Chapter 4: Oh Please! (BGM Link Here)
All that Joseph could see was her magenta pupils. He didn’t even have to be the genius that he was to know that Rainbow Dash was already upset with him just for being here.
‘Why in Equestria do you have to be here, dammit?!’ Rainbow Dash’s eye twitched. A stallion she absolutely hated, one that she thought she would never need to meet again was standing right in front of her…And suddenly, he had the gall to look away?!
“Ahem…everypony, I’d like you all to run away now. What we have on our hooves is a very rabid creature that can only be quelled with a race, a puzzle that isn’t very complicated that she would still not solve, or an absurd amount of ice cream. Mint chocolate.” Joseph addressed the crowd of ponies, once here to celebrate cutie marks, but now admittedly enjoying the spectacle of one of the town heroes in a fit.
‘That is actually her favorite flavor…’ Applejack thought on the side. While an argument began to sprout up, Applejack ready to step in if things became a bit more violent, her ear flickered as she heard two ponies approaching. Flicking her head over, Applejack watched as Rarity ad Sweetie Belle approached, curious as to what was happening.
“Err, why are Joseph and Rainbow Dash arguing?” Rarity stopped herself before raising a hoof to her chin in thought. “Actually, this might’ve happened nonetheless…”
“And where are Apple Bloom and Scootaloo?” Sweetie Belle interjected, bouncing up a little as if she wanted to be heard more clearly.
Applejack looked around frantically, before coming to the conclusion that the two foals were already gone. “They were just here a second ago…”
“They went thattaway!” Pinkie pointed a hoof towards the closest edge of town, before her head drooped and she began to click her hooves together. “And Dashie didn’t want the reunion party…”
“No no, I think the bigger problem is the giant jerk that’s standing in front of me!” Rainbow Dash could feel a vein pop. And then she got a tip of a hoof pointed in her face.
“Dash, you’re supposed to face the audience! And here I thought you actually wanted to be famous!” Joseph mocked by pointing to the crowd of spectators before shrugging his shoulders. “But I suppose every egotistical jerk is all talk, huh?!” Joseph enunciated his last word by thrusting his head forward.
“Wait, wait, wait. I’m the egotistical jerk here?!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, to which Joseph promptly nodded. “Have you ever looked in a mirror, at all?!”
“Yes I have. And I’m very sexy!” Joseph said, before taking a sideways glance at Rainbow Dash. “Which is much less than I can say for you.”
“Are you kidding me?! I think you need to get your eyes checked!” Rainbow Dash stomped a hoof menacingly. Applejack thought that she probably should walk over right about now.
“Oh, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, where’d you girls go?” Sweetie Belle asked, prompting a curious Applejack to turn beside her.
“We went to go get somepony.” Scootaloo replied. “Didn’t think I’d hear Rainbow Dash swear in front of me, though. Another surprising thing that happened today, huh?”
“You think?! That’s a first for you! How’s it feel to actually think for once?!” Joseph countered. “I hope it doesn’t hurt too much.”
“Oh, I think somepony else is about to be a lot more hurt!” Rainbow Dash said, wings flared in anger. Joseph, meanwhile pointed towards Rainbow Dash again.
“The next thing you’re going to say is-“
“Excuse me. Would you both stop fighting?”
Both Joseph and Rainbow Dash froze. They knew where this conversation was going to head as Joseph felt a sweat dripping down the side of his face. As he heard hoofsteps walking from the direction of the crowd, Joseph intentionally tried to avert his gaze. However, it was to no avail.
Fluttershy already got in front of him. And she was mustering whatever frustration she had to pout her cheeks.
“L-listen, Fluttershy…I didn’t mean anything by it! I swear!”
“Jojo, you shouldn’t be yelling at Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy said, with a slight elevation in her voice. “You’re going to bother everypony! You already have!”
Applejack and Rarity exchanged glances meanwhile, surprised that Joseph pulled a miracle. Fluttershy was being assertive in public!
“How’d you know to get Fluttershy, anyways?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Well, remember when we heard everypony’s cutie mark stories?” Scootaloo chimed.
“Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash knew each other as kids, so maybe she knew Joseph, too?” Apple Bloom finished.
“But why’d you think Fluttershy could stop them from arguing…oh wait.” Sweetie Belle blinked in realization.
It was at this point that Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, made her entrance. But since it’s far from the most interesting thing going on, your narrator’s just going to ignore her.
“Rainbow Dash, you too! Friends shouldn’t be fighting!” Fluttershy directed her glare, which tried to be menacing but it just failed spectacularly. And it made it so much worse…
‘F-Friends?!’ was the thought that everypony present had. Looks were exchanged, just to try and confirm that their hearing did, in fact, work.
“Why don’t we talk somewhere else? Maybe over tea?” Fluttershy asked. After Joseph and Rainbow Dash exchanged disagreeable glances, they both regretfully nodded.
“I can bring cake!” Pinkie said, bouncing over towards Sugarcube Corner, Fluttershy close behind.
Looking upwards to Celestia’s shining sun, Joseph used a hoof to cover part of his vision, before dropping his gaze back to Fluttershy. “The light…it burns….”
“What are you a vampire now?” Rainbow Dash teased before being silenced by Fluttershy again.
“Did they honestly used to be friends?” Applejack questioned to nopony in particular.
“You should probably tell Applejack we actually used to be friends.” Fluttershy smiled, taking a moment to sip a drink of her tea.
Twilight was skeptical. I’m sorry, narrator man couldn’t ignore her. Ha ha. Help me. I might get fired. Oh no!
Taking a look around Sugarcube Corner just fortified Twilight’s thoughts. Pinkie had already reserved the store for her friends and Joseph, which was easy to accomplish when there hadn’t been any customers inside the store. They had all filed out the door when the Cutie Mark Crusaders went around announcing their accomplishment.
The only ones left in the store was Pinkie, who planted her torso onto a chair so she could swing her hooves around for no particular reason. Twilight and Fluttershy had situated themselves on a table of their own, with Twilight getting the background for what was happening from Applejack and Rarity. Both of them had to attend to the celebration for their younger sisters, and Twilight wagered that Rainbow Dash probably would be with them if Fluttershy hadn’t scolded her.
The mare in question was currently glaring daggers at Joseph from the opposite end of the room. While she was drinking her tea, it didn’t seem like Rainbow Dash was going to calm down, if it wasn’t already evident from her constant hoof tapping against the table.
Joseph, on the other hand, was enjoying his spaghetti wholeheartedly. Without any mention, Pinkie brought it over, saying it was leftovers. She offered cake beforehand, but he hadn’t questioned it since his stomach was clearly more important than his curiosity. Mostly.
“The next thing you’re going to say is, “How did you meet then?”
“How did you meet then? Wha?” Twilight confusedly adjusted her chair to get a better angle to look at Joseph. He was just happily eating his tomato pasta.
“Jojo likes doing that. He says it’s his special trick.” Fluttershy explained to Twilight. Twilight’s ear flickered as she heard Rainbow Dash snickering. Joseph had choked for a moment when he heard Fluttershy unintentionally belittle him.
Coughing a little bit, Joseph took a moment to clear his throat loudly. Garnering everypony’s attention, Joseph questioned Twilight, “What pony race is Rapid Speedwagon?”
“Earth pony.”
“Erina Joestar?” Joseph took a moment for himself to think about how weird it was to address his grandmother by her full name.
“Unicorn?” Twilight took a wild stab of a guess, to which Joseph promptly nodded.
“His butler?” Pinkie Pie interjected. Her head popping into the very corner of Twilight’s scope of vision.
“I don’t think she would know that.” Joseph said, leaning over to learn that Pinkie had then situated her torso on the chair opposite his side of the table. “Earth pony, by the way.”
“You know, it’s really annoying when you do this kinda roundabout reasoning.” Rainbow Dash voiced her opinion. Looking over to Twilight, Rainbow Dash continued, “Basically, he was a classmate at Cloudsdale. End of the story.”
“Rainbow…” Fluttershy whimpered.
“Hey, he’s the one that’s being annoying!” Rainbow Dash protested, pointing a hoof over in Joseph’s direction. Sighing, Fluttershy turned back to Twilight. Before the conversation could continue, Twilight watched as a sparking straight spaghetti noodle shot across the store and bopped Rainbow Dash on the head.
“D-did you just?” Rainbow Dash grumbled as she grabbed the tea bag that she used and threw it towards Joseph. When it landed in his big bushy hair, Rainbow Dash pumped a hoof in success. Direct hit!
Since it wasn’t an interaction like a past bully, Twilight accepted the fact that they might’ve been past friends. Nonetheless, she was still curious about what exactly happened.
“So, when did you girls stop being friends, then?” Twilight questioned, earning a look from Joseph.
“Hey, I’m not a girl over here, dammit!” Joseph exclaimed, pointing his hoof at Twilight. He had dislodged the tea bag from his hair earlier, but he was still in the process of drying his mane out, so droplets of tea had sprung out.
“Really? Because I remember when Fluttershy’s mom made you put on a dress.” Rainbow Dash smiled as Joseph flinched back in embarrassment. Rainbow Dash’s expression became irritated as she mentioned, “I think we stopped being friends because this jerk decided to draw on my face right before a tournament! In permanent marker!”
“What?!” Joseph dropped his fork to slam his hoof onto the table. “That was only because you embarrassed me in front of my crush! And I finally got to ask her out, too!”
“Oh please!” Rainbow Dash threw her hooves at Joseph, falling back into her chair before crossing her hooves. “We both know you had a crush on Fluttershy.”
As both Joseph and Fluttershy blushed, Rainbow Dash slumped back onto the table, resting her chin of her hoof. Joseph, in turn, got up and slammed the table again, causing Pinkie to fumble around with the colored pencil she was using. Taking a moment’s glance, Joseph could see bold words at the top of the paper that said: Party Plans.
“Well, maybe it was the time you wanted to go adventuring and left me in a pit for an hour!” Joseph said, making Rainbow Dash also get up herself.
“Hey, it’s not my fault that you ended up playing hero! Plus that was after you gave me a drugged soda right before one of my races! I was in the bathroom, for like an hour!”
“I told you to drink it once you got home! You were the one complaining about your stomach all day, and that you didn’t want to take any medicine for it! What about the time that I almost drowned in rainbow fluid because you wanted to race in the factory, huh?! My mane was even dyed and everypony kept joking that I looked like your brother!”
Before either of them realized, they were already close enough to be stabbing each other with their hooves. Twilight wanted to speak up, but every chance was dashed away by the next pony. Fluttershy, on the other hoof, was contemplating when exactly they did start arguing anyway.
“You would be cooler if you were my brother! You tried to show off too, and I couldn’t even catch you in time! And remember Nightmare Night! When you made me dress up in a wedding gown! Because you dressed up as a secret agent, I never stopped hearing about that!”
“You needed a costume, and I thought one of Granny Erina’s dresses would be fine! I hated it too, you know! And there was a time you physically bet me in a gamble and lost! Why didn’t you just let me take over?!”
“I can do stuff on my own! You even made Fluttershy cry!”
“That was an accident! And what about when you got me arrested?!”
“Quiet! Both of you!” Twilight finally voiced her opinion. However, before she could continue scolding them, Fluttershy could be heard clapping her hooves together.
“I remember!” Fluttershy said. Both Joseph and Rainbow Dash rushed in front of her, curious whose fault it was.
“Seriously?!”
“What happened? And don’t make it a story.” Rainbow Dash pleaded.
“Well…it started when…” Fluttershy began to trail off.
“Oh no…it’s a story!” Joseph complained as he cradled his head using the flat side of his right fore hoof.
“Yay, another season five flashback!” Pinkie chimed in, garnering looks from everypony that wasn’t about to do a boatload of reminiscing.