//------------------------------// // Chapter 19: The Last Day // Story: The Pony Who Lived Upstairs // by Ringcaat //------------------------------// WHEN WE WOKE UP, we were intertwined. Somehow, we seemed to become aware of it at the same time. Peach shifted uneasily. “We’re not supposed to be doing this,” she said. Trying not to feel emotion, we untangled ourselves from each other and came to our senses. I got up to make coffee. “I have to go to work,” said Peach. “Me too,” I said. Peach and I bumbled around the apartment, getting ready for our day and trying not to get in each others’ way. I poured her a mug of coffee and put cinnamon in it. She didn’t take it with her magic until I’d put it down. Later, while I was munching on breakfast, she spun around in her computer chair and looked at me. “What?” “Opli Dexia wrote back. She wants to meet with us tomorrow morning. She’s bringing along an enchantment expert.” I blinked. My coffee hadn’t been quick enough on the draw for this. “Are you working tomorrow at seven?” Peach asked. “Seven in the morning? I never work that early. And no, I’m off tomorrow.” “Good. Should I tell them it’s okay?” What was this even going to entail? “I guess. I guess this Opli pony is still in town from the thing last week, even though Cadance went home.” “No, she said she’s rushing over.” She turned back to read. “‘As this may constitute material for an international incident, the princess has recommended that I handle it with haste. I will therefore expedite my arrival.’” “International incident?” Now I really wanted my coffee to kick in. “Yeah, that surprised me too. I wonder if she’s afraid we’ll go to the newspapers.” “Over being in love?” “Over being tricked into being in love, yeah.” “We weren’t tricked.” I put down my mug and went over to Peach. “Forced, whatever. For all they know, we could be upset.” She stood up on her chair and I took her in my arms and rocked her. Held her. Cuddled her. Hugged her. She hugged back. “Maybe if we’re getting fixed soon, we should make the most of this while we’ve got it,” she suggested. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” “How can following your heart be a bad idea?” I was tempted not to argue, but I did. “If your heart’s screwy, then it might be.” She gave me her look—upset, incredulous, hurt… I’m not sure quite how to describe it, but it was a look I’d seen her give before when I explained things about Earth and humans, and it seemed to say, How can things be this way? How can you let them be this way? “Then what can we do?” “Follow our heads, I guess.” She sank back and the look softened, but remained. We didn’t say a lot more before going off to work. I got a call around three in the afternoon. I never get calls at work, and it’s a hassle for my boss and the team when I do. I wasn’t surprised to hear Peach’s voice. “Hey Pepper, I can’t stop thinking about you! It’s making it tough for me to focus on my work.” “Um…” I’d been making an effort not to think about Peach and our situation, but without much success. “Are you asking for advice?” “…No, I’m saying we should go on a date today after work, before it gets too dark! This could be our last chance!” “A date? Are you sure?” Silence. “No, I’m not sure, but I really want to. When do you get off?” “In just an hour. Does it really make sense to date? We’re already in love, and we’re probably not going to be in love anymore tomorrow…” “Why can’t we go on a date anyway? Dating is fun. And if we won’t get to anymore, we have to do it today!” The emotion in her voice won me over—it wasn’t even close. “All right. Do you think you can get out of work an hour early?” “I bet I can! One guy already even told me he thinks I should go home for the day. But he’s not my boss, so I didn’t.” I grinned. “I think while there’s sun, I’d like to take you to the park. Does that sound good?” “You’re the local! I’m gonna trust you totally.” “You think I’m that trustworthy?” “Naah, but if I’m with you, what’s the worst that can happen? I still get to be with you.” My heart started pounding warmly. “See you soon, Peach.” I got home just minutes before her. It was a burst of colorful joy when she arrived. She ran over to me and hugged me over into the sofa, and I realized how much I’d been suppressing my feelings even to myself—keeping myself from thinking too much, let alone losing myself in love. I fell backward over the sofa and started to laugh in spurts until Peach was chuckling too. We played with each others’ hair and took turns laughing and grinning, and at the most perfect moments we laughed together. Then I took her out to a big local park where we strolled and appreciated the flowers. Peach kept wanting to smell them all, so eventually I got on my knees to smell them with her. At one point we smelled a trail of flowers clear through to the other side of the planting, as if we were on some kind of scent journey. People walking by looked at us funny, and we smiled at them and didn’t mind. We watched children playing on the playground for a while. Then we succumbed to temptation and went to play on it ourselves. A couple of people said something to us. One short-haired guy in stripes worked up the gumption to ask: “Are you… into her?” Peach answered before I could, that yeah, I totally was. And I backed her up. Later, there was an angry old man who watched us, shaking his head, and eventually spat out, “Fucking pony lover.” We just looked at each other and laughed it off. We wandered down to the pond and watched the birds out on the water and the people having barbecues and picnics by the shore. Peach pointed to a yellow boat. “What’s that?” “That’s a paddleboat! They rent them out here.” “A paddleboat? I don’t see any paddles.” “There’s a paddlewheel on the bottom. They turn it by pedaling with their legs!” Peach leaned out and watched in interest. “Then it’s a pedalboat!” “I think it gets called both things.” I thought of asking her if she wanted to go out, but decided to smile and wait instead. Peach leapt in place. “I want to go on one!” I laughed. “I knew you would! It’s eleven dollars for an hour. Think we can spare that?” She looked bashful. “You’re my money manager.” I scratched her neck. “And I say it’s fine. Let’s go!” The girl at the rental station asked Peach if she was sure she was comfortable using the pedals. Peach looked uncomfortable. “I’m not sure! Can I try them out?” Trying them out turned out to be fine, so Peach tried sitting back in the seat and pushing the pedals with her hind legs. That didn’t work, so she switched to a standing position with her hind hooves in the seat and her front hooves on the pedals. The girl laughed when Peach said, “Yeah, this’ll be fine!” We went out for forty-five minutes. During that time, Peach tried at least four different positions, including a minute during which she twisted herself around the bow and worked all four pedals at once! I stroked her coat during the quieter times and kept a steady pace. “Does it feel to you like you’re going away?” Peach asked. A line of beautiful tulip trees loomed in front of us, suggesting gently that we change our course before too long. “Going away?” I wondered if she was getting at a big question I’d been trying to avoid—whether I was going to move back west to my family after all. “Yeah.” She stared ahead while slowly cycling her front legs. “Remember what I said last night about Old Peach and New Peach?” “Oh. Yeah.” “It might be silly, but… I feel like in a way, I’m only going to live another day. Like this is the last evening in the world. Like it doesn’t matter what we do today, except right here, and right now.” “Because tomorrow we get erased?” “Yeah. I mean, it’s only a piece of us that’s getting erased… not the whole thing… and we’ll still remember everything from today… but maybe we won’t feel the same way about it.” What are you supposed to do when you know your feelings are going to be erased? “How do you feel about Old Peach? Do you want to make her happy?” Peach was glum. “Yeah, I guess.” “But you care more about yourself.” Peach started to tear up. “I don’t like being selfish. Does it count as being selfish if it’s against yourself?” I smiled and patted my belly. “I dunno. That’s future Spike’s problem, right?” She smiled a funny smile at me and chuckled. Then she stepped over the front divider and planted her face in my chest. Then she slurped me on the chin. Passions rising, I took off my shirt. We were a little rumpled and a lot flushed when we got back with the paddleboat. Peach couldn’t stop looking at my face, it seemed like, and I couldn’t stop thinking about her body even when I wasn’t looking. We traipsed out of the park—and I don’t use the word ‘traipsed’ lightly. “Want to go to Jersey Gardens?” I asked her. “More flowers?” she asked. “No! It’s the biggest outlet mall in the state, and it’s right here in town.” “Ooh! What’s an outlet mall?” “It’s like a regular mall, but cheaper and sloppier.” I grinned. Peach planted her hooves hard against the ground. “Then let’s go!” she declared, and galloped away. The first cabbie I hailed pulled up, looked at Peach dubiously, and said, “Sorry folks. “No shoes, no shirt, no service.” “What?” asked Peach. “But I rode in a taxi before and I wasn’t wearing anything then either!” “I thought there was an exception for ponies,” I said. “Not in my cab,” said the guy. “Put something on like a decent person, willya?” Then he drove off. Peach and I looked at each other. Somehow, our concerned expressions morphed into ones sputtering with laughter. I didn’t have to tell her that it was okay. She knew. We hailed another cab whose driver was delighted to have a pony, and off we went, the insult all but forgotten. We didn’t worry about how much we were spending. The deals were good, and after all, as I remarked facetiously, it was our last night on earth. I paid for the cab ride and the order of falafels we split later, and gave her permission to buy whatever she could carry. We had a blast, hurrying from one store to another. Peach did most of the deciding where to go, but I got into the thrill of it. I got a new belt, new boxer shorts, and a new video game that Peach had spotted playing on a display in a window. Peach got several small bags of merchandise that she stuffed inside other bags until I had no idea how much she’d bought. We made the most of our ‘last’ night out. “I love outlet malls,” she decided on our way out. “Is that so?” “Yep! I know I’ve only been to the one, but I feel safe generalizing because my feelings are so strong.” I almost laughed to feel my own heart fluttering again. “You seem to have a lot of strong feelings.” She stopped walking and looked up at me, her white plastic sacks balanced magically on her back. “I’m really glad we followed our hearts,” she said. Suddenly I was stung with fear, but I ignored it. “Yeah,” I agreed. “And as hearts go, yours is really strong.” “And yours is really big,” she said. We were pretty exhausted by the time we got home, but the urge to keep flirting and complimenting and being tender with each other was just too there to ignore, so we kept hurrying over and touching each other and saying sweet things until our jaws and voices and muscles in general were starting to ache. It was a happy ache, so it didn’t bother us. We turned on the air conditioning, set the alarm clock, and fell asleep in a half made bed. My hand was clutching one of Peach’s legs, and I didn’t know which one. Six-thirty was way too early to wake up. The sun was shining, but my brain was begging for more rest, and it was united with my heart in the desire that this rest should be against the soft velvety flesh of a certain pony. But Peach was climbing out of bed. “Ohhh gosh, Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh great galosh.” “Too early,” I said. “Yeah. And they’re gonna be here in half an hour. Ohhhh, this is miserable.” I had to agree. Still, we managed to stumble around and get ourselves looking, if not feeling, presentable. Getting the apartment to look presentable was a lost cause. Peach and I wound up sitting together on the ottoman, facing the door. I held her fetlock in my hand. Various parts of me were almost aching, and I was trying not to cry. Peach seemed just as nervous as me. We were both out of words, until-- “Is this dumb?” I asked. “What? Going along with it?” “Waiting like this. Shouldn’t we just be… going about our lives, doing whatever we have to do?” “Cleaning up the apartment?” “Yeah, like that.” “But we don’t even know if we’re still going to be sharing the apartment,” Peach moaned quietly. “We might have to start separating everything out again. We just don’t know what things are going to be like.” “So we’re just stuck?” I asked. “There’s nothing we can do because we don’t know our future?” “There might be something we can do that doesn’t depend on us being in love,” she said, “but I don’t know what it is.” I didn’t either, so I stayed silent. And that’s when my watch beeped 7 a.m., and there was a knock on the door. Peach’s head fell. “Oh snowshoes.” I inhaled and got up. “We’re here,” I said loudly. “This is Opli Dexia, personal assistant to Princess Mi Amore Cadenza,” said a clipped feminine voice that was somehow soft and loud at the same time. Soft in that it didn’t have any sharp edges, but loud because it knew its own importance. Peach ran up and opened the door. A pale greenish earth pony—no, crystal pony—stood there wearing small black glasses and a tight damask vest. Beside her was an impression of pink. It resolved into a unicorn with long, curly hair, flowing and magenta, a mane so loud it was hard to look at him. His body was hot pink, broken only by a black cravat. The mare’s cutie mark was a fine art deco arrow pointing to the right; the stallion’s was two opposing swirls of magic. “Hello,” said Opli Dexia. “This is Pink Coil, Royal Mage Emeritus to the Crystal Empire, and the empire’s foremost expert on personal enchantments. May we come in?” “Sure,” I said. Peach and I moved aside. They entered and shut the door behind them. Pink Coil was the kind of guy whose face takes everything in, and who tries to take gentle control of a situation. His voice was old and full and crackly. “Just to confirm. You are Peach Spark and Ronald Pfeffer?” “Yeah,” said Peach, giving me a nervous glance. “I understand that the two of you spoke to Cadance recently, and that she cast a spell on you?” “We don’t remember that,” said Peach. “But that’s what Opli here says.” “I kind of remember it,” I admitted. “Um… would either of you like some coffee?” “I’ve already had my cup,” said Opli Dexia. Pink Coil just shook his head. “I’d like to start simply by looking at you both. Would you be more comfortable sitting?” We went to the sofa and sat. The mage sat before us with perceptive magenta eyes and just looked at us for a while. Peach spoke. “Do you want us to… think about something, or…” “Not necessary,” he said. We sat in silence for a while longer. Well, this wasn’t weird. “All right,” Pink Coil eventually said. “I can perceive the spell. It’s powerful, and in casting it Princess Cadance was fortunate… or unfortunate, depending on perspective. It found fertile ground, so to speak, and lodged itself in well. I would suspect that you were both considering the other as a potential romantic partner already? Those channels in your minds are well trodden.” I nodded. “Yeah.” “It was him or someone else,” said Peach. “May I ask whom?” Peach looked embarrassed. “An earth stallion called George Harrison.” “That doesn’t sound like a pony name.” “It’s not his real name. But it’s what we call him.” “May I ask his real name?” Peach hesitated. “He told me what it is, but said he’d rather I didn’t tell anyone.” This was news to me. Pink Coil was now looking exclusively at Peach. “I’d like you to continue thinking about his real name,” said the mage. “Don’t worry, I won’t be able to extract it. I just want a closer look.” Peach nodded and fell into concentration. From the entryway, Opli Dexia watched us nervously. “Can you describe the nature of your affection for George Harrison, please?” muttered the old mage, still staring carefully. Peach looked uncomfortable. “I can barely remember why I was… affectionate toward him. I love Ron.” “If you can barely remember, then you can remember. Please tell me, in a few words, why you were considering him.” Peach drew herself back against the back of the sofa. “Well…” She seemed on the verge of squealing. “George is… sophisticated. He’s really well traveled. He loves adventure. He’s brave. Doesn’t worry too much what people say about him. He has a great sense of humor… um… dry, I guess? But with a sort of… exotic flavor. Like humor with a twist. He takes things as they come… and doesn’t—” She stopped suddenly. “He doesn’t?” “He doesn’t let anything get the better of him,” Peach finished quietly. I flashed on the last time we’d seen George, at the club—it had felt like he’d taken a blow then. “I see,” said Pink Coil. “And Ronald Pfeffer, here, is able to exceed all of that?” Peach was abruptly incensed. “He’s amazing. He’s everything I want in a guy. Except he’s not a pony. But who cares? Who cares about that? How could I pass him over just because of the shape he was born in?!” “Easy. I’m not making any judgment of that kind, Miss Spark. I’m just trying to get a sense of the problem.” After a few more seconds examining her, the mage turned to me. “And you, Mr. Pfeffer… were you romantically fond of Peach Spark before you were struck by my mistress’ spell?” His mistress? Oh—he just meant he worked for Cadance. “I don’t… honestly trust myself to remember. I think I was.” “Can you remember the last time you spent with Peach Spark before you attended Princess Cadance’s speech?” “We… uh, we went to a coffeehouse together and mingled. We played with toys.” “Think about that day. Do you remember anything about how you interacted with Peach Spark? Can you remember how you felt about her?” I thought back. I’d actually been thinking more about Meg, until she’d shut me down in the end. “I was there to see a different girl… a human girl. I guess I’d given up on Peach… and I was trying to find someone else to date.” Pink Coil was silent a moment. “When you say you’d given up on Peach Spark… do you mean that you no longer wanted to be entangled romantically with her, or that you had come to accept that she wouldn’t want you?” It took a lot of effort to process my memories. “I thought she didn’t want me,” I finally decided. “You’re certain?” “Yeah.” The mage nodded and softened his scrutiny. “That actually checks out. Well. I have some news you may consider either bad or good, as you will.” I sat forward, nervous. “What’s that?” “This spell has linked the two of you in too delicate a manner for me to attempt reversing. Were I simply to counter it, it might well shatter your feelings, leaving you cold toward one another. That is not acceptable, and it will therefore be necessary for the alicorn who cast the original spell to reverse it herself.” Peach and I looked at each other. Opli Dexia looked disturbed. “Pink, I have duties piling up.” “I know, Dexia. This is necessary. I don’t have the skill to untangle this harmlessly, and to just blast it out would be like… like… treating a sore by removing the patch of affected skin entirely. That isn’t an acceptable outcome.” “Should we have gone to Shillelagh? Cadance said you were the best at enchantments, and you didn’t deny it.” “I am better than Shillelagh at enchantments. I may even be better than Cadance at enchantments. But for crying out loud, Dexy, I’m just a unicorn. The strongest spells need to be undone by those who cast them, and this is strong.” “So now we waste two days, on top of bumping someone’s appointment with Cadance, just to play relationship doctor. Is that really what we’re doing, Pink?” “You knew this was a possibility. And are you really saying the princess doesn’t have half an hour of time tomorrow somewhere in her schedule? Does it really mean bumping an appointment?” The green crystal pony huffed and pulled a notebook from her vest, flipping it open with impressive facility. “She can have lunch in,” she conceded. “We can cut her trip to Green Pie’s, do it sometime next week.” Her tone was calmer as she turned to us. “I apologize for that exchange. Peach, Ronald, we’re going to have to take to you to the princess. Are you able to free up your schedules for today and tomorrow?” Peach looked uncomfortable. “I’m supposed to work! Um… can I tell them it’s a magical emergency?” She looked at me. “Is this the sort of thing you can call in sick for?” I had no idea. “Maybe you should say you’re actually sick,” I suggested. “I’ll have to do that for tomorrow too.” “I can contact your places of work and let them know it’s a matter of international importance,” offered Opli Dexia. “And you will be compensated for lost wages within reason.” This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I was increasingly aware of the fact I could not turn it down. “The princess is in Equestria, right? You’re saying you’ll be taking us to Equestria? To the Crystal Empire?” “That is correct,” said Opli Dexia, looking uneasy about it. “As I said, both good news and bad,” said Pink Coil. I was filled with fear and excitement. “I have no idea how my boss would react to getting a call like that. I think I’d better just pretend I’m sick and see if I can find someone to cover. Can you give me thirty minutes?” “Yes, although if we’re going to make it by noon tomorrow we’re in a bit of a hurry,” said Opli Dexia. “Pink, I’ll have paperwork for you to teleport.” “Understood. Shall we wait outside?” They waited while Peach and I stared frantically at each other. “This is crazy,” said Peach. “Are you saying you don’t want to do it?” “I don’t know, I guess we have to, but… wow. It’s crazy!’ “I know! But Peach, it’s not just our love thing. I’m going to get to visit Equestria! Do you know how few humans get to do that?” “I know it’s hardly any. Invitation only. Okay, Pepper. We’ll go. But you know you won’t get to go touring. They’ll be taking us where they want us.” “Even so. This is the most amazing thing that ever happened to me.” “Really?” Peach stopped on her way to her dresser. “Even more amazing than meeting me?” I blushed. “No. Not more than that. Just more sudden!” Her worry was averted. “Yeah!” she replied, pulling open a dresser drawer. “This is crazy!” I was lucky—the second coworker I called agreed to cover for me. I was left with time to pack, but what do you pack for a trip to Equestria? Peach didn’t know. She was in almost as much a panic as I was. I thought of calling my mother and letting her know, ‘Mom, I’m going to Equestria!’ But that conversation wouldn’t go smoothly, nor should it. What if she called me at seven in the morning to say the same thing out of the blue? How would I react to that? On impulse, I did call Laurie, though. She was a morning person; she picked up. I didn’t have time to describe what was happening in much detail, so I babbled fast. “Ron, are you serious? Are you fucking serious? Wow, Ron. I don’t know what to—enjoy your trip, I guess!” “I’ll try. Is there anything I should remember to do while I’m there? Given that I’m not deciding where to go?” “Um… watch the weather ponies making weather? Have the local fruits and veggies, I know I would. If possible, plucked right off the plant!” “I’ll try,” I said again. Peach emerged from behind the bookcase with an orange bag of stuff. I packed a change of clothes and a notebook and made sure my phone was fully charged. I took sunscreen, in case the Equestrian sun was bad for human skin. I didn’t know what else to pack. Knock knock. “Are you ready yet? May we come in?” Peach answered the door. “We’re ready. What do we do?” “We have a sky chariot waiting in the back parking lot,” said Opli Dexia. “Follow me, please.” So we went down the back way and found the chariot waiting, with antiquated curves and stained wood, looking out of place among the cars. Two pegasi were waiting there, hitched up, a mare and a stallion—they turned to face us as we approached. Opli Dexia introduced us briskly, but I was so worked up I quickly forgot their names. “I didn’t think you had pegasi in the Empire,” Peach remarked as she took her seat. “Very few,” said Opli Dexia. “These two are on rent.” “We’re from Manehattan!” announced the mare in a voice that left no room for doubt. “They don’t have unicorns to speak of, either,” said Pink Coil with a hint of slyness. “I was imported, personally.” “The monarchy needs a magestaff,” said Opli Dexia. “Most of our cities have at least one unicorn.” “So we’re flying to the Crystal Empire?” I asked, excited almost beyond belief. “We’ll go by chariot to the portal and to the train station on the other side,” said Pink Coil. “Then by train to Crystal City. If we don’t get detained too long at customs, we should arrive comfortably by tomorrow morning.” I looked for a seat belt and found a red velvet cord, which I tied over my waist. “Is this safe? Is there someplace I hang on?” “Sorry, these chariots aren’t made for humankind,” said the pegasus stallion. “Maybe you can use your arms to grip the seat in front of you?” My arms were an excellent suggestion for what to use, so I did that. Having flown several times did not prepare me for liftoff, however. It was fast and it was powerful. I was pushed down in my seat and found myself fearing the whiplash when we stabilized. These fliers were experienced, though, and there was no whiplash—we eased into a level course. It was fantastic to see the apartment building, then the neighborhood, and then the city from a rising angle. The rising sun was to our right, lifting my spirits. Cars slowly rumbled long below and the New York skyline loomed ahead—it felt like I was leaving my home for the last time. It felt like I was experiencing a season finale of my life. “Woohoo!” cried Peach. “I never get to fly! What is this, the fifth time? Fourth? No, fifth time.” “Maybe now you wish you’d fallen in love with a pegasus,” I joked. She looked at me in surprise. “Nah, I’d get tired of it,” she said. “This is better.” We were headed toward New Alliance Terminal, the brand new hexagonal building near Grand Central where the famous portal to Manehattan was housed. Its huge curved surfaces of white glass gleamed like a lotus blossom from afar, beckoning to us as we entered Manhattan airspace. There was an airplane in the distance, which made me wonder whether these charioteers had been cleared by air control. Aside from it and a single pegasus a long way off, the sky was ours. Descent was a bit more difficult. I had to grasp Pink Coil’s seat to keep from rising uncomfortably, since I didn’t trust the velvet rope alone to keep me in my seat. My hair was a mess and my stomach was jostling with my lungs, but once we’d settled down I realized it had been an amazing ride. I laughed out loud. I felt something in my hair and jerked my hand up, but found it was just Peach using her magic to straighten it. The pegasi let us out by the facility’s back door next to a parking lot, then continued with the chariot into an adjoining garage marked, oddly enough, “CHARIOT CHECK IN”. Opli Dexia led the way inside to a security station. She flashed her badge and we all passed through a junction and down a hallway. The walls were made of glass, but just behind the glass were long posters with the images and names of famous places and landmarks all over the world. Honolulu… Bangkok… Christ the Redeemer… the Arc de Triomphe… Mount Fuji… it went on and on. I realized that this was the first impression any ponies fresh from Equestria would have of Earth. A display showing off some of the amazing options open for them to explore. I wondered if there was something similar on the other side. “I remember this hallway,” said Peach. “How did it make you feel?” I asked. “Small. But… but good. Small in a good way.” I set my hand on her head. We emerged in a blue-carpeted lobby. Aside from a friendly-looking woman at a desk whose sign read “EARTH INFORMATION”, there was no one around. We passed into a processing center that was a little busier, with white walls and lots of lighting. Opli Dexia went up to someone at a counter and talked for a while. We sat and waited. Eventually, our ‘rented’ pegasi rejoined us, and before long a dark brown stallion in a tiny white buttoned shirt appeared from a narrow hallway and told us to follow him. We were led to a small room where he and a pearl-colored colleague were waiting to interview us. At first I thought they were both earth ponies, but gradually I realized she was a crystal pony—brought in because our business concerned the Crystal Empire. They asked us all a number of questions about our purpose and timetable. Opli Dexia showed them her personal seal, and the crystal pony went off briefly to contact someone, presumably to verify that she really was ‘Princess Cadance’s right hoof mare’. They then asked me questions about my background, but the weirdest thing they asked me was a series of questions I could only assume were meant to gauge my personality: “Can you tell us about a time when you felt like you’d betrayed somebody?” “What was your first reaction when you learned that your world had made contact with ours?” “Did you have any especially close friends during childhood? Tell us about them.” “What would you say is the highest thing a person can aspire to in life?” I answered as well as I could, but this last one baffled me—it even offended me a little. “It depends! It depends what kind of person they are and what they want to accomplish. For some people it might be raising a family. For some people it’s reconciliating with God and receiving, um, sanctifying grace. For others it might be, I don’t know, winning the respect of their community and becoming a leader.” They were looking at me with patient interest. “Maybe falling in love,” I concluded. “Maybe that’s the highest thing. No, that’s easy. Keeping it. Staying in love for a lifetime. That’s harder. That might be the highest thing you can aspire to.” They wrote down the answer just like they’d written down all the others. “All right,” said the pearl-colored mare. She went to a back room to confer with someone—her superior, I imagined. We all waited tensely. Pink Coil cleared his throat. Peach’s tail swept against my back, over and over. The crystal mare came back, exchanged a quick word with the brown stallion, and turned to us. “You folks are clear to go through! Remember—you’ve pledged to stick to your travel plan and to return with Mr. Pfeffer by Wednesday night at the latest.” “Agreed,” said Opli Dexia. She was given a document to sign; they even drabbled hot wax on the bottom so she could imprint her royal seal in it. At last, yet another pony arrived to lead us to the portal. She was small, pale yellow and optimistic, with a happy-looking songbird for a cutie mark. “Hello, folks!” She led us around a curving hallway with low, carpeted ceilings. “For most of you, you’re making a brief trip home, yes? But you must be Ron Pfeffer,” she said to me. “Yeah.” “I understand this is your first trip to Equestria?” “That’s right! I never thought I’d be coming.” “I’m glad you’re getting the chance. Just three things to keep in mind. One—some ponies can be very sensitive to new ideas. While you’re in Equestria, please don’t talk about dark, scary things, and try not to talk about religion.” I nodded, taking this in with some confusion. “Two. Please don’t fraternize with the locals.” “Wait. Fraternize? Does that mean I can’t be friendly, or…” She paused in the hallway, smiling. “You can definitely be friendly! But since you’re only staying a short while, we’re asking you to refrain from developing any friendships meant to last more than the time you’ll be there, and not to become romantically involved with any ponies.” I caught myself from glancing at Peach. Probably best not to bring her up. But if I was already involved with a pony, I couldn’t become involved, right? “Okay. And third?” “Remember that you won’t be allowed to take anything from Equestria home with you. Exports are strictly regulated.” I was fine with this, but Peach asked, “Not even a pebble?” “Not even that. The main reason for regulation is to stem the flow of magic to Earth, and even a pebble might carry an enchantment. You’ll be scanned for magical objects upon your return.” She looked between us. “Understand?” We nodded. The yellow attendant led us to a bend in the corridor to a bright security checkpoint. Posters with rainbows were the only splash of color in the otherwise white and gray room. A pair of unicorns scanned us with cone-shaped rays of magic that made energetic humming sounds as they passed over us. Even through Pink Coil was only wearing a cravat, he had room for several tiny objects in tiny pockets, which he removed before submitting himself to the scan. The security unicorns had a private conversation with him lasting five minutes and examined the objects carefully before he was allowed to reclaim them and go through. Finally, the attendant led us along one last corridor in the shape of a tunnel, higher and made of yellowish metal. A strange light on the walls ahead of us warned me that the portal was coming. When I saw it, I was somewhat surprised to find that it was reflective. Flecks of white and ripples crossed the surface of the large shape making up the far wall of the central room; otherwise, what we saw it on was ourselves, staring. It was perfectly round, aside from a flat bottom that meant we wouldn’t have to jump; I suspected the bottom was actually under the floor. “It’s perfectly safe, so long as you don’t dawdle,” said the attendant. “When you’re ready to go through, go ahead and cross. You can walk, you can jump, you can even fly—just so long as you don’t hesitate midway through.” Peach couldn’t help herself. “Yeah, they said that when I came through the first time. What happens if you hesitate? Do you get cut in half?” The attendant murmured cheerfully and directly into Peach’s ear: “How about we just not find out, shall we?” Peach gave her a queer look. “Fine with me!” “I’ll go first,” said Opli Dexia. “Then you can proceed, Miss Spark, and you, Mr. Pfeffer. Pink Sage will follow and the charioteers will come last.” “All right,” I said, getting in line. Opli Dexia simply walked straight into her own reflection; it was weird and funny seeing her disappear until she was a double-rumped creature, and then just a pair of tails waving like a magic ribbon. Peach reared up a little before going through at a trot. I set a brisk, confident stride and tried not to be nervous. It felt like something when I hit the portal, but I couldn’t describe what. Something more substantial than static electricity, but less so than a curtain. I kept walking until I was well clear. I was faced with another room very much like the one I’d come from, but everything was obviously different, and I couldn’t tell exactly how. The walls were dark yellow with a sheen that might have been sunshine shining through. A few ponies who were standing around all turned to stare at me. I saw the others coming through in my peripheral vision, but my focus was on following Peach. “Wow,” I said to her. She felt like the only normal thing around me. “You can tell the difference, huh?” she murmured. “Yeah. There’s something about the way things look. Something in the air.” Peach nuzzled my side as high up as she could reach. Then she flicked her tail. “Welcome to my world,” she said, a distant smile growing on her face.