//------------------------------// // Hard Reset (Z): Do Changelings Dream of Electric Aphids? // Story: Awkward Conversations And Other Stories // by No one is home //------------------------------// Z rode along beside her human supervisor quietly on the long road back to the depot from rock country. Part of her conscious mind recognized this human as the same feral human drone she had watched eating out of a dumpster in ponyville earlier that same day, but the logic of dreams refused to acknowledge this fact. “What’s buggin’ ya Z?” the human (“Ki”, she thought, his name is “Ki”) asked. “Seriously?” she gave the human an incredulous look, “I mean, you’re actually gonna throw out a bug joke with the first pitch?” “Oh..shit,” Ki stammered, “I’m sorry Z… I didn’t mean…” “Oh damn,” Z laughed out loud, “I can’t believe you thought I was for real offended, by that!” “Dammit!” her human laughed, “Goddammit! Ya got me good with that one. But seriously, something's bothering you.” “You keep calling me ‘Z’,” she admitted shyly. “It’s your name, right?” Ki shrugged feeling self-conscious, “It’s what everybody else calls you…” “No. it’s what everyPONY else calls me,” Z insisted, “YOU call me Zeke.” “Well,” Ki admitted sheepishly, “I wasn’t sure if you were male or female when I started calling you Zeke. Hell I wasn’t sure if changelings even HAD male or female. Now…” “Now you're embarrassed that you hadn’t noticed the changeling you’ve been living with for almost year was a girl bug and not a boy bug?” Z supplied dryly. Somewhere in her conscious mind wheels spun without traction. Why would she be alright with this human, this alien THING calling her anything but the name she chose. No one named Z-978. Z-978 chose her own name. And yet here she was sitting in this… thing… the dream told her it was a “delivery truck”, feeling confused and even a little hurt that this human wasn’t naming her like a pet. But, then she thought, why does anypony do the things they do in dreams? “Well, yeah, basically,” the strange human who ate out of dumpsters, who she wanted to see her as special for some reason that simply refused to make sense, rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment, “I was never sure if that was your real name or if you were just pranking the ponies. Although, in hindsight, the lack of robots makes it pretty damned unlikely you’d be playing a robot joke…” “Okay so you can’t call me Zeke anymore,” Z nodded, then immediately insisted “But you can’t call me ‘Z’ either. You’re not allowed.” “Well, after everything you told me yesterday, I can’t very well just assign you a name,” Ki insisted vehemently, “You’re the most amazing drone in changeling history. And you don’t even realize it. All those other drones, they were just following the new queen. But you stood up on your own hooves and decided, ‘My name isn’t Worker Changeling, my name is Z and I'm leaving’ How could I possibly give you any name to compete with that?” “Fine, then,” Z allowed herself a cute pout (“Why would I ever pout?” her conscious mind tried to question), “I’ll just name myself again. Zeena. Is that a name?” “Barbarian warrior princess from ancient earth mythology. From the Nein Tease Dynasty,” Ki nodded sagely. “Okay,” Z looked Ki square in the eyes, “You gotta answer this straight. When you go spouting human history like that, are you serious, or is that some long-running human joke?” “It is serious,” Ki said somberly, then broke into a fit of snickering giggles, “Seriously the best joke ever! I make it just wrong enough that any human will instantly notice. But just right enough to sound a little more like human history than real human history. Some of my version is actually taught in Equestrian classrooms, I’m proud to say.” “So you’re NOT really the last of the Mohawkians?” Z tentatively asked. “Naw, there’s plenty of us back home,” Ki shook his head in reply, “We’re not hard to miss. Just look for the mohawk. We’re not super-common, but I’m far from the last. Hell, I might not even be the oldest.” “So,” Z-978 nodded carefully, “Mohawkians are really a thing, and Zeena is a real name?” “Well, there are humans with mohawks,” Ki admitted, sheepishly, “I’m the only one who calls us Mohawkians. It seemed like there needed to be a word for that though, and no one else was naming it as a thing.” “So you basically just made up a name for your entire tribe on the spot and then insisted it was a real thing?” Z-978 asked simply. “Well...basically,” Ki rubbed the back of his head with his free hand as steered the truck down the long road, “When you say it like that…” “I can respect that,” Z nodded and the declared, “From now on your name is Mohawkian Ki-673. And I will be Warrior Princess Zeena-978!” “Nope-a-rooni!” a painfully pink, bouncy pony with an impossibly pinker and bouncier mane popped in out of nowhere, “Never really happened!” The box trap closed on the human drone Z-978 had, after all only seen brief that morning before she got on the next train to Fillydelphia. So why should she worry about it? She couldn’t think of any reason why she should, and the dream went on. “We’re gonna be bestest friends boy,” the pink pony attached a leash to the human's neck and scuffed his head like a dog, “We’re gonna bounce and party and play and I’m gonna name you George!” “No,” Z-978 tried to argue, “He’s a living thing, even if he’s just a drone! You can’t just give him a name like he’s some pet!” “Why not?” the evil pink pony smiled wickedly, her hue suddenly dulled, her mane inexplicably straight and limp, “You did after all.” “But that didn’t happen!” Z-978 wasn't crying, because there was no reason why she should be crying. Why shoud she care if some pony wanted to keep some broken human drone for a pet? It wasn't like she had even really met that human before. That's why she wasn't crying. Her cheeks were just wet because of dream reasons. “That’s right,” the pink demon grinned with pointed teeth, “He never got caught eating out of my dumpster only to immediately start looking for work in a warehouse. Just like you never ran away from your hive to end up in a changeling brothel. Nope. Nopers. Nope-a-rooni. Never. Really. Happened.” “That was just…” Z-978 tried desperately to make sense of this sense of panic and loss. Z felt a gentle poke at her side, and opened her eyes. “You looked as though you were having a nightmare darling,” Rarity gave her a friendly smile. “I- I dreamed I had this whole other life, and then it was gone,” Z buzzed in a hollow mono-tone. “Awww, don’t worry, darling,” Rarity was engulfed in the flames of changeling magic and Queen Chrysalis stood before her, “You're never going to have another life Worker Changeling 978” She was back in the old hive. “No,” Z-978 stamped an angry hoof, “You don’t get to name me! My name is--” “Z… Z! Wake up already!” Z awoke for real this time to the none-to-gentle prodding of Whatserface, “You were having a seizure or something. It was spooking the ponies on the train” Then in a louder voice addressed the gathering crowd, “It’s okay, everypony. She’s just having hive-separation anxiety. Perfectly normal changeling thing. It’s not dangerous and she’s gonna be fine.” “Whatserface,” Z said shakily, “I think I just had a nightmare.” “We’re both drones, Z,” Whatserface rolled her eyes, “Drones don’t dream. It’s a thing we don’t do. Remember having never dreamed before in your entire life up to this point? Wow. Whatever happened, it obviously did a number on you. Anyway, we’re almost to Dodge City, you gotta take the tour of the cherry orchards. The ponies love it!” “Why would I want to see some stupid cherry orchard,” Z-978 asked in irritation. “Because,” Whatserface grinned predatorily, “The ponies LOVE it.”