Spike chewed a ruby as the night began to descend outside the moving train. They had been sidetracked by a necessary journey to Yan Hoover to drop off many passengers, but after a few hours the little train continued chugging along past Galloping Gorge, towards the Crystal Empire. This train moved so slow it was driving him crazy. At least the ticket and meals were fairly cheap. He gobbled down the rest of the ruby but felt no particular satisfaction eating it.
Once again, he found himself staring at the picture of his friends. Spike could only wonder what they were doing right now. Twilight probably read his letter by now. He hoped she would forgive him for being too cowardly to say goodbye to her face. Forget forgiveness, he just hoped he could see her again someday.
The rhythm of the train on the tracks began to lull him to sleep, clutching the picture to his chest as he stared at the night sky through his window. All of Ponyville could be looking at that sky right now, he realized, all of us under the same sky. His eyes droopily closed and fell into deep slumber.
“Hello, Spike,” a familiar voice called out to him in the darkness. Once again, Princess Luna approached him from the shadows and stood before him, “come, you have much to see and so little time.”
She continued walking forward and Spike followed her obediently. Suddenly, they were back in Ponyville on the top of a building near town hall in the middle of the night. Or Spike thought it was night. But he was pretty sure ponies usually went to sleep at night, and it looked like the entire town was awake. At a podium near the entrance, Mayor Mare was standing next to a map of Ponyville and a larger map of Equestria as well as various other cities. She pointed to a group of ponies, including Lyra, BonBon, and even Zecora, and asked a question. When Zecora stepped out from and the group shook her head, the mayor moved disappointedly towards the map of Ponyville and put an X over the Everfree Forest. She gave them an order and the group miserably trudged elsewhere. Another group, including Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle came and gave similar news, and another X was placed on Sweet Apple Acres. Upon closer inspection, Spike noticed there were similar X marks covering other locations of Ponyville.
He turned to Luna and asked, “what’s going on?”
Luna spoke quietly, “this is Ponyville at the present.”
Spike looked on in confusion, “I know that, but what are they all doing?”
Luna gave him a perplexed look, “why, looking for you of course.”
Spike blinked in disbelief. The entire town was up at night looking for him?
“In fact,” Luna continued as she walked through the air towards Twilight's castle, “they’ve been looking for you all day since Twilight discovered the letter.”
“But,” Spike nervously placed his foot in the air and upon feeling something solid to step on, carefully followed Luna’s exact hoof steps, “I told her not to look for me.”
“Did you think she would listen?” Luna asked without turning around, “you saw how she defended you in Canterlot. Did you really think she would allow you to leave her?”
Spike opened his mouth to respond but then considered the answer. It really wouldn’t be like Twilight to just accept something she didn't like.
“But why did all of Ponyville get involved in this?” Spike asked as they walked far above the ground.
“Because they care about you,” Luna replied gesturing to a gray cross-eyed pegasus who searched from the clouds above, “and they want to help you.”
They soon came to Twilight’s castle and descended gently to the ground. As soon as they landed, the princess walked into the opened castle door and beckoned Spike to follow.
At the Cutie Mark Map, he saw all six of his friends, along with Discord, and Shining Armor. Twilight looked across the map frantically. Spike’s heart almost stopped when he saw her. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot, her mane unkempt. Spike worried she hadn’t eaten all day. His heart skipped a beat when he saw the rest of his friends in similar condition.
“I just don’t get it,” Twilight sighed, “I’ve teleported all over Equestria, but no pony’s seen a purple little dragon anywhere.”
“Darling, we’ve been at this all day,” Rarity laid a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder, “we need to take a break or we won’t be able to keep this up.”
Twilight shrugged off Rarity’s hoof and stomped away, making everyone flinch, “You can quit if you want, but I care about finding my friend. If I have to do it alone, I will.”
Rarity stormed over to Twilight angrily, “I care about finding little Spikey-Wikey too! I just want you to take care of yourself darling.”
“I can’t,” Twilight said as she stared at the map, “not until he’s found. This is all my fault. I should’ve helped, I should’ve known he was upset and done something. Now he’s—.”
She couldn’t bring herself to finish and a hush fell over the room. Rarity lifted Twilight’s face, wiped away her tears, and calmly said, “we will find him. Even if we have to scour the edges of Equestria, we will.”
“Speaking of the edges of Equestria,” Discord rose from his seat and snapped a finger, causing a map of some place Spike had never seen to appear, “I’ve looked everywhere through my dimension, trying to find some clue to where he ran off to. No luck. I’ve been trying to locate him but I’m afraid,” he sighed with regret, “our little friend just doesn’t want to be found.”
The map disappeared and Rainbow Dash spoke up, “Fluttershy and I searched all over Cloudsdale. We asked everyone but no pony has seen a single dragon recently. Sorry.”
Her head turned down in shame and soon the rest of their friends confessed similar failures. They all seemed devastated by his absence; even Discord seemed disheartened. The spirit of disharmony excused himself and explained he would search through the badlands, southeast of Ponyville. In a flash, he was gone.
“Cadence and I have the Crystal Empire on alert,” Shining Armor said, “Right now she’s combing the whole city for him. If anyone sees or hears rumor of Spike, we’ll be the first to know.”
Twilight nodded but was clearly too tired to thank her brother. He put a hoof on her shoulder in brotherly concern, “Don’t worry,” he said trying to smile, “we’re going to find him. We’ll help him work through his fears and remind him where his home is. Like you said before, he belongs with you.”
Twilight embraced her brother and cried into his shoulder. Spike’s heart was breaking at the sight. He was causing Twilight all of this pain. He was to blame for all of his friends’ current states. He felt so ashamed. Why didn’t he tell her face-to-face why he had to leave, or at least talked about his nightmare? Instead, he left without so much as a goodbye, leaving behind nothing but a letter. He really was a lousy friend. He just wanted to say he was sorry, let them know he was fine, or tell them to stop searching for him. That he loved them.
Luna seemed to read Spike’s thought and rested a hoof on his shoulder, “I can connect you to them through your dreams. Would you like me to contact them and tell them to sleep so you may speak with them?”
Spike nodded with guilty tears in his eyes, “Please, and tell them I’m sorry.”
Luna disappeared and left Spike staring at the sorry scene. Suddenly, she reentered the castle door and called out to Twilight. The group looked up to see the princess of the night enter the room and stand beside the table.
“Princess Luna!” Twilight almost instinctively bowed before she remembered she too was a princess.
“Just Luna,” the princess waved away her greeting, “I believe I have news about Spike.”
The group instantly looked alert and hopeful. Twilight ran over to Luna and stared her in the eyes, “Do you know where he is?”
“No,” Luna shook her head and the group became crestfallen, “I have visited his dreams and tried to tell him to turn around, but he is adamant in pursuing his course.”
“Did he say anything about where he was?” Applejack interjected.
“Or what it would take for us to make him come back?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Or stay?” Fluttershy added.
Luna shook her head once more and spoke, “Spike believes he must leave Ponyville, possibly even Equestria to keep his nightmare from coming true. It has taken a deep hold over his mind.”
Spike stared as the group looked on with concern. Why? Why did they care for him so much? He left them without a word and they still cared.
“That’s crazy!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, “he shouldn’t let a silly nightmare keep him away from us!”
Luna looked at her and frowned, “that silly little nightmare,” she moved towards the pink earth pony, “was the most terrifying thing he’s ever seen in his life.”
Pinkie Pie looked down apologetically, “I just meant that we want him to come home.”
Luna turned to look at the group. Gazing at each one carefully, she spoke “I wish he would return as well, but my words cannot sway him,” the friends all looked teary. “Perhaps yours will.”
They looked up as the meaning of her words slowly dawned on them. Twilight approached her again and asked, “Are you saying you have a way for us to talk to Spike?”
Luna nodded and the friends felt a surge of hope. “At the moment,” she spoke, “Spike is sleeping and dreaming.”
And watching everything you guys say, Spike thought as he watched like a ghost.
“I can join you all with him in one dream, where you can speak with him. He has already agreed to such a meeting.”
“So you’re asking us to go to sleep?” Applejack asked. “That’s the best idea I’ve heard all day.”
“Hold on,” Shining Armor spoke up, “I want to talk to Spike as well. He’s my friend too.”
The group walked to their makeshift beds upstairs and tucked themselves under the covers. Princess Luna spoke once more, “Oh, Spike wanted me to tell you all something.”
They all glanced up from their respective beds.
“He’s sorry for making you all worry so much.”
The group fell into deep slumber and the Princess appeared beside Spike. With a flick of her horn, the scenery changed. He and Luna were back at the temple where Twilight used the elements of harmony to defeat Nightmare Moon. He gave her a confused glance.
“I decided this will be our meeting ground,” the princess explained, “they searched here already and know you’re not here.”
Spike looked around nervously, “isn’t it kind of weird for you to come back here?”
She looked at him without expression, “I am no longer Nightmare Moon. This place reminds me I was freed from that curse.”
Her horn glowed and seven white beams trailed from it and hit the ground around her. The edge of these beams began to take form until there were seven ponies in the temple. Spike stared at the forms as they took more shape and began to resemble very familiar ponies. The shapes gave way to his friends, Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Shining Armor. They opened their eyes and took in the place around them. Then they all saw him. Spike had no idea what to say. He wanted to apologize for worrying them and hope they could come to forgive him, but he had no idea how he could begin to apologize, much less how they could forgive him.
Before he could blink, all of the ponies ran over and tackled him to the ground in a bear hug. He felt Twilight’s teary face pressed against his right cheek, Rarity’s face on his other cheek, Applejack wrapped her hooves around his waist, Pinkie Pie had his back, and every pony had found some part of him to hold. After everything he put them through, put all of Ponyville through, they still welcomed him with open hooves. It was more than he deserved.
They sat there, embracing for what seemed like hours. All the while, Luna looked on with a smile. Finally, Spike felt breathing was becoming increasingly difficult and grunted to his friends, who reluctantly one-by-one backed off. Rising back to his feet, he stared a teary-eyed, smiling Twilight in the face and smiled back.
“Hey,” he said, unsure what else to say.
Twilight’s smile just widened and her eyes grew even wetter. Rubbing her eyes with a hoof, she spoke, “I’m so happy to see you.”
Now it was Spike’s turn to smile as he replied, “I’m happy to see you too, Twilight.”
“Are you alright?” Twilight approached and inspected him for anything out of the ordinary, “No injuries? No sickness? No hunger?”
“I’m fine, Twilight,” Spike assured her although he instantly realized that was far from the truth, “I mean I’m still me and I’m not hurt.” He doubted both of those statements but said nothing.
“That’s good,” Twilight’s face grew serious as she stared at the purple dragon, “Spike, please come home.”
Spike’s eyes were downcast and ashamed, “How can you even say that after I left you without saying goodbye?”
“Because I love you,” Twilight responded, “and I miss you.”
“As do I,” Rarity walked to Twilight’s side to stand before Spike, “Ponyville isn’t the same without you.”
Applejack trotted up along with Rainbow Dash, Shining Armor, and Fluttershy, “That’s right,” the earth pony said, “nothing we do feels the same if we know you’re not there. I can’t buck an apple tree knowing one of my friends is gone.”
Rainbow Dash nodded, “I can’t fly through the sky feeling free like I used to, knowing you’re not home. It's just not the same without you.”
“Yeah, it’s all too boring,” Pinkie Pie bounced over, “plus, a party’s no fun if your friends aren’t there.”
“I can’t tend my animals without thinking about you,” Fluttershy added with a shy smile, “so won’t you come home?”
Spike looked at all of them. They really meant everything they said. Without him, they felt empty and unhappy. Spike felt guiltier than ever before. He was causing his friends so much grief, it just wasn’t right. How could he have even thought leaving them behind was the right thing to do? He smiled at them, tears in his eyes, ready to return home and never wander again.
Then he remembered his nightmare. He saw Ponyville burned to the ground, along with all of his friends before him. He saw Twilight slowly melting under his flames, releasing a blood-curdling screech. His smile left him. They loved him. If he betrayed their love and obliterated them them, it would be far worse than simply causing them grief.
“I can’t,” he said with pain in his voice, “I just can’t.”
The friends looked at him and exchanged uncertain glances. For a moment, they thought Spike was ready to come home. Why had he suddenly changed his mind?
“I’m sorry,” Spike choked, “but I don’t want to become the monster who destroys everything he loves.”
Twilight walked over to him and placed a hoof on his shoulder, firmly but tenderly. He gazed into her sympathetic eyes, as she spoke, “You won’t become a monster. I promised you along time ago that I would raise you to be a nice kind dragon. And I will.”
She outstretched her other hoof, offering him to take it, “You can come home. We’ll work this out together.”
Spike longed to accept her hoof, promise to return home, and live a happy life with his friends. That nightmare, however, maintained a vicious hold over his heart. He was just too afraid of what might happen. With great difficulty, he shrugged her hoof off his shoulder and stepped backwards. Twilight and her friends looked at him aghast.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t want to take the risk.”
Shining Armor stepped forward with a hint of anger, “For the love of Celestia, Spike!” He turned to Princess Luna and smiled, and shrugged apologetically at invoking her sister before turning back to Spike, “Twilight and every pony in Ponyville, in the Crystal Empire, in Canterlot, is worried about you! Most of them haven’t slept in days because they were so busy searching for you! Do you know why?”
He stepped closer to a slightly quivering Spike, despite Twilight trying to restrain him, “Because we all want to help you! We know about your nightmare and we want to help you overcome it! Stop shutting us out!”
Shining Armor softened his voice but retained his passion, “Please, let us in.”
Spike stared at his surrogate uncle in awe. Sometimes he forgot how much authority Shining could carry, despite being a big, loveable sweetheart. He felt his resolve to stay away melt before this passionate speech. Once again, however, the nightmare overtook his mind and hardened his resolve, if not his heart.
“You think I don’t want you to help? Believe me,” Spike cried, “there’s nothing I want more! I want to come home and live without thinking about the future. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash. I love all of you! But,” he felt red-hot tears rolling down his face, “Not when I know that I could become the dragon who ends it all.”
“You don’t know that will happen,” Rarity stepped forward. “You have no way to know what will happen in the future.”
“Exactly,” Spike sighed wiping his tears. “I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. I don’t know if I could become that monster or not, but the mere possibility of it,” his heart broke as he spoke, “is the reason I can never come back!”
His friends all stared at him in shock. Through his tears, Spike saw similar tears emerge from his gathered friends. Now he felt even worse. He troubled them with his problems, and made them weep over his own fear. He made them suffer by leaving without saying goodbye and then again by refusing to come home, no matter how hard they pleaded. He felt like a truly terrible friend.
He sobbed in self-loathing and self-pity, before turning to his friends and speak with a trembling voice, “I never said goodbye to your faces and I never considered how leaving would hurt you. I’m sorry for being such a lousy friend.”
“You were just looking out for us when you left,” Rainbow Dash offered, trying to console her broken friend. “No pony blames you for being afraid. We all are.”
Twilight stepped forward and stood in front of Spike, “Wouldn’t it be better to face that fear as we’ve faced everything else?” She extended a hoof once more, “Together?”
“I don’t,” Spike wiped his eyes and sobbed, “I don’t deserve friends as good as you.”
Twilight moved to embrace him. Spike longed to feel her comforting presence wash over him. Her embraces often soothed him as a hatchling, reminding him he would always be loved. He wanted that reminder once more. He needed that love, now more than ever. But once more, the nightmare returned like a thorn in his side, and he backed away from the purple alicorn. She looked devastated at his rejection and Spike felt even worse.
“I’m sorry,” he cried, regretfully but with conviction. “Please, don’t tire yourselves out searching for me. It’s just too painful to see you burn yourselves out like this. I’ve made my decision and I can’t turn back.” He looked at each one of his sobbing friends, “Just go about your lives. Read your books, make your dresses, fly through the sky, buck your trees, have your parties, tend to your animals. You’ll forget all about me. This is goodbye.” He felt his body stirring as he began to wake up and fade from the temple, “Goodbye.”
“Spike, wait!” Twilight’s shrill voice rang in his ears long after he faded from the temple, “I need you!”
***
Spike awoke in his solitary compartment, as the light flickered through the window. He stared into his palms to find the picture of his friends right where he left it. The pain he felt all night resurged in full force. He had really done it. He severed his bonds with them forever. No way would they take him back after this. He wouldn’t take himself back after this. He clutched the picture to his chest and wept harder than he had before.
He exhausted himself from crying. Yet, he was too mentally fatigued to fall back to sleep. He stared at the picture once more, meticulously tracing his finger over every curve, every line, absorbing his friends’ shapes. His head throbbed violently, his throat constricted, his stomach felt queasy. He raced to the train’s lavatory and miserably regurgitated his dinner into the toilet. He had never felt so disgusted with himself. He was a terrible, rotten dragon for putting his friends through a nightmare of their own.
Slowly, he trudged back to his compartment and closed the door behind him. He cradled on the seat in a fetal position, wishing for Twilight’s loving embrace. Then he remembered that he rejected her, and his body shook with violent spasms. He wept once more.
When he tired himself, he stared out the window to see snow blanketing the ground. They must have passed through the Frozen North. Soon, the train would approach the Crystal Empire, stop an hour or so to restock and allow passengers on board. Then it would pass through the Crystal Mountains and Yaket Range. There was a station on a grassy field next to the Yaket Range. Once he passed that, he would reach the point of no return, crossing the Celestial Sea over to the next continent. He wouldn’t have enough bits, or gems to buy a ride back to Ponyville.
Still, he hoped this would not be the last time he would ever speak to his friends. He made a new resolution. The second he found a place to settle down, not only would he send his friends letters at a regular interval, he would find gems and bits to buy a ticket back home to see them. Maybe he could go visit them every now and then before he grew up. If he ever grew wings, he could always fly over the ocean to greet them. His friends deserved that much, well, they deserved more than that. Hopefully, they could come to forgive him for leaving and they could still be friends. Entertaining the mere thought of visiting Ponyville again relieved his mind immeasurably.
He stared out the window over the snowy mountains, thinking only of his friends and every moment they had shared together. He held on to those memories dearly, and knew deep down, they would hold on to those memories as well. He also knew deep down that no matter where he made his new home, his true home lied with his heart back in Ponyville, back with his family.
***
The friends stared at the spot where Spike had vanished, with some unconscious hope he would reappear. He never did. The realization dawned upon them slowly and painfully as they turned to Princess Luna.
“He woke up,” the princess explained, sharing the group’s woe.
“Can’t you bring him back?” Applejack asked hopefully.
Luna stared past her, as though she had not heard Applejack’s question. She stared past them deep in thought, as though she might not be even aware of them. Applejack almost asked her question again when Luna replied.
“Even if I could,” her voice startled the other ponies, “do you think he would listen?”
“Just give us another chance,” Rarity begged the princess, “we can get through to him. I know it.”
“No,” Luna’s voice offered no compromise. She walked away as the seven ponies began to wake up and fade, “I had hoped to avoid doing this, but I fear I have no other option.”
The other ponies shook uncomfortably at his words. Twilight walked to the princess of the night even as her vision faded, “What are you going to do?”
“Twilight,” she addressed the young alicorn, “I have one last thing to show Spike. But it could drive him insane; change him forever. Or it could convince him to come home, and save us all. As Spike’s guardian, I must ask your permission to show him something even I fear.”
“You’re sure it will bring him back?” Twilight asked uncertainly. Luna nodded. All of her other friends had woken by now, leaving her and the princess. She thought, considering the option.
“What do you intend to show him?” the purple alicorn asked.
“A nightmare,” Luna answered solemnly, “greater than any other before. I cannot disclose its nature to you.”
Twilight wanted to scream. How would another nightmare help? Princess Luna looked certain and she was fading from sight as Twilight woke up.
“Do it,” Twilight whispered, as she finally faded, “just don’t hurt him.”
Luna was alone in the temple. Her eyes turned to the temple ceiling as she prayed her ancestors to forgive what she had to do. She faded from the temple and steeled herself. It was time to face the future.