Derpyball
An MLP: FIM fic by The Rated PonyStar
Edited by Fernin and Halcyon.
Artwork done by Tzelly (http://tzelly-el.deviantart.com/ )
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“Wow, would you look at all the ponies here! Is it a party? I hope it’s a party!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie, turning her head left and right. Dozens of ponies stood beside her, trying to ignore her constant babbling. None of them had an answer to give her. All they knew was that Twilight Sparkle wanted them at the library for an important meeting. As the crowd grew larger—and the available space smaller—everypony kept asking the same question: why were they here and what was so important?
"Ahem!" a voice cried out from the second floor. Everypony looked up and spotted Twilight Sparkle gazing down at them with a wide smile. The unicorn practically skipped down the staircase and made her way to the front of the silent, curious crowd. Clearing her throat, she addressed them again. “Good afternoon, everypony. I suppose you're all wondering why I called for this meeting.”
Some of them nodded or yawned in response. Unsurprisingly, Pinkie Pie was the only one who showed any enthusiasm. The excited earth pony bounced in place and waved her arms continuously until Twilight pointed to her. “Are we here for a party?!”
“No, Pinkie. We’re actually here for something a bit more important.” Twilight’s answer wiped the smile off Pinkie’s face for only a split second before it reappeared. She shrugged and sat down with the rest of the crowd, still swaying from side to side.
“Well, whatever it is, can we hurry up? I want to get back to practicing my new moves!” whined Rainbow Dash, flapping her wings impatiently.
Thanks to Rainbow’s outburst, more complaints emerged from the crowd. Twilight tried to calm everypony down, but the crowd's grievances quickly overwhelmed her ability to be heard over the growing tumult. Grinding her teeth in frustration, the unicorn conjured a megaphone and pressed the trigger button. In an instant, everypony could feel their eardrums ready to explode from the thunderous, deafening sound. A few seconds later, Twilight shut it off much to their relief. They tried to complain again but were quickly silenced when they saw the megaphone levitating in front of them.
“I know everypony is busy, but this is important,” said Twilight, putting the megaphone away, “There’s an event coming up that I’ve wanted Ponyville to take part in for some time. Yesterday, I sent Spike over with the paperwork and this morning he sent me our acceptance application.” She raised her head and proudly proclaimed, “Therefore, I am happy to announce that, with Princess Celestia and the mayor’s blessings, Ponyville has been signed up for this year’s Help the Needy fundraiser.”
Excited ponies whispered about the announcement. Others quickly silenced them by pointing to the megaphone. Twilight continued, “The fundraiser is a nationwide event that has every participating town hosting special events to attract donations. We have to have one planned out and ready in one week.”
“Well, that sounds like a swell idea. Ah’m in on this,” volunteered Applejack, raising her hoof.
Everypony raised their hooves eagerly and voiced out their ideas like students in a classroom. The cacophony continued until Twilight called for silence. She summoned a chalkboard and grabbed a piece of chalk. “Well, now that we’re all in agreement, who wants to go first?”
“I know! We should have a huge bake sale. We can make delicious sweets and sell them,” suggested Pinkie. Many ponies licked their lips as the thought of a big assembly of bakers giving out their best treats. Twilight could feel her belly growling as she wrote down the request.
“A rodeo might be a good idea! Somethin’ similar to the Iron Pony competition,” proposed Applejack. The more athletic ponies cheered in agreement. They started slapping hooves, bumping flanks, and showing off their muscles to each other. Twilight rolled her eyes, but wrote it down anyway.
“I think we should host a fashion show!” said Rarity, eyes shimmering with excitement. “All the ponies will be dazzled by the sight of my marvelous dresses, and we would find the best ponies to wear them.”
A majority of the mares sighed at the thought while the stallions groaned. Rainbow Dash joined the boys, asking, “How is dressing up going to help us get money for the fundraiser?”
“Why, the audience gets to pay to see my fabulousness in action, of course!” answered Rarity, passing her hoof through her clean, groomed mane. “Not to mention the girls get to have their moment in the spotlight. Imagine it. Hundreds of ponies will be staring at each of us and worshiping our every move.”
Although the males, and Rainbow Dash, tried to oppose Rarity’s suggestion, the overwhelming amount of female votes overruled them. Rainbow Dash pretended to gag as it was added to the list.
Other suggestions included everything from walkathons to rock festivals. Even Fluttershy managed to present her idea for a petting zoo. The chalk in Twilight's magical grip flew across the board, getting shorter with each new idea. By the time they finished, the chalkboard had been filled to the brim with hardly any black left.
Twilight wiped the sweat from her brow as she smiled upon seeing how many choices they had available. “Good job, everypony. We’ve got a lot of good ideas to choose from. Now we just need to-”
"Incoming!” shouted a voice from outside.
A mysterious figure crashed through one the front windows. Curtains were torn. Shattered fragments of glass rained down into the scattering crowd. Rarity nearly fainted when some of the shards missed her hooves by inches. Everypony looked up and spotted the intruder: a gray pegasus with a blond mane and crossed eyes. The pegasus struggled to keep herself afloat, but her wings were tangled in the window’s ripped curtains. As she fell, everypony jumped out of the way. Except for one stunned Twilight Sparkle.
Twilight snapped out of her stupor and began to prepare her teleportation spell. Just as she was about to cast it, the gold-gray blur knocked her off her hooves. The two tumbled before they crashed into the chalkboard, sending a cloud of thick chalk dust throughout the library. Choking and wheezing filled the room as the panicked crowd struggled to breathe. Books fell in the confusion; ponies bumped into one another; some even managed to smack into the wall thanks to the blinding cloud. When the dust finally cleared, everypony turned around and stared at the pegasus who caused the accident.
Twilight coughed out a cloud of chalk dust, expression souring at the unpleasant taste of limestone. Looking up, she saw the intruder rising to her hooves and growled, “Derpy!”
Derpy Hooves looked around and saw the catastrophe she had made. Under the harsh glares, the nervous pegasus sheepishly rubbed the back of her head. “Oops, my bad.”
****************************************************************************
With the meeting ruined, Twilight reluctantly told everypony to head home and await further instructions. The disappointed crowd left, everypony scowling at Derpy as they passed the depressed pegasus. Twilight and her friends started to clean up the mess while Derpy sat in the middle of the room, ears flat and lip quivering.
“Darn it, Derpy! Couldn’t you just use the door?!” shouted Dash. Broom in hoof, she attempted to sweep the broken glass towards Rarity’s dustpan.
“Like you’re one to talk, Dash,” muttered Rarity, glancing over the specks of glass still scattered around the floor. She pulled the broom out of Dash’s grip, and concentrated on making a decent effort to clean.
“Sorry, everypony. I forgot about the meeting so I rushed over here as fast as I could. I didn’t mean to break the window...” One of Derpy’s eyes glanced down at the floor in shame. The other focused on Fluttershy, who was blowing chalk dust off the bookshelves. Fluttershy’s nose twitched as she accidentally inhaled some dust. She sneezed and went sailing into the shelf. Derpy cringed as she watched a dozen books fall onto the dazed pegasus head. “Or ruin the books...”
“Not to mention you ruined our list of ideas for the charity,” mumbled Rainbow, pointing over to the blank chalkboard. “Is there ever a day when you’re not a klutz?”
“Hey! I’m not a klutz when I’m doing my mail job,” said Derpy, puffing her chest out proudly. “In fact, I manage to avoid most of the trees when I’m on duty now.”
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “Was that before or after you replaced my mail with muffins last week?”
“So that’s what happened to my lunch on Tuesday...” mumbled Derpy, nervously rubbing her head.
Rainbow shook her head and turned away, muttering, “Hopeless…”
The crossed-eyed pegasus lowered her head and sighed. She wasn’t hopeless, just… clumsy. Derpy turned around and stared at the disaster, wondering if she could help. If she found some way to be useful, surely the others would forgive her.
One of her eyes managed to spot Twilight Sparkle chewing on the tip of a quill. The unicorn summoned a bottle of ink and parchment, dipping her feather in the bottle. Twilight’s quill scratched industriously across the parchment as she wrote down all the ideas she could remember. Concentrating on her work, the unicorn was utterly oblivious as Derpy trotted up behind her. At least, until Derpy smiled brightly and shouted, "Hey, Twilight! Anything I can do to help?"
Twilight nearly jumped out of her skin. Her horn stopped glowing and the writing tools fell onto the floor. The bottle smashed into pieces, forming a puddle of black ink and broken glass. Under Twilight’s fierce glare, Derpy dropped to her haunches and whimpered like a scolded puppy.
“Derpy! Now look what you made me do!” hissed Twilight. Derpy lowered her head even further and started to sniffle. Twilight’s eyes lost their fury and she lifted the pegasus’ head. The klutzy pegasus hesitated to look at Twilight, but relaxed when she saw a sympathetic smile.“I’m sorry, Derpy. I know it was an accident, but can you please leave the cleaning to us?”
“But I want make it up to you! Please?” begged Derpy, biting her lip.
Before Twilight could answer, the front door opened slammed open. Everypony turned around as a gray unicorn filly with a blond mane rushed inside. She spotted Derpy and shouted, “Found you, Mommy!”
Derpy’s woes were instantly washed away by the sight of her smiling daughter. She spread her arms and joyfully shouted, “Dinky!”
The filly dived into her mother’s waiting arms and was nuzzled in her warm embrace. With her daughter in her hooves, Derpy hoisted her up and used her wings to spin around as Dinky flapped her forelegs. As she sailed through the air, Dinky’s childish laughter brought a smile to everypony who watched. Even Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but crack a smile. Derpy brought her daughter down back to earth and kissed her on the cheek. “How did you find me, Muffin?”
“Auntie Carrot Top saw you flying towards the library and I thought I’d surprise you! Were you surprised? Huh, were you?” questioned Dinky, bouncing in place.
Derpy smiled and started jumping alongside her daughter. The two continued to laugh and bounce like rabbits waking up on the first day of spring. It was just what Derpy needed. No matter what, she could always count on her daughter to cheer her up. “I was very surprised, Muffin. We all were! Right, girls?”
“Oh, absolutely!” Pinkie shouted, hopping towards them and joining in on the excitement. “I was actually so surprised that I never saw it coming! And I know everything about surprises!” Dinky giggled as Pinkie ruffled her mane. “ Are you sure you’re not my daughter instead?”
Dinky leaned against her mother’s front legs and nuzzled them. “No! I’m Mommy’s little muffin!”
“And I’m proud to have you be my little muffin, Muffin.” Derpy leaned down, kissing her daughter on the cheek. “Now we better head home. Twilight and her friends need to clean up, and Auntie Carrot Top is making your favorite stew!"
“You mean her famous onion and carrot stew?” asked Dinky. Drool dripped down the filly’s chin as she licked her chops. “Well, what are waiting for? Let’s go, Mommy!”
Apologizing once again, Derpy picked up her daughter and flew outside. The six beaming friends waved them goodbye. Rarity proclaimed, “She might not be the most coordinated of ponies, but I’ve never seen a more loving mother then Derpy.”
“Shucks, seein’ little Dinky bounce around like that reminds me of me and mah own ma,” said a blushing Applejack. The girls’ smiles soon faded when they looked at the mess they still had to clean. With a sigh, they went back to work.
Twilight stood in front of the spilled ink, wishing that Spike was back from Canterlot. She grabbed a paper towel and tried to wipe away the spot. Her efforts only made the ink smear further across the floor. Twilight huffed and tried again, but no matter what she did it continued to spread. With each failed attempt, the pressure built in Twilight’s temples until her head felt ready to burst. When the size of the inkblot had tripled, the unicorn screamed, shocking her friends nearly out of their wits. Twilight stomped her hoof and threw the dirty towel against the wall—adding yet another splatter that would need cleaning. With both the floor and the wall covered in ink, it didn’t seem such a bad idea to just zap everything with lightning. To hay with the consequences.
Fluttershy observed the twitching unicorn with concern. She placed her hoof on her friend’s shoulder and asked, “Oh, Twilight… Are you okay?”
Twilight was ready to scream again, but the cry died in her throat when she saw Fluttershy’s frightened eyes. Taking a deep and calming breath, Twilight’s tension faded and she muttered, “I’m fine, Fluttershy. I just wish we didn't have such a big mess."
"Well, it's not that bad," said Fluttershy, giving a small smile to her tired friend.
"I guess. But I really wish I had the sense to write everything down twice before the accident,” moaned Twilight. The chalkboard was once again blank, just like Twilight’s memory of all the good ideas that had been on it.
“Can any of you remember what was suggested?” asked Twilight with a hopeful tone. Her friends nodded, each speaking out their earlier ideas in order. When it came to Rainbow Dash’s turn, the five of them were surprised to see the pegasus looking bored.
“Come on, guys, all that stuff has been done before!” whined Dash as she rolled her eyes. “We need to show everypony something great! Something wild and exciting!”
“I thought you would want the athletics competition, Rainbow Dash,” said Rarity, but to her surprise, Dash simply waved it off.
Rainbow lifted her head proudly. “Please. I’m the most athletic out of all of us. It wouldn’t be much of a competition if I was involved.”
Everypony rolled their eyes at the typical statement they had come to expect from their egotistical friend. Applejack made an effort to speak out, but Rarity stopped her and shook her head. “Just let her brag. It will be quicker that way.”
“Well, like it or not, we're just going to have to deal with what we can manage. In the meantime, mind getting me another bottle of ink, Rainbow?” asked Twilight, levitating her paper off the floor.
“Fine, but I still think we can come up with something cooler,” muttered Rainbow Dash. She flew lazily towards a shelf containing various supplies and spotted a spare ink bottle. When she grabbed it, Dash looked to Twilight and then at the bottle. A mischievous grin spread across her muzzle. Eyes focused on the busy unicorn, Rainbow Dash reached back and threw the ink bottle. “Think fast!”
The ink bottle sailing through the air. But instead of heading towards Dash's intended target, it was bearing for Fluttershy. The surprised pegasus gasped and quickly ducked between her front hooves. The bottle zipped past her, narrowly missing her raised hindquarters. Twilight reached out with her telekinesis and caught the bottle before it flew any further.
“Rainbow! Watch it!” shouted Twilight, placing the bottle on the table. “If Fluttershy hadn’t dodged that, or if it hit the floor, there could have been an even bigger mess! Do you want to keep cleaning?”
To Twilight’s surprise, Rainbow’s face showed not shame, but excitement. Rainbow Dash rushed towards the shocked unicorn had face so joyous she looked like a foal on Hearth’s Warming Eve. “Twilight! You’re a genius! I don’t know why I didn’t think about it before!”
A smug-looking Rainbow Dash turned to her friends and raised her hoof to the sky. “Girls, I have our main event! Dodgeball!”
“Dodgeball?! Why, Ah haven’t played that game since Ah was in middle school! Boy howdy did we play it every recess. Great times,” said Applejack, a nostalgic smile on her face.
“Me too!” cheered Pinkie. The energetic pony leaped into the air so high she almost touched the ceiling. “I used to play it all the time with my sisters and the neighbors back at the rock farm! ‘Course we had to use rocks back then since we couldn’t afford rubber balls. What made it even more fun were all the lollipops we got from the doctors.”
Twilight looked at her friends as if they were speaking another language. It wasn’t just her either; Rarity and Fluttershy shared the same confusion. Speaking for all three, Twilight questioned, “I’m sorry, but what is dodgeball? I’ve never heard of it before.”
“Dodgeball is only, like, the greatest, most awesomest sport ever! It’s got two teams trying to hit each other with rubber balls while catching the other team’s throws. If you get hit, or if your throw is caught, you're out!” Rainbow’s hooves darted in all directions as she explained, fueled by her enthusiasm. Twilight gave an intrigued smile. Fluttershy trembled upon hearing about the goal of the game. Rarity stared at her hooves, wondering if they had been groomed properly.
“The best part is that it’s really easy to learn. Not to mention it’s got rules for all kinds of games depending on who’s playing, like a limit for how high pegasi can fly or what spells unicorns can and can’t use.” explained Rainbow Dash. “Some cities even have professional dodgeball teams like the Los Pegasus Vipers and the Maregina Rampage.”
“Honestly, a game where ponies throw rubber balls at each other sounds brutish in my mind,” muttered Rarity. “Can’t we just go with my suggestion?”
“No way! I haven’t played dodgeball in forever! I’m not going to roll over and let some boring, lame fashion show be our special event,” argued Rainbow Dash, eye to eye with a huffing Rarity.
Twilight edged between her friends before an argument broke out. The last thing she needed was another incident causing more of a mess in her precious library. “How about this? Why don’t we combine our ideas? We can host a dodgeball tournament for everypony to enter. Pinkie, the Cakes, and the rest of Ponyville’s bakers can run a bake sale. Finally, Rarity can make the uniforms for all the teams while receiving a fee for each uniform. Then we use the cash from the tickets and baked goods to donate to the funds!”
The five mares nodded in agreement and Twilight sighed in relief. “Great, then let’s meet tomorrow in town to spread the word. We’re going to make this fundraiser the best it can be!”
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The next day, the town buzzed with excitement as word spread about the upcoming dodgeball tournament. Everypony was out gathering as many friends as they could before rushing to sign up. Others were interested in the bake sale, seeing this as a chance to show off their best work.
Twilight was in charge of the tournament stand, while Rarity accepted the uniform fees. Pinkie Pie, along with the Cakes, were in charge of the bake sale stand. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy were busy weaving their way through—or in Rainbow’s case, over—the throng of excited ponies, passing out pamphlets as they went.
Best of all, it wasn’t just those signing up who were interested in the fundraiser. All of Ponyville wanted to help pitch in. Construction workers promised to build the stands for free. Newspapers planned to run a special section in their sports column to cover the tournament. The hospital even offered to have some of their nurses set up a first aid station. Most importantly, everypony wanted to chip in for the needy.
At the bake sale stand, Pinkie Pie had finished signing up the previous pony in line when she saw Bon Bon come forward. “Hey, Bon Bon! Thinking of putting your delicious chocolates in the bake sale?”
“Sure, anything to help the cause. Plus, nopony can make chocolate better than me,” proclaimed Bon Bon with a cocky smirk. Pinkie’s mouth watered at the thought of tasting her friend’s delicious, gooey chocolate. In fact, Pinkie could say that Bon Bon was one of the few ponies who could make better chocolate than Sugarcube Corner.
After she wrote down the candy maker’s name, Pinkie pointed to the other stand. “Did you sign up for the tournament?”
“No. I’m terrible at sports,” admitted Bon-Bon with a sigh. “Lyra, however, said she was dead set on joining.”
“You bet your flank I did,” announced Lyra, walking over from the dodgeball stand. She wrapped her forearm around Bon Bon and grinned. “Too bad Bonny here can’t catch a ball to save her life. Back in school, she was so bad that she tried to come up with excuses to not participate in gym.”
“Th-they weren’t excuses,” argued Bon Bon, avoiding Lyra’s smirking face. “I-I had legitimate reasons for not attending!”
“Oh really? What about the time you said you had to take your sick cat to the vet? Did you suddenly lose your lifelong allergies that day?” An elbow to the gut quickly silenced the chuckling lyre player. Bon Bon bid farewell, dragging a moaning Lyra away. Pinkie merely waved goodbye and addressed the next pony in line.
Twilight found herself gazing over the growing line of would-be participants. She sat down back down, eyes filled with concern. “At the rate things are going, we’re going to have too many players. I think we may have to extend the tournament a few days just so everypony can play.”
“Sounds delightful, Darling,” agreed Rarity, looking up from her lists. Each contained at least a dozen requests for uniforms in all shapes and sizes. Some teams even wanted different customizations for each teammate. Rarity’s eyes then glanced over to the big chest of entrance fees and smiled. “Celestia knows, not even I can create so many uniforms in a week. If we make the tournament last longer than a day, as well as shorten this insane amount of demands I keep getting, I might be able to make everything in time.”
“That’s great. Have you decided what team you're going to be on?” asked Twilight as she passed a quill to the next signer.
“Please, Twilight,” chided Rarity. She swished her elegant mane while holding her nose up high. “Such a violent sport is not something for a lady like moi. After all, I’m not one for activities that involve getting sweaty or dirty.”
“What about the Sisterhooves Social?” asked Twilight, smirking.
“Th-that was different!” answered Rarity, rubbing her hooves together and avoiding Twilight’s gaze. Although she would never admit it, the social was quite fun. Sure she got dirty, but it was nothing a trip to the spa couldn’t cure. Well, maybe two trips.
“We’d better tell the others about this,” said Twilight. She spotted Fluttershy nearby who looked so nervous that Twilight could see her shivering from the stand.
The curious unicorn focused on where Fluttershy was staring. It was a group of ponies who were huddling around something in the center. From where she was, Twilight could hear two ponies in the center having an argument. Her attempts to find the arguers was futile thanks to the growing numbers of interested ponies. Twilight waved Fluttershy to come over, much to the pegasus’s relief. When landed at the stand, Fluttershy asked, “Um… I-Is so-something wrong?”
“Fluttershy, what’s going on over there?” asked Twilight, pointing to the growing audience.
Fluttershy rubbed the back of her head while staring down at her other hoof. “Um…”
“Yes?”
“Rainbow Dash and Applejack are… kind of fighting...”
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Big Macintosh wondered what he had done to deserve this. He was only going for a walk to stretch his legs and maybe get something to eat. Now he was struggling to hold himself together as Rainbow Dash and Applejack pulled his front forelegs towards each other. To the crowd, it looked like a tug of war with a pony instead of rope. Both mares were tugging so hard it looked like the arms were about to be ripped off any second. If that wasn’t bad enough, Macintosh could already hear the other stallions snickering at the sight of the strongest of them getting pulled around like a ragdoll.
“What do you mean I can’t ask your brother to be on my team?!” shouted Rainbow Dash, pulling with all her strength.
“Because ya already got Snowflake for muscles on your team. Plus, he’s mah brother, and he knows better than to turn against his kin!” argued Applejack, glaring at a sweating Macintosh.
“Don’t Ah have a say in this?” grunted Big Macintosh.
Applejack and Rainbow Dash glanced at the big stallion and then each other. Both frowned and responded with almost a single voice. “NO!”
They yanked harder, stretching Big Macintosh nearly as far as his arms could reach. The stallion prayed for something to come and save him from his misery. A glowing purple aura suddenly surrounded the two mares and pulled them off the big stallion. Despite their efforts, the two were helpless to escape the magical trap. Free at last, Big Macintosh galloped away before anything else could happen to him.
After they stopped struggling, Twilight released her friends and glared at them. “Girls, I asked you to hand out information. Not to go scouting for potential teammates and fight over them as if they were toys.”
“Ain’t mah fault that Ah caught Rainbow here tryin’ to sweet talk mah brother into joining her team,” muttered Applejack, adjusting her hat.
“Oh really? Who was the one asking some of my squad mates on the weather patrol to join her team?” accused Rainbow Dash. “If you can take members of my weather team then I sure as hay can take your brother!”
“Ya want somepony off mah farm? Take Caramel, he’ll be a real big help,” suggested Applejack with a smirk.
“That guy? He can barely do anything right! I’d rather have Twilight!” shouted Rainbow Dash.
“Hey!” cried out Twilight, puffing her cheeks.
Applejack tipped down the brim of her hat, casing a dark, threatening shadow over her eyes. “Looks like there's only one way to settle this, huh?”
Rainbow Dash stepped forward until her and Applejack's snouts were only inches apart. “I was just thinking the same thing. One-on-one dodgeball?”
“As if there were any other way,” snorted Applejack.
After one last glare, the two rivals walked away from one another until they were on opposite sides of the crowd. By now, they had attracted the attention of everypony in the town center. Ponies whispered their thoughts on who was going to win, even starting a betting pool. Twilight looked at her friends and asked, “Don’t you think this is pointless, girls?”
“Sorry, Twilight, but I’m already itching for a match,” said Rainbow, never losing her focus on Applejack.
“Same here,” mentioned Applejack. "She wants a show down. She's gonna get one."
Twilight sighed before summoning two dodgeballs. She rolled one to each competitor and said, “I guess I’ll be the judge. Are you girls ready?”
Applejack spat on the ground before leaning back, eyeing her opponents wings. They were going to be her biggest problem and if she wasn’t careful, her face had a date with the dodgeball in Rainbow Dash’s hooves. She would have to find some way to bring Dash down to the ground where things were more even. An idea began to form in Applejack’s mind as she whipped her tail back and forth. “I’m ready!”
Rainbow Dash’s nostrils flared as she stretched out her wings and neck. Although she hated to admit it, Applejack was probably the only pony in town who could match her in athletics. Sure, Dash had wings, but Applejack didn’t buck apples just for fun. The earth pony had strength and stamina, but the pegasus was sure she could overcome both with her speed and agility. After all, she who strikes first, wins. “I’m ready too!”
Everypony held their breath as Twilight raised her hoof and shouted, “Go!”
Rainbow Dash instantly took to the skies while Applejack sprinted forward. Applejack put her plan into action, zigzagging as she ran. Rainbow Dash raised her hoof for a throw, but stopped as her target waved randomly. No matter how much she tried, the pegasus couldn’t keep her eyes on Applejack. Without a clear shot for her aerial attack, Rainbow Dash dived for the ground.
Applejack grinned and quickly reversed her movements. Guessing where Rainbow Dash was going to land, the earth pony pushed herself even faster. When she got close enough, Applejack tossed her dodgeball into the air, turned around, and bucked it. Just as Rainbow Dash landed, she looked up and gasped. The dodgeball was just seconds away from knocking her teeth out.
At the last moment, Rainbow dived to the right. The projectile barely nicked her mane as the pegasus landed on her hooves, no worse for wear. An incredulous Applejack sat on her haunches as Rainbow Dash smirked before shouting, “Game. Set. Match!”
Applejack waited until Rainbow Dash swiped her arm and dodged left, but to her horror the ball was still held in the grinning pegasus’ arm. Rainbow Dash followed her feint with a showy spin and released the ball for real. With no time to dodge, Applejack stood helpless as she waited for the oncoming blow. Before the ball could strike her, a flash of brown and white zipped between the two contestants. It disappeared as quickly as it came, along with the dodgeball.
"What the hay? Who's the wiseguy that stopped my winning shot!" growled Rainbow Dash, looking in all directions
“Hey, Dash! Up here!” shouted a cocky voice.
Rainbow looked up. A second later her own dodgeball slammed right into her face before she could so much as blink. The stunned pegasus was knocked off her hooves and landed on her back, her snout bright red. The stranger landed not a foot away and leered mockingly down at Rainbow Dash. When she recognized her attacker, Rainbow growled, “Gilda…”
“Surprised?” asked Gilda, confidently walking toward her former friend. “I see you’re still the same loser hanging around with these lame-o’s.”
“And I see you still haven't gotten rid that attitude of yours,” growled Rainbow Dash, getting back on all fours. “What are you doing here anyway?”
“What? I can’t see my former best friend after all this time?” snarled Gilda. She then turned towards the crowd who shivered at the sight of her cold, glaring eyes. Some parents hid their children behind them. “Or did you forget how you and your little friends embarrassed me?”
“The only one who embarrassed herself was you, Gilda. Now why are you here?” demanded Rainbow Dash.
“I was just in the neighborhood and wanted see what’s up. I heard you were hosting a dodgeball tournament,” said Gilda, flexing her claws.
“What’s it to you?” asked Dash, raising her eyebrow. “Do you plan on joining or something?”
"Maybe…” said Gilda who shrugged her shoulders. She turned her back towards Rainbow and started walking. “Not that it would be much of a contest. After all, a loser like you couldn't stand up against a real challenge.”
“Are you trash talking me?!” demanded Rainbow Dash, stepping forward. “Why don’t you come over here and tell it to me, face to face!”
Gilda let out a harsh laugh before facing her old friend. “I’m only telling the truth. Compared to me, a pony like you is nothing more than a filly in diapers. Then again, most ponies are, compared to griffins.”
“Now yer pushin’ it!” shouted Applejack, stepping forward. “Doesn’t matter what race ya are! We ponies can tango with ya griffins anytime!”
Gilda’s smile deepened. “Really? Well then how about we make this tournament a bit more interesting? Your best ponies against a team of griffins of my choosing?”
“Sure! I’m game for that!” shouted Rainbow Dash, gritting her teeth. The two former friends continued to glare at each other until Twilight got between them.
Twilight stomped her hoof and shouted, “Hold it! We’re supposed to be raising money for the fundraiser. Not settling some feud.”
“What are you, chicken?” mocked Gilda. She flapped her wings and clucked in front of Twilight's face. Rainbow Dash turned red and tried to charge forward, but Applejack quickly grabbed Dash’s tail and held her back.
Twilight simply raised her head and smiled. “Your insults aren’t going to work on me, Gilda. I have been instructed by Princess Celestia to make sure that this fundraiser is run properly and I for one—“
“Oh, who cares what some sissy, hippie princess says!” interrupted Gilda.
A unanimous gasp was heard amongst the crowd. Twilight yelled, “What did you say about Princess Celestia?!”
“Oh? Did I touch a nerve?” taunted Gilda. The griffin leered at the enraged unicorn. “Looks like I angered the princess’s loyal dog, huh? Do you obey whatever she tells you to do? Do you roll over and play dead if she commands it? I bet she’s just a lazy ruler who sits on her fat butt doing nothing but eating cake. Not to mention she commands all of you to obey her every little whim like a spoiled little brat. And if she doesn’t get her way, she’ll send you to the moon for a thousand years until you ask nicely for forgiveness.”
With every insult, the ponies grew louder and louder in their angry rebuttals. Applejack was finding it harder to resist the urge to let go of a raging Rainbow Dash. Even Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie were glaring at Gilda for her lack of respect. Nopony, however, was angrier than the princess’s own faithful student. “I’m giving you… one chance… to take back everything you said… about her.”
Gilda cleared her throat and leaned forward. “I’m sorry… that the royal, stupid, lazy, pathetic excuse for a princess—”
Every fiber of Twilights’ body shook with rage. Everypony sensed the upcoming danger and started to step away from the growling unicorn. Pinkie Pie quickly pulled out an army helmet and took cover behind her stand, exchanging her popcorn for a bag of marshmallows.
“—has to sit on her overweight flank and babysit this pitiful town of losers!” shouted Gilda.
Twilight’s mane and tail lit on fire like an erupting volcano. Her eyes shone like those of a demon from the darkest pits of Tartarus. Everypony backed up at the sight of Twilight’s monstrous fury. Gilda started to sweat from the intense heat that was directed at her. The raging unicorn stared straight into Gilda’s shocked eyes with utter scorn on her face. “You want a match? You got it! Be here in one week! And when we beat your sorry hides, we will bury you and your team six feet under and then carve your tombstones with your own claws!”
The inferno subsided and everypony sighed in relief. Pinkie Pie took one of the marshmallows off her stick and offered one to Rarity, who politely refused.
“Well since you’re all fired up how about we raise the ante?” asked Gilda, trying her best to regain her cool.
Twilight eyed the griffin and hesitated to answer. “What do you mean?”
“I mean a bet, horn head. It will make things more interesting,” said Gilda. Her eyes turned towards the baking sale stand and smirked. “You guys are going to have food, right? If my team wins, then we get to have all the snacks we want for free.”
A growling Pinkie Pie dropped her marshmallows and shot out of her hiding place like a cannonball. She got into Gilda’s face and hissed, “No way José! Those goodies are going to be used to raise money! They’re not for some Jerky Jerk like you.”
“How about letting me finish, Dweebie Pie?” yelled Gilda, grabbing Pinkie by the neck and turning her around. “Now how about taking the advice I gave you a long time ago? Make like a bee and buzz off!”
The griffin raised her hind leg and brought it forward, kicking Pinkie in the flank. Sailing across the sky, Pinkie vainly flapped her limbs in an attempt to fly. The soaring earth pony noticed she was heading towards the fountain and quickly pulled out a snorkel before splashing. A big wave erupted from the fountain, drenching nearby ponies from their manes to their tails. Pinkie rose to the surface and spat out some water and a few wishing bits.
“Anyway, where was I?” asked Gilda, nonchalantly. “If your team somehow wins, then not only will I take back everything I ever said about this place, but my team and I will also donate a big sum of money to your fundraiser as well. Unless, of course, you’re too scared to take a risk…”
“What? Don’t be ridiculous,” snorted Twilight. “There is no way that we are going to agr—“
“You got a deal!” shouted Rainbow Dash. She spit into her hoof as Gilda did the same with her claw. The two smacked their saliva-covered appendages together.
“Rainbow! What are you doing?!” shouted Twilight.
“Sorry, deal is set and done. See you in later, losers!” shouted Gilda. The crowd watched as the griffin flew away, laughing her head off.
“We’ll see who’s the loser when we school you bird brains!” yelled Rainbow Dash. She turned around and found Twilight glaring at her, ready to burst into flames again. “Oh, come on, Twi! We can beat Gilda and her friends! Just think how awesome it would be to show her up and get her to pay up as well.”
Twilight’s anger faded, but the fire in her heart didn’t. She glanced around and saw that everypony was just as determined as Rainbow Dash to knock Gilda down a few pegs. Their pride as a town and as ponies had been attacked and now they looked ready to retaliate.
“She wants a war? We’re going to give her a war!” shouted Twilight to the crowd, feeling the excitement in the air. “She thinks ponies are weak and pathetic? We’re going to show her just how strong we ponies are!”
Everypony cheered in excitement. Their voices echoed so loud it could be heard even outside the town. The game was set, and spirits were high as everypony prepared themselves for a tournament of fun and pride.
All except one pegasus who walked away from the excited crowd with her head town low. Derpy Hooves made her way down the street, muttering, "Dodgeball... Why did it have to be dodgeball?"