//------------------------------// // She Likes to Clean Up the Dishes. And the Competition. // Story: How To Raise Your Moon // by Pen Mightier //------------------------------// I looked at Luna in panic. The petite pegasus was busy, humming the tune to her fiddle song as she gathered the dirty dishes off the breakfast table and onto her back. SPIKE WANT. MINE. No, we cannot rush this. We...we...we gotta study the cursey mark a little more. Yeah, that’s it. I gotta delay Twi somehow. “Hay, why don’t you check on the supplies in our pantry after you’re done?” I suggested as I slipped out of the kitchen. “Sure thing, Sparks,” she said cheerfully as she…deposited the dishes in the sink along with an entire bottle of blueberry-scented dishwashing fluid, bottle and all. She bit the corner of her tongue in deep concentration as she got to work. “Now, what did the books have to say on the washing of the dishes? Lather, rinse, and tumble dry?” Uh, wait, did I just let Luna wash the dishes? What have the dishes ever done to deserve that? Ring Ring No, no time to fuss over the fate of the dishes. Gotta focus on slowing Twi! I rushed out into the library. I may have mistakenly mis-shelved a few books as I ran past, leaving Starswirl’s ‘Compendium of Magic’ in the comedy section and Pen Mightier’s ‘One Thousand Virgin Mares’ under ‘experimental science’. And I might have accidentally tipped a few paintings and portraits a few degrees for good measure. It may seem cruel to inflict such evil upon Twilight, but for Luna I would become Tirek himself. I paused at the kitchen door for one last glance. A muffled cry of “The bubbles have been doubled!” came from beyond. I nodded, satisfied Luna was safely distracted, and turned to face my foe beyond the door. There was no running now. If it was Twi, pretending nopony was home would be as effective as hiding inside a Pinkie Pinata. Twi has this creepy spell to detect life through walls which has proven unfairly useful in everything from fighting the big bad of the year to finding Rainbow’s latest napping spot. Makes hide-and-seek a real pain the flank too. I braced myself, took a deep breath, and opened the door. “Hay, Spike, you ol’ so and so!” a giant toaster greeted me with far more cheer than a kitchen appliance had any right to. Oh, it’s just a toaster. A. Giant. Toaster. It slowly dawned on me that this wasn't my crazy talking, it was a pony wearing a giant toaster costume. The wildly grinning face framed by a royal blue and periwinkle mane, sticking out of the giant toaster’s front (if toasters have a 'front'. This one certainly had a tail!) was a good clue. In one final gasp of sanity, my brain reluctantly recognized her as an old friend, a certain Minuette. Duchess Minuette of Colgate, to be precise. With all the care I would give Twilight’s bubbling alchemy experiments, I slowly and carefully closed the door. “W-wait! You can’t close the door on me!” she protested, putting a hoof in the door. Watch me. “You haven’t even seen the punchline yet!” she cried. I don’t wanna. “Wait for it. Wait for iiiit….” She stuck out her tongue out of the corner of her mouth in concentration. Ding A crayon caricature of what I unfortunately recognized as me popped out of the toaster slot. Is she implying I’m ‘toast’ or something? I don’t get it. “Hay, hot stuff. I’ve totally got the hots for you,” she drawled, giving me a wink. Was that...a pickup line? Why do I feel like I just got violently dropped instead? I finished closing the door. “Spike! Spiiiike!” The toaster’s desperate banging fell on deaf ears and a hardened heart. “Haaay, tough guy, let a sister in, will you?! The tumbleweeds are swarming me! Oh, Celestia, they’re mobbing me! No, not in the toastie slot! Noooo!” I groaned. “This is Ponyville. What are tumbleweeds even doing this far north?!” “Uh, tumbling?” her voice suggested. I slowly and carefully cradled my face in my claws. There is a graveyard where lame jokes and old gags go to die. There you’d find Minuette reading Hearth’s Warming cracker jokes on their graves. Nopony really knows what Minuette’s hourglass cutie mark actually means, but so far she has shown this weird talent for awkward timing. I had only just survived turning eighteen. I did not need a giant pun-powered toaster turning up randomly on my front lawn. “Hi, Minuette.” I decided I should at least be polite to Twi’s friends, giant toaster or no. I slowly and reluctantly re-opened the door. To my surprise, the giant toaster outfit was nowhere to be seen. In its place was royal guard armour, complete with the heavy gray cloak unique to the Long Patrol. Huh, Starswirl would probably roll in his grave if he ever found out his six precepts of arcane matter transformation was being abused for standup comedy costume swaps. Oh, right, Minuette’s a lieutenant in the Long Patrol. You wouldn’t think it, especially when the only thing she ever kills is the mood. “Talk about a tough crowd. What’s a mare gotta do, huh, Spike?” Minuette sighed, brushing her periwinkle mane out of one eye. “You can come in, for starters.” I gestured invitingly. “So, what brings you here? Because I know you can’t read.” I nodded at the ‘Closed’ sign on the door. I got straight to the point, knowing she’d only ever reach it by random chance otherwise. “Because I love it when the adorkable librarians play hard to get.” She giggled. “Speaking of adorkable, I did come to see Twilight... but it turns out, the princess was in another castle.” “Twilight’s not around?” I frowned. Where could she have gone? “Yeah. Went up to Canterlot.” Minuette shrugged. “She was in a real gallop about it, I heard.” Twi rushed off to Canterlot? Why? Could she...could she be reporting to Princess Celestia about Luna? “So there I was, wondering who to turn to as I wandered aimlessly around this hungover town, totally not checking out the weather twins splashing in the town pegasus bath, totally ogled the spa twins doing their morning yoga—” Minuette launched into one of her rambles. This is one of those long ones that’s gonna end with Minuette ‘banging’ everything, isn’t it? “—almost got run over by a pair of stallions drunk-driving their crazy steam engine thing. They tried to hit on my spa twins, but nopony gets between me and a good twin bang, so I sobered them up with my hooves—” She went on. Huh, she banged a pair of stallions for a change. Why does she have to be so violent? “—When a little bird found me and led me right to you,” Minuette finished. Wait, we reached the conclusion? That was quick! “A little bird?” I blinked. “Who…?” “Qooooooooo~” A familiar rush of red and orange flames erupted behind Minuette, before flying out to greet me. “Whoah!” I shielded myself from the blinding glow and blazing warmth of the new arrival. Recognition struck me. Sure, he had shed his baby yellow feathers for an epic flaming plumage. Plus, there was that look of pompous awesomeness that comes naturally to adult phoenixes. But the old gleam of childish glee in his eyes was unmistakable. “Peewee?!” I gasped in disbelief. “You’re back!” I couldn’t help but shout for joy as the mighty phoenix soared majestically over to me. He dive-bombed into my arms for a tight and fiery wing-hug. “Phwee,” he cooed, nuzzling me fondly as his crackling wings tickled my scales. “Look at you, you’ve gone all super-size!” I laughed, giving him a tight hug in return. “Coo.” Peewee eyed me up and down with a deadpan stare. Wait, could he see through Twilight’s glamour spell? “Heh, thought she knew you. All the hot chicks generally do.” Minuette gave me a wide grin. “Is she your pet or something?” “Peewee’s a ‘he’. We’ve been buddies since forever. I haven’t seen him in a while though,” I said. Peewee gave me an friendly chirp of agreement. In fact, I hadn’t seen him ever since I finally found his parents and returned him. “He joined me as I was leaving the Friendship Palace,” Minuette explained. “He wouldn’t stop bugging me to follow him. The overgrown candle spark really thought he was all that,” she chuckled. “I’ll be honest, if he was just some garden sparrow I probably wouldn’t have given him the time of day.” “QuuQwoo~” The phoenix gave her an approving coo as he alighted on my shoulder, like complimenting a child on a job well done. “It’s great to see you too, ol’ buddy.” I gave my friend the best grin I could muster. I couldn’t help but frown inwardly, though. Sure, he’s one of my best friends ever. But I couldn’t help but remember one of the many things I read about phoenixes way back when Peewee was born. Phoenixes make a habit of being….delicious? Audacious? Auspicious, that’s it. They definitely don’t do random social calls. They only make appearances when something big is going down. Well, I guess the moon counts as being pretty big. But still... “We’ll catch up later, okay?” I said, giving the phoenix an affectionate pat on his plume. He chirruped fondly in reply. “I’m kinda worried, Minuette. Didn’t your mother ever teach you not to follow strangers?” I raised an eyebrow at the blue unicorn. “Strangers no. But hot chicks? Totally yes!” Minuette giggled. “Anyway, jokes aside, seeing as I missed Twi, I decided to come congratulate you and apologize for missing your big bash last night. I was busy having a staring contest with a cave, y’know, in case the big scary cliffhangers decide to gobble up a town or something,” she rolled her eyes. Huh, why does that sound familiar? “I also wanted to drop off some laundry for safekeeping.” She levitated a heavy-looking sack off her back. The sack clattered dully as it slammed into the ground. “Laundry?” I frowned. In my everlasting struggle for Rarity’s attention, I’d made it my business to subscribe to the latest in Canterlot fashion. I was pretty sure iron lingerie was very much last century. I loosened the mouth of the sack and peered inside. A simple and unadorned suit of armour sat within. It was Luna’s, the very same one she left at her campsite. I had almost forgotten about it. It took every inch of will in me to keep my face blank as I looked back up at Minuette. “Uh, Minuette, I don’t do cosplay,” I said as airily as I could. “While I think you’d look pretty hot in Princess Luna’s personal croupiere, I have a feeling Her Highness might not agree.” Minuette laughed. “Princess Luna’s?” I think I did a good job with my surprised look. I get plenty of practice around Twi and her friends. “Minuette, what are you doing pinching Her Highness’ dirty laundry?” I raised a pointed eyebrow at her. “Hay, contrary to popular belief, I actually know when to worship bountiful badonkadonks from afar, okay?” She actually had the gall to look offended. “She was commanding our mission when we split up to divide and conquer. I was sent on a report run, so I decided to check in on our commander while I was at it. That’s when I found her campsite and her stuff. I waited around, but when she didn’t return this morning, I figured she must’ve forgotten her stuff. Going by guard protocol and general decency, I secured everything to drop off at the nearest secure drop. Lucky for you, the nearest drop is your place.” Huh, yeah, I had gotten very familiar with that particular guard protocol over the past few years. Guard equipment recovered in the field is to be left at the nearest secure drop-off. Ever since Twi was appointed princess, our place had become a dumping spot for whatever the guard left lying around. We’ve had everything from shields to mittens and tail-warmers delivered for ‘safekeeping’. I don’t know what the many enemies of Equestria might want with a set of discarded pony-socks (and I probably don’t wanna know) but I guess we must all do our part for Equestria. “Huh, so you’re only visiting me ‘cause Twi’s not around and you need just about anypony to dump this on, huh?” I made an exaggerated show of looking all bummed out. “I see how it is.” “Thanks, I knew I could count on you, bestest best pal.” She laughed as she patted me cajolingly on the shoulder. “Just be sure to…” She trailed off into sudden silence, her eyes slowly widening as she gazed out beyond my shoulder. I gulped. Oh no. Knowing my luck, Luna’s right behind me, isn’t she? “Sparks! The dishes and bubbles are conspiring to revolt!” I heard Luna cry out behind me. “No! The bubbles have me!” Okay. Okay. I can totally make up enough horseapples to explain this away, bubbles and all. I couldn’t resist tracing Minuette’s wide-eyed gaze over my shoulder. I glimpsed Luna as she rolled out of the bubble-avalanche overflowing through the kitchen door. She landed sliding on her back, hoofsies in the air. A solitary bubble gently landed on the tip of her nose. Her brilliant green eyes crossed as she tried to stare at the brave little bubble. “Sparks, look, the entire world has been doubled!” she declared, as she peered wide-eyed through the bubble. “Phweeeeee~” Peewee nudged my cheek suggestively with a wing. Yeah, he’s right, there’ll never be enough horseapples in Equestria to explain this. "Celestia banish the moon up my tail," Minuette gasped, suddenly lunging into me and bowling me over backwards with surprising strength. Peewee gave an indignant squawk as he fluttered up into the air out of the way. "Spike. What. Is. That. Deliciously. Adorable. Thing?" she breathed, pulling my head into a chokehold to aim my eyes at Luna. Y’know, just in case I hadn’t noticed the little pegasus flailing her hoofsies at the bubble on her nose. "And what is she doing in your house wearing nothing but a smile?" She slowly looked down at me, a worryingly predatory grin on her face.   You’re all ponies; you generally don’t wear anything but smiles! "Luna knows," I huffed. Literally.   I totally did not blush and give myself away. "Oooooh, Spiiiike, you player!" Minuette suddenly gave an excited squee. The bubble popped, surprisingly loud in the suddenly silent room. Luna had turned to look at us. Like a noose, her emerald eyes slowly narrowed on Minuette and I. Wait, why the death glare? What did I do this time?! “Oh no, Spike, we’re busteeeeeed!” Minuette giggled, making a grand show of hugging me tightly while pinning me to the floor. “What do we doooooo?” she faux-wailed. How about telling me what the hay we’re busted for?! “Uh, I can explain!” I lied as loudly as I could. I have no idea what I was gonna explain, but talking seemed better than all the other possibilities, like, y’know, being banished to the sun. But I was too late. Luna had rolled onto her hooves, only to canter away into the wall of bubbles. “Oops, I didn’t think your fillyfriend would take the joke that badly.” Minuette gulped, slowly releasing her tight hold on me. “Uh, my bad. Sorry.” “Can everypony just stop and explain what she took badly to begin with?” I demanded. My answer came in the form of a frothing demon bursting through the wall of bubbles. In her tail she held a fresh bottle of dishwashing liquid, joined at the neck to a bottle of….wait, is that soda pop?! And just to add to the vision of shock and terror, she was jiggling the bottle with the casualness of a rattlesnake shaking its tail. The mixture of soda and soap bulged with high-pressure froth, bubbling threateningly. It was like watching sugar and coffee slowly react inside Pinkie Pie. Sheer horror froze me on the spot. What are you supposed to do against such reckless evil? Minuette managed to think of one thing, at least. “W-wait! I-it was just a joke! Please, d-don’t! I’m innocent! I have a foal and four wives!” she begged for her life. But it was too late for the poor unicorn guard. The avatar of bubbly doom surfed the avalanche straight towards her. She skated into a graceful pirouette, coming to a skidding stop just behind Minuette’s frozen form. “H-heheh, y-you scared me for a bit there.” Minuette chuckled nervously as she slowly looked around at Luna. “You have yet to know true fear.” Luna slowly straightened up, aiming a deadly glare at her. Minuette blanched as she realized the soda pop had vanished. “Let me introduce you.” “Wha-...?!” Minuette gasped, glancing at the tail-guard of her croupier. Jammed in the opening for her tail was a quivering bottle of soda pop, its contents fizzing violently. . “No!” “And next time…” Luna casually sauntered up beside Minuette, leaning in to softly hiss in her ear. “....there won’t be a next time.” She gave the unicorn’s breastplate a sharp rap with a hoof. A rather messy sound followed. It sounded something like ‘Shlooooooooooooorp!’. Minuette’s armour shuddered violently before frothy bubbles suddenly erupted from every opening. “Glub!” Minuette cried, drowning in the dense froth spewing from her helmet. She launched herself through the open door in bubble-induced panic, leaving a trail of floating bubbles behind.   “Now I am become bubbles, the cleanser of worlds!” the archdemoness of bubbledom declared triumphantly at her retreating foe. “Gluurble! Spiiiiiiiiiiike! She passed! She’s definitely a…glub...keeeeeeeper!” the bubbly comet shouted as she slipped and slid towards the Ponyville river. Luna gave an unimpressed snort, standing vigilant as the last of the bubbles disappeared over the horizon. Finally satisfied she had seen the last of her nemesis, she turned and bucked the door closed.   And then she looked down at me. “P-please, I-I can explain!” I decided to take a leaf out of Minuette’s book and plead for my life. After all, it had worked for her. I mean, she did get out alive. Mostly. She regarded me coolly, one eyebrow rising like a guillotine. She raised a forehoof. As if answering her summons, a single quivering bubble landed on the upturned hoof. She blew on it, much like how Pinkie might blow the smoke off her party cannon. The pop was loud, almost deafening. I definitely did not squeak like a filly and dive for cover. “Gotcha.” She giggled into a forehoof before cracking up with laughter. “Pffftheeeheeheehee!” “H-hay! No fair!” I protested intelligently from the floor, where I was totally not cowering. “All’s fair in love and war~” she trilled playfully. “You do not have to explain anything to me, Sparks,” she added reassuringly. “I don’t?” I blinked. I don’t even know what I’m meant to be explaining. “I know Minuette well. If there ever was an Element of Tail-chasing, my trusty lieutenant would be its one and only champion.” Luna chuckled. “Besides, I trust you, Sparks.” She gave me a little smile. Trust me? Trust me with what? Come to think of it, why did she suddenly go all bubblepocalypse on Minuette? Was it yet another mare thing? Why are mares so complicated? My train of thought was interrupted by Peewee soaring over to her, landing on her withers to give her a sudden wing-snuggle. Hay! Wings off, bro! Don’t make me put you away with that pesky pillow! “Oh, hello to you too, Peewee,” she greeted the phoenix. “How did you find me here?” I struggled to put aside my not-jealousy as a realization struck me. “Wait, how do you know his name?” “We got acquainted when we met in the field a few years ago,” Luna said, giving the phoenix a friendly nuzzle. “He follows me around from time-to-time when I’m on patrol. Though I think Peewee’s just using me to get to Philomena” she added with a soft giggle. Peewee actually had the decency to look sheepish at that. Peewee! I thought I raised you better than this! Running after royal chicks?! Really?! Why do I have a bad feeling Peewee’s gonna get me banished then thrown in a dungeon in the place I’m banished to one of these days? “How do you know him?” Luna asked me. “Oh, long story, isn’t it buddy?” I said. Peewee gave a coo of agreement. “He was just an egg when we first met. I kinda got in the way of some dragons trying to smash his egg for fun. One thing led to another and I ended up hatching him and naming him.” “Phwee~” Peewee did a flying hop onto my shoulder and pecked my fin affectionately. . “It took a while, but we eventually found his parents and I...well, I returned him home where he belongs, with the other phoenixes.” I felt my voice tremble. “Coo?” Peewee leaned in from my shoulder to peer up at my face. “Phwee!” he chirped encouragingly. “Yeah, it has been a long time, hasn’t it, buddy?” I chuckled. My heart wasn’t in it for some reason. I felt a gentle bump against my tummy. I looked down to find a little pegasus headbutting me before looking up at me, her deep green eyes filled with concern. “What’s eating you, Sparks?” she asked in that firm tone I was learning to recognize. “Heh, whatever it is, it’s probably gonna get sick fast.” I chuckled. That earned me an insistent little pout. “Okay, okay, I’ll talk.” Dad always said there was no arguing with the pout. “That...that was only half the story,” I admitted. “I was tailing the dragon migration at the time. Kinda wanted to find out more about where I came from, where I belong, that sort of thing. Y’know, with how I was also kinda hatched by ponies but never really...uh, yeah...” I trailed off awkwardly as I narrowly avoided that pile of old baggage. “Uh, anyway, I tried to find my place with the dragons. The other dragon kids told me they’d help make a proper dragon outta me. But when they dared me to break your egg, Peewee, I decided that being a proper dragon kinda sucks butt.” I gave Peewee an apologetic look. “I’m still sorry about what happened, buddy. Even now.” “Coo!” Peewee gave me a reassuring nuzzle. Something comfortingly warm (if slightly awkward) suddenly latched itself around my chest. I looked down to find a little pony holding herself up on her haunches by latching onto me with one of her awkward hugs. Her eyes met mine for the briefest moment before she quickly looked away, opting to stare at my chest instead. “Um, please do not mind me. I’m just, uh, practicing,” she murmured quietly at my tummy. Is she apologizing for the random hug? Her ears drooped as she broke into a furious blush. “I am getting better at it!” she huffed indignantly. By Luna, even her awkwardness is cute! “Thanks, Meepy,” I said with a smile, returning her hug in kind. “That means a lot to me.” My hug squeezed a loud gasp and a squeak from her, all in one. “Sparks, I don’t know what could have been, what should be,” she forced out between squeaks. “But I do know that here and now, this is our magic circle.” I might have felt her tail wrap itself around my back, but I was kinda distracted by the blush threatening to scald my scales. I couldn’t help but notice she always blushes at the mention of the circle. “I-I want you to….uh...this circle is where you...um...belong with me...er…” she blurted, becoming more and more like a tomato struggling for self-expression. “What I mean to say is....” she trailed off into a soft squeak. “Eeeeeeeeeeee! Sparks, what are you trying to make a lady say?!” she suddenly demanded, exploding against my chest in a burst of steam. I sure do make her say lots of stuff, and I’m not even trying. I had no idea why she suddenly blew her top at me. But I do know that she was too busy pummeling my chest with her soft marshmallowy forehooves to care much for my hug. And I would never dare stop a mare in the middle of her moment, nope. “Coo.” Peewee just gave me a disgusted look before taking off. What? I totally wasn’t trying to beat the pillow’s flight time, okay?! “What’re you giving me that look for?” I grunted irritably as I finally set the sackful of barding down. It thumped heavily on the damp earth. “Qwee,” Peewee said, totally not judging me. “Hay, this is heavy enough without you breathing down my back,” I muttered, wiping a few beads of sweat off my brow. I straightened up and carefully eyed my surroundings. The library’s backyard looked clear. The street outside was empty. There wasn’t a single pegasus in the sky. Yep, the coast was clear. Only Peewee and the old well in our backyard would be witness to my actions . I turned back to the sack. “What the hay is this thing made of? Mountains? And she actually wears this stuff?” I loosened the draw string on the sack and pulled out a random piece. With all the scrapes and dents, it took a moment to recognize it as a royal guard peytral, modified to fit Luna. Something was inscribed into the neck-guard. It was kinda difficult to read with the massive gash down its middle. I barely managed to make out what it said: ‘Love not the evils of battle. Love only what it protects.’ When he was younger, my brother used to show off the scrapes and dents on his training barding all the time. He was proud of how each one was off-centre, apparently proof of his skill at dodging. I used to enjoy pointing out how his training blades were totally unscratched. Still, there was a rare show of logic in his pride. By his theory, Luna learned to dodge from a brick. If anything, the dents, scrapes and the massive gash suggested she faced everything head-on. Why? I gripped the piece of junk so tightly I almost bent it double. I couldn’t tell why I was seething so much at the lifeless lump of metal. Because it failed to protect her and her poor wing? Because it was the only witness to everything Luna’s done to protect us? Because...because I should’ve realized it sooner, just how much she was hurting herself! “I’m not being melodramatic over a piece of junk, okay?” I snapped at Peewee, tossing the peytral back into the sack. “Phwee.” Peewee cocked his head. “Yeah, well, there’s only one thing to do with this.” I nodded as I drew the rope from the well and secured it around the sack. “Coo,” Peewee said, shaking his head in obvious disagreement. “Well, you brought Minuette here,” I pointed out heatedly. “What did you think I was gonna do? Give it back? Let her wear it? Allow her to beat herself up again?” I tied off a knot with almost vindictive relish. “No, she won’t need this stuff. She won’t need to fight. She won’t need to get hurt. And she certainly won’t leave-....I mean…” I faltered. What did I mean, exactly? SPIKE WANT. MY HOARD! “Thing is, this is….this is for her own good.” I ploughed on, tying another knot much, much tighter than required. “She’ll be better off. She will. I’ll make sure of it. I promise.” I didn’t know if I was trying to convince Peewee or myself. I peered down the dark belly of the old well, as pitch black as a dragon cave. KEEP TREASURE SAFE. FOREVER! As I pushed the sack over the edge, I couldn’t help but think: ‘If I’m so sure, why the rope?'   I expected a heavy crash at the bottom. All I got was a distant, hollow thump. The village street had shed its morning lull surprisingly early. I had expected most of Ponyville to still be sleeping off last night’s hangover. But the early noon sun peering through cloudy skies found a street full of ponies busy at work….hanging flower garlands and festival bunting? A small group of ponies trotted by, carrying what looked like a far-western dragon dance costume. I even glimpsed Pinkie Pie pedaling her candycane-copter, airlifting lanterns to low-lying clouds. Huh, what’s going on? “Ah, your Excellency, Lord Spike, just the gentledrake,” a lofty voice interrupted my thoughts. I recognized the voice, unfortunately. I suddenly found myself missing Minuette and her giant toaster. Sorely. Anypony would be better than this. “Oh, hay, Strings Attached.” I reluctantly turned to the one pony I didn’t want to see that day. Well, okay, maybe second after…..or third...or...alright, so maybe I didn’t want to see a lot of ponies that day. It still didn’t help having one of them at my front door, complete with his golden monocle, swept-back mane and sharpish black penguin suit. I couldn’t dislike Strings Attached, much as I couldn’t dislike a public toilet. Except he was Blueblood’s. And after all the times Strings Attached had swooped in to whisk Rarity away to whatever hole Blueblood had decided to gallivant off to for the weekend, I couldn’t help but despise the unique air of dread that followed him like a stubborn raincloud. That, and I hated the pompous-as-hay monocle he wore. Where’s the sense in wearing half a pair of glasses? Seriously. Two other ponies accompanied the off-white unicorn, a severe-looking pony wearing a white lab-coat and Red Heart. The cherry-maned nurse gave me a smile and a little wave. I replied with a smile and nod of my own before turning back to Strings Attached. “How are you, sir?” Strings Attached asked, putting on an air of concern. “You and Lady Sonata, both?” “Uh, fine, I guess?” I said, vaguely. “I meant that beyond a mere formality, your Excellency. His Highness Prince Blueblood and I are both concerned. We saw how grave Lady Sonata’s injuries were, before she was caught in that frightful storm.” He shook his head sympathetically. “His Highness was so concerned, he instructed me to offer you every assistance, medical or otherwise.” He waved a forehoof at the nurse and, presumably, doctor, with him. Huh? He...cares? “She’s...all healed actually,” I said honestly. “Now now, sir. I would not like to presume, but I must be frank for the Lady’s sake. Please do not allow bad feelings between His Highness and yourself stand in the way of a lady’s health and wellbeing,” he chided. “Uh, no, not at all.” I frowned. I hadn’t even considered that. While I wouldn’t allow Blueblood within a hydra’s length of Luna, I trusted Red Heart. Come to think of it, bringing her was probably a gesture of sincerity. “I mean, some kinda weird magic thing healed up her wings,” I said. It was like double parking or income tax, you don’t realize how stupidly weird the idea is until you try explaining it. Red Heart and the doctor shared a look. “Uh, I think it was this old magical family heirloom she was carrying. It’s called the...uh...magical...Overduck of Sonata,” I said, very convincingly. To my surprise both the doctor and Red Heart nodded in understanding, seemingly satisfied with that. I guess they must be used to it from all the random pony rainbow spells floating about Ponyville. Sometimes I couldn’t help but wonder how they stayed in business with the random healing effects of things like the Elements of Harmony, Crystal Heart or alicorn love magic around. “Very well, if you are sure.” Strings Attached had also noticed their silent exchange. “Please let us know if you require assistance with anything else.” He gave the two a nod of dismissal. He didn’t leave with them, though, much to my disappointment. “I do have one other matter to discuss, if I may?” He levitated a scroll from his suit pocket. “You may recall that you and Her Highness, Princess Twilight Sparkle, are both invited to Prince Blueblood’s soiree onboard his airship the day after tomorrow?” “Uh, yeah?” I frowned. I was pretty sure I had already declined. “Prince Blueblood would like to cordially extend that invitation to Lady Sonata,” he said, levitating to me what must be her invitation. “I realize you have previously declined to attend yourself. But if you’ll allow me to be candid, I am sure Ms. Rarity would appreciate seeing both of you. It would be a good opportunity to ‘clear the air’, so to speak.” Rarity? She….she still wants to see me? I felt an old, familiar hope rise within me, one I hadn’t felt in a long while. I could almost see an impish little Spike, complete with horns and pitchfork, pop up on my shoulder. He whispered in my ear, reminding me that the cursey-mark suggested Rarity was jealous of Luna. Could that jealousy mean more? Could this party be my big chance to find out? A strange, almost treacherous thought interrupted my excitement: ‘Do I still want to find out?’ Of course I do! I love Rarity with all my heart…right? I love everything about her, from her beautiful sapphire eyes to her thick glossy mane, from her velvety white fur to her generous smile. To look upon her is to gaze upon perfection! If that deep unwavering awe is not love, what is? ‘Just imagine, Luna and I turning heads at the party. Rarity, her jealousy mounting until she gives in and finally confesses her undying love for me.’ Impish Spike hissed conivingly. An angelic Spike used his halo to pin the impish Spike in a chokehold before Germane-suplexing him over my shoulder, getting rid of him as quickly as he had appeared. No, Blueblood’s party isn’t the place or the time for things like that. That would make me no better than Blueblood. In fact, there would never be a place or time. I would never do that to Luna. I should be ashamed for even considering it. She deserves better. Besides, I’m a grownup dragon now. I know I gotta reach out and patch things up with Rarity. Partly because the Council relies upon our friendship, but more importantly because she is my friend. And that’s what friends do, right? Right? ‘Any simpleton can see it! There is nothing anypony, let alone a rich, snobby banker's girl, could possibly want in…’ I bit my lip. I’m a big grownup dragon. How could so few words hurt so much? Crush me underfoot like a boulder? Drown me like a rowboat in a thunderstorm? Dwarf me like dust before a dragon? Perhaps...perhaps I shouldn’t bother Rarity with something so trivial. She’s gonna be a princess soon. She’s probably busy preparing. These little things probably don’t matter to her at all. ‘Everything I am now is because of everything you are. And you tell me you are nothing? What does that make me? Look at me, Sparks. Look at me and tell me I am ‘nothing’.’ A faint but fond little smile played across my lips. A strange new determination filled my heart. Suddenly I stood taller than the greatest mountain, bigger than the strongest hurricane, mightier than a dragon. Yeah, even if it’s no big deal for Rarity, for anypony, I’ll be the one to hold out the olive branch. I’ll be the bigger dragon, the kind of dragon that would make Luna look good, the kind of dragon she can be proud of.   Because...uh...because that’s the sort of eternal servitude Luna deserves. Yeah, that’s right. “It’s all up to Sona.” I shrugged, nonchalant. “If she’s cool with it, we might drop by,” I said, with all the care of a king considering stopping by a lemonade stand. After all, she had said: ‘Be the King, so everypony will treat her like a Queen.’ Or something deep and clever like that. Right? “I could not ask for more, your Excellency. I will take my leave. I look forward to seeing you at the soiree.” Strings Attached bowed courteously. “Oh, a piece of advice, if I may,” he added with a sideways glance. “There are many strangers visiting town for the Starkindle Festival, some seeking business, some in search of pleasure. And I daresay the Sonata fortune’s heiress appearing is sure to...attract both. Please do look after her, your Excellency.” I gave a little snort as I watched him trot away. Heh, city ponies. What does he expect to happen in a small town like Ponyville? Sure, we get occasional parasprite swarms, clone invasions, maybe a rampaging ursa or bugbear, or that one time a demonic centaur from Tartarus sucked on everypony’s cutie marks….uh... ….Maybe I should go, um, make sure she’s inside. And by inside I mean safe inside a fortress inside a cave inside a mountain somewhere.   “Hay, Meepy?” I called out as I slipped back into the library. After the morning’s events, the silence felt...weird. I felt a twinge of unease. I pushed it aside as best as I could, and  looked around for my little pegasus. “Meepy?” I called into the empty kitchen. “Meeeepy?” I peered in a cardboard box. “Meepy?” I searched under Peewee, earning me an indignant squawk in the process. I felt bitter panic slowly rise as each and every search turned up pony-less. What if she left? What if Twi told Princess Celestia and she decided to take her away to Canterlot? What if she got carried off by yet another random flash mob? What if she got abducted by evil aliens that feed on cuteness?! “Phweeqee,” Peewee said impatiently, clicking a talon on the table where he perched. “Peewee, this is serious. Do you even know what the aliens might do with...” I began irritably. I trailed off on seeing the note Peewee was standing on. “Oh, uh, thanks, pal.” “Coo,” Peewee didn’t sound very impressed as he hopped to one side, allowing me to pick up the note. ‘Dear Sparks, The state of the pantry is concerning. We are nowhere near siege-ready. I shall sally forth on a quest for honour, glory and groceries. Oh, and more of that delightful liquid of bubbles. Sona’ “Celestia have mercy!” I gave Peewee a look of horror. “She’s gone shopping!”