Aria sat in the kitchen, her feet kicked up on the table and a comic in her hands. She had read that particular issue many times over, as she had with almost all of her comics. That never stopped her from reliving and enjoying the stories which they contained. Aria had a habit of falling into her comics, and shutting the rest of the world out. That might have been why she never heard Sonata walk into the room, lugging a large crate of lemons. She dropped the fruit onto the table, which was enough to snap Aria back to reality.
“Hiya, babe,” huffed Sonata.
“I know I said I was going to try to fix my sour attitude, but this is kinda pushing it,” said Aria.
“Cute. Where’s Dagi?” asked Sonata.
“Upstairs.”
“Is that Sonata with the lemons?!” called Adagio from upstairs. “I’ll be right there with the reamers!”
“The what?” asked Aria. “What is going on? Seriously, this is getting weird.”
“You know, I really shouldn’t be surprised that you don’t remember,” sighed Sonata. “Last week, we all agreed we’d do a cleanse.”
Aria absolutely did not remember agreeing to anything of that sort. She looked at the crate of lemons, then imagined herself sitting in a bathtub of its juice. Not her idea of a fun time.
“See, I would, but the thing is, I’ve got a bunch of paper cuts all over my body,” said Aria. “You must’ve seen em, I can’t get into any lemon juice until they heal.”
“Not that type of cleanse, moron,” said Adagio from the stairs. She entered into the kitchen with her arms full of about four little electric citrus reamers, which she deposited onto the table next to the lemons.
“It’s a detox,” explained Sonata. “For the next week, we can consume nothing but water and lemonade.”
Aria decided that she must’ve gone crazy, because there was no way that she heard that properly. Not only was she positive that she didn’t agree to this, she couldn’t believe that anyone thought it was a good idea to suggest in the first place. She stared at Sonata with confusion, waiting for the joke to be over.
“Seriously? Lemonade?” asked Aria. “Why would we do that to ourselves? Did we lose a bet?”
“It’s good for you to do this sort of thing every now and again,” said Adagio. She moved throughout the kitchen, grabbing knives, bowls, travel mugs, and pitchers, all of which she dropped onto the table. “It flushes your body of toxins, and leaves you feeling rejuvenated and energized. It will clear your skin, add a shine to your hair, and help to remove your dependence on snacks to get you through the day.”
“Alright, wrong question,” said Aria. “You guys would do that because you’re freaking insane. The question I should’ve asked is ‘why would I do this to myself?’” Adagio passed Sonata a knife, and the two began to cut the lemons in half, piling the halves in a bowl.
“Because you said you’d do it with us,” said Sonata. “Remember? Last week at Sunny’s place?”
Aria thought back to it, and the memory slowly came to her. A week ago, Sunset Shimmer had invited Aria and Sonata to double date with her and Twilight, and the four girls ended up back at Sunset’s home for drinks and a sleepover. Apparently, Sonata had taken advantage of Aria’s intoxicated state to coerce her into doing this awful, terrible thing.
“That is dirty,” said Aria. “I was wasted, you can’t possibly hold me to what I said. For all I remember, I agreed to get mani-pedis with you and Dag.”
“So that is a confirmed mani-pedi for the three of us?” asked Adagio. “I’ll make an appointment at the nail salon for next week.” Aria growled angrily at her supposed friend, who was once again showing off why Aria despised her at times.
“I’m not doing it,” said Aria. “I’m done with Adagio’s stupid health crap. I almost killed someone when you guys convinced me to go vegan.”
“Aria, you didn’t even start that diet,” Adagio reminded her. “I suggested it to you, you dropped your cheeseburger, and were about to hit me.”
“You swore to me that you weren’t drunk. I should’ve known, you had two shots. That’s enough to have you laid out on the couch,” said Sonata. “Look, drunk or not, you made me a promise that you would do this with me. But, since I love you so much, I won’t hold you to it. So, if you really want to, you can break a promise you made to your loving wife, just this once.” She let out an exaggerated sigh. “Boy, I sure wish you would’ve let me break my promise when I said I’d go to Comic-Con with you. I guess I just love you more…”
“That’s not fair. First of all, I told you from the get-go that you didn’t have to come,” said Aria. “I was more than happy to take Rainbow instead. Second, you were an awesome Scarlet Witch, and it’d be a shame to deprive the world of seeing your amazing cosplay. If anything, that was a public service.”
Sonata raised a questioning, and disapproving, eyebrow.
“Third, you do not love me more than I love you.” finished Aria. “Lemonade or no lemonade, I still love you more than anything or anyone.”
“Really? Prove it?”
“Do you really think that’s going to work on me?” asked Aria. “Do you really think that you can trick me into anything if you make it sound like a challenge?”
“Fifty bucks says you can’t do it,” said Sonata. Aria rolled her eyes.
“That’s not going to work. I said it before, and I’ll say it again: I’m not doing this stupid lemonade thing.”
Aria took a swig from her lemonade bottle, smirking slyly at Sonata and Adagio. Despite their best efforts, the instigators of this little diet couldn’t quite hide their contempt for it. They were three days in, and Aria was the only one holding up. Sonata was always tired, ditzier than usual, and found herself trailing off in the middle of her sentences. She was so exhausted that she couldn’t bring herself to leave the couch. Meanwhile, Adagio was laying beside her, and she was crabbier and more stern with her friends (which was saying something), and she could hardly get through a “meal” without swearing profusely. Aria, somehow, was apparently unphased by the lack of food in her life. In fact, she seemed to be feeling better than ever.
“Man, do I feel energized,” said Aria mockingly. “And I haven’t thought about eating all day! This was a great idea, guys, honestly. I doubt you guys too much. I really need to learn to trust your judgement.”
“May your soul burn in Tartarus, Aria Blaze,” growled Adagio. “You know, I’m missing a date with Silver tonight. We were going to go to that French place that just opened up downtown. It was going to be so romantic.”
“And that’s my fault… how, exactly?” asked Aria, taking another spite-filled sip of lemonade.
“Babe, this is getting ridiculous,” said Sonata. “I don’t even… I-I… I don’t even…” She shook her head firmly, collecting her thoughts for a few moments. “I don’t even remember what food tastes like. How are you doing this just… Just fine?”
“I dunno. Guess I’m just better at this than you are.” Aria smirked evilly. “Or maybe, maybe I’m doing so well because I knew you’d want me to do this with you, so I was just trying to make you happy. I guess that means I love you more.”
“Alright, now that I think about it…” Sonata yawned. “Maybe this isn’t a great gauge of how much you love me…”
“Well, all you guys have to do is admit that this was a stupid idea,” said Aria. “How about it? Admit I was right, and I’ll order some Chinese right now. How about it, Sony? Sesame chicken and pork fried rice…”
Sonata’s stomach audibly growled, and she would have caved if it weren’t for Adagio. Before she could let the words out, Adagio clasped her hand against Sonata’s mouth. The glare that she received was enough to quell whatever doubts she had. Sonata knew from that look that she could either starve to death or die at the hands of Adagio.
She chose starvation.
“It’s not stupid,” said Sonata firmly. “If you can do it, I can do it, too.”
“Suit yourself, but I don’t think you guys will be able hold out much longer,” chuckled Aria. She glanced at her phone, making note of the time. “Well, see you later. I gotta get ready for this run with Sunset. Ya know, since I feel so energized and stuff.” To rub it in their faces, Aria basically skipped up the stairs, slamming her door closed behind her. Sonata flopped onto the couch, burying her face into the cushions.
“This sucks,” she mumbled.
“Oh, it won’t be sucking for long,” said Adagio deviously. “That French place I was talking about? I’m still going, and you are welcome to come with me. Aria will be none the wiser.”
“But... That’s cheating!” said Sonata, trying to keep her morals over her stomach. She was failing. “Come on, we can tough it out for… What is it, a day? Two?”
“Four,” said Adagio. Sonata sat up straight, disgust and regret the two most prominent emotions on her face.
“When can we go?” asked Sonata.
“As soon as I grab my wallet.” Adagio’s face fell from devious satisfaction to self-loathing regret. “Which is all the way at Silver’s. Damn it all.”
A knock preempted any attempts at further scheming, and greatly irritated Adagio. She tiredly rolled off the couch and stomped her way to the door. She yanked it open, glaring at Sunset Shimmer as if she had kicked Adagio’s fallen grandmother.
“Sup,” said Sunset, gripping her backpack tightly.
“Come in,” said Adagio stiffly. She stood in the doorway for several moments (a very counter-intuitive way of inviting someone in) before stepping out of the way to actually let Sunset inside.
“Wow, this cleanse is really rocking you guys, huh?” said Sunset with a smirk. Her good nature was not returned by the starving Sirens, who merely glared at her enviously. How dare Sunny choose not to self-impose this torture on herself! Who did she think she was, walking around and eating whatever she thought might be tasty?
“What’s with the bag?” asked Sonata. Sunset glanced back at it, almost as if she just noticed it.
“Oh, this? I found some old comics from one of my exes, thought Aria might like them,” said Sunset. “She’ll probably yell at me for the bad condition, but whatever.”
Sunset gripped her backpack a little tighter and slipped past Adagio and Sonata. She disappeared up the stairs and, assumedly, into Aria and Sonata’s bedroom. Sonata groaned in agony, her stomach revolting from the rest of her in a search for fuel.
“Well, we can’t just sit here and starve,” said Sonata. “I’ll grab Ari’s wallet. I can tell her we needed… I dunno, bleach or something.”
“Sure, whatever, just go get it!” snapped Adagio. Sonata gathered the last of her waning strength to essentially drag herself out of her seat. Each step up the stairs was like Mount Everest to the energy-deprived Sonata. When she finally arrived at her door, she was about to collapse. Maybe she could take a little nap before getting the wallet. She opened the door and drearily stepped into her room.
Aria and Sunset were on Aria’s old bed. Sunset’s backpack was thrown in the middle of the floor, a trail of napkins and ketchup packets leading to the two culprits. In each of their hands was a large, greasy, juicy cheeseburger, leaking deliciousness into a little pool in their laps. Aria had her teeth clamped around hers when the door opened, and she hardly slowed when it did.
“Hey, babe, would you mind grabbing the hot sauce from downstairs?” asked Aria.
Then, she remembered the cleanse.
“Oh…” she groaned. “Son of a-”
“You dirty, rotten, disgusting cheater!” shouted Sonata. “You couldn’t last another three days?! Did you really need food that badly that you’d cheat?” The irony and hypocrisy of her tirade was lost on Sonata. “Honestly, Aria! You were doing so well!”
Technically speaking, Aria didn’t cheat, because she never participated to begin with. Right out the gate, she had Sunset meeting up with her at various places, sometimes just leaving the precious cargo where Aria could find it, all with the intent of feeding her so she could eat without catching flak from the missus. Aria would collect the dead drops one way or another, then pay Sunset for the price of the food, as well as a little extra as a sort of finder’s fee. So, in the strictest of senses, Aria couldn’t be cheating because she had been disqualified from the very start.
For obvious reasons, she didn’t mention that.
“Babe, it really isn’t that bad, when you think about it,” said Aria. “I… Uh… Sunny, tell her why this isn’t that bad.”
“Sorry, man, you dug this hole for yourself,” said Sunset. “In retrospect, eating here was kinda destined to fail. What were you thinking?”
“I was thinking that I didn’t want to have to go all the way downtown for a cheeseburger,” grumbled Aria. She was alone on this one. “Listen, Sonata… I know you and Dag are hurting over this whole cleanse thing, and I know I’m a huge scumbag for cheating, so why don’t you tell me what I have to do to make it all better?”
Sonata smirked devilishly. Time to see if Adagio’s teachings had taken hold.
“Know that French place that Dagi was talking about?” asked Sonata. Aria nodded. “Well, you’re gonna take me there tonight for dinner. And Adagio and Silver. And Sunny and Twilight.”
“Why them?” asked Aria.
“Punitive damages, baby,” laughed Sunset. “I would be delighted to be a part of this triple date, and I’m sure Sparky would be, too.”
“Good, cause I have to let her know what a sneaky little weasel she’s dating,” said Sonata. “Do you think she’ll be happy to know that you’re helping Aria break a promise she made to her wife? If I know Twilight, she’ll make you do the cleanse yourself, as punishment.” Sunset chuckled in a defeated, hopeless sort of way.
“Well met, Sonata Blaze,” she said with a shake of the head. “Well met, indeed.”
“Can we just talk about how this one cheeseburger is gonna run me four hundred dollars or so in the hole?” asked Aria. “Jesus, this has got to be the most expensive fast food in history.”
“Well? What’re you waiting for?” asked Sonata impatiently. “Are you gonna make the reservations or not?”
While Aria begrudgingly pulled out her phone, Sonata slipped out of the room. She rushed down the stairs, where Adagio was tiredly waiting on the couch.
“Well? Did you get the wallet?” asked Adagio. Sonata grinned.
“Call your man, cause we have a dinner date,” giggled Sonata. “This is awesome! I just walked in on Aria cheating!”
Adagio’s eyes widened in shock, disgust, then hatred, and she was a few moments from beating the ever-living snot out of Aria when she realized that Sonata was more than likely referring to the cleanse.
“You know, most normal people would clarify what they mean by ‘cheating’ after a certain point in the stunned silence,” said Adagio. “You had me here thinking that Aria was in Sunny’s pants.”
“Nah, the burgers were in a backpack. Sunny wouldn’t put food there, it’s unsanitary.”
Adagio tilted her head in amazement.
“You’re an idiot,” she decided.
“Well, this idiot just got us dinner,” said Sonata triumphantly. “What do you gotta say about that, huh?”
“Well done, idiot. Come on, let’s go get dressed.” Adagio smirked. This situation could hardly be any better. A wonderful dinner with her wonderful boyfriend at a wonderful restaurant, all at Aria’s expense. Adagio chuckled softly at the slight irony; The point of the lemonade diet was to cleanse their bodies, and, even though nobody finished it, something was cleansed of all that it contained.
Aria’s wallet.