//------------------------------// // She Likes to Dress Up For Me // Story: How To Raise Your Moon // by Pen Mightier //------------------------------// Two hundred thousand hooves south of the world’s entire snootiness stockpile and twenty degrees west of the compassion blackhole, right smack-dab on the permanent magnetic north of disaster, lies the Friendship capital and its Council’s home. With the worldwide ‘friendship problem radar’ stationed here, you’d struggle to even begin arguing over pizza toppings before a nosy but well-meaning council member points out it’s Two-for-Tuesday. So a few ponies have skipped town in search of arguments and squabbles more stimulating than what Crankey Doodle had to offer. But overall, Ponyville had seen a massive increase in both visitors and residents, especially since the embassies to Yakyakistan and Zebrica opened shop. Many settle here to learn how to smile smile smile properly. A few visit seeking help with saving existing relationships or even marriages. Things have come a long way since the day Twi and I first set hoof in Ponyville: Everypony was so excited, it was like they had never seen a stranger before. Now welcoming new strangers had long since become the daily norm. There were more strangers than usual thronging the streets that early afternoon. If the number of overly polite ‘excuse me’s in both heavily-accented Equestrian and Moonspeak was not enough of a clue, the leathery bat wings on half the ponies in the street was a dead giveaway. And the local ponies certainly helped show it, by giving the thestral strangers a wide berth. I’d stop to wonder why they weren’t receiving the usual Ponyville welcome, but I was too busy searching for a certain little pegasus. And not running anypony over. My new size made walking through a crowd a game of bowling, with each step threatening a deadly strike. At least everypony helped by walking around me. How they did that without screaming at my new size was a mystery, one I put down to how foal-proof Twilight’s spell was. “Hay, do you see her, Peewee?” I called out to my friend above. “Coo,” Peewee replied, trailing embers and sparks as he soared overhead. Show off. “Yeah, I know, it is pretty crowded,” I agreed irritably. By Luna, other ponies might lose a hat, their marbles, at worst a cutie mark or two. But nope, not me. I managed to lose a whole princess! It was so crowded I barely dodged a little group of foals who were busy dancing and singing….Hay, that sounds familiar! “Ponies far and wide were seen to dance a jig upon the green They shuffled and they siddled With their paddles in a puddle they waddled on a little thimble Then everypony cuddled in the middle!” It was a very foalish version of Luna’s ditty. They even had a dance for it, doing a little waddle with their tails before throwing themselves into a big group cuddle at the end with an explosion of childish giggles, flailing their hooves in an effort to untangle themselves. “Hay, that song doesn’t sound like what Spike’s special somepony sang,” one caramel-coloured unicorn filly I recognized as Firelock pointed out with a frown. “Wasn’t there more, um, twiddling and diddling?” “We played with Spike’s fillyfriend earlier,” another filly, a golden earth pony I recognized as Noi, said. “We wanted to play that funny hugging game she played with Spike. So she taught us a new song for it. She said it’s the one for good little fillies,”  she giggled. Huh, Luna’s been busy. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought of Luna playing with the foals, coming up with a random tail-waddle and cuddle routine no less. But more importantly, I’d picked up her trail. Spike smell prey...Spike hunt! The tune followed me as I walked down the street. The ditty was on everypony’s lips, young and old. There was much variation on the twiddling and diddling. Even the newcomers had picked it up, singing what few words they knew and humming the rest. The town newsstand caught my eye with its featured front page as I walked past. ‘New Couple of the Decade: Equestria’s Richest Filly And Hero of the Crystal Empire!’ the headlines read in bold, excited lettering. The article had a pretty good picture of me catching Luna midair, complete with Ditzy leaping for a flaming violin in the background. But something was off about the picture, something that gnawed at my mind. I was to struggling grasp it when a passing flower pony caught my eye and threw me off. Just as I was about to seize it again, my eyes were drawn to a nearby pie stand and I lost it. I frowned, stepping back. It shouldn’t be this difficult to avoid distractions. I’m not Luna after all. My mage assistant alarm bells suddenly began ringing. This was powerful mind magic at work. The sudden realization brought the picture into sharp focus, allowing me to see myself properly. Wow, I take up half the frame! With all the excitement last night, I hadn’t had the chance to properly look at how much I’d changed. And boom-badda-boom, filly, it’s like...it’s like the Puberty Express Train hit me straight into Hunktopia. Uh. Okay, it wasn’t my greatest moment. But I swear I wasn’t flexing and admiring my biceps in the middle of the street, no matter what some ponies might say. Point is, it was amazing nopony noticed my changes, not even in photographs. There are times when Twi’s obsession with perfection really shines through. This glamour spell was one. Twi was really looking out for me. My gaze wandered up to where Canterlot perched on mighty Mt. Canterhorn. The magical city gleamed under the late morning sun. I wonder if she’s alright?  My mind was brought back to Ponyville by a cheerful voice. “Top of the morning to ya, Spike.” The newsstand owner greeted me, a gold and orange earth pony mare. “That was some party last night, huh?” “Hay, Marigold.” I gave her a smile in reply. “Thanks for coming.” Marigold chuckled. “It was worth it just to see her in the flesh. Photo Finish sure got the perfect shot there.” She nodded at the photograph. “Still, ya really waited to spring her on us, huh? Big shot heiress and long patrol commander to boot.” She suddenly turned quiet as she scuffed a hoof uneasily. “Uh, I don’t mean to pry or nothin’, but is the poor gal alright?” “She’s…” I paused. “...as alright as she could be,” I said carefully. “Oh, that’s good. I mean, it was such a shame. She’s such a sweet filly,” Marigold said, shaking her head sympathetically. “Ya should’ve seen the newsstand earlier. The stallions were queueing halfway up mane street for a copy. Then everythin’ went to Tartarus when yer marefriend trotted by, all sweet and innocent-like. Everypony wanted her autograph on their copies. And when the dust settled she very kindly agreed to sign the rest of my copies for me. The papers have been selling like hotcakes since.” Huh, it’s kinda like trailing Tirek, except instead of following the screams and ruins I just need to follow the singing and swooning. Wait. Did she say stallions?! “What stallions?!” I demanded, a strange and sudden sense of panic rising. “Oh, they all followed her towards town square.” Marigold pointed. “A few mares too, come to think of it.” “Uh, cool... thanks, Marigold. I gotta, um, go now to do the thing with the thing. So seeya.” I waved an abrupt goodbye. Ponyfeathers! It really is far too dangerous for her out here! I need to find a nice comfy cave on a beautiful mountain somewhere to hide her and-....I mean, get her home safely before the sharks get her! The crowds got thicker and thicker as I neared the market. I couldn’t help but notice there were more and more bat pon-...I mean, thestrals walking the streets and taking to the air. Many were putting up carved wooden lanterns and brightly coloured decorations. I wonder what’s going on? “You look lost, Spike.” It wasn’t a sympathetic question, merely a statement of fact. I looked around and immediately felt a pang of concern. Surely this pale mare would turn to ash if left in the sun? Or perhaps that frumpy black sweater is some sort of magical ward to keep the sunlight out? Like aged haybread, everything from her movements to her face had gone hard and dull from overexposure to the open air. Still, despite all that, she had brilliant purple eyes that could probably chop timberwolves for firewood. “Oh, hello, Moon Dancer,” I said as she stepped up, bringing me into her absolute lethargy field from which not a shred of enthusiasm could escape. Still, I couldn’t deny she put a lot more enthusiasm into her life lately. She actually came all the way to Ponyville to celebrate my birthday. I decided the least I could do in return was turn up the sympathy a bit. “Uh, some night, huh? Hope the hangover isn’t too bad?” “I don’t drink,” she muttered darkly. Could’ve fooled me. Claw, meet mouth. “Though I could use some alcohol, the way these ponies are acting.” She looked around at the bat ponies decorating the town centre...and the local ponies pointedly avoiding them. “Tsk, I wish the locals would take this festival a little more seriously. Twilight worked really hard on preparing everything.”   Festival. Serious. Right. How can anypony make something as awesome as a festival sound dull as hay? Oh, right, it’s Moon Dancer. Her eyes narrowed dangerously on a lemon-yellow unicorn stallion who I recognized as Comet Tail. He had paused halfway through painting a sign to stealthily paint something on the ground around a light-peach pegasus mare, one I didn’t quite recognize. The drawing on the ground looked like a magic circle. The mare tilted her head questioningly at Comet Tail. Her unicorn mare friends, meanwhile, blushed and giggled behind her. One of her friends trotted up to the pegasus to whisper in her ear. She gave a little gasp in reply, her wings flaring out as a furious blush erupted on her face. “Disgusting,” Moon Dancer muttered, in the same dark tone somepony might use to describe the Schmooze or the tax pony. “What’s so bad about that?” I frowned, watching as Comet Tail doubled the pegasus’ blush by offering her a bouquet of flowers. “Drawing a magic circle around your special somepony is a very intimate gesture for unicorns. That’s practically exhibitionism right there,” Moon Dancer spat, pushing her glasses up her muzzle as if to entrench her moral highground. I wisely did not bring up the soft blush on her pouty cheeks. Wait, drawing magic circles around your special somepony is….ooooooh. Uuuuuh. Well, uh, it’s not like Luna minds it. Right? Something tells me I’ll be going on a one way trip to the moon the moment she regains her magic. “Huh, looks like somepony else has been abusing magic circles.” Moon Dancer shot me a dark look. The hot blush on my face must have given me away. Darn it, face! I don’t care how good you look, stop betraying me! “Riiiiight, so, uh, festival, huh?” I very subtly sonic-rainboom’d into a different topic.   “No surprise you forgot after everything last night,” she sighed. “Poor Twilight, having to deal with everything herself.” I had no idea what was eating her, but it was probably sick. Cut me some slack, lady! It’s not like you have any competition in being Twilight’s number one fanfilly. “Hay, I totally did not forget about the...uh…” A half-finished flower-festooned banner gave me a clue, “...star...um…” I noticed the colourful lanterns hanging everywhere. “...light festival?” “Starkindle Festival,” she corrected me, irritably. “You look like you could stand some education on the subject.” She picked up on my blank look like a cragadile scenting blood. “As Twilight’s assistant, your ignorance would reflect poorly on her. Considering her plan to reach out to the estranged thestrals of Equestria hangs on the success of us hosting this festival, it’s important her Chief Steward at least know the basics. Now, listen. The Starkindle Festival…” I could practically feel the info-dump avalanching towards me. Survival instincts honed by a lifetime of Purplesmart exposure kicked in. “Just ask me anything. I know everything there is to know about the Star-Tinkle Festival, honest!” I blurted. “The Starkindle Festival…” she carried on, ignoring my pleas, “...celebrates the day the mother and father of the thestral race lit up the stars to seal the nightmares beyond the dark veil.” Oh no, she’s channeling Twi! “You at least know the names of the father-god and mother-goddess of the thestrals, right?” she demanded testily. I’ll be in the grandmother of all detentions if I don’t get this one right. Here goes nothing. “Well, mom was a pegasus and dad was...a bat?” I took a brave stab. Hay, I didn’t say it was a good stab. She facehoofed. Does that mean I got it right? I can never tell with Moon Dancer. “You of all ponies should know this, Spike. Hay, that song your marefriend sang last night was all about their legend. Their mother was a pegasus named Ever Free, the first pegasus to fly so high she pierced the heavens and flew beyond the dark veil, the Enkindler of Worlds, the Starmother.” Moon Dancer gestured at the wing-shaped flower garlands hanging everywhere. “Their father was, well, a dragon. And not just any dragon, he was the last emperor of dragonkind, Spark the Brave and Glorious.” She pointed at the spectacular red and gold dragon dance costume sitting in a nearby cart. “It was said the long lost crown of dragonkind manifested spontaneously on his head when he claimed the greatest dragon hoard in history.” I was totally not daydreaming about the biggest mountain of gems ever. I was certainly not drooling either. “Long, long ago, nightmares used come down to plague ponykind every night. One brave mare, Ever Free, flew up carrying a torch in her mouth to light the night and keep the nightmares at bay,” Moon Dancer monotoned. “However, when she reached the void beyond the dark veil, the darkness was so overwhelming it devoured the light of her torch.” Maybe I should try and stay awake. Pinkie Pie always insisted that listening to these things might help solve friendship problems or save the world or something. She called them expositi-...exposures? explosions? With how much Moon Dancer was bombarding me, ‘explosions’ sounded about right.   Why does saving the world have to be so hard? “Spark tried to fly after her.” Moon Dancer went on. “But no matter how hard the dragon king flapped his wings he could not cross the dark veil to reach his beloved. And so, he sent his dragonfire to her. With it, Ever Free set fire to the dark worlds of the nightmares, creating the first stars.” It’s so boo-oo-oo-ooring! It’s death by over-nerd! The world is doomed! It’s every pony for himself! “It is said that once a year, the spirits of Spark and Ever Free would meet across the dark veil. That day is the Starkindle Festival. Their children, the ‘Dragonkin’, more commonly known as ‘thestrals’, would celebrate by flying up and rekindling the stars with the dragonfire magic they inherited from Spark. With their starlight, the spirits of their father-god and mother-goddess would find each other and...” She trailed off, noticing me peering blankly at the ground beneath her hooves. “Spike? Are you even listening? What’s going...on...?” Her voice died in her throat as she followed my gaze. She looked down to find herself standing in a magic circle, a bright yellow one, matching the  magical aura holding the guilty paintbrush. “Gah! Minuette! Not again!” Moon Dancer shrieked, lighting her horn. “For the last time! Not! In! Public!” She suddenly teleported away in a burst of pale purple sparks. “But that’s half the fun, Moonie! Three quarters, even!” a familiar voice whined. “Hay, Spike, you owe me.” Minuette chuckled as she trotted up, casually swinging the paintbrush in her magical aura. “Not just anypony would face Mooniezilla just to save you, y’know.” “So what do you want? A medal? The Element of Generosity?” I laughed, giving her a brohoof in thanks. “You look a lot less bubbly than when I last saw you. Did your barding survive?” I asked, noticing that she had shed her armour. She grinned widely. “Heh, Aloe and Lotus helped me on both accounts. They can get a full set of armour off a pony in ten seconds flat. All thanks to my love and guidance over the years, of course.” “What, they keep can openers around for emergencies?” I chuckled. She giggled into a forehoof. “Well, not everyfilly’s lucky enough to have firebreathing dragons to open their cans for them, so we had to do things the old-fashioned way. Y’know, hooves-on.” She gave me a wink as she turned away. Wait, what did she mean by that? “I’ll be seeing you around, Spike. After all, you do owe me.” Minuette gave me a sidelong smile. “Oh, almost forgot. Your fillyfriend’s over there. I’d hurry if I were you.” She swished her tail towards an even bigger crowd in the centre of the square before trotting off. I didn’t get to mull over her words for long. Peewee had returned, flapping his wings gently as he landed on my shoulder. “Phwee,” he said, waving a flaming wingtip at the same crowd Minuette had pointed out. “Yeah, thanks buddy,” I said as I walked over to join the pack of ponies. I couldn’t help but feel overly conscious of how I towered over the crowd. Thankfully, the glamour spell seemed to do its job, helping me avoid attention. I overheard a golden-maned peach-coated mare in front of me whispering, “Poor filly. She’s so small Rarity sent her flying with that slap.” I recognized her as Spring Forward, a regular at the spa. “Everypony at the party heard it. She was standing up for poor little Spike.” “I’m more worried about that mark Rarity gave her. It looks so...scary,” A cream-coated pegasus, Sun Shower, said with a little shiver. “It gives me the heebee-jeebees. I’ve never seen anything like it.” “I heard it’s something called a ‘Cursey Mark’, some really nasty dark magic or something. Everypony’s talking about it,” Ponyville’s backup gossip tank, Peachy Pitt, said. “It’s an evil curse that...does evil stuff to you.” “Sounds really mean,” Sun Shower murmured, ears drooping. “Where did you hear that?” “Um, Junebug told me,” Peachey Pitt said, nudging the golden orange mare next to her. “Uh, I heard it from Roseluck,” Junebug admitted. “She said she heard it from...um...I dunno. I think she mentioned a guard magus?” I felt my dragonfire flare with a bitter flame at the memory of Luna fighting to shield me. But amidst the anger was a touch of worry. Somepony else knows about the Cursey Mark? Why would they spread the word? And... worst of all, it looks like everypony knows Rarity cursed her. “What’s everypony crowding around?” Junebug asked, rising up on her tippyhooves to try and peer over the crowd. I silently followed her gaze, only to find yet another crowd on the other side of the town square. Wait, this crowd gathered to watch another crowd? That’s just so...pony! “They’re...rioting?” Spring Forward suggested with a touch of worry. It certainly looked that way, with how the ponies were practically clambering over one another. “Or asking her out,” Sun Shower said. “Or both, from the looks of it.” “They’re rioting over her?” Spring Forward looked around at her friends worriedly. “Everypony was happy to just ogle her creepily until some weird rumour went around faster than feather flu on tornado day,” Peachey Pitt said in a suspicious tone. “Everypony’s talking about this ten million bit prize for the pony who can woo her.” “But wait a sec. She has a special somepony, doesn’t she?” June Bug pointed out. “Yeah.” Peachey Pitt nodded, darkly. “Some say it’s the Sonata family themselves disagreeing with their heiress getting together with a dragon. Some say it’s an interested noble, maybe even the Princesses themselves. And while everypony was drooling over the prize, some bucktard in a penguin suit went and fired the first shot. Suddenly everypony else went all Smartypants over her.” “That’s so mean!” Sun Shower gasped. “Where do I join the queue?” “Dear, I don’t think there’s a queue.” Spring Forward threw out a forehoof to stop Sun Shower in her tracks. “It’s a melee. To the death. Gala tickets style.” Ten million bits? Seriously?! None of you can even count up to TWO! ‘Cause that’s the number of ponies already in this relationship! I growled impatiently and cast my eyes across the town square. I finally spotted her on the other side. I was surprised I recognized her at all, with her long bluish-silver mane tucked into a starched baker's kerchief wrapped around her head.   Where'd she get that kerchief? And why does it look so ridiculously sweet on her? The pair of snow-white saddlebags slung across her back were bursting with gifts and flowers. She smiled nervously, doing her best to fend off the stallions and few mares besieging her. They were armed with even more gifts and flowers, each more extravagant than the last. The flower trio must really be raking in business. Traitors. Even Braeburn and Caramel were there waving flowers at her. What the hay?! “Ms. Sonata, I happen to have some fresh haybread straight out of the oven. Would you like…” “Madame Sonata, I have two tickets to the spa. How about you and I…” “Baby, I just met you and this is crazy. But here’s my carrier pigeon...” “Moonlight Sonata, you are my reason to exist! You are my cutie mark! You are my cutie mark destiny!” “Ma’am, ya turned me straighter than a ray of moonshine at happy hour!” “Lady Sonata, if kisses were raindrops, I’d give you showers.” One pegasus mare serenaded loudly on what was either a banjo or a herd of rabbits being stepped on. “If hugs were water, I’d send you the sea! If love were a pony, I’d send you me!” “Ms. Sonata! You, me, Quills and Sofas!” “YEAAAAAAAH!” Luna slowly backed away from the clamouring ponies until her tail hit a cart, pinning her into a corner. The circle of ponies tightened like a noose. “Um, thank you but I don’t need….” she squeaked. “Err, thanks but I have enough...Uh, my gratitude, but I honestly do not need another...what is this witchcraft before me?” She frowned at the plasma ball thrust into her forehooves. It chirped cheerfully in reply. Every pony that approached her, every flower, every gift, every word they spoke drew a furious flare from the broiling blaze in my chest. It was as if an entire pack of rabid ravenous pillows had descended upon my defenseless little lamb. MINE! MY TREASURE! ALL MINE! I had to get to her. But there was a whole herd between us. I couldn’t push past without flattening a pony or two. Besides, the rioting crowd was doing a good enough job of that without my help. I watched her, so close yet so far. Why couldn’t I be one of those cool dragons with wings?  A foghorn blared. Silence fell as everypony’s eyes flew to the big white cart behind Luna. Suddenly, it seemed less a cart and more a weird steam engine mounted on a stagecoach. It was crowned by what looked suspiciously like a flower-shaped turret mounted on the roof. The engine clanked and whirred, pumping out a mix of steam and flower petals through pipes, whistles and horns, playing a very heroic if pompous marching song. The pipes released a burst of flower petals. A light olive unicorn stallion dressed in a rather comical white knight costume complete with a fluttering cape rose up with the petals before striking a pose atop the cart’s roof. He doffed his helmet at Luna with a flamboyant flourish. “Well, Lookie what we got, my brother Flim, A little mare with a big frown.” “Well, brother Flam, might be all these pushy ponies getting her down.” The flower-turret on the roof bloomed, revealing what looked suspiciously like one of Pinkie’s party cannons. Behind its trigger was a mirror copy of the first stallion, complete with cardboard knight costume. Recognition struck me with horror. It was the Flim Flam brothers with one of their snake oil musical numbers! “Maybe she’s tired of all the attention and stares. What she really needs are chevaliers who know how to treat a mare!” “So do not worry, my fair lady to protect you we do swear we knightly gentlestallions will save you from these rapscallions hounding after your millions.” A tall chimney on the cart’s rear began to chug out smoke. Luna cringed as she was showered in enough flowers to a supply a decade’s worth of stallionly apologies and excuses. A rubber hose leading to the canon began bulging as the unicorn aimed it at the crowd. “Your heart we’ll safeguard, You have nothing to fear Honey, it’s all sun ‘n’ cheers all the way from here!” “I am Flim, at your service.” “I am Flam, if you please.” “Together we are the noble Flim Flam brothers!” Together they pulled a big red lever. The canon erupted with flowers of every colour, hosing the crowd away from Luna. It cleared a wide circle around her faster than a Pinkie cupcake tasting. Flower petals fluttered into the ponies lying scattered in a wide arc across towns square. “What are….?” Luna demanded angrily. The rest of her protests were drowned out when the watching crowd suddenly began to sing along. I felt my own lips quiver as the words to the chorus rose in my throat. I fought the urge, drowning it in the napalm in my guts. ‘No! It’s pony song magic!’ I felt panic rise. I know firsthoof just how powerful pony song magic is at swaying luck and chance. In fact, I had a feeling it was most of the reason we survived the entirety of the day before. And Flim and Flam were not only good at song magic, they’d shown how well they could harness its reality-bending powers to fuel their scams. If I didn’t do something quickly everypony, me included, would simply sing along as they whisked Luna away! The crowd wasn’t about to let me get to her. Those that weren’t backing away under the flower canon’s onslaught were busy picking up the chorus to the song spell. It was hard enough to avoid getting carried off by the flash mob, let alone work against it. I gotta stop that song spell my somehow. C’mon, Spike, think! What can I do if I can’t reach her? What would Luna do? Wait, that’s it! Who needs to stop’em when you can simply outshine’em! I gotta do something impressive, something flashy, grab the focus! Do my Tom impression? Sing the Cloudsdale anthem? Peewee swooped down to land on my shoulder. “Qrooooo,” he chirped, poking me in the cheek with something in his beak. “What’s up, buddy?” I turned to find him carrying a white rose. “Oh, that’s a sweet idea Peewee. Except they’ve got a whole canonful.” I waved a claw at the twins. You wouldn’t think a bird could roll its eyes, but Peewee somehow managed with an exaggerated head tilt. He waved an impatient wingtip at Luna before flaring his wings with a burst of red flames. “Oh, duh!” I face-clawed as I had to remind myself for the umpteenth time that I am a dragon, y’know, of the fire-breathing variety. “You’re a genius!” I suddenly realized I didn’t have to be flashy to impress anypony, not when I had Luna. I grabbed the rose and carefully took aim. A gout of flame swept the rose away in a ball of green fire. The emerald wisp spiralled and twisted through the air, turning heads and raising gasps, interrupting their chorus. Even the Flim Flam brothers faltered midway through their reprise. The spiral of green sparks gathered behind her ear before swirling together into a white rose. She raised a forehoof to caress the flower, giving a surprised but relieved giggle. Her bright laughter tickled me like a thousand tinkling little bells. “Hello to you too, Sparks.” She tilted her head as she turned one of her radiant smiles on me. For a second I thought I had sent my heart as well with how it was struggling to fly out of my chest. She really had to stop doing that to me. Except I kinda didn’t want her to. Dear Luna, this mare will be the end of me. “Flim, is that a dragon I see? Finally a worthy adversary!” The twins fought to maintain control of their wavering song. “For this lady we’d spurn even a dragon Fitting foe for the  Flower Power 9000!” Flam pointed a forehoof at me. The cannon barrel quickly followed. I could feel the song spell winding up to a hurried climax. The wrench I’d thrown into the song must’ve really spooked them. “Halt! Halt, you unnecessarily doubled cans of pointlessness!” Luna cried out, waving for them to stop. “Ready Flim?” Flam called out, pulling a lever into the red. The steam engine spooled up, chugging out more steam and heat. “Ready Flam?” His brother aimed and pulled the trigger. “Let’s bing bang ZAM!”    Their voices were almost drowned out by the bark of the flower cannon. A prismatic wave of petals rushed towards me with the ferocity of stampeding buffalo. “Phwee!” Peewee waved an urgent wing at me. “I got this, buddy!” I took a deep breath before blowing an explosive jet of flames at the oncoming blast of flowers. The stream of emerald dragonfire and colourful flowers clashed in midair, erupting into a brilliant green fireball. The mighty fireball spat a steady stream of wispy green smoke into the sky, fueled by the continuous jet of flame and flowers. The thick tendrils of green smoke spiralled into an orbit around their new celestial body - Luna. Luna turned into the eye of a whirlwind of emerald wisps carrying ghostly green flowers. She didn’t look the least bit afraid, even as the swirling wind teased her silver blue mane and tail. She smiled in amusement as she raised a forehoof to the whirling wall of emerald fire. The spiralling wisps rose with her forehoof, as if obeying their new mistress. Her smile widened as the wisps followed her every gesture, looping and spiralling into complex galaxies all around her. The Flim Flam brothers flinched, as the eye of the storm slowly turned her gaze towards them. Her eyes narrowed as her smile turned hydra-like. She raised a forehoof, commanding her wisps high into the sky, weaving them into a burning emerald moon above. “Hay,” she called, eyes glinting dangerously in the fiery green light. “That’s my coltfriend.” She slammed her forehoof down. The ball of dragonfire snapped back into a meteor-sized bouquet. They rushed down from the sky with the same speed and force they’d had leaving the cannon, multiplied by the mass of flowers she had gathered into her burning moon. Together it made for an explosive orbital beam of flowery doom. The twins barely dived out of the falling flower storm’s path. The torrent slammed into the hapless cart like a rainbow-coloured hammer, burying it under a small mountain of flowers. A wave of petals rose from the impact, rippling across the town square. Luna stood firm as the crest washed over her, whipping at her mane and tail. I spotted the twins cautiously peering out from under a heap of greenery. They squeaked in fright at Luna’s frosty glare. “I have the only flower I need,” she told them, lovingly caressing the white rose adorning her mane. “By the way,” she added, cooly blowing an errant petal away from her face, “my coltfriend gets very jealous.” I decided to play along, puffing out the last of the smoke. The sight sent them bolting for their lives. Peewee squawked in glee before giving chase, running them straight out of town. “Hay, Sparks.” Luna smiled as she looked at me. She quickly leaned in and lowered her voice to a whisper, “Spike, either all these flowers are part of some communal food fighting ritual or these ponies are attempting to court me. Either way, we must win!” The dangerous gleam in her eyes did not allow defeat. “They stubbornly resist me banishing them to the zone of friends. I shall need your help to prove just how loving a couple we are.” She nodded at the flash mob still singing around us. A weird flare of temper sparked inside me. “Well, if it’s proof they want...” I growled, angrily.   MINE. ALL MINE. NO SHARE. SPIKE ANGRY!   Before I knew it I had dug all four of my claws into the ground, my stance wide and firm. A gout of flame burned low in my mouth, ready to erupt at a moment’s notice. I eyed the ponies surrounding us, daring them to come within singe range. I was about to loose a warning shot when I felt a forehoof on my shoulder. “We cannot win, not while they are still singing.” Luna warned. “You can hear it. The song is weakened in rhyme and rhythm without its lead singers and the music from that cartload of floral madness. But as long as somepony’s still singing, the song spell will maintain its power.” Darn it, what is up with all these pony songs?!  Luna was right. I of all ponies should know there is no fighting pony magic on the level of the Elements of Harmony. I had to use my head. Thinking about it, I had only ever seen a song spell completely broken once: That one time Twi countered the Sirens with a song of her own. “We need to hijack the song,” I said.   “Excellent idea, Sparks.” She gave me a nod of approval. “We need to take control and finish it with a climax on our terms. To do that we will need to buy enough time to finish the song.” It didn’t look like the chanting mob was about to give us that time we need. In fact it was already marching on us. I growled menacingly at them, gathering angry flames in my maw. “I’ll hold them off while you…” I trailed off as I felt a gentle hold on my claw. I looked down to find her softly biting on my claw. With a gentle tug she pulled me after her into a canter. And just like that, all thoughts of tossing the flash mob into Pinkie’s bouncy castle and strapping it to the back of the Harmony Express went right out of my head. Everything was replaced by warm fluff and wool rising from my chest.   Calm down, Spike. I know pegasi couples do that wing-nibble thing: That cutesy-wootsey thing where they'd gently bite the wing-tip of another while walking together. It's kinda like pony tail-holds and unicorn magic-embraces. Sure, only really lovey-dovey couples do those kinda things. But my claw's hardly a wing, tail or horn. Yeah. Totally. Right?   I wish my burning face would just agree with my cold hard logic and chill. It's probably all that extra blood stampeding to my head straight from my hammering heart. Jeez, getting over-excited over a cute mare holding my claw, I’m acting like a colt learning that cooties weren't real for the first time ever. No, I’m gonna be the perfect image of a graceful gentlecolt. I’m gonna be cool, relaxed, entirely in my natural element amongst the ladies. I’m gonna be... She looked over her withers back at me, my claw still in her mouth. She gave me a mischievous wink. Oh. My. Luna. She’s. So. Everything.  We dove into a curtain of crystal wind chimes hanging from a cloud decorator’s stall. Luna gave a little giggle as she released my claw, peering at me from between the jangling chimes. Constellations of tiny Sonas smiled mischievously at me through the crystals. She spun and darted away, leading me by the sound of the bells tinkling in her wake. “Throughout the night I... have dreamt of this day And now I finally wake!” We emerged on the other side of the curtain in blinding sunlight shining down on a showcase of liquid rainbow fountains. A flock of birds bathing in the rainbows looked up in alarm. “Everything looks different in the light All so familiar, yet so bright!” She pranced onwards as the birds took flight, raising rainbow arcs in the sun. “So please guide my hooves, please teach me, please show me ‘Cause everything’s so different When I’m right here by your side~” The flash mob emerged on our heels. She bit my claw and pulled me with her into one of Photo Finish’s automated photo booths. I peered through the velvet curtain at the mob cluelessly stampeding past. I looked back as beeping noises filled the booth. Luna had accidentally nosed the countdown button. She jumped back in surprise, before booping the offending device repeatedly with a forehoof as it threatened her with more random beeps. “So what is this? I wanna know more ‘bout your world.” Everything you do I wanna do it with you.” She gave me a sheepish smile as I guided her forehoof down to the start button. There was a bright flash, sending her flapping into my arms with a frightened squeak. I chuckled. She pouted angrily up at me. Another flash. I nodded at the camera, pulling the edges of her muzzle up into a comical smile. Another flash. A mischievous glint flashed in her eyes as she suddenly reached up and...w-wait, d-did she just kiss my cheek?! Another flash of light caught me redder than Tirek with a sunburn. “A brand new world, With you it’s always a brand new world! Warm and bright Lotsa fun too~” She cheered gleefully as I carried her under one arm, running ahead of the stampeding mob. We ran into a group of thestrals practicing their dragon dance. We dove under the costume head. Whether out of generosity or stupefied shock, they allowed us to take the lead. I produced dragonfire and Luna roared enthusiastically. Together we did a darn good dragon impression, if dragons mewled like baby tigers. It certainly fooled the flash mob. They totally didn’t expect me to disguise myself as a dragon. “Throughout the night I... have dreamt of this day. I’d wake beside you. Everything would shine brighter in the light ‘cause you light up my world.” We dove out of the flash mob’s way again, this time escaping into a clothing stall’s changing booth. I peered through the curtain. The peddler gave me an irritable glare, pointing at the clothes on offer. I snagged a random dress, tossing it into the changing booth to keep the peddler happy. I stiffened in horror as I heard cloth and silk rubbing against soft velvety fur behind me, accompanied by mischievous giggling. Oh my Luna, she’s trying it on. I don’t even know what it was! I gulped as I slowly turned to face her. I must have had a heart attack then and there and continued straight to heaven, filled with angels in long-skirted dark blue maid outfits, complete with frilly white aprons and long white hoofy-socks. “So please guide my hooves, please teach me, please show me how I can belong here forever here where I belong with you.” I tumbled backwards. She leapt out to grab me. She was so small she ended up clutching my chest as together we spun and staggered out of the changing booth. She laughed brightly as we twisted and twirled into the open air. We finally fell over with a thump, in a pile of bargain clothing on the ground, sending clothes of every shape and colour flying all around. She giggled brightly, her beaming face framed against the sky filling with rainbow contrails. I felt a sea of angry glares from our stalkers try to burn a hole through my scales. I could only gulp as I looked up at the circle of ponies gathered around us. We were surrounded. There was no escape this time. Except...wait a sec, they aren’t singing? The song was over! We completed the spell in our favour! That meant we’d convince them of our ‘love’, no matter what! The crowd broke ranks, a few throwing hooves in the air before storming off in frustration. Some simply shrugged and moved on, tossing their flowers and gifts in the bin. Many smiled, even chuckled, sharing Luna’s infectious cheer. Some passed bits around, paying off bets and dares. Quite a few even cheered and hooted, throwing both their flowers and accusations at me. “You ain’t even playin’ fair, Spike!” “Cheap shots ain’t cool, Spikester!” “No way I’m flash-mobbing for you, lady killer!” “You lucky bastard!” “Spike, you lady-killing lucky bastard!” She did it! She actually did it! She took control of the song and finished it! And it was...it was simply... Wow. If she hadn’t already blown my breath away with her crash, she would have stolen it right there and then. Her words sang to me. Every bit of me wanted to dance to her voice. She told me she belonged with me. Me, a dragon who has spent a lifetime trying to belong. Suddenly it felt like the journey I began on the day of that dragon migration so many years ago had finally come to an end. I had found home. And she is beautiful. And if she really meant every word, I’d be the happiest dragon in the… If she really meant every word…. If she weren’t acting. Except this is an act. A very good act, but nothing more. I felt a deep hole open up in my heart at the thought. The balloon of warm joy rising up in my chest suddenly deflated. It was replaced by a hollow if wistful thought: If only...if only we weren’t pretending. If only this was real. If only... Wait a sec. Could I be….? No, surely not. We already went over this. ‘Love’ is what I feel for Rarity. Right? That sense of worshipful admiration for true beauty, for that graceful sophistication, that promise of that hard-to-get satisfaction when she’d finally look my way, that burning desire to one day own the gem that everypony else could only dream of. Yes, that’s totally ‘love’. ... Then why have I never felt this amazing? Why have I never felt so...so appreciated? So special? So lifted? I shook my head inwardly, reluctantly chiding myself. We were so good at this I was beginning to fool myself too. I finally found my lost voice in the dry desert that was my mouth. “Heh, looks like we nailed it.” I said, tilting my head towards the crowd. “You were…” …. Amazing. Wonderful. Breathtaking... “....really convincing.” I chuckled hollowly. “C-convincing?” She blinked, seemingly surprised. “Oh.” Her ears suddenly drooped along with her face. “Um, y-yeah, thanks.” She nodded sullenly. Like a master actress, she shed her perfectly crafted mask faster than you can say ‘sonic rainboom’. The ease with which she dropped her act struck me like a dagger in the chest. But why? Why should the simple reality beneath the mask hurt so much? My angst was cut short by the dark shadow looming over us. “Hay, you buying that?” It was the clothes peddler, an olive green unicorn mare in a frilly white dress. She must have been one of the many vendors visiting for the festival. “Um…” Luna and I echoed one another. I certainly didn’t bring any bits with me when I left the palace. And I had a funny feeling Luna had decided to go out shopping on Moon Dancer’s fun budget. “Huh, I should have known that even with all the bat pony horseapples going on there’d be nothing but hicks for customers in this backwater town,” the shopkeep muttered under her breath. Luna glared daggers at her. I couldn’t help but feel horrible. It was difficult to explain why. I know for certain Luna doesn’t deserve the humiliation of being caught penniless. For some reason it felt like my fault. Surely as a stallion I shouldn’t let this happen to her, right? I was about to stand up and invoke the Council of Friendship expense account I pray we have when somepony else came to our rescue. “Hay, I got this one, squirt,” a familiar voice oozing with effortless confidence suddenly butted in. A rainbow-maned face leaned over me, her smirk shoving aside the shopkeeper’s glowering shadow. “Rainbow?” I blinked. “Sup?” Rainbow Dash grinned, offering a forehoof to Luna and I. With a single powerful flap, she gave both of us a pull back onto our hooves and claws. “Hay, you break it, you buy it.” The shopkeeper frowned at the interruption. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, keep yer shirt on.” Rainbow waved an impatient hoof at her. “Hay, y’know what? Make yourself useful. Help my friend here get that dress fitted and you can keep the change.” She tossed the unicorn a bag. It clinked with the obnoxious sound of wealth as the shopkeep caught it in her magic. “Who do you think you…” the shopkeep began, before a glance inside the bag cut her attitude short. “Uh, um, I mean, yes, please, come right this way.” I could barely hear her squeak over the clinking as the bag disappeared into her dress. “What? Sparks, what’s…?” Luna gasped as she was suddenly swept up by the shopkeep and ushered away into the changing booth. “H-hay, that’s my….and my….eeep!” “Uh, thanks, Rainbow,” I said, unsure of what else to say. I knew I’d end up meeting one of my friends sooner or later. I just hadn’t decided how I’d face them. I guess I’ll find out firsthoof. “Costumes, huh? Isn’t that, like, sixth base or something?” Rainbow raised an eyebrow with a look of poorly concealed amusement.   Y’know what? I don’t wanna find out anymore. I decided to just keep up the act and roll with it. “Sixth? Pffft. This is just second base for us. Get on my level, Rainbow.” “S-second?” Her smile dissolved in a sudden blush. “Pft, yeah, right,” she huffed lamely, looking away. “Uh.” She scuffed the ground with a hoof uneasily. “So, you two really are...uh...” She left the rest of the question hanging in the air. “Yeah, we are ‘uh’.” I nodded. “Wow, uh.” She shifted uncomfortably, ears suddenly drooping. “I guess...I suppose I...what I wanted to say was…” She grunted before glaring up at me. “I’m sorry, alright? There, I said it.” She gave a loud huff, as if she had just done the whole world a massive favour. “Huh? What for?” I frowned at her sudden apology. “You’re totally weirding me out, Dash,” I said, taking a slow step away from her. “I crossed the line yesterday.” Rainbow shook her head. “I totally don’t need the girls giving me horseapples for it, I know I did wrong. I shouldn’t have told Rares about your thing for her. Plus, turns out you had lil’ Miss Bombshell hidden from us all along so your foalhood crush is, like, totally old news.” She chuckled ruefully. “Wow, I totally bucked up, huh?” Rainbow Dash admitting guilt? Now she was really weirding me out. I decided to poke her forelegs with a claw experimentally. “What the hay are you doing?” Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “Just checking you aren’t a changeling,” I said offhoofedly. “Hay! I…” She trailed off at my snigger, then slowly joined with a chuckle of her own. We ended up laughing together like drunks. “Heh, you’re cool, squirt,” she finally managed between giggles. “I know I am.” I smiled, smugly. “Seriously though, I’ll make it up to you, squirt.” Rainbow said, suddenly solemn once more. “Promise.” “Huh?” I frowned. “What do you mean…?” I didn’t get to ask her properly. My jaw stopped working. It must have been knocked out when it hit the ground. It didn’t matter because my brain had shortcircuited from all the drool. I swear that changing booth must be a portal to a world of goddesses, ‘cause one of them’s standing right in front of me. For all her attitude, the shopkeep actually had talent to back it up. She had found a wide red ribbon to tie around Luna’s waist, allowing the dress to hug her petite form more closely. More bright red ribbons adorned her hoofsocks and mane. A few subtle changes made for a positively mouth-watering heart-melting sight. It would appear I wasn’t the only one entranced by this enchanting little breezie. The whole street seemed frozen in time, as if a cockatrice had taken a little stroll past. “You like it?” Luna asked, giving me a sheepish little smile. I felt my neck creak painfully as I nodded as hard as I could, certain that the heavens would smite me if I failed to answer honestly. The entire street seemed to mirror me as best as they could. “Um, everypony’s staring at me. Is there something wrong with how it makes my cutie mark look?” Luna asked, lifting up a hindleg to look around at the little bit of her tush showing through an absolutely criminal artistic slit in her skirt.   Oh. My. Luna. I had no idea whether it was part of her act, or actual airheadedness, but the bubbly cuteness was too much for the blood supply to my cheeks. “I-I-It’s p-perfect. E-everything is perfect,” I croaked, hoarsely. The crowd nodded fervently in agreement. Luna seemed genuinely relieved at that. “Really? That’s good.” She smiled. She turned thoughtful for a moment as she looked around at Rainbow. “Perhaps we should thank your friend?” She gave Rainbow a pointed nod, reminding me that the rest of the world existed beyond the moon. “Oh, uh, right.” I gave a sheepish chuckle. “Rainbow, meet Moonlight Sonata. Sona, this is…”          “...fastest pony in Equestria and most promising Wonderbolt reservist, Rainbow Dash.” Luna adopted a perfectly smooth tone of admiration. “I was lucky enough to catch your awesome show with the aces at Her Majesty’s royal garden opening. It was so radical I forgot to breathe. You were so cool.” She dropped the key words like Power Pony finishing moves. I could practically see the words slam into Rainbow like a barrage of changeling divebombs. Rainbow Dash’s ego swelled faster than a parasprite swarm on a sugar high. Looks like the moon isn’t the only celestial body Luna’s good at raising. “Spike, I like her. I like her lots.” She put on a serious tone as she suddenly pulled me into a chokehold. “She’s got a good eye for real awesome.” Hook, line and Dash. Gotta hand it to Luna, she knows which battles she has to win, and she wins them hard. “I do have a taste for quality,” Luna agreed, winking at me. “Heh. He’s a good kid. You won’t find better.” Rainbow gave me a noogie for emphasis. “Well, except for me, but I don’t do maids. Too frou-frou and all that.” She chuckled at Luna’s dress. “But, hay, I know somepony who does, right?” She gave me a sharp nudge in the ribs along with an exaggerated wink and tongue-click. “Yeah, Octavia.” I shot back as I fought to contain all the blood flooding my cheeks. “O-octa-...” Rainbow coughed and hacked as if she had accidentally swallowed Angel Bunny. “Oh, um, uh, hay, uh, does that outfit come in any other colour? Y’know, like awesome?” she asked the shopkeeper. “That was my last one.” The shopkeeper shrugged, midway through counting her bits. “Noooo! My life is ruuuuuined!” Rainbow clutched her mane with full-on melodrama. “If it means you’ll do the dress justice one day, you can have it back,” Sona offered with a gracious giggle. “Eh, nah. Just think of me when you two do whatever it is you do with all that frou.” Rainbow waved a forehoof dismissively, enjoying a chuckle at our collective flush. “Pretty sure I can borrow Big Mac’s,” she added, mostly to herself. I snuck a glance at Luna. I gulped a little, doing my best to clear my throat. “Uh, I’ll pay you back, Rainbow.” Whatever it is you do with all that frou, I don’t wanna be thinking of anypony else, not even Rainbow. “Chillax. It’s all cool.” Rainbow chuckled. “Though, if the two of you wanna consider it downpayment on a little favour for me, I wouldn’t mind,” she added in a low voice, a wide grin slowly spreading across her muzzle. “Follow me.” Oh, right. There is a reason why Rainbow Dash is the Element of Loyalty, not of Generosity.