//------------------------------// // Chapter 13 - The Most Beautiful/Disgusting Thing Ever // Story: Expecting // by Shahrazad //------------------------------// Everypony cowered as bits of wood flew up and out, and sunlight poured in. Pandemonium ensued. “We’re all gonna die!” “We’re under attack!” “Git mah shotgun! Ah won’t let them aliens probe me again!” “Pinkie! Did you just blow up mah barn roof?!” Applejack snapped. “What did you think I meant when I asked if you wanted a party that would blow your roof off?” Pinkie replied, nonchalant. “Ah didn’t mean— Dangnabbit, nevermind.” Applejack sighed and tugged on the brim of her hat. “What do we do now?” Big Mac look up at Twilight, then back at Trixie, then at Pinkie, then at Trixie, then at Granny Smith, then at Trixie again. His confusion and horror grew with each second. Spike reached behind himself with a sigh and pulled out a pair of illuminated marshalling wands. He waved them downwards in an ‘X’ pattern. Pinkie stood on the other side of the wedding couple, looking straight up into the sky. “What in Tartarus is going on?” Twilight asked. “Spike? What are you doing?” “I’m signaling—” “Shhhh!” Pinkie shushed him. “You do your job, or you don’t get the emeralds!” Spike closed his mouth, but not before a bit of drool escaped. “Land?” Rainbow Dash asked, looking at Spike. “But I’m already on the ground.” “Not you— oh never mind. It’ll take too long to explain,” Pinkie said. Suddenly her ears perked up. “About time!” Twilight hyperventilated. “Ohmygosh-ohmygosh, we only have a few minutes before the foal is going to be here! We’ll never get her out of that wedding dress in time! We need—” “Nurse Redheart?” Fluttershy asked, looking up. Twilight looked up as well, following Pinkie’s gaze. Nurse Redheart, along with a significant load of medical equipment, floated down in a purple hot air balloon. She spoke to a little filly, also with a medical cutie mark, next to her in the basket. “Forceps?” “Check.” “Scalpel?” “Check.” “Heat lamp?” “Check.” “Happy juice?” “I can’t serve a pregnant mare alcohol! I’m underage!” “Not that happy juice, I mean the class-six painkillers; the ones that cause permanent catatonia if you give an extra milliliter.” “Oh, yeah, I can totally administer those,” said the filly, who couldn’t have been older than the Cutie Mark Crusaders. “Check.” “Assistant?” Nurse Redheart asked with a smirk. “Check!” the little filly replied with a grin. The balloon landed, along with the eyes of most ponies since they followed the balloon down. “Can we help? Maybe we can get medical cutie marks!” the Crusaders asked eagerly. Twilight looked down at them. “No, but you can help get the wedding dress off of Trixie. Hurry, we don’t have much time!” “Psshhh, we already did that,” Scootaloo replied. “What?” Twilight and Dash asked dumbly. They looked down at Trixie to find her undressed, with Big Mac holding her in a sitting position. She panted, tears welling in her eyes. “How did you remove her dress so fast?” “Yeah, took me over an hour ta git that thing on!” Applejack said in awe. “We jus’ helped Pinkie,” Apple Bloom replied. “Yeah, I never thought you could do that with a socket wrench,” Sweetie Belle supplied. “What?” Twilight looked at Pinkie, who dusted off her hooves. A socket wrench held in her forelock drew Twilight’s eye. “HOW DID YOU REMOVE A WEDDING DRESS WITH A SOCKET WRENCH?” Pinkie looked at Twilight, one brow raised. “I didn’t. Twilight, that would be silly. Removing a wedding dress with just a socket wrench… please,” Pinkie mumbled. She brightened up and ‘explained,’ “I had to use a socket wrench, a nail file, and a plunger! How else would you get it done?” “You— bu… wh-what?” Twilight stammered. “You were incredible, Pinkie,” Fluttershy said, eyes wide. “I’ve never seen a performance like it. Darling, you’re one talented mare!” Rarity complimented. “That was like, the coolest thing ever!” the other bridesmares chimed in. “Breathe, honey, just breathe,” Big Mac said, trying to get Trixie to breathe in a regular rhythm. Twilight sucked in another breath and held it. Her cheeks puffed out, and her face turned purple…er. She stepped close and leaned over Trixie, inspecting her belly. Twilight exhaled in a great rush, allowing her entire body to relax. “Oh, this is just false labor again. Trixie’s water hasn’t broken, so—” SPLOOSH! “Here we go!” Nurse Redheart announced. She roughly shoved Dash and Applejack aside and knelt at Trixie’s ‘business end.’ “Keep her breathing, Big Mac. You’ll be a father in twenty minutes or less, or I’m a griffon’s aunt.” Big Mac’s eyes grew wide, his entire body trembling. She noticed the ring on Trixie’s horn. “Oh, my mistake; you’ll be a married father in twenty minutes. Congratulations!” Now it was Big Mac’s turn to hyperventilate. “Ewww, what is that stuff?” Sweetie Belle asked. “It don’t smell too good,” Apple Bloom added. “Mrs. Apple, did you just pee?” Scootaloo asked with a halo above her head. Twilight’s left eye twitched. She slowly lowered her gaze to look at her own hooves. She stood in a puddle of sweat and ‘water.’ Trixie, being a reasonably healthy mare, released several gallons of ‘water.’ Plenty for Twilight to stand in. Twilight back-stepped and quivered. “Ew-w-w-w-w…” she mumbled under breath. “Oh my…” Fluttershy breathed. “Don’t worry, Trixie, this will all be over soon.” Trixie screwed her eyes shut and let loose a fantastic scream. Everypony grit their teeth and flattened their ears against the sound. Once she stopped yelling—because she had no more air in her lungs—Trixie collapsed into Big Mac’s forelegs. Sweat pouring down her brow, she smiled a tired smile. “F-F-For m-my next trick, I’ll p-pull a f-foal out of my box. D-Don’t blink, I can only d-do th-this once,” she said weakly. The ponies at the alter gaped at her. Nurse Redheart’s brows arched up as she said, “A pregnant mare with a sense of humor? Now I’ve seen everything.” Trixie’s face contorted in pain again as she let out another cry. Redheart looked down and nodded. “Oh, a hoof. Well, I’ve seen that before, but it never ceases to amaze me! Ready to push again?” Big Mac looked down at the mare in his legs. His pupils grew large, as if they would expand and make his eyes entirely black. Trixie panted, shook, and looked up at her husband. “D-Don’t try a d-disappearing act. You w-won’t b-be around f-for the ap-plause if-f this works.” Granny Smith racked the shotgun again, but Big Mac spoke. “Ah don’t plan on leaving. Ah’m just scared, s’all. Ah never had a foal before.” “S-Stupid s-stallion. You d-don’t have to do anything. T-Trixie is the one g-giving birth.” Another wave of pain wracked Trixie’s body. Crying, she looked at Big Mac through her tears and hollered at him, “You did this!” Nurse Redheart smirked. “Now that sounds more like a pregnant mare. Let it all out, I’m ready!” Redheart’s assistant sat next to her, pounding a hoof into a catcher’s mitt on the other hoof. “I’m ready, too!” she said, turning the mitt towards Trixie. The next contraction shot through Trixie. She expelled the pain with an expletive inappropriate for, well, anypony. Far away in the Canterlot gardens… All of the birds took flight, like a great, winged wave. Princess Luna gaped for a moment at the sudden movement and sound. “That is the loudest profanity we’ve ever heard,” she said out loud. Trixie thought her lungs would break. “Th-This is impossible! There’s an ursa major up there!” Redheart’s assistant pounded the mitt again. “Almost there.” Trixie screamed as the next push somehow hurt even more. “T-Trixie is done now,” she said, panting. “N-No more.” “C’mon Trixie, you’re almost there. Don’t you want to see your foal?” Nurse Redheart asked. Trixie screamed and arched her back. Big Mac held her in his powerful limbs, keeping her upright so gravity could assist her. “Breathe in, then out. Slow like. Ya kin do this. Ah kin see a pair o’ hooves, yer almost done!” Trixie wept, looked up at Big Mac, and mumbled, “Th-This is fine. T-Trixie is d-done now. Let’s g-go home. Yes?” she asked hopefully. Granny Smith stood nearby, the upright and noble matriarch of the Apple family. “You are home. Now push that foal out an’ you kin rest. Just like every good, earth-pony Apple in this here family goin’ back a hunerd’ generations!” Trixie cried out again, but this time the crowd gasped. Nurse Redheart smiled. “The foal’s crowning. You’re almost done. One more good push, Trixie; you can do it!” With tears in her eyes, Trixie looked at Granny Smith. “Y-You’d accept a unic-corn like T-Trixie? The b-black sheep of her perfect all-unicorn f-family? The f-first in t-twenty generations not t-to go to c-college?” Granny Smith scoffed. “O’ course Ah don’t care none. No Apple’s been ta college in memory. Ah don’t care, but Ah know we don’t abandon family. An’ yer family. Now push!” Trixie gave out one last cry. Everypony gasped, especially Big Mac. “WAHHHHHHHH!” Even the birds outside seemed to fall silent for an instant. The foal’s cry carried throughout the barn to every ear, before leaving through the missing roof. Sunlight poured in, like a spotlight, on the altar and the newlyweds. Nurse Redheart took the foal out of the catcher’s mitt, and swaddled the foal in a clean cloth. “Clamps,” she commanded. The assistant tossed aside the wet catcher’s mitt. It hit Applejack in her shocked face and slid to the floor with a plop, yet Applejack’s expression remained unchanged. Nurse Redheart set the foal aside on another cloth, switched on a heat lamp, and snapped a pair of clamps onto the umbilical cord. “Do you want to cut it?” Nurse Redheart asked Big Mac. Big Mac started at Trixie, and she at him. He mumbled something unintelligible, something lovey-dovey, mushy, and useless. Nurse Redheard shrugged. “Scissors,” she commanded. Trixie didn’t react or notice when the scissors snapped closed and cut her off from her foal. “Shhhh,” the assistant cooed, trying to quiet the foal. She turned the heat lamp up to maximum, and the foal quieted. Nurse Redheart held out a hoof. “Erythromycin,” she commanded. She rubbed a few drops into the foal’s eyes, eliciting more fussing. Big Mac and Trixie still stared, but now smiled at each other. “What in tarnation…” Granny Smith breathed out. Nurse Redheart switched off the heat lamp, took the bundle, and presented it to Trixie and Big Mac. “Congratulations,” she said with fanfare. “It’s a healthy—” The crowd whispered, sharp words followed by sharp intakes of breath. “—baby colt. You’ll have a great deal of work on your hooves soon. Do you have any plans to contain this one?” Trixie reached out for the bundle and took it with her hooves, not with her magic. “Look, look what we have now!” Trixie said, almost laughing. Big Mac nodded. “Eeeyup!” Nurse Redheart tilted her head. “Hello? I don’t mean to be pushy, but there’s no roof here. You two need to get inside. You need to take the swaddle off and hold the foal to your belly so he can nurse, and I don’t want any accidents. You don’t want to lose your new foal!” she said with mirth. A murderous look came over Granny Smith’s face. She racked the shotgun again. Trixie looked at Redheart. “What? How would we lose our new foal?” Nurse Redheart smirked and replied: “Congratulations again on your new, baby pegasus colt. Now get inside before he flies away!” Fin