//------------------------------// // Chapter 5 // Story: Borderlands 2: Starlight DLC Pack // by the-pieman //------------------------------// “Oy vey... the next story I’m telling you is ‘Go the fuck to sleep’.” The large man settles back into the seat, a cup of some liquid in his hand. “Alright, back to the story...” ----- (/\) ----- Pinkie and Dash both goggle at the sights of the small city as they cross the long bridge, walking bipedally to get more of a view, Anthony just happy that they’re out of the car and away from Dash’s crazy driving skills. When they get across the long, concrete structure, Pinkie poking at the rocky material, a man in a battered suit of red and black armor, much of it patched or repaired hastily, calls for them to halt. He looks at the two ponies striding along, saying, “Holy crap, they walk like people too!” “And you talk like a people too!” Pinkie replies cheerfully. “That means you’re sane. Mostly. Well, as sane as you can get on Pandora.” Anthony says before shrugging. “I digress.” “Yeah... I comm’d up to command, and Roland says he wants to speak to you three. Said he wants to meet the new Hunters.” the man says, waving them forward. “A few quick rules: no pooping in public, pee in the bathrooms only, don’t shoot anyone unless they try to shoot you first, or steal your stuff, or insult your mother. Oh, and don’t take food from Crazy Earl. Not because you’re not allowed to, but because he’ll bite you, and you’ll lose an arm or a leg and that’s if you’re lucky.” Anthony recalls what Scooter said about Earl before. “He ate a car. I don’t doubt it.” Dash turns to Anthony. “He what?!” “He ate a car.” Anthony repeats. “Yeah, with like... a fork.” Dash looks horrified, and Anthony just keeps walking. Pinkie picks up her fellow pony, transplanting her stunned self to the second gate of Sanctuary, and sets the rainbow-maned pony down as the gate rattles open. The first landmark any newcomers to Sanctuary would see, and Anthony is no different, is Scooter’s garage. The door is open, and Scooter is visibly hunched over the engine block of a Runner. Figuring they might as well make good on their promise to see him ASAP, they walk in. Dash speaks first. “How fast can that thing go?” She asks, referring to the Runner Scooter was working on. “We don’t need a car that can go faster, especially not with your crazy driving.” Anthony admonishes before turning to Scooter in time to duck a thrown wrench. “Hey man! Look, we ain’t Hyperion! We aren’t robots and we don’t eat junk outta the garbage!” “Ah’m not blind, that wuz fer sayin you don’t need a faster car!” Scooter yells, drawing another wrench from... somewhere. Anthony dives behind a van in need of a tuneup as Dash laughs at his misfortune. The hail of digistructed wrenches eventually peters out. “I’m sorry!” “Durn right... now you, missy, you were the one drivin, right?” he asks, to which Dash nods. “Well, all mah cars’ve got doodads to let me see how they’re handlin, and yers was off the flippin’ charts! It was sooo awesome.” Scooter sounds truly joy-struck by the speeds involved and sounding like a certain similarly-named young pegasus back on Terra. “I know, right?! I wanna try doin’ tricks next time, and you should totally make one with wings on it! I’d be able to fly again!” she crows, giggling with childish glee. “I’m not sure about wings, but...” Anthony starts, climbing carefully out from behind the van, earning him another wrench. “But if you want tricks there’s a few ramps and slopes out in the Dust. There's even a raceway out there owned by those country hicks.” “Yeah, them’s the worst, but they gotta great track. Momma won’t let me enter a car, though, says she worked too hard to get us outta there to let us go back.” Scooter says, a touch glumly. “But hey, jus’ means I’ll blow it up someday instead!” “Yeah, the Dust is the best place to go to test out cars. And get shot at by Buzzards.” “What’s a Buzzard?” Rainbow asks, hearing the capital lettering on the name and understanding he doesn’t mean a bird. “Annoyin’ flyin’ pieces of shit. Ah could make one a whole load better if me or mah sister had a copy of their plans, but those a-holes on the plate-oo won’t share.” Anthony sneaks out from behind the van, this time not getting a wrench, so he walks over to join the ponies. “Anyways, yeah, we’re Vault Hunters in training. Still looking to make names for ourselves and get some better stuff than what we can loot off the local bandits.” He notes that Pinkie is gone and sighs. “Dash, you stay here... actually wait.” Anthony messes with his ECHO device “How do you open comms with this thing?” “Three blinks and rolls your eyes in rapid succession.” Scooter says. “Thanks.” Anthony does as Scooter instructs and gets an image of Pinkie Pie with a caption calling her ‘Purple Pie’ which he just shrugs off.  The lack of an accent catches Anthony a few seconds later. He gives Scooter an odd look but returns to his call. “Hey Pinkie, where’d you go? You didn’t leave Sanctuary did you?” “Noper-doodles! I went looking to see there’s any parties in town, and I found one!” A chill goes up and down Anthony’s spine, until Pinkie clarifies, “Miss Moxxi is really nice! And she gives the bestest hugs ever! Like, twelve of the people here said so!” “Uh... yeah...” Anthony mutters. “Anyways, you’re at Moxxi’s? Stay there, we’ll be there in a sec.” “But I want to keep talking with Scooter! He’s cool, Anthony.” Dash says, to which Scooter grins widely. “Fine, you can stay here, but give me a call if you’re gonna leave Sanctuary for whatever reason.” “Why? I’m a big mare, I can handle myself.” “I’m just saying, Jack is liable to start launching mortars at the drop of a hat, and unless you’re in Sanctuary when they hit, the shrapnel’d cut you to ribbons.” “She’d make mighty purdy ribbons, though!” Scooter says, grinning, and Dash gives a mildly confused chuckle, evidently not sure if that’s a good comment or not. Anthony sighs and heads out towards Moxxi’s. While he trudges along, Pinkie is sitting at the bar, every drunkard and the bartender herself grinning and singing drinking songs. Pinkie, at this point, has gotten herself a pair of small, orange sweatpants that Moxxi no longer wanted, which she’d fitted over her exo-frame. Moxxi, feeling a degree of happiness she hadn’t genuinely felt since she’d first tried dating Mordecai so long ago, has picked up the pony and was petting her mane. “Oh, Pinkie, darling, you’ve gotten the whole bar dropping tips and singing! You’re such a good boost to morale!” she says, grinning widely and laughing. Pinkie giggles as well, perfectly content with the petting and snuggles. Anthony walks in, seeing a scene that, were the bar not definitely Moxxi’s wouldn’t be out of place in Ponyville, Pinkie having cast her own special form of magic on everyone. Anthony walks up and stares Moxxi directly in the eyes. “Yeah, Pinkie’s a great pal.” Moxxi looks over at him, smiling more saucily now that she spied him. “Well, hello there! Is this delightful pony your friend, then?” she asks. “Yep.” He says. “It’s a long story but we’ve known each other for, well, about a year now. She’s really something, huh?” “Oh, indeed! So, what’ll you be having, sir~?” she asks, adding a bit of a purr to her voice, saleswoman instincts kicking in at the potential business. Anthony thinks for a moment. With his powers on the fritz he’s not sure he’d want something to drink, but... “You still got some pizza available?” He’d seen the pizza boxes all over Pandora from his gameplay and always wondered what it tasted like. “Oh! Of course! Phew, I’d thought that was turning into a losing venture. Maybe having a Vault Hunter eating at Moxxi’s will help revitalize it, yes?” she says, grinning. “So, what’ll it be, sugar?” “Whatever you got the most of.” Anthony says. “I haven’t eaten in...” He pauses, recalling that at this point he’d mainly let his Star Core do his ‘eating’ for him, but that was no longer an option. “Idunno, a month now?” “Skag cheese with Slag-Shrooms. Nobody wants it, but I swear it’s edible!” Moxxi says, smiling. Anthony pauses at ‘Skag cheese’ but... well, Moxxi may be provocative but she’s still a legitimate businesswoman. “Sure, why not? How much will, ah...” Anthony brings up his current amount of cash he’d looted. “Damn, ammo’s expensive, I’m down to my last eight-hundred bucks.” “Hun, pizza’s only fifteen for a large, or two for a slice. Though, of course, I always welcome tips!” she gestures towards her tip jar. “Yeah, your reputation precedes you.” He says, seeing the familiar ‘insert your tip’ note attached to the jar. “So, you plan on opening another ‘dome?” “Hoo, you’re sure up on the gossip! Why yes I am, and every dollar counts. And I can be generous with those that’re generous with me~” she says, adding a lilt at the end of her sentence to try enticing him into spending more money, leaning forward to expose more of her cleavage, forgetting she’s got a pony in front of her body. “Sorry, lady,” Anthony grins. “Not interested.” Moxxi gasps, sounding offended, and a needle-scratch sound interrupts the music everyone else was listening to/singing. The entire bar is staring at Anthony in shock. “Wait... are you gay?” Moxxi asks, sounding bewildered. “B-because even gay guys still tend to ogle, at least a little.” “Sorry, boobs aren’t my thing.” One of the men sitting at the bar just sort of... goes limp and topples off the bar in shock. “I’ve got tastes for other areas. Lower areas, specifically.” Moxxi breathes a sigh of relief. “Oh thank goodness, I thought I’d lost my touch for a moment.” she says, leaning against the bar’s spirits shelves, forehead against the glass as the music resumes. She’s not even pointing her rear at him intentionally at this point, it’s just circumstantial. “What can I say?” Anthony replies with a shrug. “I’m a hard fish to catch.” She takes a few deep breaths as Pinkie slides up into the barstool next to Anthony. “Yeah! I mean, I’ve been trying, for, like, seven months and I still haven’t gotten him!” she says with a note of exasperation in her voice. Moxxi turns around. “And strangely, that does make me feel better. Hoo... anyways, you said you wanted a Skag Cheese and Slag-Shroom, right?” Her turnaround of her emotional state was mostly deception, but one entirely appropriate for a businesswoman at the cashier’s side of the counter. “Yeah.” Anthony passes the required money to Moxxi. He really was surprised, usually eight-hundred only got you a low-level rifle of some kind. But then, guns are expensive. In retrospect, it makes sense that you could sell a gun for a good-sized meal. Within a few minutes, he and Pinkie are sharing a large pizza, the cheese having a musky tang that isn’t entirely pleasant. But all in all, it’s perfect edible. And generously sized for only $15, you’d better believe it. ----- (/\) ----- Once the pizza, and a second one, had been eaten, Anthony and Pinkie Pie sit back, full and relaxed. “At least Pandora isn’t the pits when it comes to food.” Pinkie says. “With the way Anthony made it sound, I figured we’d have to eat Baked Bads.” “Well, sugar, I am a mother of two. I had to learn to cook, or we’d have starved.” “Speaking of family and friends.” Pinkie says. “As fun as this has been, I do wanna go home at some point.” A chorus of ‘Amen!’s comes from the small group of off-duty Crimson Raiders, drinking their paycheck away. “As touching as your eating and reminiscing is, I asked you three to come meet with me.” Roland’s voice says over the ECHO. “You gonna keep me waiting any longer?” There’s a well-hidden note of anger buried under years of discipline in his voice and even Moxxi sighs and begins to usher them towards the door. Dash, meanwhile, groans and begins to make her way to the exit of the garage, now sporting a red jacket and a pair of goggles, as well as some padded pants to cover her exo’s legs. The three of them make their ways towards the Crimson Headquarters, Dash taking longer due to getting slightly lost, and they all head to the front door. As soon as they open the door, a woman with a crazed expression, messy, knotted hair, and a dirty lab coat greets them with a truly manic smile. “Aliens!” she cries gleefully, reaching out and snagging both Dash and Pinkie and dragging them in. “Uh, those aren’t...” Anthony stops and thinks. “Well I guess technically since they’re not native to this planet they are aliens but... I kinda need them, miss.” The woman, Patricia Tannis, looks up at him like a deer in the headlights, Dash’s mane in her mouth. “Yeah, lady, let us go!” Dash says, struggling in the crazy scientist’s grip. “Yeah! And besides, mine’s the tasty mane!” Pinkie says, gesturing at her poof of hair. “Anyways, we promised Roland we’d see him and we’ve made him wait enough as it is, so uh... you can always study them later, right?” “Oh, I suppose... But that’s a promise and you’re not allowed to go back on your promise, or I’ll make you sorry!” Tannis says, letting them go and gesturing wildly at the ceiling fan. Anthony isn’t sure if she means she’ll make the fan sorry, or that she’ll use the fan to make him sorry, and he really doesn’t want to find out. The group makes their way through the cramped hall and up the stairs to the command center, just past the bank-vault like storage for the Raiders. There stands Roland and Lilith, awaiting them. Anthony stares at Lilith. “You’re way prettier in person... I mean, hi.” “Wow, good way to intro after making me wait. Guess I won’t turn you into bacon.” she says, smirking. Then, her eyes slide over to the ponies, brows furrowing. “Woah, never seen something like you before. And I’ve been on some really trippy drugs before.” “Wow! Your swirly-tattoos glow just like Maya’s!” Pinkie notices first. “What’s your name?” “Ah, I’m Lilith... and these’re because I’m a Siren.” “Oh, I thought you were a girl.” Anthony and Roland both Face-Palm in unison. Lilith gives Pinkie an upset look and just walks off. “Roland wants you. He’s back in the war room.” The response is blunt and short as Lilith leaves the three to meet the man of the hour. “Was it something I said?” Pinkie asks, looking baffled. “Yes Pinkie, yes it was.” Anthony says, rolling his eyes. He walks up to Roland. “Sorry for the wait, we just kinda forgot, I was... guess I was enjoying normalcy for a bit.” Roland looks at him with a concerned look. “And you found that in Moxxi’s bar? Now I kinda feel sorry for ya.” He shakes his head. “Anyways. I wanted to meet you three for myself, and see what kinda folks you are. Seems we got a speedster, a jokester, and someone very, very lost.” he says, summing up the three with ease. “Either way, you three will need to help out around here if you want to stay welcome in Sanctuary. The other six Vault Hunters are all out working to fight Jack; what do you plan on doing to help out?” A faint noise, like static or a choked-off snicker catches Anthony’s attention for a moment, before he shakes it off to answer Roland. “Whatever we can manage, really. We know what we’re doing, but we aren’t exactly outfitted for a death-trap, which is likely what the other hunters are running into knowing Jack.” “And how much do you know about Jack? Because, pardon the pun, we know jack about Jack.” Anthony rolls his eyes. “What do you wanna know? What he’s got planned, or why he’s such an asshole?” “Plans are good... if we can verify them any way. You stumble across intel or something in that pod?” “Not really, but you could say a lot of intel was gathered before coming here, for sure. For one, Wilhelm is gonna be easy for the Hunters on purpose.” “Wait, what?!” Roland barks, standing bolt upright, and the sound of a chair crashing over fills the room. “Jack’s gonna do something to Wilhelm, think it was poison or something, but anyway, Wilhelm won’t be at the top of his game. The Hunters are gonna be ambushed by Wilhelm when they try to rob the train for info on the Vault Key.” “Wait... we just found out about that train delivery. I haven’t even told the Vault Hunters about that yet; I was going to after this meeting. How did you know about it?” “Let’s just say, I’ve seen this kind of thing before. I’m no Siren, but I have my own skills.” “No kidding...” Roland sits down heavily in his chair, making it creak, with a faint echo. “Shit, if that’s a trap, then we can’t spring it. Or... rather, we should, just to make sure your info is right on. Yeah, I think we’ll go with that.” Roland blinks his eyes three times and rolls them, before speaking into the comms to get ahold of Mordecai. ----- (/\) ----- Anthony, Pinkie, and Dash are sitting around the war room, each holding up a hand of cards, Roland watching the ponies with curiosity as he works on other matters, such as ensuring there’s enough supplies to survive a few more weeks of being stuck in the confines of Sanctuary. While Anthony hadn’t explained why in-depth, he informed Roland that Sanctuary would be forced to go without imports for a while. Anthony figures that Jack would likely have a backup plan to get that power core into Sanctuary’s shields anyway and blow them sky-high if they didn’t get sky-high. But now was not the time to worry. Anthony had just managed to prevent a lot of worry already with the reveal of Wilhelm’s ambush and definitely the scare of Wilhelm killing the other Hunters. Today may not have been the best but it definitely ended on a high note. The only thing left to do... was to get all his money back from Rainbow Dash. The whole group startles when a cool, feminine voice speaks to all four of them at once. <”Hello? All four of you are getting this, I hope. I’m-”> Anthony recognizes the voice, though it’s a bit glitchy. “Ah, the Guardian Angel. Was wondering when you were gonna show up. How’s it going miss ‘artificial intelligence’?” <“Ah- uhm, have we met?”> the speaker, Angel sounds confused and very surprised. <“Because I don’t remember you, and... I have a very good memory.”> “We haven’t met personally, but then, you haven’t met anyone in person for, what was it? Fourteen years?” The line remains silent for many seconds, and Anthony realizes he may have pushed a touchy button. “Sorry, that was out of line. Continue.” <“I- I- How did you know?”> the voice is small, and sounds much more like a child’s voice than the confident, knowing tone Anthony’s used to. “I know lots of things I shouldn’t.” He explains. “But more on that later. Did you need something?” <“I- I was going to say you did a good thing, telling them about the trap. But how did you know about it?”> “As I said, I know lots of things I shouldn’t. And that’s best discussed in private. But for now, yes I know quite a bit about what Jack has planned, though knowing him he’s cooking up a way around it as we speak.” <“Ah, yes. Uhm, as I was saying, you did a good thing, but there’s more that you need to know. I’ve seen some of Jack’s plans; he hasn’t got as good computer security as he thinks he does, and he’s got something set up on the other side of the Dust. Do you know how to get there?”> “Yeah, I do. So what’s this info on? We can chat while we get there. Dash?” Anthony aims the last bit at Rainbow, who looks up curiously, putting down her cards. “You’re driving.” Dash pumps a fist joyfully. “Yessss!” <“Very well, I’ll explain as you go. There’s something he’s setting up in the Wildlife Exploitation Preserve, but he’s not ready yet, as far as I can tell. If you can get there soon, you can stop whatever it is.”> Roland nods. “I’ll tell Mordecai to meet you there; he’s an excellent sniper, and a good source of information, when he isn’t half in the bottle.” Anthony nods. “Come on girls, the others have a train to catch. We have a bird to save.” Roland gives him a funny look, but Anthony is too busy leaping out of the window, making good use of the lower gravity of the planet to make a roll with the landing, and not breaking anything. He heads, initially, for the Fast Travel station but notes that the only other one available is the one near the ‘gas station’ where they met the other Hunters. “Damn, forgot, we’re really breaking the story flow like this.” Oh well, Dash was driving, no real need to worry about time. Anthony pauses when he realizes he’s going to the Wildlife Exploitation Preserve... with level three gear. “Shit! They’ll tear us apart! That’s a negative Angel, we need higher level clearance... and don’t stay silent, I know you’re listening.” A sigh comes over the set. <“Yes, I’m here. I think I can help. This booster will increase your gains from kills, but you still need to make the kills yourself.”> she says. Dash grins. “We just need the kills, then, right?” she puts a hoof on the Boost button. “This’ll be easy-peasy now! Thanks, pretty lady!” “Uh... yeah, not so easy where we’re going, but...” “Oh? ‘Cuz I see a whole mess of Bandits on the road.” Dash says, settling in. Before Anthony can process the comment, she slams the boost button, screaming with joy as she runs down the entire milling crowd of bandits, psychos, and marauders, the muffled thumps and scrapes of metal armor on the metal car followed by wild gunfire and screaming, though it’s notable that Anthony was screaming almost as much as the victims of Dash’s maniacal murder-car rampage. The pony fishtails around, using the dirt and gravel to knock down a wave of enemies, before boosting across another batch, Anthony clinging to the car Turret with desperation and terror. ‘At least,’ he thinks to himself, ‘we’ll get there quickly.’ Dash hits a ramp of corpses after pulling a u-turn, and laugh maniacally as she comes down on the crowd for a third pass, before jetting off towards the next zone, the massive horde of bandits now reduced to a whimpering pack of terrified four bandits who will forever fear cars from that day forward. Anthony, for his part, is honestly surprised at how much damage the car is able to take. A normal vehicle would have popped a tire or had a dented frame. “These things are sturdy as hell!!” Right as he says that, he sees something black and round speeding ahead of him... it’s one of the back tires. With barely time to react, he hears ‘aw shit, not again’ go through his head before the whole vehicle practically comes apart at the seams, and throws all three of them through the barely open zone gate. Anthony, groaning and bruised badly but thankful for Pandora’s low gravity, gets up and crumples back down again, his legs like jelly for several minutes until Dash offers him a fingered hoof up. Anthony gratefully takes the ‘hand’ and uses Dash as leverage to pull himself to his knees. Looking up and around, he sees the familiar parking lot of the Happy Pig Motel. “Damn, we were practically breaking that thing and didn’t even notice it...” “Uh, yeah. Cuz I’m awesome, remember?” Dash asks, cockily. “Yeah, it’ll be a while before I forget that.” Pinkie, for her part, is running up to the motel parking lot and notices the bounty board. “Guys! Look! Jobs!” she yells, grinning and pointing, gun in the ‘down but ready’ position. “Fine, we can take a detour.” Anthony relents. “We are gonna need a bit more kills before we can handle the Preserve anyways.” The group lines up by the board and Anthony notes that the board is lit up, with several jobs available, though none of them are ones he recalls. “Odd... this place is supposed to be unpowered... Oh well, let’s see what we can do.” The three look over the board, finally deciding to take a small batch of jobs, including one that’s... throw some dynamite into the local skag dens. Looking around, none of them can see the Skags, which is odd. Anthony would’ve expected them to be milling about like n- The moment that clicks in his mind, he realizes he’s gotten here before the other Vault Hunters. They’ve got pristine levelling areas with no competition. Anthony grins and pulls out his Maliwan shock pistol. “Let’s earn some cash. Heheheh!”