//------------------------------// // Chapter V: Moonflower (Rewrite In Progress) // Story: FireStarter // by Cereal-Killer //------------------------------// When I awoke, the sun was shining right in my face from a little crack in between the velvet curtains of the tower. Not the best way to wake up, but certainly not the worst. Scanning the room, I found a purple thing still lying asleep on the bed. She was curled up in a ball, not unlike a dog, letting off cute little snores. You know times like this are when I wish I had my phone on me. Hope one of the other shirts are less tight, this new one clings to me like some kind of full body alien face-hugger with abandonment issues. Opening the wardrobe, I found no shirts, but there was a book on dark magic, titled: 'How to embrace the dark arts.', written by some guy called Sombra. Sounds like an emo. Fuck that, I ain't going to the dark side yet. I slid the book to one of the back corners of the inside. Looks like I'm wearing the sweaty, tight shirt from yesterday, which had a rather large stain over the sun emblem. I looked like a hobo with a fashion sense. So, with that in mind I strolled out the door... Right into Luna's captain again, yay. "Her majesty requests your presence," Moonflower looked completely smashed, blood shot eyes with dark rings around them, barely awake, shaking constantly. "Hangover?" She nodded grimly, "Hold up a second, there's a cure in one of the books in here." Five minutes later I found it, 'Partymare's Panacea', the spell was titled, took me a minute but I figured it out, and so, with a wave of my nonexistent magic wand, she was cured. She seemed to be alright after a few seconds, some of the blood retracting from her eyes, clearing her irises. She brushed up against me. Wait, does that mean the bit in the corridor we had yesterday wasn't part of the dream? I was hoping it was. "So, why is it Moony deemed it necessary for you to fetch me?" I queried. "Not a clue," we turned a corner, "Thank you, for the healing spell, I mean. A lot of the unicorns are too plastered to get that spell done, leaves a lot of drunk guards, and a lot of missed patrols," we had started walking when I cast the spell, and now we were walking up a spiral staircase, the walls surrounding it were quite a sight, star maps, complete with views of nebulae, all in strikingly vibrant colour. "Also stop with the insults. I'll bite you." "Didn't work last time." Some of those images looked an awful lot like photographs. Probably stolen from somewhere with a connection to Hubble. I wonder how far away that is right now? A lightyear? A thousand? Destroyed by an asteroid? Doesn't matter now anyway... After a few minutes of walking, we finally reached the top. These princesses are really just taking the piss with these stairs. I opened the door, vampire horse in tow, "Luna!" I shouted into the darkness, "Oh well! She isn't here, let's go." I began to walk out. "Human," 'awww, I thought I had gotten away with that too.' I gritted my teeth, before putting on my most hideous smile. "Yes, Dictator Luna?" I asked through the smile. "You are to accompany me to a weaponry demonstration, performed by the royal guard," Aww, she doesn't react to me calling her names. She's certainly matured over the last week. "Cool. I always liked medieval weapons and stuff." Like most guys my age, I'd played a decent amount of Skyrim, Dark Souls, etcetera. I wonder if they can just scan my brain with magic to see modern weaponry. I hope not. "Thine attitude around our guard is what makes sister so insistent that you attend," basically she wants me to get shown up by the guard, in order to make me stop being an ass. I snorted, "Fine. I have nothing planned, so why not? It'll be funny seeing guards try and fail to perform simple combat exercises." I wouldn't put it past them to be that stupid. She merely narrowed her eyes before teleported our little group to the training yard. A few guards jumped away, surprised by our arrival. One of them even fired off a spell into a nearby tree, setting it on fire. "Wait, I got this." I absorbed the flames, burning the long sleeves of my shirt slightly, oh well. "Oh yeah, that feels really good. What the heck?" It tickled, kinda. I find it odd that not all fire seems to give me the same effect, dragon fire has is a rather pleasurable experience, while the kind of fire created by burning wood, or a spell, is just a light ticklish feeling. "So, are we all just gonna fuck around and stare at me, or are you going to show me something so I can get on with my day?" I shouted, bringing the guards out of their stupor. The best they had was a semi-functioning wooden crossbow. Their swords were made of steel, which I can't really say anything interesting about, one of them DID end up knocking himself out by twirling his spear, causing me to lose my shit for a minute, causing Luna to sigh and Moonflower to explode on the dude. "Okay I'm-" I started chuckling again, "I'm good, I'm good it's just-" I took a deep breath, wiping away some tears that had collected in my eyes, "that was the funniest shit since forever," It was perfect, the way the day guard just went rigid, then dropped to the ground with a thud. "My sides- they hurt!'" Moonflower was busy barking some sense into the dude for the majority of my laughing fit. Collecting my composure, I turned to the Dictator in disguise, "Luna, can I go back to the tower now, I've done the little exercise." "Captain, you are dismissed." The Princess of the Night growled irritably. I simply stuck my tongue out playfully. She did the same, using the collar of my shirt to yank me downwards to trip me, as a final 'screw you' before leaving me and Moonflower with a flash of light. "Ow. What a little crybaby. Got dirt on my clothes too." I pulled myself back to my feet, brushing off the brown bits on my front. "That was oddly relaxed for her, she usually doesn't act like that." "Yeah, well Celestia talked to her about me, so she seems to have mellowed out, we also had a pretty interesting conversation about the moon and stars yesterday, which probably helped quite a lot." "Yeah, that'll do it. She doesn't get many chances to talk to ponies about her domain." She stretched like a cat. "I'm gonna go get undressed. My shift is over." "Does that mean you're off-duty?" The mare smirked at that. "Why, you gonna take me out to lunch? Take a romantic walk through the park?" She batted her eyelashes flirtatiously before dropping her sultry gaze and shoving me in the waist. Well she's certainly different when she's off the job. "And what if I say yes?" I quipped in response, jokingly. she just shook her head. Ignoring me, she continued. "Let's just go, I got an idea of where to eat, friend of mine runs the place," she did a little hoofpump, before following me. I just rolled my eyes at her display. "I need to go to the barracks real quick though, give me a minute." The mare trotted off towards one side of the open court, pulling off the violet helmet on her head, revealing her lavender mane. "C'mon! Staring doesn't get us anywhere." She motioned for me to follow her with a hoof. As we entered the inside of the palace Moonflower slipped into one of the doors to the side of the entrance, one with a Moon symbol emblazoned on it. Pushing open the door, I was blasted away, rolling a couple times before coming to a stop. "Ow." I grumbled asMoonflower came back out, holding the door open. "Sorry, there's an enchantment to stop civilian ponies coming in without permission. Hop through while I hold the door. " she had a wing pushing on the door, keeping it propped open. I dusted myself off, limping through the doorway while Lavan seemed to fix me up internally. The brief agonizing pain of him performing a reduction on my dislocated arm nearly caused me to fall over again, but I braved through it. "You alright there? You look hurt." Moonflower gave me a look of concern. "Nah, I'm good. Trust me." I rolled my now fixed arm. "If you say so." She shrugged. "Be careful, if anyone is gonna be doing you in, it's me." "Oh, really." I slipped through the doorway, drawing envious looks from a couple of guards who were also undressing as the captain pushed me through. "How do you plan on that?" "Like this." She grabbed me with a leg and and flipped me onto the floor. "I'll end up doing this again if you make the princess unhappy." I rolled my eyes as my arms glowed. Teleporting shouldn't be that difficult. I disappeared from underneath the mare, shocking her. My position was slightly off, but I was still somewhat above her. I grabbed onto her and used my body weight to try and pin her down, she was quick and dodged, leaving me to fall onto the ground. "Nice try. We haven't got all day, human." "The name is John, by the way." "I've heard. You know my name already." She parked her butt by one of the lockers. "Can you undo the clips? I'd do it myself but it'll be much easier if you do it." "Fine." I knelt, feeling around her belly for the strap. "Got it." Her chest armour feel away, exposing her soft fluffy belly. Her fur was a dark blue, but there were blotches of lavender around her legs, tail and neck. I scratched at the chest fluff. "You know, you're very soft for a guard." She cooed inight of the attention, lying in my lap. "What are you doing to the captain?" The group of guards were looking our way and one of them called out smirking once he noticed the captain's face. "Oh, guys, you gotta come see this." "Wait, how are you doing that?" One asked me. "Human technique. It's called the scritch. Completely incapacitates ponies and small animals like dogs and cats." "It'd be nice if I had a camera..." one of the guards mumbled. "We should probably go. I dont wanna be here when the captain comes back to reality." "Yeah." They chorused, filtering out of the barracks. "Huh. They weren't as bad as I thought they'd be. Hey, Moonflower. Y'alright?" I stopped scratching the chest floof. "Huh? What? What happened?" "I gave you a belly scratch." Her ear flicked as she looked down at her chest. She noticed she was in my lap and immediately rolled off. "Don't do that again. Especially in front of my recruits." "Aw. You liked it though." "Well yeah, but I was totally unable to do anything about it. I'm out of uniform now, so we should be able to get over to that place I mentioned. "You didn't mention a place, you just said "I know a place' and nothing else." "Did I? It's called The King's Claws." ---- Me and Moon were on the streets walking down to the less busy section of town. Unlike most day guards, the thestrals under Luna's command don't have illusion enchantments in their armour, meaning they keep their original colour schemes. The guards are mainly set to light grey and white, if you didn't know, because ponies are colourist or something. Thestrals tend to be dark grey or black furred, because they're nocturnal hunters. I know this because Twilight has a lot of books in that library. Detailed ones. With pictures. Pictures of horse dicks. I got a couple of dirty looks from the various ponies on the street, no doubt most of them nobles more worried about my presence contaminating their evening. I almost said something to a particularly rude mare whispering something about going back to my own kind. Almost. Anyway, I finally got around to seeing Flagon's pub, hooray. The place was comparable to the one my father owned, it was one of the better ones around my place, always good for a drink, some food, or just somewhere to relax. The place had the same 'feel' to it, you know what I mean? Never mind. The place was packed, mainly full of day guards, and one or two of the more working class families were littered about as well. Some rustling came from behind the bar before a familiar face entered, "Well, look what the Human dragged in. The Nightmare herself!" The scarred Hippogriff commented from the second floor, before leaping down, for a moment I was extremely worried, but then he landed (rather gracefully, I might add) on all fours, "Haven't seen one of you outside the castle since last Nightmare Night. You ain't come to steal the pumpkin juice again have you?" Moonflower cringed. The bat pony had already parked herself on a windowside table, grabbing a cushion to sit on, "Most of us stay around the castle, this place is far outside those bounds, also that was a couple of rowdy recruits, who got their just desserts right after." Flagon just shrugged, before hopping behind the counter. "I'm not having anything to drink, I know I had enough yesterday." I chuckled, a few noises came from upstairs, but I just dismissed it. Flagon was searching about the different poisons, a claw pointing as he scanned it. "Do you have Coke? Shit, I mean soda. You got any of that?" "Yeah, I'll fix you up a soda. Give me a minute. "FRESH ROUND! WHERE ARE YOU? WE HAVE CUSTOMERS!" Fresh Round? Sounds like a breath mint. A rather sozzled Hippogriff burst from the attic, a pink mare in tow, who was brushing up against him, giggling all the while. There sure are a lot of colourful characters in Equestria. You know, it seems like a good amount of the people I've met had some form of gimmick. Might be just me though "Oh, Hey Gramps! Didn't think you were here..." the mare teleported, leaving the half-breed to fend for himself, "umm... we may have taken some... Woah. What's this guy?" He pointed a claw at me. "I'm a human, names John. Blah blah blah, I know your Grandpa. We met a while ago." I was getting fed up of introductions by now. The hippogriff have a look of acknowledgement. Flagon puffed up his chest, looming over the younger Hippogriff, "Round, if I go up there and find an empty rum bottle, YOU are going to be in deep shit," the younger hybrid simply looked up at him in defiance, before harrumphing and trotting away. Fresh Round, ever the teenager, decided that it wold be wise to escape his elder's wrath, flying through the open window, ascending to the Canterlot skyline. Flagon sighed, rubbing at his forehead with a claw, "Sorry about that, I was rather distracted by my kin, you want anything to eat, or are you just gonna mull around?" "Yeah actually, do you have fish and chips? I haven't had one in ages," the old bird nodded, Moonflower just waved him off, before he trotted to what looked to be the kitchen. Once he left I quickly started up conversation with the vampony (heh, see what I did there?) "So, the nightmare? What did you do for a name like that?" "I end up breaking up a lot of fights on busy weekends. If you manage to take down fully grown stallions every week, you tend to earn a few nicknames." "Fair enough. How do you deal with working for the princesses. I've known them for like a couple days and they already do my head in." Moon ruffled her wings, which I thought odd seeing as thestral wings are more akin to Dragons than Pegasi, "The princesses are rather used to a degree of respect, living in a castle full of those sworn to her, servants and guards alike. Quite honestly, she thinks that you owe her respect, which you seem really adamant on doing the exact opposite," she pondered that for a second, "why is that, by the way?" "I've always been one to disregard authority figures," I smirked, remembering the good times I spent pranking teachers and the people in my year who I found less favourable. Alone, of course, "Luna and Celestia are just expert liars as well as two of the most influential people/ponies on the planet," so basically: they're successful politicians. "What do you mean? Do you intend to go back to umm... 'Earth' wasn't it?" She questioned, her voice unreadable. I nodded, "Yes. If I can, I do want to go back. But I wouldn't be particularly mad if I couldn't, there wasn't much for me there anyway," my expression hardened. Moonflower tried to divert the conversation away from home and back onto food. "So, you ever had hay-fries?" I raised an eyebrow at her question. "Is it made out of hay?" "No duh! Why did you think they're called 'hay-fries?" Sarcasm? Maybe these guard types can actually process humour. "Humans can't digest hay unless it has certain things done to it." I spoke dryly. She let out a quiet 'oh', "Well, what are you going to do once your debt is payed to the princesses?" She's really damn inquisitive. "Go back to Ponyville, out of the toxic cesspit of a community that is Canterlot, I'll probably be able to live in the castle, if Princess Twilight is as nice as she seems," she nodded at that. "Twilight has always been a good girl, she began living in the castle only a few years before I joined the royal guard, so I know her quite well, like the rest of the more experienced, older guards. This was before Nightmare Moon broke free, so I didn't become a Lunar guard until then," a good few years in the guard? Oh yeah, their occupation is practically chosen for them, I forgot cutie marks exist. Turning my head I noticed some movement from behind the bar, I discovered that Flagon had the food finished, holding the plate with his claws. You could tell by the smell that it was some good fish and chips. The de-winged Griff slipped the plate onto the table and left with a muttered 'enjoy the meal' I'm guessing his Grandson is the one that deals with customers. Much to my surprise, ketchup is a thing here so after slathering my fries with some of the red sauce, I threw a fry in. began devouring the fries with gusto. The fish was alright, I guess. Moonflower just looked at me awkwardly the entire time. "Are you an carnivore or a herbivore? Because your teeth are confusing me," "Both, humans are omnivores. Is that the same with thestrals?" I wiped my chin, getting rid of anything that might have missed my mouth. She nodded, "Yes, thanks for this by the way, most ponies never like being around my kind, so it's hard to have anything close to fun when off duty," she beamed. I repayed her smile with one of my own, "No problem, I'd actually be interested in making this a regular thing, if you don't mind. There isn't much for conversation around the Castle except the princesses." All the rest are either irritating or not around with any consistency.. "Sure, but it'll probably be quite on and off because of the constant shift changes these days. I spent the entirety of last week doing night patrol, yesterday I was on early morning patrol, now I'm on day patrol! It's ridiculous!" I wasnt sure why she seemed so interested, maybe the princesses put her up to the job of teasing some information out of me? Oh well, I had fun talking to her so it isn't that big of a deal. We walked to the castle rather happily that afternoon. Moonflower separated from me, going off deeper into the castle as I climbed the tower stairs. I found Twilight sat on a cushion, head buried in what was most likely some magic tome filled with things I'd never be able to do. "Hey Twilight, you in here?" I called, standing in the doorway. "Hmm? Oh, John you're back! Where were you?" She closed the book, turning slightly to get a better look at me. "Just went into town to get something to eat," I dropped into the armchair, slightly small for me but still comfy to sit in, "Why do you ask?" "Just wanted to know," she started grinning maliciously, "so where did we leave off last night? Chemistry, was it?" Please no. God fucking damn it, why did I agree to this bullshit again. Twilight likes science. I think I gave her a little too much for someone who had absolutely no idea what an atom was before I told her last night. The girl is going to run out of paper in that little notepad if she keeps on like this. This carried on until Celestia walked in. The Princess was happy, as usual. I waved at her to get her attention as Twilight was scrawling down an ever expanding amount of knowledge into her little pad. "Please help, Twi is going to kill me with knowledge." I mouthed. "No." Celestia, you fucking troll. I gave her the middle finger, she just blinked, turning her head as if to say 'what?' Oh yeah, ponies don't know what hand gestures were. Except shrugging. Somehow ponies can shrug. "This means, 'Go fuck yourself.', Celestia." She merely smiled, and then suddenly Twilight qas right next to me, "I didn't expect to see you here, Princess Celestia," she had finally pulled herself away from the notepad she was assaulting with my pen. "Hello Twilight," Her tone softened at what I assumed to be her own daughter, "how are things back in Ponyville?" "Things have settied down since the time travel incident," that peaked my interest, "But Discord is still being himself," Wow, that's harsh, Q isn't THAT bad. Ok, maybe he's a bit annoying at times, but you get the point. "Say Twi, how far does that time travel go back?" "It goes as far as it is needed, if the spell Starlight perfected is as flawless as it seems." "Can you... take me home?" I sounded slightly desperate. "Not exactly, John. We can take you back for a short duration." She hastily added. "But we'll be able to increase that duration with further study." A short duration. So now was the time to weigh up options. I decoded to leave the contemplation for later, but as I sit here writing this, I do feel a hollow empty feeling overtake me. There's a lot more I'd like to write here, but I feel like it would clog the entry. "But it'll take a while to prepare, as most contract spells do," Twilight looked to her pseudo-mom as if to ask her permission. "In all honesty, I think you should have a pony go with you. Forgive me for not completely trusting you, but if you come back with other humans, along with weapons, I would not hesitate in eradicating you," Wow. Just... wow, did NOT expect that from the happy sunshine pony princess. "Um... ok then, I wasn't planning to do that but..." what the hell do you say to 'I won't hesitate to murder the living shit out of you.' The smile came back, "Good! I hope you enjoy the days you spend there," Twilight was rather awestruck by the sudden dark nature her fellow princess had shown. She then just sat down beside us, "continue on with your research Twilight," that snapped Twilight out of it. "Oh, we were actually about done for today princess," still processing the fact that Celestia threaten to murder me. "Yep," Celestia looked quite comfy in her seat, so Twilight ended up the first to leave, sorting the book back into place as she moved towards the door. As soon as Twi closed the door, Celestia began talking, "You realise that if you do anything untoward to my subjects, I will reciprocate," a warning, how amusing. "Celestia, if I wanted to do anything, I would've done it, you have exposed your neck to me several times in the presence of guards, who I could disarm. I could've turned you into a kebab, but I didn't. Trust me when I say that I won't hurt your subjects, or your daughter." That thoroughly confused her. "I would enjoy watching you try." "Also, a daughter? I don't have a daughter," Then who the hell are Twilight's parents? "Twilight isn't your kid?" Her magic seemed to falter for a second, her grip on the teacup slipping before she regained her composure. "No, not in blood, but in soul I think of her as far, far more than a simple student or princess," the force behind her words was quite overwhelming, Twilight is certainly a soft spot for her then. Not that I was planning on deliberately pushing her buttons or anything... "Twilight's nice, so far she's been fair, if a little over inquisitive." She's also the only pony who I consider a friend so far. Not sure if Thestrals or Changelings count as ponies. Celestia rose, "Sorry, but I must depart, day court will start in a few minutes. Have fun!" She trotted through the same door that Twilight recently escaped through. Well now what? I've got fuck all to do, everyone is doing stuff, my phone isn't here so I cant browse... Tactical wank? I thought. Fuck yeah. A few minutes later... I briskly exited the room zipping up the denim rags that were supposed to be jeans. Discord? Yeah, thats a great idea, I have no clue where he is though. All that's left is Luna, but she's a bitch. Do I have any choice? It's Luna or boredom, so I'd pick Luna. After trekking up to Luna's secluded hideout on the royal tower, I found her asleep. My eyes were drawn more so to the tomes residing at the end of the roomore, on some sort of black wood bookcase. Illusion magic? Why does Luna have secret illusion magic books. I turned back to the sleeping princess. Fuck it. I grabbed a good ten of them, before creeping out of the room. I studied. Illusion magic is very versatile, low cost of magic on the wearer, if you compound enough, you can effectively create an alternate reality inside of a room. Fascinating stuff, really. Good for me, as I only had enough power to fuel a fireplace unless I felt like passing out. The applications of being able to synthesise an environment. I closed my eyes, but when they opened a hazy view of my old room was projected along the walls, a few things out of place, but otherwise untouched. A few good memories were surfacing from the false vision before I realised I wasn't here, I was at the castle. The pit in my stomach grew deeper with every passing second, I tried and failed to dismiss it. In the end I just got angry and started thinking violent thoughts until I chilled out. 'Why are you imagining uppercutting me in the balls?' Hey, I never said I was thinking about useful things. Also hi, you're back. 'i was aware. Why did you do that?' I'm not exactly the most emotionally stable person in the world. 'You seem oddly emotionally stable right now for someone talking to the voice in his head, after previously imagining bringing that person bodily harm.' Lavan whispered, like it was a struggle to get the words out. I can accept that I'm completely insane, I've been living in pony land for the last week, I think a voice in my head is expected at this point. 'you're bit different yourself, aren't you?' the voice joked. You have no idea. 'Well, I'm what's left of the destruction spirit, Lavan, although I seem to have been rather influenced by your personality.' Okay. '...' ... 'You aren't listening to a word I'm saying are you?' Nope. Lavan sighed 'Go to sleep. We shall discuss this tomorrow, when you aren't acting like a brat.' I went to the tower, unsure about how much of me was me, and how much was Lavan. ---- I had a rather odd dream that night. 'I was casually sitting on a yellow sofa, similar to the one I stole to escape from Canterlot, eating some of my favourite dip. That was when Celestia burst in, holding a knife and shouting: "I'M PREGNANT, YOU'RE THE FATHER, AND I'M GONNA KILL BOTH OF US!" as any normal person would do, I casually blocked her knife attack with a hand. I then nonchalantly replied with, Calm down, have some dip." I could hear girly laughter from somewhere. Then the dream ended. ----- 'Human, you have some, as you would put it: Fucked up dreams.' Lavan was up before me, I see. Why the hell were you in my head? 'Because Luna was there. I had to hide while she watched your dreams.' What? That doesnt even make any sense. I could hear Lavan chuckling darkly, 'As an old frenemy of mine once said, what's the fun in making sense?' Fucking Destruction Spirits, man. 'Please don't, I'm male, and I can guarantee that neither of us would like it.' Just how much of my personality did this fucker copy? 'I didn't copy it. They merged. I also have a fair few of your memories, by the way.' You aren't going to try to perform a hostile takeover on my body, are you? 'No, we are one and the same, so I'd be doing what you would do anyway. And even if I was, why would I tell you?' Good, what perks do you come with? I'm guessing magic and fire resistance so far. 'There will be more, but they will come as your mana pool grows.' Sweet, you're alright about me eating meat, right? 'At one point in my life, I ate the souls of the innocent for breakfast.' That is so metal. '...Never say that again, it makes you sound like an American. Okay then. Onwards, TO BREAKFAST! 'I am incapable of ingesting food.' This was looking to be the start of a really fucking stupid relationship. 'Yes. Yes it was.' I could almost feel the spirit smile. -A few corridors later- 'I've never actually had a proper look around this castle, the Sisters were still at the Everfree when I was beaten.' When were you banished or whatever? According to the knowledge in Twilight's castle, you don't exist. 'A while ago, it's none of your business.' Okay, shithead. Act like a cunt as much as you want. Maybe I'll get a fucking lobotomy while you're still in there. I opened the door into the feasting hall, Celestia was just being given her breakfast. 'I swear her mane was far more... pink. Oh well, doesn't matter if she decided to use hair products, she's still as cute as ever. Lavan stated. "You're up late, Jonathon, what kept you?" "Guy stuff," Celestia merely rolled her eyes at that. 'Really? That's the best you could come up with?' It worked didn't it? 'Pfft, barely.' Mate, just shut up. Lavan didn't shut up. ' In the next episode: Will John finally stop being a little bitch? Not likely! Will Celestia figure out I'm here? Maybe?' Who are you talki- Lavan tried to drown out any protests I made with his last sentence: 'FIND OUT NEXT TIME!'