky, he sees Sanctuary’s shield shimmering slightly. They hadn’t put in the hyperion ‘power core’ yet... if they ever will. He hopes they don’t but he figures he should get out while the getting is good.
While he’s turning in the rest of their quests for them, Dash and Pinkie are with Ellie. Dash is getting her Exo-Frame replaced part by part, while Pinkie and Ellie talk.
“So why did you want those hood ornaments anyways? Why do they look like you?”
“Th’ Hodunks’re makin fun of me, or somethin’. Still, they look real nice, an they make the place look better.” she says, before holding out a hand. “Gimme that four-eights spanner.”
Pinkie grabs a random tool and, somehow being right... it’s Pinkie Pie, don’t question it, and hands it to Ellie.
“Thanks hon. So tell me ‘bout you-selves.”
“Well, we were just living in Ponyville when this thing showed up, and brought us here. Before that, I, uh, well I was gonna glitterbomb Anthony. He woulda been all sparkly... but not in the usual way.” Pinkie giggles.
“He gets sparkly? Like a vampeer?”
“Nah, he doesn’t really sparkle, but he glows. He’s a living star. He’s got a bit of an anger problem though. He’s been really happy though lately. Probably this place is so super-duper funtastic! Sure we die sometimes, but once you get used to it it’s just kinda tingly. Well, the respawning is. Bullets still hurt, a lot. Oh one time I got shot right in the eye and I thought I was crying but it turns out I was bleeding. Man there was a lot of blood, it was like my face was a giant fruit-punch spout!”
“Yeah, that does hurt a bunch. Ey Dash, the legs workin’ fine? But yea, gettin’ shot in the face is all kindsa painful, an if ya live afterwards, the New-U takes it as the dee-flat.”
With a flash, Anthony is back. “Hey guys, what’d I miss?”
“I was just telling Ellie about the time I got shot in the eye.”
Anthony shudders. “Yeah, that was pretty bad. I just shot her through the head before it started healing. Didn’t want it to stay that way, have her end up half-blind and all.”
“That would be a shame. She’s got such purdy blue eyes.” Ellie says, reaching over and scratching Pinkie’s chin.
“Oh, get her ears.” Anthony suggests. “She loves that.” Pinkie nods and, at the ear scritchings, starts her leg kicking like a puppy. Anthony and Ellie share a laugh at the spectacle as Pinkie leans into Ellie’s hand. “Anyways, anything else a few Vault Hunters could do before we head to the Highlands?”
“Ah don’t got anythin that won’t take a lotta time, but there’s a feller outside who said he wanted ta speak to yuh afore ya go.”
The group walks outside, Dash staying with Ellie to put the finishing touches on her new Exo-Frame, like rainbow flame decals. Anthony sees the guy in the pilot’s outfit and helmet. “Hey, you say you needed a Vault Hunter or three?”
“Yeah dude, I’ve been booted from my lofty perch, and now I need help getting revenge on those jerks on the cliffs! I need to ruin their volleyball game somehow, like breaking their net! But don’t just cut it, you gotta burn it, and get rid of their balls, too! And, y’know, kill the sons-a-bitches while you’re at it. Please.”
“Can do.” Anthony says. “Come on guys, let’s go raid the buzzard academy!”
“How’re we gonna get there, though?” Pinkie asks. “Buzzards are flying machines. We can’t fly.”
“Don’t remind me!” Dash moans from inside the garage. “But she’s got a point.”
Anthony just smiles. “I know a way, but we’ll need to go really fast.”
“Should be easy with an outrunner and this little thing!” Dash says, holding up an Eridian relic.
Anthony nods, grinning. “That’ll work on any vehicle, but yeah. First we gotta stop by an Ammo Dump and fill up on grenades and rockets. Pinkie should be almost out by this point.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” Dash agrees. “There’s one in the garage.”
Once the group is loaded up, they all hop into an Outrunner and they head back out to the main area of the Dust. Anthony points to a huge, angled rock jutting out of the ground. “You see that ramp, Dash?”
“We’re gonna boost off that and land in their camp... aren’t we?”
“And then set the place on fire.” Anthony confirms.
“I love being a Vault Hunter!” Dash yells as she speeds for the rock formation, starting the boost and launching the group straight into the Goose’s Roost, smashing down a smaller structure in the process. “Man, that relic thingy has a lotta power to it!”
“Ya’ll put it to good use now!” Ellie says over the ECHO, to which Rainbow salutes.
“Yes ma’am!”
“Party time!” Pinkie yells as she sees some marauders storming out of their little huts.
Anthony grabs the turret controls and unloads several hundred bullets into a single marauder. “Dude!” Rainbow Dash yells, seeing the amount of ammo in one body. “I think he’s, like, more bullet than anything else!”
“That’s nothing!” Anthony says happily as he spies a Goliath. “Watch how much I can load into fatso’s stomach!”
“Mine!” Pinkie yells and gets to the Goliath first, a stray shotgun bullet knocking it’s helmet off. “Uh... my Pinkie Sense is telling me that wasn’t a headshot...”
"Mistake! BIG GOD-DAMN MISTAKE!"
“Shit,” Anthony yells as he starts firing at the now-raging Goliath. “Drop that guy, fast!”
A nomad in the camp seems to agree, yelling for all the bandits to focus on the Goliath.
“Get ready to feel my fingers in your eyeballs!" the Goliath screams, charging the incoming bandits. Several psychos get splattered and the goliath’s rage increases... as does his level.
“Shit!” Anthony repeats. “He’s a badass now!”
The Goliath then charges the next batch of bandits, who scatter like terrified pigeons, one getting a comet-drop to the head, killing him instantly.
The Goliath turns towards the Junior Vault Hunters after pulping another bandit and levelling up again. “Murdering you is gonna feel so RIGHT!" The large, portly humanoid begins to charge at high speed towards the three and their car.
“Powers!” Anthony shouts. “Now! We need to end that guy before he gets any more kills!”
“Yeah, especially since I think we’d be next on that list!” Pinkie says, diving out of the way as the Goliath takes a swing at her. Dash screams and blasts in with her Rainboom, knocking the Goliath down, though he gets up fast.
“Gonna need more than that! Pinkie, Slag him!”
Anthony readjusts his aim with the turret and starts shooting the Goliath, who was at this point Ultimate Badass Goliath level, only a few kills away from GOD-Liath. This was gonna be trouble. Pinkie turns her Cannon to him and blasts the Goliath, before pulling out her slag weapon and coating the Goliath in Slag while he’s downed.
The repeated firing from the vehicle’s turret, combined with the damage-boosting properties of the slag effect were working, in just a full minute of shooting, the Goliath was down to three-fourths of his health. “Need more firepower!” Anthony shouts, tossing his grenade at the Goliath’s feet, but the goliath jumps out of the way... towards the car, and though Anthony is able to get away in time, the car is smashed to pieces in a single body-slam, the explosion knocking the group and what bandits were left to the ground..
“Down to us.” Anthony gulps as the Goliath jumps, landing right in front of him.
In a voice of thunder and terror, the Goliath looks him in the eye, strangely, mutilated mutant head bobbling disturbingly atop his spine. “Ever been strangled with your own intestines?!”
“Nope.” Anthony admits as he, with a Spark, leaps out of the way of a gargantuan fist, and he punches the Goliath with a flaming fist... only to barely do anything, and the goliath replies with a punch of his own, knocking Anthony further into the camp, breaking his shield.
He looks up, the whole area fuzzy and wobbling, even though he’s sure he’s not moving his head. He feels pretty cold, which is odd, because whenever he’d been shot and dying before, he’d simply start shooting around, but this time, his arms feel like they’re filled with lead.
Looking down, he realizes there’s a chunk of the building he’d been thrown through, a simple metal shack, protruding out of his chest.
“O-oh. That’s why it’s col-” he blacks out, still not dead, but also not conscious.
Pinkie gets flung by the Goliath similarly to Anthony, though her naturally bouncier body takes less damage than Anthony. She also wasn’t sent through a building as it had already been demolished.
She gets up and shakes her head then looks at Anthony, shuddering. It takes her a few seconds, but then she remembers the deal with her eye. If he wasn’t killed by that and respawns... he’ll respawn cut in half. “Dashie, we need some really strong med hypos over here!”
Dash, however, is busy ducking under and around the Goliath, leaving Pinkie without help or backup. And while Dash is slowly taking down the Goliath, she’s not going to be able to help.
Pinkie looks around with worry, scrambling through the wreckage for one. Finally, she finds half a hypo, just a sharp-edged vial of red fluid, no needle. Wincing, she pulls Anthony off the wreckage, and pours the contents of the hypo, powdered glass and all, into the wound, hoping it’ll work.
Through the crashing and thundering, Pinkie waits, until the flesh of the wound knits back together, leaving a vicious-looking scar, but not a hole all the way through the guy’s chest. I mean, it wasn’t a very big hole to begin with, but a support strut through your chest’ll do some damage.
Pinkie breaths a sigh of relief, and turns back to the fight as Anthony’s body starts digistructing away. He’d respawn with just a nasty scar.
Anthony’s vision lights up after a few minutes, his body being reconstructed. He spawns back at Ellie’s garage at the New-U station, realizing too late that there wasn’t one up at the Goose’s Roost, he’d have to get another car and get back there himself. He rushes over to the Catch-A-Ride and orders an Outrunner again, leaping into it seconds after it finishes digistructing. He gets used to the driving controls, which were fairly simple. Simple enough for even a fairly-sane bandit to use for the most part, and heads back for the ramp.
“Hold on girls, I’m coming.” He mutters as he rockets up the ramp, just barely finding the booster in time to hit it, pushing him into the roost... the upper part of which was mostly demolished by the goliath’s rampage.
He lands just in time to see Pinkie blast the Goliath with her cannon again, getting its attention before hopping away.
Anthony thinks it over. From here, Dash is keeping the Goliath close to stationary, and Pinkie’s keeping it stunned... and he has a sniper rifle. This might be the time to use it.
Cursing the fact that it’s a white level 2 and such low damage, he realizes even if he somehow landed all four bullets in the Goliath’s head, it wouldn’t be enough. He yells “Slag it!” and hopes the girls are fast enough to do so without breaking pace.
Dash hears the call and takes out a grenade, hurling it at the ground where it sticks and Rainbooms past the Goliath, just in time for the grenade to go off, showering the Goliath in Slag as well as several other smaller grenades, the MIRV’s subsequent explosions on top of the slag putting it at a fourth of its health. Anthony takes several minutes to line up the shot with the tiny, wavering target, but fires. Three shots of the burst land in the Goliath’s head, but the fourth bullet misses, though Dash is fast enough to finish it off, emptying a full clip of her Assault Rifle into it’s belly.
“I'm unstop... able...” the Ultimate Badass Goliath mumbles, falling to its knees and collapsing. As it falls, piles of cash pours out of its pockets, and the monstrous human mutant gives a final groan as the last noise it makes, before the ‘Level Up!’ message flashes across the entire group’s HUD.
Anthony, for his part, is cotton-mouthed and shaking. “We...” He pauses. “We took out a level fifteen at level seven!”
He then starts laughing at the ridiculousness of the feat and soon the mares join him, as they loot the money. Unfortunately, such mirth is easily noticed by bandits and the rest of them come out, no longer afraid of getting squashed by a goliath. Newly leveled up, the group turns to the bandits. “Still got a job to do.” Dash reminds as they charge the bandits, with renewed strength and vigor.
Anthony tosses a grenade into the mass of psychos, marauders, and nomads and a continuous spinning wheel of fire starts roasting the coming bandits from the legs up, several Psychos being tripped up long enough to be taken out by Anthony and Dash’s gratuitous spraying with their assault rifles while Pinkie sends several shotgun blasts into the crowd, hitting the first row and managing to slag the second, which fall even faster.
“We just took out that huge thing by ourselves!” Dash yells over the sound of her own gun. “What makes these idiots think they have a chance?”
“No idea.” Anthony replies, then getting an idea. “Hey, I’ll work on the marauders in the back, think you can handle the front by yourself?”
“Pfft, totally. Do your thing!”
Anthony Sparks up and rushes through the horde, flaming and electrified fists out front, cutting a path through the mass and reaching the back, pulling out his Hyperion pistol and delivering continuous headshots to the Marauders in the back. The plan was working until the Nomads, catching on, order the group to spread out and stop being fish in a barrel.
Once the psychos start spreading out, they seem to get smarter, too, teaming up on Dash while the marauders aim for Pinkie, the nomads going for Anthony, and catching him in the gut with machine gun fire.
The psychos, however, finally break through Dash’s shield, activating it’s effect. “I don’t know what this is...” Dash says confused. “But I feel like I could buck down a mountain!” she finishes this by bucking a psycho in the gut and sending him flying. Rainbow Dash grins then puts her gun away as she starts punching and kicking, beating the motherloving shit out of the psychos, her shield being prevented from starting its recharge cycle and prolonging the Roid boost with each cut she gets from the psychos’ buzz axes.
By the end, she’s covered in blood, both hers and bandit alike and is gasping and panting, definitely in pain, but victorious. She picks up her Fire SMG and begins firing at the marauders that were firing at Pinkie.
Very quickly, the entire horde is dead, though Dash and Pinkie are pretty close as well. It’s pretty nasty, how much coagulated blood is all over them, and Dash is going to get a whole collection of interesting scars if she doesn’t die soon. but they’re both holding up, and killing one of them in cold blood for mere scars isn’t something that sits well with anyone in the group.
“Okay...” Anthony says, getting a chance to sit down. “We need to find where they stash their volleyballs and pop them or something. Then get some gas, cover the net with it, and burn it.”
“And see what we can snag from this place.” Pinkie adds.
Anthony nods. “If there was ever a place to find some schematics on a Buzzard for Scooter to upgrade... they’d be here.”
“Gotcha!” Dash says, nodding as the three fan out.
Within minutes, the balls are deflated, the net is ablaze, and the three have been cornered by the Shirtless Men in said men’s own rec room.
“These guys must be glad they’re out in the Dust.” Anthony says, “If these guys ever took a vacation to the Fridge, they’d be popsicles.”
“Not very tasty ones.” Pinkie says, making a disgusted face.
“Shut up and shoot, guys.” Dash says, rolling her eyes as she dodges a spray of shotgun pellets.
“Fine, fine.” Anthony rolls his eyes and aims his Hyperion pistol at the shirtless men, getting each of them in the chest with about three bullets each.
“On the other hoof, they’d be pretty tasty as is, if ya know what I mean!” Pinkie says, chortling and waggling her eyebrows.
“There are only so many ways that can go, and I doubt any would be very enjoyable in all honesty.” Anthony comments as he lands a few faceshots.
“Well, at least I have you~!” she retorts, shotgunning down another bandit minion that got too adventurous. The Shirtless Men are still up though, and have Badass-grade hit points.
“Yeah, maybe you’ll get lucky one of these days.” Anthony taunts, to which Dash just groans.
“Would you two either shut up or just kiss already?”
“Nope.”
“Ugh...” Dash rolls her eyes, before noting her gun’s out of ammo and getting ready to reload again. “Oh, dude, look!” she says, pointing into the building.
Anthony turns, seeing a desk with lots of papers and volleyball trophies on it, brightens up a bit. “Yeah, there’s a good chance for those schema-”
Dash runs over, and grabs something off the desk, and cuts him off with, “They left their keys! Hahahaha, we’re flying off this plateau!”
Anthony shrugs and gives an offhanded, “Okay,” as his shield eats a few bullets from the shirtless men.
“Stop ignoring us!”
Pinkie pulls out her launcher and just says “Okay!~” sending a rocket right at them from point-blank.
“You know the biggest problem with these guys being shirtless?”
“They look more muscley than you do?” Pinkie asks.
“Stop trying to play that game, but no, this is.” Anthony chucks a spare can of gasoline from lighting the net and douses them, setting them on fire with his incendiary grenade. They were tough though, and such an action only brought them down to half health, but they were definitely extra-crispy.
A slag grenade and a hail of bullets later, and the Shirtless Men have gone down, at last, Anthony just about out of ammo, Dash down to her last few bullets, and Pinkie has one more bullet left, hooves twitching to pull her Party Cannon instead.
“Whoo, that was quite the adventure. But let’s get outta here and turn in the job, we got the buzzard schematics-”
“And an actual Buzzard!” Dash shouts, running over to the holding bay, half torn apart from the Goliath’s rampage, and a few moments after Dash runs inside, the sound of a revving engine and spinning gyros fill the camp.
But the first one in the air is not Dash. Several marauders have taken most of the buzzards and are now circling around the camp. With the group almost out of ammunition, aside from Anthony’s sub-par Sniper, they were not equipped for this fight.
Dash eventually gets airborne, but not before the bandits opened fire on her friends, shredding through their shields, Anthony Sparking up and using the speed boost to run for cover, Pinkie getting shot enough to actually tear a limb off from the force of impact from the turrets. Swearing, Anthony gets Dash on the ECHO. “You sure you can fly that thing?”
“Hell yeah!” she crows, turning and opening fire with everything the Buzzard’s got, hitting another of the flying machines and getting the rest to back off so she can land near Anthony. “There’s handles and a seatbelt on the side, so get on, buckle up, and let’s blow this joint!”
Anthony nods, a grin on his face as he hops onto the Buzzard. He’d shot bandits off this position hundreds of times in the game, but this time he got to go for a ride. They seemed like such easy targets, but this was way too fun. He pulls out his Sniper and starts aiming around, but the Buzzard’s swaying was disorienting.. “How steady can you get us without slowing down? I can’t get a decent shot at their cockpits like this.”
“Just shoot more bullets at ‘em, don’t worry about being precise!” she responds. “These controls are really stiff, and the seat is uncomfortable as nothing else I’ve ever sat on. Whoever had the freaking brilliant idea to use Skag hides as seat leather needs to shoot themselves in the wrists and wait an hour!”
Anthony just nods as he shifts his aim from cockpits to turbines, and sends a few burst shots at the nearest Buzzard. “These things also have huge weakspots.” he says as the bullets damage the turbine and the enemy Buzzard is sent spiraling towards the ground in a trail of smoke. Anthony drops the other turbine and the machine falls hard to the ground, breaking into pieces. “Scooter better upgrade these things when he gets one. They might as well be made of freaking glass.”
“Thanks for the tip! Now hold on, Imma tornado these bastards away!” she shouts, and Anthony barely grabs on in time for the spinning to begin, Dash firing wildly and getting the other Buzzards to dive out of the way to escape the crazy flier in front of them, as Dash comes in for a landing at Ellie’s garage. It’s such a shorter ride without having to do it by foot.
A stray splash of bullets catches Anthony in the head, the critical hit location for humans kicking in and ending him just before Dash lands, drawing an enraged, “Aw, come on!!” from him as he respawns, having just died in arm’s reach of the ground.
Anthony runs over to the Ammo Dump inside the garage and, purchasing a full restock of ammunition, runs out and is about to fire away into the sky, but the enemy Buzzards escape, denying Anthony revenge as well. “You get back here you pussy sons of bitches!”
“Chill, Anthony, we can upgrade this thing and storm them later.” Dash says, hopping out of the Buzzard and contacting Scooter. “I got your flying machine, and the papers. I’m ready to fly again!”
“Well, Ellie will get it scanned inta the Catch-A-Ride, and y’all can get more outta them.” Scooter says. “Y’all did great, an I’ll get to work fixin’ the whole thing, so’s y’all can get a better ride in the sky. It’s gonna be swee~eet!”
“Scooter, you are awesome!” Dash says, and Anthony heads over to Ellie who’s petting a respawned Pinkie.
“Got a Buzzard, and not even a scratch on it. Sure it’s not much better than the ones those crazies drive, but mint condition! Well maybe a few bullet holes but hey, they add character.”
Ellie gives Anthony a smile and Dash gets the buzzard into the garage itself where it’s quickly scanned in. Pinkie runs over to the Catch-A-Ride and spawns another one in, confirming it worked. “Yay! Flying machines!”
“An they’s only gonna get cooler once muh bro gits done with tha schee-matics.” Ellie says.
Anthony heads over to Loggins, the man who had given them the mission in the first place. “Woah, man! That’s crazy! I asked you to just set the place on fire and pop some balls. I didn’t expect ya to completely trash the place and bring back their favorite bird!”
“Heh, all in a day’s work.” Anthony says, beaming at the accomplishment.
“Yeah!” Pinkie says, jumping in. “We’re Vault Hunters!”
“I’ll say.” Loggins says, his voice a bit giddy, and he was probably smiling under his mask. “You can be my wingman anytime! And here, you guys earned these!”
Anthony takes an SMG called the 'Fervid Gospel’ while Pinkie gets an Assault Rifle, saying she’ll scrap it for parts, and Dash takes a Dahl Slag SMG, meaning Anthony was the only one without a Slag weapon.
All in all it was a good day, but the Highlands were waiting for them and they could only rest for so long before they had to go find the hidden Dahl bunker and get the experimental shield Angel mentioned. Anthony just had to hope that he dropped enough hints about what he knew to get Angel to understand she shouldn’t bullshit him like she did the others.