"Haaaaaaaaah!" Rainbow Dash dive kicked heroically through the air.
"Look out!" shouted the lizard queen, her crooked tiara rattling. "We've been found by the Diabolical Dash!"
WHAMMMM! Rainbow Dash impacted with the throneroom floor, knocking dozens of lizard ponies off their hooves/claws. "Httt!" She spun, dodged a half-dozen thrown spears, then cartwheeled into an armored crocodile horse.
"Ooomf!" He flew backwards and slammed into a series of pillars that spontaneously exploded. P-POWWW!
Rainbow winced, but nevertheless kept charging into the monsters around her. "Haa! Wa-taaaa!" WHACK! Th-THWACK!
"Gaaaieee!" An alligator mule fell into a pile of stolen gemstones. They exploded. BOOOM!
Rainbow froze in place, grimacing. Her eyes reflected the flames spreading across the throneroom. "...uhm..."
"Kill her!" the lizard queen shouted, rushing into her escape zeppelin. "Protect the mutant killer hydra eggs at all costs!"
"Mraaaaaaaugh!" A wave of armored thugs charged right at Rainbow Dash, their spears raised. "Our lives for the Queen!"
"Not so fast—!" Rainbow merely flapped her wings.
"Uuuunf!" The thugs flew off their claws, fell into moat, and—KABLAAAAM!
Rainbow sheltered herself behind the throne as flames erupted everywhere. She gnashed her teeth. "Hey... uhm... could you—"
KAPOWWWW! The ceiling to the fortress gave way, showering shards of plaster everywhere.
Rainbow growled. "Look, that's enough with—"
B-BOOOM! The throne exploded behind her, spilling flames and smoke.
"Rrrrrrrgh..." Rainbow stood up tall. "Okay—pause! Pause it!" Brilliant fireballs erupted behind her. "I mean it, Epcot! Just... just turn it off for a sec!"
Almost immediately, everything froze. Explosions locked into place like painted portraits. Screaming lizards hovered from where they were catapulted by concussive blasts. Somewhere amidst the surreality, a vertical seam opened like a paper slit and Epcot calmly trotted through.
"What's the matter, Rainbow Dash?" she asked. "Is this not exciting enough?"
Rainbow Dash exhaled. "Look, I really appreciate all of this. I mean, you went to some really awesome lengths to provide an awesome adventure."
"It's simply borrowing from past imaginations." Epcot smiled, cheeks rosy. "You'd be surprised how many ancient alicorns believed in an evil reptilian conspiracy."
"Yeah, and I dig that. But... like..." Rainbow grimaced. "Does it have to be so... so loud?"
"That was the 'exciting' and 'distracting' part, per your request." Epcot gulped. "Or so I had assumed."
"Yeah, but... like... I dunno..." Rainbow rubbed her ear and fidgeted. "Could you—maybe—dial back on the explosions a bit?"
Epcot blinked... then blinked again. "Are you requesting... less explosions?"
Rainbow Dash instantly paled. "I'm not saying it sucks—"
"Less... explosions..." Epcot gazed blankly into infinite thoughtspace. "...less..."
"Ah jeez..." Rainbow grimaced. "I-I really hope I didn't break you, Epcot."
"Not broken." Epcot rubbed her head, eyes rolling. "Just... urp... confused."
"You did great with this! Really, you did!"
"Then please do elaborate." Epcot looked up. "Where did I fail?"
"It's not a failure, really. Just..." Rainbow waved a hoof. "It's just too intense."
"That was what you specified, though."
"Er... I know that..."
"Maybe if I replaced the lizard ponies with spider ponies." Epcot grinned. "Some mortals like to have their fear centers tickled by imaginative circumstances."
"That... that's not gonna cinch it either." Rainbow cleared her throat. "It's just that... I've been through truly life-threatening situations in real life. And... and I guess I just can't... get my head into this. No matter how much polish you put on it." She smiled awkwardly. "Adding explosions isn't helping either."
"Hmmmm... quite a curious circumstance." Epcot tapped her chin, then fluffed her sparkly mane. "Maybe, then, the key is to surprise you with a truly random dream scenario."
"Yeah, but... the more I think about it..." Rainbow bit her lip. She stared down at her fidgeting hooves.
Epcot smiled. "In the end, you still know it will be a dream."
Rainbow sighed. "Yeah..."
Epcot trotted over and rested a hoof on Rainbow Dash's shoulder. "Rainbow, friend, I am pleased to provide you with a dose of escapism. But I think we've both known from the start that cider space simply does not provide the same relief to you as it does for others."
Rainbow looked up. "So then what should I do?"
"Something in the mortal realm, of course," Epcot said.
"But... like... I've done just about everything! Adventure... danger... you name it!" She grimaced. "And I did them all of the name of... y'know... the best friend that I'm... trying not to obsess about right now."
Epcot glanced off to the side. She smiled.
Rainbow blinked. "What?"
"Then the solution is simple." Epcot's bright eyes swam back to her. "Do something that Rainbow Dash normally wouldn't do."
"Like what?"
Epcot merely winked.
Rainbow Dash's eyes twitched. Her ears folded. "Ah jeez..."