It's A Screwed Up Life

by Autum Breeze


Humanity’s Lucky I Ain’t Discord part 1

Humanity’s Lucky I Ain’t Discord part 1


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As the light around me fades, I took a look at where I’ve come out. I’m in a large park with a lot of plants.

“Ha!” I grin, folding my arms. “Knew I’d...” My face turns bright red as I look down at myself, having noticed the feeling of my arms touching bare skin, before I eep and move my hands to cover my privates and chest.

What the hell? I’m nude! Why the hell am I nude?! Twilight never came here nude, she was always wearing clothes when she went through the—

I groan and would facehoof—palm, if I wasn’t covering myself.

I didn’t use the portal. There must be a spell on it that gives any nude creature that comes here through it clothing.

Looking around, I see a few other people walking through the park.

“Oh, hell no,” I growl, snapping my fingers, disappearing and reappearing behind some bushes. “I am not getting caught in the buff.”

I blink, realizing something and look down at my hands. I... I just snapped my fingers. I’ve never been able to make the snapping sound before, but in the real world. I tried for years, but it never worked for me.

Wow. Didn’t you ever think about how your human and anthro selves could do it?

Glancing up I see a pony version of me floating above my head.

I shrug. “Never really thought about it, til now.” I shake my head. “Okay, first, I need a wardrobe change.”

I snap my fingers— man, it’s so cool I can make the snapping sound now— a full-length body mirror appearing before me.

I take a good look at myself. I’m a young girl, about ten or eleven, I can’t really guess from looking, but I’m guessing I’m around the same physical age as the CMC in this world. My skin’s pink, like my fur back in Equestria and my hair is a little shorter than it is back there.

I lift my hands and hold them over my chest, frowning slightly. I know I’m a pre-teen, but I feel weird being in this female body without the boobs.

I shrug, putting that thought aside. I can give myself boobs whenever I want, but it wouldn’t help me fit in around here and I’d stand out like a sore thumb.

“Okay,” I say, looking at myself in the floating mirror, one hand on my chin in thought. “Gotta give myself a good look. Hmm. Let’s try this.”

I snap my fingers and I’m suddenly wearing a sleeveless light-purple top with blue stripes along the chest and just above the ending of the shirt, a purple short-skirt with my Cutie Mark over a pair of blue shorts and purple socks over knee-high white boots, like Twilight’s in the movies, with purple on the bottom of the boots.

I look to the pony me floating above me. “Whatcha think?”

She lowers down, looking me over, before shaking her head.

I shrug and turn back to the mirror, snapping my fingers again. Now I’m wearing a pink T-shirt with my Cutie Mark on my chest, a blue skirt with shoulder straps, like the ones Misty wears in the Pokémon Anime, knee-high dark-blue socks with purple patterns and white sneakers.

I look to pony me. “Now?”

She frowns, rubbing her chin with a hoof. Better, but... maybe something else first, before you decide?

I nod, snapping my fingers, my attire changing again, though not by much. Now I’m just wearing a sleeveless pink shirt, a green skirt with black and white stripes patterns and pink socks and sneakers.

“Hmm,” I frown, looking myself over. “Nah.”

Another snap of my fingers and I shift looks once again. This time I’m wearing a yellow T-shirt under pink dress with button straps that go around my neck and yellow socks under green shoes.

The pony me sqees. You look so cute!

I look at myself and can’t help smirking. “Yeah, I do. But,” I sigh, snapping my fingers, “I don’t think that’s the kinda cute that’ll work for me right now.”

My clothes change again, this time becoming a simple white T-shirt, a purple skirt with my Cutie Mark on it and white socks under black shoes.

I glance at my reflection before looking to my pony self. We both stick out our tongues making “bleah” sounds. This is nice, but it’s too plain and I snap my fingers again.

This time I’m wearing a long-sleeve pink shirt with purple stripes down the arms and my Cutie Mark at the bottom-left end of the shirt, a pair of blue jeans and white sneakers.

I glance from my reflection to pony me. She frowns, looking me over. Not bad, not bad. Might come back to this one. Any other ideas though, just in case?

I shrug, snapping my fingers.

Now I’m wearing a top with nothing covering my shoulder and revealing my navel, a pair of light-blue jeans with the legs rolled up to just bellow my knees and the same sneakers and socks as before.

Meh, pony me says, waving her hoof the way a human does for the “so-so” expression. S’alright, but maybe one more?

I nod, snapping my fingers once again. This time I’m wearing a pink tank-top with my Cutie Mark on the front, a dark-purple skirt, pink and purple striped tights and purple shoes, a pink glove that reaches to above my elbow and has no finger on my left, along with a purple rounded bracelet and the same but with the opposite colour scheme on my right.

I look to my pony self. “Well, how about this?” I ask, doing a twirl.

She smiles, clapping her hooves. Oh, yes. That is definitely a good look for this you. Well done, m’lay. Well done, indeed.

I bow at the sound of applause, saying, “Thank you. Thank you. You’re too kind.”

She stops, frowning. Hey. You realize you can still use your powers here, right?

I fold my arms. “Well, yeah. I wouldn’t have been able to get back to Equestria the first time if I didn’t. Must be being a being of chaos thing. Same rules about magic in a world without magic don’t apply to me.”

Definitely better keep that knowledge away from Twilight, she says, thinking. If she knows about your being able to use Chaos Magic in this world, when she’s kinda striped of it in her own human form, that could become a problem if she asks for your help.

I shrug. “I’ll just tell her what I told the CMC. I can’t interfere with certain events in time. She’ll understand. After all, she tried to do the same, remember?”

She nods. Alright. Guess I’ll leave you to have your fun. Any idea where you’re gonna go first?

I frown, rubbing my chin in thought, before grinning. “There are three certain girls who deserve a piece of my mind.”

___________________________________________________________

“Another snack,” Aria grumbled as she and the other two sirens moved through the streets. “I’m sick of snacking!”

“How many times must I repeat myself, Aria?” Adagio sighed in exasperation. “There isn’t any magic in this world. We can only gain so much.”

“But I’m starving!” Aria growled, stomping her foot. “We haven’t had a decent meal since we were banished to this stupid place!”

“Well, complaining about it isn’t going to fix things!” the other siren-turned-human shot back.

“If you’re hungry, why not get some food?” they both glanced at the blue human, who was happily munching on a taco from a nearby taco stand.

They both slapped their faces with their hands.

“Wow. And here I thought you three would be doing something other than bickering and thinking down on Sonata.”

They all blinked, looking around for the source of the voice.

“Up here~” it sang in a sing-song voice.

They all looked up, only to take a step back, gaping, Sonata so shocked she dropped her taco.

Floating in the air was a girl with pink skin, long, messy-curly purple and white hair and eyes that had purple spirals for pupils, wearing a pink tank-top with a baseball and a screw on the front, a dark-purple skirt, pink and purple striped tights and purple shoes, a pink glove that reaches to above her elbow and has no finger on the left, along with a purple rounded bracelet and the same but with the opposite colour scheme on her right.

However, it was the fact that the girl was floating that really had their attention.

“What?” Aria gaped up at the little girl. “How...? How is she doing that?”

Adagio, however, regained her calm and folded her eyes, smirking up at the girl. “Nice try, little girl.” She then looked to her siren sisters. “Humans don’t have real magic, remember? She’s obviously using cables or something like that.”

The girl just smirked. “Oh? Cables, huh? Well, can cables do this?” she snapped her fingers.

Suddenly, Sonata was holding her taco again, it looking like she’d never dropped it.

All three girls looked to each other, the taco, then up at the girl.

“That... that was...” Aria said, her eyes wide with shock.

“Magic!” Adagio growled, before sneering. “Come on, girls. Now’s our chance.”

At once, they began to sang their wordless song, the when they tended to always use when just trying to get more power, as putting any words to a song was more draining.

However, even after a minute of their singing, no green mist appeared from the girl. She just floated in the air, one leg crossed over the other, her arms behind her head, grinning.

“What?” Adagio growled when they finally realized their song wasn’t having any effect on the girl. “What’s going on? Why aren’t you being affected by our magic?”

The girl just burst out laughing. “Yeah. Sorry to disappoint, sirens, but I’m immune to your music spell.”

Their eyes widened. How did this girl know what they used to be?

“How do you know we’re sirens?!” Aria snarled, holding up a fist.

The girl just rolled her eyes. “Really? Is it that hard for you three to figure out? Well, I guess with Sonata that’d be understandable, but you two?” she indicated to Aria and Adagio. “I really thought you’d have figured out why I’ve magic that works and is immune to you guys.”

She snapped her fingers and a chocolate milkshake appeared in her hand, which she then started drinking.

Adagio studied the girl. A being immune to other magic, who can use magic in a world without it? It sounds so beyond reason. If such a thing were known, the chaos it would create would...

Her thoughts trailed off as her eyes widened and she pointed up at the girl. “You’re Discord, the Lord of Chaos!”

The girl finished her drink and tossed it away, the empty glass turning into butterflies that fluttered away and she shrugged. “Sorta yes, sorta no, Dagi.”

“What does that mean?” Sonata cocked her head, confused.

The girl disappeared, only for both Adagio and Aria to yelp as they felt a finger trail down their backs. Whirling around, they saw the girl smiling and giggling. They lunged for her, but when their hands made contact, she turned to smoke.

“Whoopsie.”

Both girls yelped as their clothes just vanished and they moved to cover themselves up.

Meanwhile, the girl was floating in the air again, rolling around as she laughed.

“Oh, this is priceless. I get to pick on the bad guys and they can’t do a thing!” she went back to laughing, tears streaming from her eyes.

“Why you little—” Aria began, whirling around, leaping up to punch the girl.

However, the moment she was in the air, the girl grinned and Aria found herself frozen in place.

“You know, I’ve always wonder how a girl feels that isn’t me,” Aria whimpered as she felt the girls hands moving down her now nude and vulnerable body. “But, maybe some other time.”

With a yelp, Aria drop and landed on the concrete ground with a thud.

The girl roared with laughter. “The look on your face,” she cackled, holding her sides. “So much for big, tough Aria, huh?”

“But, you’ve still got magic!” Adagio stammered angrily, pointing a finger up at the girl whilst still trying to cover herself up as best she could. “Even if you’re like Discord, you should have Equestrian Magic! You’re from Equestria!”

The girls stopped her laughing and shrug. “Meh. I may be from Equestria, but that doesn’t mean I’ve got Equestrian Magic. Chaos Magic’s my thing. Besides, not like I need to worry about you, seeing as what’s gonna happen.”

They all gulped. “Wh-what do you mean?” Sonata shuddered.

The girl just shrugged. “Just that I know what’s going to happen to you in...” she paused, reaching into her skirt pocket and pulling out a stopwatch. “Ah, yeah, that time. Though, telling you know would probably not be a good idea. You’ll need to find that out for yourselves.”

Adagio glared up at the girl. “If you know something, then you’ll tell us!”

The girl just put her hands on her hips, smirking. “Or what?”

Adagio paused, before growling.

The girl smirked. “I thought so.” She snapped her fingers and was gone.

The two naked Sirens growled.

“Yeah, good riddance,” Aria grumbled, getting up, shoving Sonata away when she tried to help. “She’s lucky she left or else...”

“Or else what, Aria?” Adagio growled, rolling her eyes as she went over and helped Sonata up. “What could you have done to her?”

Aria just growled. “Well, since she did that to me, I’d go further. Not like she’d have the balls to do worse.”

“Oh, you wanna bet?”

They all stiffened as they just felt the girl behind them all, chills going down their spines.

“So, you think I’m a pushover, huh?” her voice sounded deeper. “Well, if you’re so eager, how about I show you just what a Being of Chaos can do?”

Their screams were cut off as they were all teleported away.