The Human Condition

by Gilded Tome


Lost: 21

By the time Andrew’s anger began to fade he was well into the forest. His legs grew weak, both from the impromptu jog, and the loss of the emotion that was fueling it. The trees seemed to surround him as he half collapsed, half sat on a moss covered stump. His breathing came in slow, deep pulls that seemed to resonate within his skull. His quickly disappearing anger was just as quickly being replaced by a deepening sense of hopelessness that threatened to overwhelm him. The warm summer air rolled through the trees, making them creak and groan. Suddenly Andrew became startlingly aware of how alone he was in the forest, and how he had no idea where he was.

“Well…. crap.”

He stood up from the stump and looked around through the old trees, trying to ignore the growing worry. He was pretty sure which direction he had come from, but every second that passed made him less and less sure. This, combined with the natural randomness of the trees and underbrush made the idea of finding his way home himself seem hopeless.

I didn’t go that far. He thought to himself. Worst comes to worst I have to wait a little while before they come looking for me.

As this thought occurred to him he realized how much he had connected with his new friends.

A year ago I would have never even considered rely on anyone else like this. Before that I would have only thought to trust Alice to come looking for me.

Andrew retook his seat, ignoring the fact that the stump wasn’t entirely dry. He watched as the sun peaked between the leaves, the summer breeze once again rolling through. His mind drifted to what had happened the last few days, wondering if he would ever make it home. He slid down the stump a bit, leaning back against it. He put his uninjured hand behind his head and closed his eyes, trying his best to relax and wait patiently.

“Ummm… Andrew?” A quiet voice said from behind the human a few minutes later.

“Woah!” Andrew yelled, jumping up and spinning around. “Jeez Fluttershy, you scared me!”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” She apologized, looking like she was going to continue before getting closer to the human and noticing his injury. “Andrew, what happened to your hand?!”

The mare closed the remaining distance between them quickly, gingerly lifting his arm and inspecting it. She sniffed the bandages slightly, scrunching her nose from the smell of the potion as well as the damaged skin.

“Oh my Andrew, how did you get a burn like this?”

“Umm… Twilight called it thaumic scorch…” Andrew answered.

“It looks painful, did the doctors give you one of Zecora’s potions?”

“Yeah, he put some on the worst areas, said I should be all set in a week.”

Fluttershy let go of Andrew’s arm, still staying close to the human.

“What happened?” She asked with obvious concern.

“Well… Wanna sit down and I’ll tell you?”

As they both sat against the stump Andrew retold the previous day’s adventure for what felt like the hundredth time. He made sure that Fluttershy understood that Big Mac was okay as quickly as he could, as Fluttershy looked as if she was about to cry when he even mentioned that Autumn has smelled blood.

“I’m g-glad everypony is okay, I wish I had heard sooner.” She said, voice quivering with worry for her friends. “And Big Mac will be awake soon?”

“If his body feels like waking up, yeah.”

“You s-should be resting too.” Fluttershy said, getting to her hooves again. “In a nice comfy bed.”

“I did, slept all night, even slept late this morning.” Andrew assured her. “I just went out for a… walk, to clear my head. Before I knew it I was lost.”

“Well you did the right thing by staying put.” The yellow pegasus said worriedly. “I’m glad I found you so soon.”

“Me too.” Agreed Andrew. “I was already getting bored.”

“Well then, we get you home so you can rest.”

“That would be amazing Fluttershy, I would owe you big time.”

“Oh no, that’s fine.” She assured him. “It’s nothing, really. Just follow me.”

Fluttershy turned a bit and began walking away. Andrew followed closely, noting that the way she was going had been the opposite he had thought was the way home. The usually timid pegasus walked confidently through the woods, so Andrew assumed she was correct.

“I haven’t seen you in a while.” Andrew said. “You been busy?”

“Mhmm, very very busy.” She responded. “The animals have been very… active the past few days.”

“Active? Like what, spring come early or something?” Andrew joked.

“N-n-no, nothing l-like that.” She responded, an adorable blush coloring her cheeks. “They all seem very upset lately, agitated almost.”

“That’s weird…” Andrew replied, his eyebrows knitted. “Is it seasonal or…?”

“No, I don’t think so.” She said. “I think some new predators moved into the forest, maybe even out from the Everfree.”

“Predators?” Andrew asked, suddenly a bit nervous. “What kind of predator?”

“I’m not sure.” Fluttershy admitted guiltily. “Something relatively big. Nopony has reported anything so far, and I can’t seem to find them. They are scaring the rest of the animals though.”

“So what are you going to do about it?”

“There isn’t much to be done, except try and calm the animals that are scared.” She explained. “Eventually the forest will adapt, as long as the predator isn’t too greedy.”

Andrew nodded his head, looking around at the trees they passed. The slowly rising sun could be seen through the leaves again, especially when the wind blew through.

“Do things just come out of the Everfree like that?” He asked. “I thought all the animals in there were like monsters.”

“Well it depends on what kind of animal.” Fluttershy explained, the familiar topic giving her confidence. “It is rare for predators to leave for such a length of time, especially in the summer when food is so plentiful.”

“Aren’t you worried about your animal friends?”

“Yes, of course.” Fluttershy answered with a nod. “But… part of loving nature is understanding that predators need to eat...I may not like it but it wouldn’t be right to stop it. It’s why I was so worried about you when you said you weren’t going to eat meat anymore.”

Andrew stopped and cocked his head, quickly replaying everything he had eaten in the past few days.

“Huh…”

“What is it Andrew?” Fluttershy asked, stopping when she notice. “Is everything alright? If you’re tired we can-”

“No no, I’m fine.” Andrew assured her. “I just… I had completely forgotten I haven’t been eating meat. I have to make sure I get some extra protein today.”

“Oh no, that’s terrible Andrew! You need to take better care of yourself, if you want you can come to my house. I have some fish I keep around for the bears.”

“No its okay, I feel fine. I have some tofu at home, I’ll fry it up when I get home.” Andrew assured her. “Wait, did you say bears?”

Fluttershy nodded, her pink hair covering half her face as she turned and continued walking. Andrew followed quickly behind, happy to have left the forest quickly.


By the time Fluttershy and Andrew made it back to civilization it was a little past noon, the sun beginning its descent through the sky. They emerged from the forest not far from a street that lead further into town. Luckily they didn’t have to cross anypony’s yard in order to reach it. They made their way closer to the center of the town, until they reached a three way intersection, one heading off toward what would eventually lead to Fluttershy’s cottage, cutting through the middle of town, and one that led back to the Andrews home.

“Are you sure you can make it home alone?” Fluttershy asked, concern clearly in her voice. “I really don’t mind walking back with you.”

“It’s fine Fluttershy, really. It’s only a short walk.” He assured her. “Really, I’ll be fine. You’ve got enough on your plate already by the sounds of it.”

“Well… okay. But take it easy okay?”

“Will do.”

Fluttershy turned and headed down the road, Andrew turning and heading the opposite way, walking until he rounded the corner. Once out of sight of the street he leaned against the corner, pausing for a minute or so while ponies went about their business around him. He peaked around the corner, and once he was satisfied that Fluttershy had moved on he left the cover of the wall, heading down the way he had just come. He followed the path his yellow pegasus friend had taken, veering off in the direction of the library as soon as he could.

The streets were busy with what Andrew could only guess was a lunch time rush, with pony’s waving hello as he passed, quite a few of them noticing his bandaged arm. He handily brushed off those who wanted to chat, trying his best to be polite but firm. Eventually he made it to the library, pushing the front door open and entering the well-lit first room.

“Hello? Who’s there?” A familiar voice called, Spike appearing from another room. “Oh, hey Andrew. Twilights not here, she’s still with Applejack at the hospital.”

“That’s okay, I figured that’s where she would be.” Andrew admitted, looking around at the books, especially those on the desk. “I actually came looking for some of the books that came in the other day, the ones about runes?”

“Runes?” He asked, tapping his chin. “Oh! Okay, I’ll go look around for those, hold on.”

The drake turned around and headed the way he came in, disappearing from view. Andrew looked around at the bookshelves, eyes finally resting on an open book on the desk.

“Huh.” He said to himself. “Could have sworn I saw her put this away.”

Open on the desk was the book Andrew had picked up a few days ago, the one written by Nickle Tesla. It was open, so Andrew picked it up and read to himself.

These shards of divinity, often referred to as royal blood, are not the explanation of spectacular traits or unique talents, as it is often said. In fact I believe that these shards of divinity are behind the most powerful beings on Equus, from the ancient Discord to our own shining Princess Celestia.
Those who bear the shards are chosen by the All-Mother herself, and are tasked with guarding and maintaining a concept, idea or even an emotion. In a few examples, like our Princess, or the rumored queen of the sea ponies, physical objects are guided as well. I have traveled far and wide in hopes of uncovering a being, be it pony, zebra, griffon or dragon, who bears a shard of divinity and is more willing to talk about their gift than a certain royal princess. Alas it seems that those easily found are not so easily convinced to admit their duty, while those who remain hidden have yet step forward. I grew close in Zebrica, stumbling onto a village that worshiped-

“Any good?”

“OH Jeezus Christ Spike!” Andrew shouted, slamming the book shut and whirling around to face the young drake. “What is with every one trying to give me a heart attack?!”

“Sorry, couldn’t pass up the chance.” Spike apologized, putting a book filled box down. “Anyway, I found the books for you, Twilight had them up by her bed.”

“Ah, thanks little dude.” Andrew replied, pulling a book out and flipping through the pages. “Speaking of which, have you heard from her at all?”

“Yeah, she was here this morning for a while to tell me what was going on, take a quick shower and grab some breakfast.”

“How’s Big Mac?”

“She said he’s fine, they are just waiting for him to wake up.” Spike explained. “Are you going to visit him?”

“I will when he wakes up. Until then I figured I’d do some reading.” Andrew explained, holding one of the books up. “I’m gonna borrow this. If Twilight comes around again tell her I’ll be at the Thirsty Timberwolf.”

Spike nodded and waved as he left, Andrew smiling and waving back. The smile, clearly false, fell before the door even latched shut.


Andrew sat in the farthest corner of the bar, the rune marked book open on the table. Around him sat empty bottles and glasses, as well as a few plates of mostly eaten food. The book was more read than un-read, pages scanned and understood at what was at first a disturbing rate. Andrew wanted to hate it, wanted to hate the runes, how easily he was learning about them, and most of all he wanted to hate his unnatural cutie mark. But in the end he couldn’t. It was all too enthralling, to interesting and to damn cool for him to not crave each new page. The knowledge felt natural, as if patching a gap in his brain that he hadn’t even known he had.

A few time Sunny Smiles passed him over, which Andrew was thankful for. He could see her checking up on him every once in a while, as if she could feel his dark mood. He wanted to be alone, but he appreciated the sentiment. He mentally noted to give her a large tip when he eventually left. It seemed like it was a slow night, the bar quiet, especially back in the far corner like he was. At some point in the night a fresh drink slid in front of him, which he murmured his thanks for. He had been surprised when this one wasn’t alcoholic, like many of the ones before had been. He looked up in confusion, finally noticing that someone had slid into the seat on the other side.

“It seemed as if you could use a more reasonable drink” Luna explained, gesturing to the other empty cups. “The waitress admitted she was on the fence about serving you so many.”

“Her names Sunny Smiles.” He responded blankly. “Nice girl. Well pony.”

“Indeed.”

A silence fell between the two, Andrew content to continue reading his book, and Luna, still wearing her Eve disguise, content to wait. After a few minutes Andrew finally looked up.

“Okay, what do you want?” He asked tonelessly, taking a sip of his new drink.

“Big Macintosh is awake.” She answered. “I thought you would like to know.”

“Thanks, but I can’t visit him now. Too much to drink.” He explained, pointing the stacks of beers and cocktails. “I’m more drunk than I look.”

“Self-medicating with alcohol is never an intelligent choice Andrew, you are better than that.”

“I’m not self-medicating. I’m drinking socially.”

“Yes… Clearly.” Luna agreed, woefully sarcastic, looking around at the table and mostly empty bar. “You’re the life of the party.”

“Whatever.” He stated with finality, looking back down at the book. “I’d rather just read in peace actually.”

Luna’s horn glowed as she closed the book with her magic, marking the page with a coaster. Andrew looked up at her, stone faced.

“What?”

“Andrew.” Luna started, voice soft. “None of us can really imagine what you are feeling right now. But as much as it may hurt, please don’t push me… push us away. We are your friends, and new as we may be we care about you. Don’t close us out.”

A long pause stretched between them, Andrew almost visibly churning his thoughts. Finally, he spoke, his voice gravelly as it fought back a more dramatic tone.

“I’m not pushing you away Luna. I’m mourning.”

Luna studied the human, her eyes were wide with sympathetic pain. She ignored his slip up, leaning forward.

“For whom do you mourn Andrew?”

“Myself. The old Andrew” He explained as he played with his drink. “My past life, before I came here. The old Andrew is dead.”

“That is not true Andrew, you may have changed over the past weeks but you are the same Andrew. You still-”

“Will I ever return home? Will I ever see another human being for as long as I live?” He demanded, now staring the alicorn down, eyes hard with anguish. “Truthfully, with no embellishments or false hopes. Will I ever go home?”

Luna stared back at the human, her gaze faltering as she realized she had been about to do exactly what he had predicted, stretch the truth to give him hope.

“Truthfully?” She asked with a pause, as if hoping he would change his mind. “No. It is not very likely that we will be able to send you home. We just don’t know-

“And that’s why the old me is dead.” He explained coldly. “I left behind friends, jobs, my home, and… my sister. I will never see them again, never see her again. I may be alive but I left my life there.”

“I know it hurts Andrew. To an extent I do know how being thrown into a new world can feel, though not to this degree…” She began after a long pause, trailing off soon after she started. “She will hurt, just as you have. But if she is as strong as you have said she will make it. It may not be easy but she will make it.”

Andrew’s face broke into an ironic, miserable smile, one that betrayed a deep running wound despite his fragile attempt to seem unharmed.

“My sister is probably already dead. Not because I’m here though, all that did was kill any hope I had of proving that wrong.”

Luna watched the human stare down at the book, knowing he wasn’t reading by the way his eyes were still, and the small drops of water that fell from his face, small marks appearing on the cover. She could not fathom the story behind what he had said, despite her best efforts to fill in the gaps of his past with the few scraps he had let slip out by accident. With a sigh she gave up, pushing out from her spot. Her horn glowed as she walked to the other side of the booth, pulling a few gold coins from Andrew’s pocket, placing them on the table. With a pop the bar disappeared, replaced by Luna’s temporary room, the seat replaced by her bed. In a blink she had teleported them both to her room, so smoothly that Andrew hardly noticed.

Silently Luna slid behind him, pulling him back gently until his head rested on her side. Her head turned so she could look into his eyes, and Andrew could only stare back, eyes wet. His mind wandered to the first moment they had met, stuck on the moon. He had awoken like this, head pressed against her wing, feeling her heart beat and her slow breathing. He vaguely realized that her disguise had vanished, Eve’s green eyes replaced by Luna’s teal pools. Silently he stared, his tears slowing as her warm, compassionate eyes stared back. Andrew knew what she was going to say before she opened her mouth to speak, but he let her ask anyway.

“Andrew. Let me in.”

He nodded, closing his eyes for a long moment, organizing his thoughts. Finally, he opened his eyes, and began to speak.

“About a year and a half ago Alice and I were living in a shitty apartment complex in Boston. It was tiny, loud and built like crap but it was all we could afford near the city. I worked a couple of jobs, and Alice was working and taking a few classes at a nearby community college. All things considered we were doing pretty well. She was working so hard and was doing so well in school. I was so proud of her.”

Andrew chewed his lip, his eyes beginning to well up again.

“Why not move out of the city?” Luna asked, helping him through. “Life is expensive near city hubs.”

“I wish we had, but we both just felt connected to it. We actually lived not far from where we grew up before mom died.” He explained after a deep breath. “Boston was home, no way around it. Plus the landlord gave a huge discount because he felt bad for us.”

“I see. I suppose home is home.”

“Yeah.” Andrew agreed sadly, before continuing. “The neighborhood itself wasn’t home though, and the shithole we lived in wasn’t either. God, we should have moved the day I realized how bad it actually was.”

Andrew closed his eyes again, fighting the memories as they poured back through his mind.

“Just an average day. I was heading home after work, dead tired. I got off at the wrong floor and immediately noticed a bunch of shifty looking guys huddling around, talking in hush voices. Finally, one of the guy’s walks into a room and walks out with a backpack. He passes it to another guy, who hands him back a couple of huge wads of cash. I couldn’t tell for sure, but it was a lot. The one with the backpack just walks away, heading away from me and his friends. One of the guys, holding the huge roll of money notices me and just stares.”

“What did you do?”

“I left. I should have called the cops, should have packed up and left, should have done anything but instead I did nothing!” Andrew answered, practically shouting with frustration over his mistake. “I had always told Alice that doing the right thing is the most important thing a person can do, that making sure that justice is served is… well… everything! Then I see what was almost one hundred percent a huge drug deal going down and I did nothing! Proof that that man was a criminal and I did nothing!”

“I’m sure you had a good reason.”

“I was scared, and that isn’t a good excuse.” Andrew responded adamantly. “I should have reported it.”

Andrew rubbed his face, wiping his tears away and rubbing his eyes. Finally, he continued, voice defeated.

“A couple months later I got home early from work, I found the apartment door wide open. I rushed inside, just in time to watch that same sick fucking bastard bash Alice’s head against the counter for the last time.”

Andrew jumped up from the bed, his anger brought forth as he remembered the worst day of his life.

“I snapped! One second I was in the doorway the next I had my hands around his throat! I broke three fingers pounding the fuckers face in!” Andrew shouted, only to suddenly change his volume before starting again. “He tried to scramble away, reached for a knife that was on the counter. I grabbed it first and...”

“Did you kill him?” Luna asked seriously, after watching the human for a long moment.

“Yes. I killed him without even hesitating, without a second thought. He hurt my sister and I killed the bastard for it.” He said quietly, clearly conflicted. “By that time someone had already called the cops. My sister barely made it to the hospital.”

“She lived?” Luna asked, her voice full of hope.

“Barely, but yeah.” Andrew responded. “She was in a coma for a while, but the doctors were tracking her progress and it looked like she was going to recover, though it was touch and go at first. They made sure to tell me that with that level of trauma, there was no way of knowing is she would ever be the same but…”

“Did she recover?” Luna asked.

“Eventually, yeah.” He answered. “But I never got to see it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I came to visit her one day, only to find the hospital in a panic. In the middle of the night she had woken up from her coma. At two in the morning she got out of bed, stole some clothes from a break room and walked out the front door like she was checking out of a hotel. The doctors said that when she woke up she must have been confused, panicked and bolted.”

“They just let her leave?”

“She managed to find the only path out of the hospital where she couldn’t be seen.” He explained. “The cops couldn’t explain it. They looked for months and couldn’t find her. I’ve spent every free minute since then looking for her. That’s why I’m so desperate to get home, I need to find her. The cops more or less gave up after a year, I’m the only one looking for her. The closest I’ve gotten is a hobo who swore he saw her hanging out near a statue in a city park.”

Andrew fell back, sitting on the edge of the bed. He cradled his head with his healthy hand, his memory overwhelming him.

“It’s all my fault! I should have done something! I could have done something long before she got hurt and I fucked up! We should have moved, I should have reported him, anything other than fuck all! Now my sister, the only family I have, is alone and homeless, or worse. Not only that, but now I’m stuck in another universe! I can’t even find her anymore!”

Luna listened to Andrew tell his story, watching him the whole time with sad, understanding eyes. She watch him cradle his head, and when put her head against his side, she felt him shake as he held back sobs. She rubbed his back with her hoof.

“I’m sorry Andrew, truly sorry you had your sister taken from you like that.”

“I could handle this, all of this.” He said, gesturing vaguely. “If I could just know that my sister was safe.”

Luna continued to reassure the human, trying her best to soothe his ragged, sobbing heart. The truth had broken the flood gates, and the anguish and worry he had been holding came out. He cried openly, for his lost life, and for his sister.