Cutie Mark Crusaders Call Chaos and— Oh, Buck! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
___________________________________________________________
As the bell signals the end of class and the start of recess I move to leave with the rest of the fillies and colts, before I notice they’ve all gathered around my desk.
I roll my eyes. “If you wanna ask questions, meet me outside by the playground.”
I poof away, reappearing by a pair of swings. I look them over. They look in pretty good condition. Then again, the last time I took notice was after Pipsqueak used the TV show art of exposition to bring continuity by mentioning the playground was destroyed during Twilight’s yet to happen battle with Tirek, so it would make sense the playground was in good condish.
Come to think of it, just how did... or, does, I suppose, Twilight’s battle with Tirek end up ruining the playground equipment, yet the school remains intact?
I shake my head. Questions for another time.
I turn to see the students all making their way out, looking around, spotting me and making a beeline right for my location.
Not too far off, the CMC are hanging back, watching me getting grilled with questions.
“Dang,” Apple Bloom says, frowning. “Ah was hoping to ask Screwball some things mahself.”
“Doesn’t look like we’ll get the chance,” Sweetie Belle sighs, as they turn towards the tree they normally sit under.
“I was gonna ask if her chaos powers could make me fly,” Scootaloo said, lifting one of her wings and looking at it as they trudged along. “Or maybe she could give us out Cutie Marks like that,” she flicked her tail for emphasis.
“Well, I wouldn’t do that to you, Scoots, without giving your wings a good once over,” I say simply. “Besides, in regards to your Cutie Marks, there are some things I’m not allowed to do, and just giving you your Cutie Marks is one of them.”
The three fillies sigh.
“Yeah,” Bloom nods as we reach the tree. “Ah guess that makes sense and—”
They all freeze and whirl around to see me.
I smile and wave. “Hi.”
They look from me, over to the group of fillies and colts, where I’m still answering question, then back to me, back to the group, back to me and so on for about a minute, until they get dizzy and drop to the ground, each doing a good impression of everyone’s favourite mailpony.
Apple Bloom’s the first to recover enough to ask the obvious question. “If yer over there, how are ya over here?” she asks groggily, waving a wobbly hoof in the group’s direction, then pointing it at me.
I roll my eyes. “I told you all I have Chaos Magic, remember? With it, I can answer their questions,” I indicate to the group where the other me is smiling as she answers a question posed by the colt who’s teeth make him look like he’s related to Hayseed Turnip Truck, “and still talk with you three at the same time.”
They each get up, looking uncertain. “Doesn’t that get confusing for you?” Sweetie Belle asks, cocking her head.
I shake my head and point to my noggin. “I’m a being of chaos. My head’s already full of stuff nopony would really have going on up here, not even the princesses. Trust me, this is nothing compared to trying to sort through all the other stuff in here.”
They look at each other, before nodding slowly.
After a few minutes, Scootaloo frowns. “Wait. You said you there are some things you can’t do? I thought you’re like Discord, and he can do anything.”
I frown slightly. Does what she just said count as stereo-typing? I inwardly shake it off, and outwardly shake my head slowly.
“No, Scootaloo. He can’t, and neither can I.”
“Huh?” they all say in unison, looking to each other, then to me.
I sigh, sitting down and indicate for them to do the same. “Okay. Before I explain, you all have to Pinkie Promise nopony else, and I mean nopony ever, not even your grandchildren when you’re all Granny’s Smith’s age or older, will hear this. You won't even write it in diaries, for those of you that have them. Got it.”
The three fillies went through the motions, their eyes widening on completion of the Pinkie Promise just what they’ve done.
I nod. Now, I have my reasons for making them Pinkie Promise, one being to keep Discord from kicking my ass for blabbing when the Mane 6 let him out in I think a couple months. Last thing I need is what I’m about to say being printed in the Foal Free Press during the Ponyville Confidential thing.
“Okay,” I nod, glancing around to make sure nopony else is nearby or close enough to hear. “Discord and I both have rules we have to follow.”
At once, they all raised an eyebrow.
“Rules?” Scootaloo waves a hoof towards the sky. “He made cotton candy clouds that spilled chocolate milk. What kinda rules is he following for that?”
I sigh, shaking my head. “That’s not what I mean, Scootaloo. You see, there are things Discord and I cannot do, even if we wanted to. For example,” my face and heart droop as I look over to Apple Bloom. “I know what you really wanna ask me, Apple Bloom, but I can’t. I can’t bring your parents back. It’s one of the most important rules Discord and I have to follow. Our powers are near infinite with their possibilities, but we cannot ever bring the dead back. Believe me, Discord wishes he could.” At the curious frown, I look up to the sky. “I know what Discord’s life was like before he tried to take over Equestria the first time. He lost several ponies he cared deeply about and learned too late you can’t bring back the dead.”
Silence falls between the four of us for some time, only broken by Apple Bloom sniffling as she wipes her eyes.
After some time, I clear my throat. “So... any plans for Cutie Mark crusades today?”
I realize too late what I’ve said and regret my words the moment they leave my lips, because they each look to each other, before looking to me with big grins.
Oh, buck.
___________________________________________________________
“Now how in the hay did that even happen?” Apple Bloom asks as we stagger through the fields of apples trees, all glued together with tree sap.
A little interesting note: Tree sap from one particular tree in White Tail Wood is somehow immune to the effects of Chaos Magic. It is also the very tree who’s sap we are now all covered in. I’d quickly checked and, thankfully, there were no more such trees. I still had to make the CMC Pinkie Promise to keep that to themselves too, though, just in case. Last thing I need is anyone learning how to cancel out my powers. Sure, it sounds like a good safety measure in theory, but it would only take one pony will ill intent, say, randomly thinking here, Spoiled Rich, finding out to make it a nightmare.
Thankfully, as wrong as it may sound, that tree is no more, knocked over when we all crashed into it and crushed to splinters due to what the crusaders had been trying to get their Cutie Marks. Still, better not to let Spoiled learn about it. With her resources, she might just find one other and try to mass-produce it just to try and tame me.
We reach the hose and wash ourselves off.
“At least we got away from that Hydra,” Scootaloo says, shaking herself off once she’s free and clean of sap.
I glare at her. “Well, I told you bringing it over from the swamp was a stupid idea, but did any of you listen to me? No. I’m a being of chaos. If I say trying to clean the teeth of a four-headed beast that thinks ponies are a tasty treat is a bad idea, then it’s a bad idea.”
“Yeah,” Bloom nods. “Guess it weren’t the best idea we ever had.”
I struggle not to comment.
“Oh, Screwball. Glad ah found ya,” we look up as we finish cleaning off to see Applejack walking towards us. “Yer dad came by a while ago asking ’boucha. Yer sister’s just gotten outta the hospital and he wants ya back home.”
We all groan. Really? I have to leave the CMC to go see if the sister who treats me like an insect is alright?
I sigh, nodding. “Okay. Thanks, AJ.”
She nods, before looking to the others, before a startled look enters her eyes. “Wait. Ya’ll didn’t bring Screwball on yer crusading, did ya?”
“Yeah,” Sweetie nods, then shrugs. “Seems brushing hydra teeth isn’t our special talent.”
Applejack’s eyes go wide and she turns to me.
I hold up my hooves and float a little into the air. “Hey, don’t look at me. I don’t know how they convinced me to do that either. But I promise it won’t happen again.” And that's a promise I very much intend to keep.
Seriously, how the hell did they convince me to do that? I still don’t understand it myself.
With a reluctant nod, Applejack turns her attention to the crusaders and I hear her start to lecture them as I teleport away, back home.
___________________________________________________________
“Oh, your sister’s out sick?” Miss Cheerilee asked Diamond Tiara as the filly handed over a note, though looking as if she didn’t care.
Tiara scoffed. “Whatever. Said her stomach was hurting, so Daddy said she could stay home. She’s just playing hooky.”
Miss Cheerilee frowned. “Tiara, your sister could actually be sick. Just because she has chaos powers, it doesn’t mean she could stop herself from getting sick.”
Tiara didn’t pay attention to the worried looks the Blank Flank Crusaders exchanged.
“Whatever. Serves her right,” she turned and walked towards her desk. “She put me in the hospital, it’s only right she ends up sick herself.”
Miss Cheerilee nodded uncertainly, before looking out to the class. “Okay, everypony. Today we have the Student Pony President Election between Diamond Tiara and Twist. Have you all considered your vote?”
Uncertain murmuring went throughout the class.
“Okay, then,” Miss Cheerilee said, moving towards the door. “Everypony out and get ready to cast your vote.”
Diamond Tiara just smirked, nodding to Silver Spoon, who nodded back. She was going to win. There was no question about it.
___________________________________________________________
I groan as I lay on my bed, not in pain, but boredom.
Last night when I got home, it was to the usual belittling and being told I’m a chaos beast by Spoiled, with Diamond actually agreeing with her, not knowing she’d have been fine had Spoiled simply not gotten the filly’s stomach pumped.
I didn’t even bother explaining that, not with Spoiled there. Thankfully, Daddy managed to keep the situation under control and I simply went to bed without supper (Spoiled’s punishment that Daddy reluctantly agreed to). Not that it mattered, I just went human and had myself some KFC.
By the way, in case you’re wondering, when I say, I went human, I don’t mean I turned into an Equestria Girls version of myself, but a real human version, like the kind in those Human Equestria fics.
Well, when I woke up, I overheard something downstairs that made me recheck my calender as to when in the show I’d arrived, my digital timer saying “Tiara’s Redemption Is Not Today”.
I could overhear Spoiled telling Diamond that she’s expected to win the Student Pony President Election today.
I have to blink, before my mouth opens in a small O.
This is the time Tiara won the election before, the one mentioned in the episode where, instead of just getting a window Discord destroyed during his time out of stone fixed like Twist suggested, after Diamond wins, it’s turned into a mosaic, like the ones showing the Mane 6 after they beat Nightmare Moon and Discord.
After learning that, I’d quickly made my body hotter and when Randolph had come in to check why I wasn’t up, he’d informed Daddy and Spoiled, the latter of whom assumed I was faking (for once, she was in the right there), Tiara joining her mother’s side.
However, Daddy was convinced (I made a very convincing performance) that I am sick, so I was told I could stay home and Diamond would take a note to Miss Cheerilee, letting her know I wouldn’t be in today.
So, here I am, stuck in my room, bored out of my mind.
It sucks, because I need to make sure I don’t interfere with this event. It needs to happen, so that Tiara can reference it on the day Pip gets elected.
I groan, rolling onto my side. What the heck am I meant to do now?
It’s only been a couple minutes since Tiara left for school and I was left alone “to rest” and I’m already so bored I want to go against my original plan and just go to school and risk altering the timeline.
“What I am going to do?” I groan, leaning over the side of my bed. “I’m so bored. But, I can’t just go out. Sure, I could teleport and maybe spend my day exploring some other place here in Equestrtia, like Appleloosa, or Trottingham, Cloudsdale... but there’s a chance somepony who knows either Daddy or Bitch will see me and ask them about it.” I put my hooves over my face. “Last thing I need is having to explain to them why I lied about being sick so I didn’t go to school so an event to put Tiara on the right path will play out, let alone how I know of this event. Man, if I were in the Equestria Girls world I could at least explore there without worry of being found out. Sure, I’d have to watch out for Sunset Shimmer, but I could avoid her.” I pout, rolling onto my back. “Not that it matters. The portal’s closed and gonna stay closed for a long while. Hell, it isn’t even gonna be opened permanently until after Twilight beats Tirek.”
You know, you can still go there.
I look up to see a ghostly version of the human me, leaning against the wall, giving me a bored look.
“What are you talking about?” I grumble, sitting up and propping my chin up with a hoof.
You’ve been there before, remember? glancing to the door I see the anthro me laying on the floor, looking up at the ceiling, her hands behind her head. When you first got here, remember? You accidentally went there after failing to go home.
Now, I’m sure a part of you is wondering just why the hell I’ve got two other versions of me, humanoid ones at that, chatting with me.
Well, have you read or watched the radio play Bride of Discord? If so, it’s kinda what Discord was doing there, only I’m doing it just out of sheer boredom and the need to talk to at least someone, as opposed to having no one to talk to whatsoever.
It sure does give a new meaning to the phrase “talking to yourself”.
I sigh, before shaking my head and smiling. “You’re right. Been meaning to go there and check the place out anyway. ... Should probably not let Twi know I did this, huh?”
They shrug, saying in unison, When the portal’s open, will it really mater? and they disappear.
Grinning I turn to my bed and create a double of myself. She’ll act sick like I led my family believe I am until I return.
With that taken care of, I grin and blink out of the universe.
___________________________________________________________
The CMC pout as they watch Diamond give her long-winded, snobby victory speech, whilst they stayed near Twist, giving their condolences for her lost. After all, they’d voted for her.
However, once again it seemed Diamond Tiara had won.
Once Diamond finally finished talking, several mover ponies arrived, bringing with them a stained-glass window.
It depicted Diamond Tiara standing on a small hill with a determined expression on her face, with the sun shining behind her as a backdrop. It also gave Diamond Tiara’s skin the appearance of crystal, as if it was meant to convey that Diamond’s skin was glowing like her first name’s sake did when hit by light.
“Much better than simply fixing it like an ordinary window, don’t you agree?” Tiara bragged, standing in front of the window in the same pose she was portrayed as.
“Ah dunno if Screwball’s really sick, but if’n she lied about it, Ah have a feelin’ Ah know why,” Apple Bloom scowled at the pink Earth Pony.
Scootaloo nodded. “Yeah. If I had to live with a sister that obnoxious I’d get a stomach ache too. Heh. Maybe that’s what got her sick in the first place.”
The four fillies shared a giggle at that, glad to be able to take their minds of Twist’s loss and Diamond’s rubbing it in.