"Come on now, Sweetie Belle, finish your supper."
"I'm not hungry."
"You have to eat something!"
"I'm not hungry."
I was at the dinner table with Rarity, picking halfheartedly at my lasagna.
"Now, you listen here, young mare," she said, getting angry. "I spent forty-five minutes making this dinner and you are going to eat it and you are going to like it! And you are going to sit at this table until you feel hungry enough to eat every bite!"
"Whatever..." I muttered, pushing the noodles around my plate.
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
Rarity kept true to her word, leaving me at the table even after she was finished. I sat there for who knows how long, staring at my serving of food.
You can't have it...
But you want it!
But I can't...
You're starving!
It's for my own good.
Just eat it and forget about it!
Eventually temptation won, and I gobbled up all of my lasagna. My stomach burned, wanting more. I raided the fridge, eating everything that wasn't nailed down.
Salad.
Doughnuts.
Chips.
Cookies.
Peanut Butter.
I ate until I was about ready to faint.
And then I threw it all up ten minutes later.
***
A few days after the fight, Scootaloo, Apple Bloom and I made up. Scoots said she was sorry she yelled at me, and I said I was sorry for pushing the modeling thing too hard. We got back on track with our usual crusading, doing things like roller skating, pin ball, and scrap booking (THAT was boring).
But I couldn't stop noticing these little things about myself. When I walked, my back legs squished together; my skin jiggled around when I moved; my belly was suddenly one big paunch. I felt sick whenever I looked in the mirror. Sweet Celestia, I was fat. No wonder I weighed the most out of all my friends.
When I was around other ponies, I tried to be upbeat, to not let them know how much I was hurting. Every morning I would check my weight on the bathroom scale; I would always weigh far too much. My every-day goal was that by evening, I'd weigh a pound or more less than I had that morning.
I ate and drank as little as possible, except for maybe a celery stick or a grape when the hunger pains got too intense. But sometimes the cravings became so agonizing that I couldn't help myself; I just had to eat, and I had to eat everything. But then I'd realize my mistake, and force myself to vomit until I was sure that none of it had turned into fat. Thanks to my system, I was losing an average of two and a half ounces per day.
I wasn't stupid, though. I knew that my friends were starting to suspect that something was up, since I had stopped bringing lunches to school and refused to buy anything from the lunch line. I don't think Rarity has gotten wise; she was too wrapped up in her boutique to notice the amount of weight I'd lost. The only time she had asked me a question concerning this was when I hung up a poster of Fleur de Lis in my bedroom.
"Why did you hang up that picture?" she inquired. "I wasn't aware that you even knew who she was."
"Of course I know who she is." I answered. "She's Fleur de Lis, the best model in Canterlot! It would be so cool to look like her someday. She's perfect!"
Rarity wrinkled her nose. "Darling, I've met Fleur, and believe me, she is FAR from perfect." But she left it at that, and didn't try to find out any more.
Every day I triumphed with each ounce I lost, not noticing that my scalp and mane had become dry and flaky, and that bits of hair were falling out at an almost alarming rate. I didn't notice that everywhere I went, I felt cold, and simply brushed it off as the changing of autumn into winter.
Hearth's Warming was a nightmare. Everywhere I went, food followed, tantalizing me with it's delicious smells and fragrances. What was worse was watching my horrifyingly obese relatives consume their food, telling me to try this and that, to taste the fruitcake and the mashed potatoes. I ate only a few bites of bread and a little cheese before retreating to my bedroom for the rest of the night. At midnight, though, I snuck down to the kitchen in a hunger-driven daze, and ate for a full hour until I thought I heard hoof steps coming down the stairs. Thankfully, I wasn't caught, but I had to keep a closer watch on myself. I didn't eat anything at all for the next two days, but instead sustained myself on some black coffee I snuck from Rarity. If I ate as little as possible, I'd lose weight fast. Soon I'd be perfect, just like Fleur de Lis.
All went smoothly until around the beginning of spring, when Apple Bloom talked me and Scootaloo into joining the school newspaper (but I think you already know that story), and another month later, the worst possible pony came to town.
Babs Seed.
Combining her with the cruelty of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon was almost too much. I lost count of how many times I threw up that week. I consumed only black coffee and a small apple. Yeah, Babs sort of had a reason for her bullying, but that didn't change the words she said and the things she did.
Then came that overnighter in the forest, and the flag-carrying competition. I can't remember our performance much, but I do remember being exhausted afterwords. I could hardly stand up, and slept for a whole day straight.
The next day at school, our classmates greeted us with cheers, chanting our names. That morning I only ate a banana, a spoonful of plain oatmeal, and three cups of black coffee.
"CRU-SAY-DERS! CRU-SAY-DERS! CRU-SAY-DERS!"
"Yeah, that's right!" replied Scootaloo. "I know, we're awesome!"
"Feels pretty cool to be celebrities, huh Sweetie?" whispers Apple Bloom while we walk to our desks. I nod; it did feel good to be the most popular fillies in class. I looked over at Diamond Tiara; she was fuming at all the attention we were getting.
"Oh please," she said, flipping her mane. "That contest was for babies. Any pony can wave around a stupid flag."
"Oh really?" asked Scootaloo. "If that contest was so easy, then how come you didn't win?"
Diamond opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She buried her face in her hoofs, bright red and furious. Me and my friends giggled; we loved it when Diamond's insults backfire.
The rest of the week was great. Our classmates clamored to be around us, treating us like the popular kids (aka Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon) and hanging on to our every word, laughing at every dumb joke. But it soon wore off, and things socially went back to normal. The kids who once fought to sit with us at lunch would barely look at us, only paying attention to our crusading stunts and whenever Diamond poked fun at us. It was pretty disappointing.
I guess that our sisters could tell that we were kind of bummed out, and set up lessons with Twilight to get our minds off of whatever was bothering us. Scootaloo began studying mechanics, Apple Bloom potions, and I started to learn magic, which was really hard. But it was fun, learning with Twilight as a teacher.
And I had to make the mistake of letting it slip.
Again, we had a taste of popularity, which was painful to let go. It had felt so good to be loved and appreciated by my classmates, that I had started eating meals without throwing them up. That was a mistake I promised myself I wouldn't make again. The next two days were without any food or water, only cup after cup of coffee to fill me up. In a week, I lost two and a half pounds, my personal record.
***
April 1- The day that put me over the edge.
It was April Fools Day, and the Joke Shop's business was booming. I even saw Rarity go in, grinning afterwords. Scootaloo had made some serious plans for the holiday, including whoopee cushions on Diamond Tiara's seat, shaking Cheerilee's hoof with a joy buzzer, and a pen that shocked you whenever you tried to use it. Yes, Rainbow Dash had taught her well.
That morning, per usual, I weighed myself on the bathroom scale. 74 and a quarter pounds. Unacceptable, I would remedy that by the end of the day.
I went through my daily routine, dodging all the practical jokes my classmates had planted for each other. All in all, the day was alright, if a bit stress-inducing. I ate about a tenth of the serving Rarity gave me for supper, drinking four cups of coffee along with it (Rarity turned out to be cool with the whole coffee thing).
But when I weighed myself that evening, I was in for a shock. The scale read 84 pounds.
Eighty.
Four.
Pounds.
This couldn't be right. This had to be some sort of twisted joke. I examined the scale, searching for any signs of tampering. But nothing seemed amiss, and my fear turned to panic. Somehow, by some impossible means, I had gained ten pounds that day. I didn't know how, I didn't know why, but I had.
And I was going to fix it.
I slammed open the toilet seat and leaned over, reaching as far back into my throat as possible. I forced myself to vomit over and over again, having to flush several times to avoid overflow. My stomach churned and stung, but I kept going. I had to get rid of the fat... if I didn't, I'd be ugly... I can make it all go away...
My head was swimming and my vision had gone cross-eyed, but again and again I threw up. Bits of blood began appearing in the vomit, but I didn't care; my hoof still shoved itself into my throat, seemingly on autopilot. My whole body shook violently, and I fell over onto the tile floor; the coldness felt good against my throbbing head. The lights were blinding, and I moaned with pain from my stomach. I wanted to die, I wanted to die, anything to make the pain go away... Suddenly, I heard an echoing knock at the door.
"Swee... tee ... Belle... are you... alright?" I heard, the voice deafening and hazy at the same time. "I her... duh a lot... of fluh... shing." I tried to answer, but I could only moan in reply.
"I... muh... come... ing... in!"
The door opened. I could make out a violet mane, a choked shriek of horror.
And that's all I remember before I blacked out.
***
When I woke up, I could hear a steady beeping noise, and I was staring into a bright light above me which hurt my eyes. I tried to raise my hoof to shield them, but I felt too weak to move it more than a few inches. I looked around; I was in a plain blue room with wood trim and beige flooring. Next to the bed I was in was a tall metal pole, a plastic bag filled with some sort of liquid hanging at the top and connecting to a tube stuck up my front legs with needles.
Where was I? This definitely was not my room. "Rarity..." I croaked, my throat feeling dry and scratchy. I looked out the window to my right; I didn't recognize the view.
The door in front of my bed opened, and in came a butter-yellow mare with a curly, light blue mane tied up in a net. On her head was a white hairpiece with a red cross on the front.
Wait- a red cross?
But that can't be...
I'm not...
"Well, well, so our little sleeping beauty has finally woken up! I'm Nurse Snowheart, by the way." chirped the mare. "Your sister will be so glad to know that you're all right, she hasn't left the lobby all night."
"W-where am I?" I wheezed. "I-I want my sister!"
"I know you do, sweetheart, but right now you're in the ICU. We don't allow any pony in here except for Hospital personnel."
The Hospital?!?
I was speechless. I couldn't be in the Hospital... I would've been just fine, this was a mistake...
"Please..." I pleaded. "I need to see my sister."
"I sorry, but you're going to have to wait until you're out of intensive care. It's Hospital protocol, I can't change the rules."
"Then can I see the Doctor? I don't even know what's going on."
The nurse sighed. "Alright, I'll go see if he's available." She turned and left the room, closing the door behind her.
After a few minutes that felt like hours, an amber-colored unicorn stallion came in. He had a tidy brown mane, streaked with gray, and wore a pair of oval spectacles atop his muzzle. He looked young, but laugh lines already circled his eyes. He seemed both friendly and wise at the same time; this was definitely the Doctor.
"Hello, Sweetie Belle." he said, smiling and picking up a clipboard hung on the front of my bed. "I'm Dr. Horse. Nurse Snowheart says you wanted to speak with me?"
I nodded. "I need to see my sister. I don't have a clue why I'm here or why I'm not allowed to see her. Please, just let her come in. You've got to understand, I need her."
"Calm down, Miss Belle." he said. "I'm afraid you're in too critical of a condition to be allowed any visitors at the moment."
"What are you talking about? I'm fine. I just... need some water or something."
The doctor chuckled. "You'll need a bit more than a drink of water before we can release you. By your sister's account, you did quite a number on yourself before you were brought in. Do you remember any of last night's events?"
Suddenly, a flood of memories emerged from last night. The scale, the vomiting... it all came back in crude detail.
"Y-yeah, I do." I answered, looking away. "But seriously, I'm okay. I don't think that intensive care is really necessary."
The doctor's smile faltered a bit, and a solemn look formed in his eyes. "Miss Belle, I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation. You are in a very fragile state. Last night, you were hovering between life and death."
My heart seemed to skip a beat. That couldn't be true, it couldn't! I'm eleven, I'm too young to die!
"However, this is a good time to figure out exactly what happened last night. You said you remember?" He picked up a pen in his aura, holding both it and the clipboard ready. I nodded.
"Do you think that you could tell me?"
"I-I think so."
The next half and hour was devoted to me telling him all the details of April 1st, and how my obsession with weight began. When we finished, he looked much graver than when we had started.
"Is that all you need?" I asked.
"Yes. I'm afraid that this is a bit more complicated than I thought." He gave me a warm smile. "But rest assured, my colleagues and I will do everything in our ability to make sure that you're healthy again. And I promise, you will get to see your sister very soon."
The doctor hung the clipboard on the front of the bed, and got up to leave. "Get some rest." he said, opening the door to leave. "There are a lot of ponies who want you to get well soon."
He shut the door, leaving me alone with only my thoughts for company. What was wrong with me? What did he mean, I'm 'in a fragile state'? And what was so awful about letting Rarity come and see me? This was all wrong.
Well, I may not be able to answer all of that, I thought, sitting up. But maybe I can answer one. Mustering my strength, I crawled across the bed covers until I was at the very edge. I reached down and picked up the clipboard off of the little hook it was hanging off of, reading the paper. My school picture was taped next to the text, which read:
Patient Name: Sweetie Belle
Diagnosis: Severe Anorexia Nervosa
***
The next morning, they finally let me out of intensive care. I had only been in my new room a few minutes before the door slammed open, and a white mare burst in, her face streaked with black. Behind her in the door frame, I caught a glimpse of Twilight, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and the rest.
"Sweetie Belle!" she shouted frantically, pulling me into an almost suffocating embrace. "I was so worried, they wouldn't let me see you, I... I... Oh, Sweetie Belle!" Rarity collapsed on top of the bed covers, blubbering and dripping mascara-tears.
Well... I didn't know what to say. I sort of patted Rarity on the back, not really sure what to do.
Rarity's friends came in behind her, looking worried. Eventually, she stopped crying long enough start thinking rationally.
"Sweetie Belle, what in Equestria happened?" she asked, sounding worried. "I-I found you in the bathroom that night, passed out on the floor! The toilet was full of this disgusting green gunk, and... well... I thought it would be wise to bring you here right away. Were you feeling sick? Did you eat anything strange that day?" I shook my head.
"Well then, what happened???"
I gulped, a little nervous. "W-well," I began rather shakily. "See, every morning, I weigh myself, to see, you know, if I've... gained weight, or something." Rarity's eyes widened a bit at this.
"Well, that morning, I weighed seventy four pounds, which was okay, but that night I weighed Eighty four, ten whole pounds heavier. And, well, I panicked... and tried to lose those extra pounds, fast. I guess I went a little overboard."
Behind Rarity, Rainbow Dash, who had been hovering over top, lowered to the floor, shaking.
"Rainbow, what's wrong?" asked Fluttershy.
"T-this is all my fault."
"What?" asked Rarity. "What did you say, Rainbow?"
"This, all of this, it-it's all my fault." she repeated. Rarity cocked an eyebrow.
"What are you talking about, Rainbow Dash?" she asked sharply. "How could any of this be your fault?"
Rainbow took a deep breath, then looked Rarity in the eye.
"Okay... on April Fool's Day, I bought a bathroom scale from the Joke Shop. It wasn't just any old thing, it had a special charm on it to make it look like the pony who was using it was ten pounds heavier than they actually were. I knew that it looked just the same as yours, so when you were out, I went into your house and switched them. It just a joke, I didn't mean for any of this to happen, honest!"
So that was why I weighed so much! I realized then that if I had thrown up that many times for no real reason... well, no wonder I was in the hospital.
Rarity sighed. "It's all right, Rainbow Dash, I know you'd never have done that if you'd known what would've happened." Fluttershy and Applejack helped her over to a chair next to my bed.
"Sweetie Belle, I don't understand," said Twilight, looking concerned. "Why did you try to, erm... 'get rid of' all those extra pounds in the first place?"
"Well, just look at me. I'm fat." I said with ease. Why shouldn't I tell them? They already knew why I was in here, they may as well know the reasons.
"No, you're... why would you even say that about yourself?" asked Twilight clutching the bridge of her muzzle.
"Because it's true. I weighed the most out all my friends, and I look all bulgy and gross all the time..." Suddenly I felt embarrassed for sharing this. I sunk back into my pillow.
The girls seemed to get the hint. "Come one girls, we better let Sweetie Belle rest."
They filed out of the room, leaving me alone again, this time with black tear-marks on my bedspread. Why did I tell them all that? Why was I so stupid?!
I felt tired. I didn't want to be here, I wanted to be in my own bed at home, with Rarity making me her special 'get well soon' carrot soup. She'd read that book she got from the library to me, tell me that it was all okay, I was going to be fine...
My eyelids drooped heavily, and I snuggled into the starched white hospital blankets. Before I knew it, I was asleep, drifting into dreamland.