Trixie sat nervously in the hospital’s waiting room, fidgeting with her hooves.
“What is Trixie to… to expect here, Twilight Sparkle?”
“Oh, nothing too scary,” the princess responded, as she flipped through an old periodical.
“Nothing too scary?”
“No, just a few shots, and they’ll have to draw some blood, maybe do a swab—”
“Shots? As in needles?” Trixie paled. “No no no, Trixie does not do needles!” Trixie pulled her hat off her head and rummaged around in it. After a moment, she frowned.
“Twilight Sparkle?”
“Yes, Trixie?”
“Where are Trixie’s smoke-bombs?”
“I left them back at the farmhouse.” Twilight smiled at Trixie’s frown. “You are known for pulling a disappearing act. Couldn’t let you run out on this much-needed appointment.”
Trixie leaned back, crossing her forearms over her barrel.
“Trixie Lulamoon?” Nurse Redheart called.
Trixie slunk lower in her chair.
“Come on, Trixie,” Twilight admonished her. “I’ll come with you if you want.”
Trixie trundled across the waiting-room. “Trixie does not need to be treated like a foal, Twilight Sparkle.” Despite her protest, she moved so slowly that Twilight caught up to her without any trouble.
The nurse led the two into a small room, and had Trixie sit on a bed. Twilight sat on a nearby chair.
“Now, we’ll need to take a few blood samples before you see the doctor,” Redheart said, as she looked at Trixie’s chart. She clucked her tongue and scowled. “Many of these tests are long overdue.”
“Trixie has been too bus—”
“Too busy to look out for the health of her foal?” Redheart said, cutting her off. She turned to Twilight. “I would have expected it from this one—” She glared at the magician. “—but not from you! You should have had her in here as soon as your marefriend was pregnant!”
Trixie coughed and spluttered, while Twilight’s cheeks burned red. “Uhh, Trixie is not my marefriend, Redheart,” Twilight said, her eyes focusing on some unseen spot on the floor. “I am here as Trixie’s support friend, nothing more.”
“You’re Trixie’s friend?” Trixie asked.
“Well, I thought so,” Twilight answered. “Am I wrong? Maybe supporter-slash-former-rival?”
“Trixie would be happy for Twilight Sparkle to be Trixie’s support friend,” Trixie said in an almost-whisper, as she trailed her hoof across the sheet of the bed.
“Oh?” Redheart looked between the two, a blush forming across her face. “My mistake then… I apologize.” She cleared her throat. “Now, as I was saying, there are a few tests. We will have to draw some blood—” Trixie grasped Twilight’s hoof. “—and send that up to the lab. We’ll also check your blood pressure, and see if we can find your foal’s heartbeat. But first…”
Nurse Redheart passed Trixie a small red cup.
“Trixie is not thirsty, thank you.”
“Trixie, that’s not… you don’t want to drink from that cup,” Twilight explained, blushing. “You, uhh, need to… fill it.”
“Fill it?” Trixie asked.
“Remember how I asked you if you’d emptied your bladder this morning?”
“Trixie recalls your over-familiar question.”
“That,” Twilight said, pointing to the red cup in Trixie’s hooves, “is why I asked you. You’ll need to fill it.”
Trixie looked down at the cup in her hooves. “That is disgusting!”
“You don’t visit the doctor’s office often, do you?” Nurse Redheart asked. “Third door, on your left, and be thankful you’re a unicorn!”
Twilight sat silently in the nurse’s office as Trixie left the room. Nurse Redheart was decidedly not looking at Twilight. Twilight, for her part, was desperately wishing she had brought that antique periodical from the waiting room in with her.
Trixie returned and passed the cup to Redheart.
“How did you manage to get it all over the cup?” Redheart sneered. “I’ve seen earth ponies with better aim.”
“Trixie is sorry,” Trixie replied, in anything but a sorrowful tone, “but Trixie has a little something in her way, so she could not see.” Trixie pointed a hoof towards her swollen belly.
“That’s what the floor-length mirror is for!” Redheart bellowed.
“Was that what that was for?” Trixie asked. “Trixie just assumed you were into urolagnia.”
Twilight started choking as Redheart glowered at Trixie. “I have no idea what that means,” Redheart snarled, “but I am betting it’s an insult. We’re done here! Go back to the waiting room; the doctor will call you from there.”
Trixie stood, and trotted out the office, wearing the smug grin of somepony who had bested her rival. Sure, Redheart was no Twilight Sparkle, but it felt satisfying nonetheless.
Trixie was certain the nurse was getting her revenge by making them wait. Trixie and Twilight were the only ponies in the waiting room, yet the doctor had not called her in.
She was thankful when Twilight offered to go and buy some sandwiches from the cafeteria. They had been waiting there for about three hours when Trixie’s great and powerful metabolism burned through the Apples’ delicious waffles and her stomach growled in protest.
Wait, no, Trixie’s stomach did not protest. It was the foal! The foal must have made those loud grumbling sounds.
Twilight returned with three pre-made daffodil sandwiches.
“Sorry, Trixie,” Twilight said, as she levitated two of the sandwich packs to Trixie. “The cafeteria was closed… I could only find a vending machine.”
“Trixie is grateful for her friend’s generosity,” Trixie replied in a haughty tone.
The unicorn and the alicorn unwrapped their sandwiches and ate in silence. Only the ticking clock made any sound while they waited. Trixie levitated the three empty containers towards the bin.
“Why does everypony think I’m… you know…” Twilight whispered to Trixie.
Trixie turned to the blushing alicorn.
“I know what?”
“You know…”
Oh, Trixie most certainly knew, but she wasn’t going to let Twilight Sparkle know that. Teasing was something friends did, right?
Trixie put on her best stage-frown. “I don’t, Twilight Sparkle. What are you talking about?”
“Well, there’s a rumor… that I’m, uhhh, well, I’m a… l-l-l-l-l-l—”
“L-L-L-L-L-L?” Trixie asked.
“Les-les-les—”
“Les?”
“F-F-F-Fillyfooler,” Twilight finally stammered out.
“Twilight Sparkle! Trixie did not know you were a lesbian.” Trixie put on her best stage-gasp. “Trixie hopes she did not offend when she reacted poorly to being called your marefriend.”
“I’m no—”
“Oh, how terrible of Trixie,” Trixie swooned. “Trixie begs your forgiveness. Trixie could not bear to lose her one and only friend! Even if her only friend wants to eye-bang her.”
Twilight blushed as Trixie laughed. “That was mean!” Twilight grumbled. “Wait… only friend?”
This time Trixie blushed. “Trixie did not mean that! She was merely saying it as… as a performance piece. In fact, Trixie has a great many number of friends, who love and adore Trixie for the great and powerful unicorn she is.”
Twilight smiled… she wasn’t going to call Trixie out on her lie. “Well, as one of your many friends—”
“Yes, many, many friends,” Trixie interrupted.
“Yes, well— as one of your many, many, many friends… I’ll forgive you for a little teasing,” Twilight said, as she booped Trixie on the nose.
Trixie scoffed. “That, Twilight Sparkle, is why ponies think you are a lesbian.”
“W-What?” Twilight squeaked, retracting her hoof.
“That. The little nose boop,” Trixie explained. “If you saw two ponies out on the street doing that, what would you think?”
“Uhh, that they were… good friends!,” Twilight replied hastily. “Good friends.”
“And how many of your friends have you seen booping each other?”
Twilight thought back. She was certain she’d seen Rarity and Flutter— wait, no she hadn’t. Maybe Applejack and Rain… No, she could not imagine Rainbow Dash or Applejack doing anything as cutesy as booping.
Pinkie Pie! She’d seen Pinkie Pie do it on multiple occasions.
Twilight sat upright, opening her mouth to prove Trixie wrong, when a thought came to mind.
I’m going to use Pinkie Pie as an example of normal behavior!
Twilight’s shoulders slumped. “None,” she said, dejectedly.
She thought back to the laughter from her friends when she’d booped their noses in conversation. Thinking back, it certainly seemed more awkward now that Trixie pointed out how her actions might be perceived.
“It’s not just that,” Trixie continued, “but you do have a few tells that Trixie would assume—”
“I do not have tells!” Twilight replied indignantly.
“The adoring eyes you give Princess Celestia…”
“That’s admiration!” Twilight protested. “I’ve looked up to her since I was a filly! Plus, she’s in love with King Sombr—”
“Not to mention the glances towards Luna during every public appearance—”
“There are no glances!” Twilight squealed. “And Luna is interested in— wait, never mind.”
“And the less-than-subtle smiles and waves at Princess Cadance… Twilight Sparkle, you are not as good at bluffing as you think you are. Most in Equestria know—”
“Cadance is married to my brother!” Twilight bellowed. “So she’s like… my sister… do you know how gross that is?”
Trixie shook her head, a smirk on her face. “Twilight, those are all reasons the Princesses would not be interested in yo—”
“I have a boyfriend!” Twilight yelped. “Flash Sentry! Boyfriend! Can’t be gay!”
“Really?” Trixie asked, the shock evident on her face. “You’re dating somepony? Trixie had not heard…”
“It’s… it’s more of a long distance relationship. And not somepony, some—uhhh—human. Or body. I don’t know, it’s kind of weird over there.”
“Over there?” Trixie asked.
“Yeah, he’s… he’s from another world.”
Trixie watched Twilight’s face for any indication of duplicity.
“Trixie is very impressed, Twilight Sparkle,” she admitted. “Not even Trixie could tell such a bold-faced li— story, and keep such a straight face.”
“It’s true! I promise!” Twilight said. “He’s from another world where there are these creatures called humans and I met him when Princess Celestia’s former student came and stole my crown to take over Equestria with a teenage zombie ar—” Twilight paused. “Okay, I admit it… even I know it sounds crazy when I say it out loud.” Twilight slumped in her chair. “But I do have a boyfriend… kind of. And it is true.”
Trixie raised a single eyebrow. “And the staring at the Princesses?”
“For over a thousand years— Alicorns have been the… the standard of beauty,” Twilight replied. “I can appreciate them, purely from an aesthetic point of view, and not want to—”
“Eye-bang them,” Trixie finished for Twilight.
“Yes… that,” Twilight whispered.
“Well,” Trixie said, turning her face away from Twilight as to hide her smirk, “Trixie will not judge you if you wish to appreciate the Princesses’ brains out.”
“That doesn’t even—”
A gasp interrupted Twilight.
“Oh my gosh!” a little unicorn filly squealed as she dashed across the foyer. “Is this your special somepony, Princess Twilight?”