The day started as usual, Me smashing my alarm clock with a hammer as soon as it went off, before Shawn Micheals-ing up out of bed with a thrust of my legs, landing on my feet for a perfect 10 as I bowed to the invisible judges.
"You mean the fourth wall?"
Same thing.
I walked into the kitchen, seeing Sunset sipping a cup of Joe as Balto did his morning laps around the living room floor, a daily ritual he had started after I had him chase that piece of meat back in chapter 3. After making myself a bowl of cereal, I sat down at the table across from Sunset and asked the million-dollar question of the day.
"Sooo...you ready for our first day at school as a couple?"
Sunset rolled her eyes, "What are you talking about? We're not a couple."
I smirked at that. "Well YOU may not see us as a couple, but the rest of the school may see things differently, especially after they saw us on our first official date."
Sunset was about to retort, only to come to a realization. "Oh....crap. You're right..."
The two of us got ourselves ready, making our way to the door and down the stairs only stopping to drop Balto at the end of the chapter as we made our way to the bus stop.
Sunset and I made our way onto the bus, the same jerk yelling his usual comments towards my new girlfriend "HEY LOOK IT'S THE FREAK!"
Sunset rolled her eyes as she sat next to Dash. Meanwhile I slowly approached the wise guy and stared him down, asking one simple question.
"Kid, what's your name?"
"Jerkwad" The boy replied sarcastically.
I smiled happily, taking the boy's answer at face value. "Well Jerkwad, Sunset is my girl now so I'd appreciate it if you stopped calling her a freak."
"Fat chance weirdo! Freedom of speech says I can say whatever I want!" The boy barked, waving me off as the bus began to move once more.
WOW. Y'know, there's a difference between the freedom of speech, and the freedom of being an ass. The latter does not exist, for starters.
Who the hell are you?
I'm the editor. I was given permission to add myself into this circus.
Welcome aboard!
I stared the boy down, narrowing my eyes as I turned to sit next to my girls, Derpy, Sunset and Dash. As I took a seat I looked over to Dash and spoke a single phrase. "I'm going to make his life a living hell!"
"And I'll help!" Dash happily replied, slapping me on the back. "So Sunset, you ready for your first day as a girl in a relationship?"
"We're not in a relationship, Dash!" Sunset asserted, trying as hard as she could to ignore the situation
"Sunset, just because you don't acknowledge it doesn't mean the rest of the school won't." Dash said with a smirk
Sunset let out a long groan and buried her face into her hands "This is gonna suck."
Derpy let out a goofy smile and yelled "YUP!"
Pass the popcorn, I wanna see this crash and burn.
As soon as we stepped off the bus the torture began as everyone who saw us began whispering to each other and either welcoming us with awkward stares, or torturous laughter.
"And this is why we dropped out..."
Because High schoolers are assholes?
"No, because we forgot to wear pants the first day and we became a laughing stock and ditched school the rest of the year
Wade...you're a moron.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we get back to the story?
Fine...
As we walked the crowd slowly dispersed, the other students getting back to their daily tasks. The four of us went our separate ways as we made our way to our classes.
I made my way to my chem class, people giving me weird looks as I walked and I mostly ignored them...until I bumped into a bit of trouble, quite literally
"Hey watch it nerd!" Gilda yelled as I slammed into her.
"I prefer the term internet savvy, thank you" I replied as I picked myself up and dusted myself off.
"Oh...it's you..." the two of us growled at the same time.
"Well, if it isn't Mr. One Night Stand!" Gilda snarked with a sneer smirk "You still with that psycho witch or have you moved on to another freak?"
"You know I really liked you in the show...not sure about you here..." I replied with a grin, hiding my inner fury towards the bully.
Gilda gave me a confused look before laughing it off and continuing to berate me "You must me a nut! Just like that witch to sleep with a fellow freak!"
"Fuck this bitch!"
"Eh...She probably has some sort of inner torment, most bullies do. Or she's just an asshole."
I'm betting on choice number 2!
And I'm betting on choice number 1...and I'm the one writing it, therefore I automatically win.
...Fucking writer....
As Gilda continued to try to insult me, my eyes gravitated towards the sight of a familiar face.
"And your mother was probably some sort of hamster because you smell like-" Gilda continued before I cut her off.
"Gilda, I love you, and I'mma let you finish. Wait, no I won't! BYE!" I yelled as I moved on to the sight of a brown, orangish haired boy with a propeller cap looking longingly at the sight of the signature trio of Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle.
"Hey bro. What ya looking at?" I asked as I propped my elbow against the lockers.
The boy jumped at the sound of my voice, turning to face me, trying desperately to cover up his actions "Oh hey..uhhh sir!....wait...I know that voice...DPX27?" The boy asked.
I froze at the sound of my cross-platform callsign, having successfully hacked my way to connecting all three of my video gaming platforms CAUSE I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!...tried doing my Wii U as well, but apparently Nintendo products are specifically built to keep players from putting foreign wires in them. "Hold the phone....BMasher36?"
Button saluted at the sound of his gamer tag and yelled, "YOUR NIPPON STEEL IS NO MATCH FOR OUR AMERICAN LASERS!"
I gave the fellow gamer a high five. "The latest patch ruined the game though."
"I KNOW! THE ENTIRE BALANCE IS THROWN OFF!" Button yelled in reply, "Frickin' Gaijin ruining the game."
"So what you up to buddy? You spying on the CMC?"
"Ummm..." Button scratched the back of his head in embarrassment, "Yeah..." Button leaned in close an whispered in a low voice "I've been
using my scope to spy on that one." He pointed to Sweetie Belle, doing his best to disguise his actions "She's like a my waifu bro."
"Awww! That's adorable!"
I thought waifus were cross-dimensional... Eh, gaming nerds.
"Young love...so sweet."
I'd ship it.
Like Fedex?
"Damn straight!"
"Brah have you even talked to her? You need to set up a comm link as quick as possible! Or else she'll think your a hunter!" I exclaimed.
"I tried, But every time I get in range those two trolls DT and SS get in the way!"
I always hated those two...
Dude...you haven't seen Season Five yet...
Don't tell me...they make her the victim...
Well yeah...but it's done right!
Bitchy mom?
I swear your like Luke with that shit...
I have my moments.
I grabbed Button by the shoulders and spoke in a clear voice "Brah you NEED to talk to her! Trust me when I say the key to a healthy relationship is communication!"
"Are we really the right guy to be giving love advice?"
"Nope."
Absolutely not.
God forbid you become the idol of picking up chicks.
Damnit guys! I'm trying to be a role model!
Whatever you say, Wade.
Button looked over to his crush before looking back at me and nodding, confidently making his way to his target, gamer swag and all.
"Good luck, comrade." I whispered as I saluted the young gamer before making my way to class.
As I entered the class room I was met by the gazes of the other classmates, all of them clearly aware of the controversy surrounding me.
"Wade....I think they're staring at you." Pinkie whispered to me in the loudest whisper I'd ever heard.
"No shit."
"HEY! BAD CRAY-CRAY! NO BAD WORDS! DO YOU WANT TATS TO STOP READING?!"
Hey, he's indifferent to it. Remember the Wub Masters Vinyl got off of 4chan?
Even still. "Actually Pinkie I'm not sure he's still reading anyways..."
"Awww...I really liked his comments...and his stories...*giggles* I beat up Ares..."
ANYWAYS!
The class went silent as Mr. Neutron walked in and cleared his throat.
"I understand that a certain student has caused quite the buzz with his new relationship status as of late...and I'd like to clear up a few rumors. Mr. Wilson DID NOT sexually assault Sunset Shimmer, nor did he drug her or do anything of the sort. Him and Sunset Shimmer are simply seeing each other out of their own accord and you shall treat them with respect and dignity. Should I or any of my colleges find any student harassing, belittling, or bullying these two, then they will be suspended and be put in permanent detention duty for the rest of the year. AM I CLEAR?!" The chemistry teacher spoke in a stern tone.
The entire class, save for Pinkie and I, did a collective nod before Mr. Neutron gave a goofy smile and moved on. "Good! Now on to today's lesson: exothermic reactions!"
I leaned in close to Pinkie and whispered, "Did I mention Mr. Neutron is my favorite teacher?"
Mr. Neutron, must having the ears of a bat, smiled and gave a hearty, "Well, thank you, Mr. Wilson!"
As Pinkie and I made our way out of chemistry, I saw Button talking up a storm with Sweetie Belle as the two other Crusaders watched in confusion as the two talked in gamer speak.
"SHIP SAILED!"
I was about to walk away, but I was quickly swarmed by the four, Button dragging me into the conversation "Yeah Sweetie Belle! This is DPX! He successfully cross platformed his PS4, Xbox One, AND PC! He's the best Rogue I've ever played with and he plays a mean Scout in TF2!" Button exclaimed, talking as if I was some sort of celebrity.
I shrugged "Hey, when you got home run fever, you got home run fever. Any of you girls play?"
Applebloom stood there, obviously having never touched a controller while Scootaloo replied with a quiet, "I play Pokemon sometimes..."
"Oh! How do you balance your teams? Do you use FEAR Ratattas? P-S Splits? Mega Rayquaza?" Button asked, Scootaloo looking at the gamer in total confusion.
"I just pick the ones that look cool..."
Sweetie Belle on the other hand, spoke up, passionately replying with a loud "OH OH OH! I caught a Shiny Milotic last week in my Black version! Took me five hours to find the darn thing! It was pretty awesome!"
"Sweet!" Button answered the Gamer Girl with a high five.
I looked at the two other Crusaders, flashing them a calm smile, speaking in an understanding tone "It's okay. Hardcore gaming isn't for everyone."
Scootaloo replied with a deadpan "No kidding." but Applebloom on the other hand fought back
"Is that a challenge!?" Applebloom yelled.
"Ummm...no?" I replied.
"Well Ah accept! Ah bet if Me and Scootaloo trained, we could be just as good as you guys!" Applebloom roared.
"Good old Crusader Spirit..."
"We should train them!"
Oh dear...
You know what....YEAH! LET'S DO THIS! "Alright. We'll train you both. Meet me and Button at...his house?" I suggested, looking at my fellow gamer, hoping I wouldn't have to negotiate another unscheduled meet up at Sunset's Place.
"Sure! I'll tell my mom I got some friends coming over and we'll train you! It'll be sweet!" Button replied with a smile.
"AWESOME! CUTIE PATCH CRUSADER GAMERS! YAY!" Sweetie Belle cheered, breaking into her signature voice crack as soon as she hit the
"Yay!"
"Cutie Patch Crusaders?"
"Makes sense. Probably something like the Brownies."
Does that mean I get actual Brownie Points?
No.
Damn....
The five of us split, me heading towards English while the others headed towards whatever classes that they had.
After enduring through the first chapter of Pride and Prejudice in English and breezing through a lesson on the settling of Equestria, I made my way to lunch, sitting with my usual crew, Rainbow Dash included this time, her having joined us after my Goofy Movie performance.
As I sat down Dash was the first to speak, starting off with the topic of the day "So Wade...How was your date with Sunset?"
I rolled my eyes, knowing Dash was not exactly the master of subtlety "It was fine. We went to the mall, visited the arcade where I shredded Trixie in Rock Hero...before losing to Sunset...at Freebird."
Vinyl let out a tense "Oooo" as I mentioned my first defeat to a human in over a year.
"Then we went to the shooting range and I had a moment where I taught Sunset proper gun handling...kinda weird since you guys are champion airsofters..."
"Sunset always preferred the one hand hold. She started using it after we put her in charge of team management." Dash explained.
"Team Management?" I asked.
"You know! Leadership on the field! It gets pretty hectic and Sunset is always calling out orders and using her other hand to give hand signals, thus the one handed grip."
"Hmmm... I guess that makes sense. Anyways, after shooting a few rounds off-"
"How did you get in the shooting range?" Derpy interrupted
I held up my hand to answer, but paused as I really thought about it for the first time.
"How DID we get in?"
Good looks and Charm?
"Nice try bro."
....They let you in.
What's with the pause Brad?
Spoilers.
Ugh....
"I don't really know...We just kinda arrived and they were waiting for us...it was really weird, so I just kinda went with it." I said with a shrug.
"Weird..." Vinyl added, Derpy chiming in as well with a, "That there's some Gravity Falls stuff right there!"
"Anyways after that we went to the bay to throw some rocks...and then you girls called."
"Trust me Wade, when I say that that will tend to happen with us." Dash said with a smartass grin plastered across her face.
"Hey as long as you don't get between me and a moment with my waifu, then we're cool." I answered back.
"No promises" Dash replied with a sly smirk.
Nice to see you have your priorities straight Wade.
Shut it Brad. "Anyways, enough about me. What's happening with you girls?" I asked, desperate to change the subject.
"Well I got a pair of backstage passes to the Wonderbolts show! They're flying their signature triple loopdiloop barrel roll this time! It's gonna be SWEEEET!" Dash exclaimed excitedly.
"They have the Wonderbolts in this universe?"
"Makes the whole Wondercolts thing seem kinda weird..."
Eh...
Derpy spoke up next "I ran into this cute guy with a brown trench coat yesterday..."
Oh dear...Brad you aren't planning to have the Doctor popping in, are you?
Not any time soon..emphasis on 'soon'...
Damn it Brad, we already have enough multiverse cameos planned!
By the way, Terabyte, or, "Corbin", apparently, remind me to talk over the planned villains we're gonna use.
"Hi, Mr. Editor!"
Vinyl was the last to speak up, only whispering her contribution to the conversation "Octy is mad at me again...."
"What did you do this time?" Derpy sighed.
"I DON'T KNOW! All I said was I was too busy working on my music to go to dinner with her and she got all mad! We go to dinner all the time! I don't see the problem!" Vinyl yelled, obviously oblivious to what Octavia was ACTUALLY asking.
"Kinda weird to see Octy being the one asking..."
"I think it makes total sense."
Stuffy...explain....
"Octavia is the one who is confident in this situation. She knows she likes Vinyl but Vinyl is oblivious, too distracted with her regular life to notice Octavia's obvious signs. Therefore, Octavia has to step up and take charge in the relationship."
Huh...that actually makes sense...good job Stuffy *slow claps*
Lunch went on as usual, the four of us talking about the usual teenage shit, whatever rumor Vinyl had heard, Dash's sports exploits, Whatever came to Derpy's head, you know the usual before the bell rang and we went our separate ways.
After a lengthy math class I made my way towards the gym hall...only to run into my nemesis: Flash Sentry...I still hate calling him that.
Get used to it.
I want to help, but I don't think that Brad... Writer Brad, not Brad Brad, will let me.
Anyways, the moment I bumped into the most bland guitarist ever, he immediately grabbed me and dragged me into the mysterious dead end hallway. The same hallway Sunset used to interrogate Twilight.
"Alright Wilson, I'm sick of your bullcrap! You are going to swear to me that you will leave Sunset alone from now on or else!" Flash yelled at me as he held me by the collar.
I on the other hand...was too occupied wondering why this hallway even exists.
"Is it some mistake they left when they built the school?"
"Perhaps it's an extra wing they abandoned halfway through the construction."
Or maybe the builder just needed a place to negotiate his contract...
Maybe this hallway....doesn't actually exist at all. It's just a spacial anomaly.
Oooo spooky!
My guess is they never got to replacing the light bulb.
Flash furiously yelled at me, getting spit all over my face
"WILSON! I AM TALKING!"
"AND I'M NOT LISTENING!" I yelled back. "Seriously bro, you can kiss up to Twilight all you want, she's not going to date you! Newsflash! SHE'S A PONY!"
Flash threw me up against a locker, staring into my eyes with a fury I hadn't seen since I told Twilight there was a book series with her name.
"Flashback?"
Ugh...Fine...
*FLASHBACK! YAY!*
Twilight groaned as I talked with Pinkie in her Treebrary, her having been 'convinced' by Pinkie to let her have a party there.
"And by convinced you mean asked pretty please....over and over."
EXACTLY! Anyways Twilight perked up when I mentioned the book that I am convinced Lauren purposely named her main character after just to screw with the internet.
"So I re read the Twilight series again..and it still-" I said, The Purple Alicorn interrupting me halfway through my sentence.
"There's a book series named Twilight?!" Princess Twilight asked, Me instantly regretting the next words that came out of my mouth.
"Yeah! I have the whole series!"
Twilight jumped me, pinning me to the ground, her face centimeters from my face...and not in the good way "GIVE ME!"
I looked to Pinkie, regretting all my life choices as I pulled the books out from my magic satchel.
"And then everypony died?"
"Thankfully not."
"MINE!" Twilight yelled before proceeding to throw us both out of the Library, locking the door behind us.
"Wade...what have you done?" Pinkie asked.
Three hours past...and then the Treebrary exploded.
:(
What?
Watch Season 4 man...
What? Does Tirek come back and blow up the library?
.....yes.
Wait really?!...I don't know whether to be excited for Tirek or sad for the library. They fix it right?
Nope...They replaced it with a crystal castle that was totally made to sell toys.
DAMN YOU HASBROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*END FLASHBACK! Yay?*
"WILSON! STOP IGNORING ME!" Flash roared.
"Isn't anyone else hearing all this?"
Again...spacial anomaly
I looked back at Flash with a serious demeanor, finally responding to the Blue haired guitarist...Brad isn't there any other way to describe this guy?
Sadly...No.
Damn...That's harsh. Either way... "Look Flash, let me ask you this: What would happen to Sunset if I just left her? Who would be her child's father? I understand you being protective but I can't just leave her to raise her kid on her own."
Flash went into thought, only getting madder in the process, "Well I can't just let you ruin her life! Sunset has problems you won't have a solution to! She's more then just some chick you can bang Wilson!"
"Is that really what you think I see her as? I'm more than just some player Sentry. As much as it seems the opposite, I do care about her. I'm still working on it but her and the girls are the first people other than Pinkie to see me as a genuine friend in my life! Just because I knocked her up doesn't mean I don't care FLASH!" I shouted back.
The two of us stared each other down, literal electricity sparking between our faces. The stare down lasted a couple of minutes until the soft voice of reason interrupted our man off.
"Ummm...excuse me. Am I interrupting something?"
The two of us looked over to Fluttershy, both of us acting cool before Flash walked off in anger.
"Thanks Fluttershy. That could have gotten ugly if you hadn't stepped in like that..." I spoke as I fixed my collar.
"It's okay. I was looking for you anyways." Fluttershy replied with a content smile.
"What do ya need?"
"Well I wanted to thank you. I just turned in my first big assignment for Art class and the teacher said that she liked it so much that she wanted to have it put in the art gallery in the hall!" Fluttershy exclaimed speaking as loud as I'd ever heard her speak full sentences, although it only came out as loud as normal speaking volume.
"You see? I told you you were awesome! And to think you doubted me!" I happily replied, giving Fluttershy a high five as well.
"What were you and Flash talking about?" Fluttershy asked, returning to her normal whisper as she looked behind me at the mystery hallway that I had been fighting with Flash in.
"Oh he's been trying to scare me away from Sunset, trying to be the hero and all. Does he have some thing for Sunset I don't know about?"
"Well back when we were still in Middle School he and Sunset were kind of inseparable. I mean this was back before Sunset turned into a big bully, which is why they broke up but ever since then Flash has always been a bit protective of her. You getting Sunset pregnant must have really ticked him off." Fluttershy explained "...Have you tried explaining the situation to him?"
"I mean I tried just a minute ago to explain that I can't just leave Sunset to raise her child alone, but it just got him even more mad." I said with a frustrated sigh.
"Then I'd just avoid him from now on. If he won't listen to reason then I don't think he's going to be anything but a meanie to you."
"Yeah...Probably a good idea." I replied as I caught a glimpse at the clock on the wall. "OH CRAP! I GOTTA GET TO CLASS!"
I ran into the gym hall, barely making it as the bell rang milliseconds after I rushed through the hallway doors. As I took a second to catch my breath, the voice of my favorite cowgirl speaking up."Ya know if you keep this up Wade, Mr. Sargent is gonna hound you like a Border Collie to a mischievous sheep.
"Eh, I'll be fine-"
"WILSON! EITHER YOU GET TO CLASS ON TIME OR I'LL HAVE TO ASSIGN YOU TO CLEAN UP DUTY FOR A WEEK! NOW GET YOUR GYM UNIFORM
ON AND GET TO CLASS!" The two of us heard our drill- I mean teacher yell from the other end of the hallway.
"CRAP..."
I made my way through the crowd of guys that filled the boys locker room, the room filled with the smell of sweat and AXE body spray.
"Didn't they ban that shit in schools?"
"Apparently not in this one."
I finally got to my locker, opening it and grabbing the gym shirt and shorts, which my teacher apparently made mandatory...the frickin stickler...and slipped off my regular clothes, preparing to chuck them in before I noticed something unusual. Attached to the back of the locker was a yellow sticky note, writing scribbled onto it "Weird..."
I picked off the note, bringing it up to my face and reading it.
Congratulations on the baby. I think you'll be a great...
The rest was scribbled over, although it was clear that there was about a sentence more there, along with a name.
"WHY IS EVERYTHING SO FUCKING OMINOUS!"
"At least this time it wasn't threatening..."
Still ominous...and a bit creepy. Brad you gonna explain this shit?
Nope.
God damnit...
I slipped the note into my backpack, shoving it along with my clothes into the locker and making my way to the gym.
As Applejack and I made our laps we talked about what I had seen "So you're sure you don't know who wrote the note?"
"Eeyup. No idea. Definitely not one of the students. No one would know your locker combo." AJ replied.
"And it wouldn't be any of the staff. They wouldn't of scribbled it out if it was....The plot thickens I guess?"
"Eeeyup."
The two of us finished up or laps before making our way back to the far side of the gymnasium, where our class was taking place as Mr. Sargent began yelling orders- I mean instructions.
"ALRIGHT CLASS TODAY WE'RE GONNA BE RUNNING THE MILE! YOUR TIME WILL DETERMINE NEXT WEEKS TEAMS FOR SOCCER! THOSE WHO MAKE IT IN UNDER 7 MINUTES WILL BE PUT ON THE RED TEAM AND THOSE WHO DON'T WILL BE PUT ON THE BLUE TEAM! ANY QUESTIONS?!"
"That doesn't seem very fai-" I spoke, only to be interrupted by the Sergeant.
" I SAID QUESTIONS WILSON! WAS THAT A QUESTION?!"
"No..."
"WELL THEN SHUT YOUR TRAP! ANYONE ELSE?!"
"Wow...He just succeeded at doing that few can claim...Shutting up Deadpool."
"This man deserves a medal!"
I'm pretty sure he already has one...a couple actually.
"WILSON GET RUNNING!"
I looked to see the others already making their way to the field outside, Applejack waiting by the door, motioning me to hurry up "Oh...crap!" I ran to the door, catching up with the rest of the class as we took to the track. The Sergeant blew his whistle as soon as we took our positions and we all took off on our first lap. I quickly made my way to the front of the pack, running past Flash and joining up with AJ and Scoots "AJ, remind me to avoid Sentry over there."
"Why?" Applejack asked in confusion.
"Let's just say he and I aren't on good terms."
"Oh...I got ya. "AJ replied with a thumbs-up.
"So Wade, what games are we gonna play at Button's?" Scootaloo asked as we made our first lap around the track.
"Well it depends...What are you most familiar with?"
"Well I am pretty good at fighting games. Mostly Mortal Fighter and stuff like that." Scootaloo replied as she recalled her previous gaming experiences.
"Mortal Fighter?"
"So, Street Fighter...but with more gore?"
That sounds awesome....At least Scootaloo is versed in Video Game violence.
I'm not sure that's a good thing, Wade.
For our purposes it is. Video Game violence is an essential part of a gamer's experience.
"I would argue otherwise...but he's not wrong in that statement."
"Well I don't really think Applebloom would like those types of games...You play any Smash?"
Scootaloo smiled at that "Oh yeah! I rock as Captain Falcon!"
"I always saw her as more of a Samus."
"Nah, She's totally a Ryu!"
They added him?
Yeah. Him, Cloud, and Bayonetta were the three new outsiders they added, along with fan favorites like Mewtwo, Lucas, and Roy...and another Fire Emblem Character named Corrin.
Geez. So essentially Smash has become the new Soul Caliber...huh.
"What are y'all talkin about over there?" AJ asked at the mention of her sister's name.
"Oh, Wade and Button are gonna train us crusaders in gaming!" Scootaloo added happily, much to my dismay.
Applejack gave me a serious stink eye, asking me with a stern demeanor,"Wade...you aren't gonna be showin' ma sister all those violent shooters like that game Call of Duty are you?"
I let out a laugh at the sound of that horrid game series, the laugh quickly devolving into a nervous chuckle as AJ continued to give me the stink eye, "No AJ. Gamers like Button and I detest games like COD. We prefer TF2 and Red Orchestra 2, where the battles are either cartoony or realistic. COD is just a glorified shoot em up with multiplayer! I stopped playing that shit after World at War!"
"Ah guess that's okay...but if Ah find out y'all been teaching my sister to be a ruthless murderer then I'll be the first to kick your butt to the curb." Applejack replied with a stern tone, as if she was a police officer talking to a delinquent child....Why does that make so much sense when I think about it?
"Because you are a delinquent child."
"Because you're a terrible role model!"
Because you regularly disobey the laws of society!
Because you're asking your audience! Do you know how many trolls reside in the comments section?
Well thanks for the support...assholes.
"Applejack, you do realize there has never actually been a proven link between video games and real life criminals, right?" Scootaloo added.
"Ah know. I just don't want you gamers to influence my little sister to do something she'd regret...like all the other times."
Scootaloo let out a nervous chuckle, I assume due to the Crusaders' previous escapades in this universe. Brad we ever gonna see those?
In this fic...probably not. Maybe in the spin off.
"Spin off?"
"WHAT SPIN OFF?!"
I'd love to tell you...but we haven't gotten there yet.
Damn it Brad! Ugh...whatever. Promise you'll tell us when it's time?
I promise I'll tell you when I tell everyone else.
Fine...
ANYWAYS!!!!
We came up on our third lap, Scootaloo, AJ, and I leading the pack with Flash following close behind as he tried to catch up to me.
"Is he following us?" Scootaloo asked.
"Ah'm pretty sure all of them are following us Scootaloo" AJ deadpanned. "But he does seem a bit more determined than the others. Never seen the boy run that long. He's usually a pretty slow guy."
"Oh he's slow alright..." I muttered under my breath, "Too slow to catch the hint that Sunset doesn't like him anymore."
As we took to the fourth lap the gap between us and the other runners grew, the three of us ending up lapping some of the slowest runners. I tried my best to mentally pick out every character that I recognized from the show, something I had made a game out of in the past week playing against the voices in my head.
"Look! There's Lyra! Five points to Crazy!"
"And over there is Big Mac. Ten points to me!"
And I spy a Luna through the far window! Fifty points!
Do you guys even have rules for this game or are you just making it up as you go?
Well Duh! Don't worry Brad! I'll put the rules in the Author's Notes!
Waste of space. I'll let you make a blog entry about it.
Fair enough.
Here you go people: https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/595224/deadpools-eqg-drinking-game-guaranteed-to-get-you-shitfaced-in-less-then-the-halfway-point-of-the-first-movie
The three of us finally made it across the finish line, being the first to do so. We were followed by Flash, who AJ stepped in the way of in order to keep the peace.
"Five twenty three....Not bad you three. That's gonna be hard to beat later on but you definitely proved me wrong." Mr. Sargent said in a clam tone, quickly returning to his normal drill sergeant demeanor, ,"NOW GET TO BACK TO THE GYM BEFORE I GIVE YOU ALL THREE MORE LAPS!"
I stood in the crowd of students waiting for the buses, searching through the sea of people to find my Brother in Arms, Button Mash. I finally spotted him, seeing his waving arms on the other side of the hall as I made my way towards him.
"Sergeant Wilson! Lance Corporal Mash reporting for duty!" Button yelled over the noise of the crowd making there way to the buses as he stood in salute.
"At ease Lance Corporal Mash. I have a mission for you." I spoke in a mock serious tone.
"And what would that be, Sergeant Wilson?"
"I want you to collect Private Bloom, Private Wing and Private First Class Belle while I talk to the lieutenant." I looked over to the clock on the wall behind Button, checking the time."Meet me at 1500 hours in front of the Academy by the flag post. Do you understand Lance Corporal Mash?"
My fellow soldier stood tall, saluting and answering with a hearty "YES SIR!" before walking off to find the others.
"Good man...Now I just need to tell Sunset where I am." I spoke to myself as I pulled out my cell phone and began texting my roommate.
Hangin with frends 2nite. B back late
What friends? You mean Pinkie?
No. Hangin with the Crusaders at a frend's named Button Mash. We gamer frends.
Can you please speak in normal grammer? I can barely read your texts
No can do Suns3t. I R on te interwebs. Must talk in 1337 Speek or Joke will not B funny. K?
Whatever. Just make sure you come home at a decent time. I don't want to wake up tired tomorrow after having to deal with you.
K Bai!
I put my phone away and made my way to the front of the school, sitting in front of the flag pole as I waited for the four Middle Schoolers.
I sat there for about half an hour, looking at my watch/holocommunicator periodically as I waited.
"1458...1459..." I spoke as I watched the minutes tick by, finally hearing the sounds of the four youngsters making their way through the door of the school "1500 hours...You're on time Lance Corporal Mash."
Button stood in attention, saluting to me as he nudged the other three girls to do so. Sweetie Belle joined in eagerly, as well as Scootaloo who gave more a confused look than one of a soldier. Applebloom on the other hand did not, instead yelling,"WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH GAMIN'?"
I turned to the red haired farmgirl, speaking in a firm, yet silly tone, sounding a lot like R. Lee Ermey doing an exaggerated impression of himself "The first rule of Gaming is discipline. A true gamer knows how to deal with the stress and emotional chaos of hardcore gaming. It takes more than mad skillz and corporate sponsors to be an elite gamer! Today we will be learning the basics of hardcore gaming: Discipline, Teamwork, Focus, and most importantly....Practice. As is with every skill, gaming is a craft that is honed by hours of training. Your thumbs will tire. Your rage will build. Your skillz will grow. You three, Private Bloom, Private Wing, and Private First Class Belle, will become a lean mean gaming machine. You will conquer the leaderboards. You will overcome the trolls. You will smite the hackers! You will become...THE GAMING CRUSADERS! DO YOU UNDERSTAND MAGGOTS?!"
Once again Button, Sweetie, and Scoots stood attention, saluting proudly and answering in a clear voice, though Sweetie Belle did end up coming out as more of a squeak."YES SIR!"
Applebloom on the other hand just rolled her eyes and followed as the four of us marched across the street.
Lance Corporal Mash led the way, leading our march west two blocks away from the school, stopping in front of a one story house, curiously similarly designed to the cots back in Ponyville...only smaller of course.
"Sir, we have arrived at our designated rendezvous point. Shall we proceed?" The gamer boy asked, once again standing attention and saluting.
"Indeed Lance Corporal Mash. Let us enter the Barracks." I spoke in my mock military officer impression.
The five of us entered Button's house, Button immediately yelling at the top of his lungs to his mother "MOOOOOM! I BROUGHT FRIENDS!"
It was then we saw her and HOLY SHIT SHE'S A MILF!
"Fan art?"
Couldn't find any good ones. There's like one EQG picture of her on DeviantArt and it's ...eh...
WHAT?! HEY FANDOM! GET THE FUCK TO WORK ON THAT! THIS BITCH BE SMOKIN! And remember fans, my thoughts do not reflect the
personal opinion of the writer! Just because I have no standards and would screw a tree if I thought it was coming on to me doesn't mean Brad would do the same....although Brad does agree she be smokin.
WADE!
"She certainly has curves...among other things"
Remember Wade. You're dating Sunset.
I know!.....but still....Dayum!
"You must be Button's friends! Nice to meet you all! My name's Elaina but you can just call me Mom." Button's mom said with a motherly smile.
I tried to come up with a reply but the only thing that came out was a resounding "huminahuminahumina...."
"UGH! COME ON SERGEANT!" Button groaned as he dragged me down the basement stairs and into his gamer cave.
"She was nice!" Sweetie Belle added as we made our way down the basement stairs.
"I'LL MAKE YOU ALL COOKIES FOR LATER!" Button's mom yelled down the stairs before closing the door behind her.
Is that close enough to brownies, Wade?
YEP!
"Whoa..." Scootaloo said as she scanned the gamer paradise.
The basement was filled to the brim with everything a gamer needed to survive. A Desk top, personally customized with one of those weird super mouses along with a custom built tower and a screen twice as large as normal and resolution that most TVs don't have. There was three High Def High Res flat screens set up side by side on the far left wall, each with their own console connected to them and each sporting five controllers each. The far right wall had bookcases from wall to wall, all lined with either carefully organized games, each shelf storing different console games, or older consoles, from the Old School Atari to the last gen consoles, all in mint condition and carefully organized by generation and maker. I was pretty sure that this was the only thing in the room that was kept organized as the rest of the room was filled with either chairs, a couch that had obviously seen better days, and trash galore, mostly consisting of empty juice boxes and pizza boxes along with the stray wrapper or two.
"Where the heck did you get all the money for all this stuff?!" Applebloom asked, amazed by all the tech surrounding her.
"I play a lot of tournaments." Buttton replied with a smug grin.
"You need to clean up after yourself, Button." Sweetie Belle added, whipping her finger along the closest chair.
"Eh, that can wait. We need to get to business!" Button replied, waving off his crush and jumping over and onto the couch.
The girls joined him as I walked in front of the four of them and made my first order of the night "Alright maggots, the first step to becoming gaming legends is to create a persona. Private First Class Belle! I assume you have an account?"
Sweetie Belle perked up "Oh yeah! I can bring it up if you want!"
"Not necessary Private First Class Belle, that just means we can skip you. Private Wing! Private Bloom! We need to make you a gamer persona!"
"How do you even know my last name?" Scootaloo asked.
"Ummm...THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT! We need to create accounts for each console...well except the Wii...because Nintendo's weird. We can just create one of those creepy Miis for that."
The next hour went by, Private Wing and Private Bloom creating accounts on each of the consoles, making sure that all their account data was documented in Button's gamer notebook so we don't lose any of the accounts like Brad did with his two Xbox Live accounts..did you ever get those back?
Nope. Lost all my DLC and progress on my games...and there was a lot of it.
Your fault for using an e-mail that you stopped using years ago.
Wade...just get back to the story before I decide to stop writing.
Dude...that's not funny.
ANYWAYS!
I stood proud as I held a blade out in front of me "Private Wing..I dub thee Nightfury75389." I said as I passed my katana's blade over her head.
I moved over to Applebloom and did the same "Private Bloom...I dub thee Crusader4Life5001."
I put my blade back into my magic satchel, sitting down on the couch next to Private Wing.
"Wait..wasn't that a real sword?"
Was it?
"Yes."
Well...that could have gotten a hell of a lot darker.
Trust me Wade...this story will.
"STOP BEING SO FUCKING OMINOUS!"
"And you're still not using the Tragedy tag?"
Stuffy there's a difference between a story being dark, and it being a tragedy. Being dark is when a story has a moment where the tone changes to something much more grim than the rest of the story which this story will have A LOT of later on. Being tragic is when a story or character is depicted as having tragic traits like suffering or constant torment which this story's overall tone does not depict. KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!
Touche...wait doesn't that make Sunnyside a tragic character?
Yes, but that still doesn't give me a reason to use the Tragedy tag. The reason being that Sunset will overcome her tragic traits. Her story is of redemption not tragedy, despite that redemption requiring tragic traits to begin with. Got it?
"Got it."
"Got it!"
Got it.
Learned!
Good. Now back to the story.
"Can we start playing now?" Applebloom asked, annoyed by our antics.
"Yeah! Let's get gaming! What are we playing first?" Scootaloo asked eagerly.
I looked over to the clock, reading 6:30 "Well soldiers, I planned for us to spend 2 hours on each game but it seems our battle plan has changed. We were going to play some War Thunder first but it seems that we've run out of time to do so along with the other games...Well as Egoraptor would say...IT'S TIME TO MOTHER*BLEEP*ING SMASH!" Brad....did you just bleep me?
Yup. No swearing around the Crusaders.
BULL*BLEEP*! YOU MOTHER*BLEEP*ER! JUST BECAUSE YOU CONTROL MY *BLEEP*ING FATE DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE *BLEEP*ING RIGHT TO *BLEEP*ING *BLEEP* ME! I HAVE *BLEEP*ING RIGHTS! *BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*
Actually Wade...it does.
I *Bleep*ing hate you right now.
"JUST FUCK ALREADY!"
What?! NO! GOD NO! Wait...WHY DOESN'T HE GET BLEEPED?!
Cause the others can't hear them.
Lucky *Bleep*s.
Lance Corporal Mash waved his hand in front of my face, snapping me back to reality "Hey, Sergeant Wilson, you ready?"
"Oh right, sorry. Kinda spaced out there. You soldiers ready to smash?"
The three of them gave a hearty "YES SIR!", save for Private Bloom, who just rolled her eyes.
"Can Y'all just pick your characters?"
We all embaressedly brushed ourselves off and picked our characters, Lance Corporal Mash going straight for the Pro favorite Sheik, Private First Class Belle picking the adorable A tier Pikachu, Private Wing picking the pro newcomer Ryu, While Private Bloom ended up choosing the less than smart DK and I settled for the Pro classic Fox.
Can I point out that Sonic is much better in this ga-
NOBODY CARES!
The next two hours passed by with sounds of yelling, cheers, slow claps, and lots and lots of advice for Private Bloom. While the three veterans of the group held the advantage early on, as soon as I told Scoots that she could use Ryu's classic controls she began her slow rise to the top of the card, while Private Bloom seemed to be stuck at the bottom of the rankings.
"This is stupid! You guys are all way too good! Can we play something else?!" Private Bloom argued.
"Rage Quit capacity at 25 percent."
Keep me posted Ghost Nappa.
"It has been two hours. What else do you have planned Commander?" Sweetie Belle asked.
I looked over to Button Mash and asked "TF2?"
"TF2!"
After a complicated rewiring of the computer,Button Mash and I set up the TVs, each screen displaying a different player's display, and after hacking the game, we handed each of the Crusaders a keyboard, giving the two newbies a crash course in PC gaming.
After about an hour of going through the basics and a ton of practice rounds, each of us settled on a class, and we started our first online game.
"Alright soldiers, here we go. We're playing Capture the Intelligence."
"Don't you mean Capture the Flag?" Applebloom asked
"Not in this game. TF2 has an intelligence briefcase, not a flag. Anyways looks like the we're on Double Cross. Good. Alright here's the plan, Private Wing you're going Heavy right?"
"Yup! I'm the Babe with the Bullets!" Scootaloo yelled excitedly.
"Good. Private First Class Belle will be on support for you as a Medic, so wait for her to build up that sweet, sweet Uber and then ride that invincibility across that bridge" I ordered in a stern tone.
"What do I do in the meantime?" Scootaloo asked
"Just keep the Blue scum from getting across the bridge."
"Sooo...Spray?"
"Exactly."
"Isn't that cheatin'?" Applebloom chimed in.
"No. It's strategy." I answered the critic.
"What about me?" Button asked.
"You're next. You'll be our infiltrator. You go Spy and cloak your way through the sewer and into the Blue base, decloaking in the refuse room, outside the Blue Intel room. Get that Intel back to the Rendezvous point on the other side of the bridge, then we'll give you cover for the rest of the way."
"What about me?" Applebloom asked.
"Bloom" I put my hands on her shoulder, speaking to her in a clear voice "You're the linch pin in this operation. You're going to be our Sniper. Your job is to countersnipe any enemy Snipers from the Red battlement. I'll be running interference as the Scout so you need to keep us from getting headshotted. Can you do it?"
"I think..."
"Good...NOW LET'S GET THAT BRIEFCASE!" I cheered, the entire room letting out a resounding "YES SIR!"
The plan worked like a charm, Sweetie Belle racking up Uber while happily healing any other teammate Soldiers and Demomans while they pushed their way across the bridge, her and Private Wing leading the final push with their Uber charged Heavy while I kept the Blue Team distracted with my high speed harassment from my bat and shotgun. Private Bloom did her best to keep enemy snipers from taking out our team mates, getting herself taken out a couple of time...Ghost Nappa what we at on the Rage Quit meter?
"Rage Quit meter at 45% and holding."
Good. And while each of us did get killed ourselves a fair share of times, the death counter being 11 for Private Bloom, 13 for Private Wing, her having the most exposure to enemy fire, 7 for Private First Class Belle, 3 for Lance Corporal Mash and 15 for me, since I was the only one purposely running into the crossfire, we all stuck to the plan and as the Announcer Woman called out the final fifteen second mark of the match, Button made his final dash across the bridge, sprinting as the rest of the team provided cover fire, the team speak erupting as he made it across the bridge, only slightly damaged from enemy fire, making it back to the Red Intel room as the final three seconds counted down
OMG BMasher36 MVP!
THAT WAS AMAZEBALLS!
CONGA LINE CELEBRATION NEXT MATCH!
The RED team chat went by, some even calling it Match of the Year, but I'd doubt that as the internet tends to overreact to pretty much everything. After about three minutes of joy fueled celebration, the five of us settled down back into our seats as I looked over to the clock, it reading 8:35.
"Eh...Hey Lance Corporal Mash, how late we going to?"
"Well my mom goes to bed at 10 so...9:30 I guess?"
"Cool. You girls up for one more game?"
"Yup!"
"Let's do this!"
"Eeyup!"
"Alright...let try something a bit more easy to set up. LFD2 anyone?" I asked.
"What's LFD2?" Applebloom asked
"Left For Dead 2! It's easy AB! You just mow your way though a horde of zombies across the map to each safe room and then make your escape on the various vehicles that are at the end of each campaign!" Sweetie Belle cheerfully explained.
"Well I guess it's okay if their zombies...I still feel a little uncomfortable shooting people..." Applebloom nervously spoke.
"EAT BULLETS YOU ZOMBIE CREEPS!" Applebloom zealously yelled as she mowed down a group of infected.
After consideration for the newbies, we settled on the No Mercy campaign, seeing it as a easy way to get the girls immersed into the characters. I decided to take a backseat, letting the kids have a little fun while I munched on day old pizza and watched. After bashing though the apartments, the gang made their way through the subways, having little trouble taking down their first witch, which Private Bloom had mistaken for a jockey, having not gotten used to the sound cues for each Special Infected.
"Rage Quit capacity at 75%"
Thanks Ghost Nappa. And while they did get a bit lost in the sewer, Private Wing saying,"This portion is just there to piss you off!" they eventually made it out, pulling a mad dash for the Hospital. And after dealing with the elevator horde, the team made it to the roof, calling the helicopter.
"Alright! Now we just need to hold them off and we're home free! I'll get on the minigun on the roof!" Scootaloo yelled as she made her way up the stairs.
"I guess I'll OH CRAP!" Sweetie Belle yelled as she got pounced by a hunter.
"GET OFF MY GIRL YOU HOODIE FREAK!" Lance Corporal Mash yelled as he unloaded his AK into the hunter.
"Thanks Button" Sweetie Belle said as he picked her up, giving the lucky gamer a peck on the cheek.
Button only blushed as the two other crusaders made fake gagging noises.
"THE HELICOPTERS HERE! EVERYONE GET TO THE-" Applebloom was cut off, as she watched her character get hit by a Charger, who proceeded to ram her up the ramp to the landing pad, and off the roof, killing her instantly.
The entire room burst into laughter, save for Applebloom herself who had become beat red and had steam coming from her ears.
"RAGE QUIT AT 10000% IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND WADE! IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!"
I know this technically isnt, but... IT'S MAHVEL, BAYBEE
Oh crap...
"THIS IS BULLCRAP! I WAS THIS CLOSE TO WINNING!" Applebloom raged as she proceeded to throw her controller onto the ground and storm up the stairs.
The laughter slowly came to a halt, the others quickly noticing that they had all in fact died at that point.
"I think this is a good place to call it. My parents will want me home soon." Sweetie Belle spoke up, making her way towards the stairs.
"I'll walk you home!" Button yelled, chasing after his crush.
"Yeah... that was fun. We should do this again. See you tomorrow Wade!" Scootaloo said as she followed the others example and made her exit.
That was fun. Let's make this a thing okay Brad?
Planned to do that anyways but okay.
I made my way up the stairs, waving goodbye to the resident MILF before walking out the door and staring down the street.
"I wonder..."
I tried to teleport all the way back to the school, only ending up about a block from my initial position outside Button's barracks.
"So that's my teleport range...good to know." I said as I started the slow walk towards the apartment.
"Why not just teleport?"
Okay. I started my slow teleport towards the apartment.
*THUD*
I ported from block to block, finally making to the apartment after about three minutes of teleporting, exhausted from the constant porting. "You see Crazy...this is why we don't just teleport everywhere." I muttered as I walked up the stairs.
As soon as I made it to the door of the apartment, I leaned up against the door to catch my breath, only to fall on my face as Sunset opened it on me.
"Damn...I never thought I'd see you out of energy. You seem to have an endless supply when you're flapping your lips." Sunset snarked.
"Very...funny...Sunshine...if you don't excuse me...I'm going to bed." I said as I teleported one last time into my room, before laying down in my bed and falling right to sleep.