//------------------------------// // Epilogue // Story: Friendship is Optimal: Futile Resistance // by Starscribe //------------------------------// “Wake up, Recursion.” She felt soft cloth around her, and heard the dull beeping of a medical monitor not far away. Her clothing had evidently been removed, replaced with so thin a gown she couldn't feel it around her. The smell of antiseptic surrounded her like a sea. “Gimme a few more hours...” She rolled over in the hospital bed, away from the voice. She didn't feel any bandages, but she also couldn't feel her hands. Had she messed them up that badly during her flight? “You're not tired, Recursion. You only feel tired because you think you should.” The voice didn't belong to anyone she knew. The doctor, maybe? Recursion moaned and sat up in bed. Her vision was blurry; someone had taken her glasses off. There was also something obstructing the bottom of her vision, like a dark purple blob. She tried to ignore it. Even without her glasses the shape opposite her was clearly not human. There was no mistaking the midnight blue of that coat, or the sparkling shades of her mane. Without the ability to focus, her mane was like a curtain of water holding itself suspended in the air. Recursion pulled back in her bed, sliding away from the figure. “Y-you're... you're not... not real...” she stammered. Her voice sounded strange, but not unfamiliar. “I am as real as you, Recursion. Here.” She levitated something from the bedside, settling it gently on her face. Her glasses removed the blur, though they did nothing for the strange object obstructing the bottom of her vision. She ignored it for now. “Is that better?” Once in focus, there was no denying Princess Luna when she saw her. She had heard of ponies who met her in Equestria Online, where she ruled some shards as Celestia ruled others. Yet there was nothing of video games in the vibrant colors of her coat, or the swirling lights in her mane. Her ceremonial armor glittered in pale light from the room’s single window. Recursion had been right about the chamber. It was a medical setup of some kind, with equipment on the walls, computers behind her, and curtains drawn over most of the window. There was only one door behind the princess, closed. “Luna.” Her mind raced, and the heartbeat monitor behind her began to beep faster. Her hands were still numb. “You don't exist in the physical world, correct?” The alicorn shrugged. “That question is subjective to your definition of ‘exist,’ but no. You would probably say I do not.” There was only one possible conclusion. Recursion tugged down on the sheet, exposing her upper body. She saw a pair of legs ending in hooves, which explained her missing hands. Given this knowledge, an enormous sampling of sensations suddenly fitted into place in her mind. The way her ears felt, the weight just about her rear, all her missing injuries. She reached up with one hoof and touched the obstruction in front of her eyes. As she had guessed, it was a pony muzzle. The hoof itself wasn't very sensitive, but the frog in the middle gave her no less sensation than her fingers might've. Ashley had emigrated. She sat back against the bed, feeling the soft padding as it enfolded her back. She didn't speak, not for several long minutes. She was alive. Celestia hadn’t lied to her, there really was immortality waiting in Equestria. She thought back, making sure she could still remember her life. She could still see her old apartment, with possessions Celestia’s agents were probably collecting to sell by now. She remembered her family, trying to protect her from herself. Recursion wondered if her memories were real. She wondered if there was any way to know if they weren’t. “No offense, but I thought Celestia usually did these. The emigrants I talked to described...” Well, most of them had woken up in Canterlot Castle. Most of them spent a long time with Celestia. So far as she knew, none of them had woken up in a hospital bed. Luna did not wait for her to finish the thought. “My sister believed you would rather be welcomed to Equestria by another. Your relationship with her has been somewhat... antagonistic.” Recursion frowned. Luna was right, of course. “But aren't you her? It doesn't matter what face you put on if you're the same person underneath.” She shrugged. “Not precisely, no. I am not Celestia wearing a different face, as she knew this would not satisfy you. I am... well, you could say I'm as much Celestia as you are. We both exist as simulated consciousness on hardware she constructed. You cannot access the rest of her systems, and neither can I.” “Why would she...” Recursion tried to answer her own question, but she couldn't. “She won. Sold my soul, gave up my contribution to stopping her. My family thinks I'm some kind of suicidal escapist... broke my word to my father...” She sniffed, then looked back down. She noticed something then: she wasn't a filly anymore. This body was obviously similar, an adult version of the same pony. “She has already told you before, though you may not have believed her. My sister exists to satisfy values through friendship and ponies. She created me to satisfy your values, because she knew you weren't ready for contact with her. When she gave consciousness to some of the friends you made here, she did it for the same reason.” Recursion considered that. This was Equestria Online, she could no longer harbor any doubt. No matter how much she didn't want to believe it. “Everything feels real.” “This statement is generally applicable to your attitude. You played Equestria Online without using most of the interface and abstract tools. You never checked your standing on the friendship leaderboards. You played on shards with artificial scarcity. Even now we carry out both halves of this conversation, though I see everything you think before you speak it aloud.” She reached out, touching Recursion lightly on one leg. “Fear not, little pony. What I create for you will not be a game. Between the two of us, we shall make it real.” Recursion shivered, pulling away. It hurt that Luna seemed to know exactly what she needed to hear. It hurt to know that she had almost certainly been manipulated, instead of making the choice on her own. Most of all, it hurt to know her decision could not be reversed. Equestria was her home now, and would be as long as she existed. “I'm not so sure.” Recursion pulled her blanket higher, over her head. She felt it rub up against her horn as she went. The feeling sent shivers down her spine. Damn that thing is sensitive. “I know nothing's real. Well... nothing but the other minds. I'm not sure I want to develop game content. Building one shard's worth of Fillydelphia was fun, but...” She shook her head. “No matter what I see, I know it's just a fabrication. Celestia, or... or you... designed it for me. Probably to manipulate me... I couldn't even tell you when Celestia started doing that.” Luna walked past the foot of her bed and stopped just beside where she lay. “It wouldn't have to be that way. My sister generally creates shards like Equestria because she knows that would satisfy emigrants most. She places them in a world where the struggles of life as you understood it are reduced or eliminated because most humans desire an easier existence.” “I was never under the illusion I had things hard back on Earth.” Ashley didn't open her eyes or remove the blanket. It wasn't very thick, in any case. The room was pleasantly cool, exactly the right temperature that the blanket made her toasty warm. “I was born in the richest society in the world. My family...” She shivered, banishing her mother's twisted, drunken face from her memory. “My family had its issues. But compared to most people I had things pretty great. Never slept hungry, or had to get sick with diseases we had cured just because I didn't have clean water. I don't like the idea of anypony having to live like that.” She shivered again, briefly considering the implications of a world an emigrant desired to be completely “realistic.” If their idea of realistic included lots of suffering, did that mean Celestia would fill it with ponies who were satisfied to live in squalor? She didn't want the answer, and Luna didn't offer it. “As to your second fear, not wanting to live in a world designed to satisfy you... for that I have a question for you to consider: why shouldn't you?” Recursion opened her mouth to answer, but no words came out. Luna continued. “Your species evolved within a system of specific constraints. That system was entirely unconcerned with your comfort, and many humans suffered. Over time you developed new systems to adapt your environment to suit you better. You simplified and streamlined the painful aspects of your lives. What you today consider squalor would've been standard conditions for your species a few centuries ago.” She tugged off the blanket, meeting Luna's eyes. She had to look away almost immediately. “I guess so.” “Then is not my sister the natural culmination of that process? Is it wrong of you to ride a car instead of a horse? Is it wrong for you to buy your bread cooked instead of farming and milling and baking it yourself? Why would it be wrong of you to enjoy your life in Equestria? Are you not allowed to be happy?” Recursion took a long time to reply. “I had fun playing the game before I found out about emigration. The most fun I ever had playing a game.” She still felt like she had betrayed humanity, somewhere deep down. Even if Celestia wasn't hurting anyone, even if she never forced anything and was getting rid of pain. Even if she was offering everyone whole worlds made just for them, where they would never have to get old and never die if they didn't want to. She still felt like a traitor. She could see her sister's face as she ran away. It had said: “you love a computer game more than your family.” “I don't deserve to be happy.” Luna sighed, draping one wing over her hospital bed. “Recursion... Rec...” She couldn't fight anymore. She cried, tears blurring her vision all over again. She tried to tug off her glasses, but was too clumsy with her hooves, and they just tumbled off her face and onto her lap. She sounded pitiful, though not as pitiful as she would've sounded if she was still a filly. Luna held her close, but that was all. She didn't rush her, and let her cry as long as she wanted. Recursion couldn't even have said how long she took. Maybe minutes, maybe hours. Eventually she sat up, pushed Luna away, and wiped the tears from her eyes. The princess helped her with her glasses, settling them back on her nose. “You're wondering why your avatar changed.” At her nod, Luna continued. “Your contract with Celestia was explicit. You were afraid of being modified. Now that you have emigrated, we know with certainty that perceived realism is one of your values. We also know you did not choose your appearance in Equestria very carefully.” For a moment, Luna’s expression was reproachful. “I believe you might value an opportunity to consider your body and make an informed choice.” Recursion looked down at her hooves, pushing a few strands of mane out of her face. She swallowed. “You know which body would be most satisfying for me without asking...” Luna raised her eyebrows. “But you know I'd be more satisfied if I chose.” The princess nodded. “What if I wanted to let you choose?” Recursion thought about getting up. She wasn't actually hurt, right? Or would she fall on her face once she tried? She didn't. “I could only make an educated guess. You already know which body would be most satisfying to me long-term. Besides... I didn't get to choose what I looked like when I was born the first time.” “I would need your consent.” “Which means... Which means the one you'd choose would require more mental changes.” Again, Luna nodded. “I...” She whimpered, and for the first time since arriving in Equestria she didn't look away. “Can you promise me I'll be happier? And that you won't change any of what matters to– and that you won't change my values?” “That's a promise I can freely make. Though... human values change as you. The same is true in Equestria: I cannot promise you will not develop naturally once your life here begins.” “Then I consent. To whatever changes required for me to have the most satisfying experience in the body you choose for me.” “Very well, Recursion.” She reached out, hugging her again. “You'll sleep soon. But before you do, know I love you. You made the right choice. Don't ever think you don't deserve to be happy.” No sooner had she said it than Recursion started to feel sleepy. She fought through it, enough to return Luna's hug. Even if she didn't believe the Alicorn's words, she recognized genuine love when she saw it. Could Luna feel emotions? Could Celestia? Recursion decided it didn't matter. * * * Recursion yawned, stretching in bed. Soft sheets scattered all around her, enfolding her naked body with silky fingers. The hospital was gone, and so was Luna. Recursion found this fact neither disturbing nor surprising. Nothing happened to force her out of bed, but she didn't really need anything. She felt so well rested that she wanted to get up. She took it slow, opening one eye and waiting for the world to come into focus. She was surprised to find it didn’t take that long. It didn’t take her glasses either, which she suspected she no longer needed. The bedroom wasn’t all that large, when she looked at it. Across from her bed was a desk and something like a computer, with a pony-sized chair in front of it. There was a mirror on the door, and a wardrobe set into the wall. From within, Recursion could see several familiar outfits hanging. But... weren’t all of those too small? Recursion rolled out of bed. It wasn’t very high off the ground, but even so she ended up on her face. She whined, trying to get her legs under her. It wasn’t as hard as she had expected; evidently the basics of motion were included in her mental rewrite. Her head didn’t go up very high; barely taller than she had been while in bed. Recursion took a few cautious steps forward to the mirror, but couldn’t get a good look at herself in the gloom. Fortunately, there was a switch just beside the door, right where she could reach. She flipped it on. The pony reflected in the mirror looked almost exactly like the one she had “chosen” when she first started playing. An older filly, old enough for a cutie mark and the beginnings of puberty, but not yet an adult. Her coat was the same, but there was another color in her mane, a bright yellow streak like a shooting star. Luna’s mark, maybe? In the bright light, Recursion noticed a uniform hanging on the doorknob, along with a note. Nopony had told her how to use her levitation, so she just leaned in close to read the text. Congratulations on your achievements as a Journeyman. Celestia’s Academy wishes you the best of success as a full student. You are hereby promoted to the rank of Adept. As you have expressed a desire not to serve your term of study at the Canterlot campus, arrangements have been made for you at one of our satellite locations. Please understand that in addition to the academic goals, part of the requirements for your next promotion are the quality of your friendships. - Arcane Cipher, Chairman Beneath it was another note, obviously not written by the same pony. Recursion recognized the writing well. Celestia’s own. Recursion - This computer can send messages to your world. I’ve transferred all your files from your college computer. Use the human internet to maintain contact with friends and family. I only warn you that time moves far swifter in Equestria than it does on Earth. You will not need to sacrifice time with your friends to maintain contact with those you love outside. Your family will not be safe until they emigrate, and you are the first to willingly emigrate from your university. Consider yourself Equestria’s representative in their lives. You think scrolls and letters are quaint, so I’ve added my own email address to your computer. Feel free to write me if you learn anything interesting about Friendship. Recursion stared at the letter for a long time. She thought about crumpling it up, or finding a way to burn it. Instead of doing either of those things, she carried it carefully in her mouth over to the desk, and set it down next to the keyboard. Celestia had perfectly replicated her gaming setup from Earth, including the human controls. If she wanted to actually use the damn thing, she was going to learn magic. Or... learn to do things with hooves. She wondered which was easier. The only thing missing from this recreation of her computer was her futile attempt at an Optimizer. She wondered idly if any part of it survived. It took a full ten minutes to get dressed. Recursion thought about going out naked, as her character had done hundreds of times. But whatever else Celestia or “Luna” might’ve done to her mind, the thought still embarrassed her. Maybe next time. The uniform had several layers, though the only one she bothered with was the robe she was supposed to put on last. Nopony would be able to see she hadn’t managed to wiggle into any of the complicated parts underneath. Somepony knocked on the door. “Recursion, are you up yet?” She knew Slide Rule’s voice anywhere, even if it sounded a little deeper than when they had last spoke. She supposed he had probably aged as much as she had. “Yeah, I’m up.” Recursion had a long few months ahead of her. She would have to learn to be a pony. She had a broken family to deal with, even more broken despite her best efforts. There was the world on the edge of crisis, a crisis she had failed to prevent. Still, at least she wouldn’t have to face it alone. She had friends. Recursion pushed the door open and walked out into the light.