//------------------------------// // Chapter 3: Annoying News // Story: An Alternative Battle Tendency // by Clacker Volley //------------------------------// Chapter 3: Annoying News “The next thing you’re going to say is ‘Fold.’” Jojo begrudgingly sighed, shuffling his hoof over the chips they were playing for. Oh, and they’re actual potato chips, with the broken pieces being worth appropriately as much. “Fold…Wha?” Applejack laid down her cards and surrendered three full chips and two half chips to Jojo, leaving her with only one of the full chips in her reserves. “How’d you know that?” “You really live up to the whole Element of Honesty thing. You have a crappy poker face.” Jojo added to his chip collection, casually stealing one to eat himself. While this wouldn’t normally be allowed in poker...that involved edible chips, it was only hurting Joseph in terms of the game, and he was hungry. “Well, I said both of you could work together to try and beat me, but I guess that didn’t really work out.” Jojo eyed Rarity as she came back with a tea she ordered from the dining car. “I suppose both of you live up to your titles, Element of Generosity gave up her chips way too easily.” Jojo chuckled. “I’d suggest avoiding the insults…Mr. Joestar. It’s unseemly.” Rarity glared at Joseph, before her gaze shifted downwards. “Almost as much as that scarf.” “You’re still going on about that?” Jojo sighed before grabbing three potato chips and flinging them towards that center of the table. “Raise.” Joseph blinked as he realized something and pointed a hoof at Rarity. "Wait, does Speedwagon serve tea in pouches?" Rarity, looking down at her small silver-colored tea pouch, answered, "This was Speedwagon's idea?" Joseph slammed his hoof into his face. Meanwhile, Applejack was glancing towards her remaining potato chips, with exactly three of her own left in her possession. Looking at her newly dealt hand, she wondered if having two pairs, queens and jacks was enough. It normally would be enough, but in the round where Rarity was knocked out, they lost a full house to a five aces using the joker…and Applejack was still unsure how he cheated, if he did cheat. Joseph yawned, staring outside the window in boredom. Last night, the two mares that sat across from him ended up spending a night at the Joestar manor, and Joseph was up all night protesting. On the train ride, he offered the information that they seemed to want if they could beat him in a game, and when Applejack suggested poker, Joseph thought that she might be good...for a moment. While Applejack was certainly better than the average poker player, Joseph didn’t even need to bother cheating to win against her, and even got lucky enough to get five aces as a hand on the first deal of the round. And they didn't really know how to bet either... "I’m going to get something to drink.” Jojo got up from his seat and started shuffling into the aisle. “Oh, ya sure? Ah might look at your cards.” Applejack stared leaning over the table, making the motion to grab his cards with her hoof. “It’s a full house, with three two’s and two five’s.” Jojo blatantly stated, as he opened the train car door. “I would care…but for some reason I really don’t…you want anything?” “I’m good.” “Ah could get some apple juice, if ya don’t mind, that is.” “You’re really taking the whole apple thing seriously, huh.” Jojo said. When Jojo walked out of the train car, Applejack put down her cards, waiting to make her move when her opponent was around. “He’s probably lying, you know.” Rarity said, putting down her cup after taking a small sip of tea. “Nah, he’s probably not.” Applejack glanced towards his cards, face down on his side of the table. “Ah doubt he could care about losing three chips. He has nine, err… five still.” “Well, why don’t I just check how badly he’s lying then?” Rarity dragged Joseph’s cards towards her and off the table so that they would fall nicely into her hoof. “After all, he’s been lying to us for the whole game…oh, he’s not lying. Rarity looked at Joseph’s cards, with them being exactly as how he said they were. Sighing, Rarity placed Joseph’s cards back on his side of the table before slouching back into her chair. “Hey, you girls are alone, aren’t you?” Jojo took a step over the connector between the dining car and his, attempting not to spill his open pouch drinks. When the stewardess handed him two drink pouches, he opened the first one she handed him, assuming it was the cola he ordered, only to smell the strong scent of apple. As he made his way back, Joseph inwardly swore that he needed to complain about how Speedwagon served almost all of his drinks in pouches. Who the heck puts soda in pouches?! Clutching the drink close to his chest with one front hoof, Jojo carefully used a wing to open the door to his car, as to not lose his balance. Joseph felt relieved when he finally stepped inside, and proceeded to close the door again with his other wing. And then he found some weird blue Earth pony with an eyepatch sitting in his seat. “Oh, are you the guy sittin’ here? I hope you don’t mind at all, right buddy.” The Earth pony got up and greeted Jojo by nudging him in the shoulder a couple of times, causing Joseph to almost lose his grip of his beverages. “The name’s Con Hoof, so don’t wear it out, buddy.” “Say…can I get wallet back?” Joseph took a break before continuing by sipping his cola through a straw, before gaining a look of anger. ‘I swear to Celestia, Speedwagon. Why do I have to suck cola through a straw?!’ While Rarity and Applejack looked momentarily confused, Con laughed. “Oh, you saw through that pretty easy, huh! I was gonna give it back~ honest, buddy!” Con once again proceeded with the infernal shoulder nudging. “Don’t be so mad!” ‘Not why I’m mad though…’ Joseph thought, as he was handed back his remarkably unremarkable wallet back. Con leaned over and whispered, or at least his version of whispering which was basically normal volume, “Say, which one are you dating, buddy? It couldn’t possibly be that you’re just friends with such pretty girls when you look like that, right?” Joseph uncomfortably shuffled himself around the talking obstacle that seemed to actually have a mouth, and slid the apple juice pouch in Applejack’s general direction while speaking without directly looking at Con, “Not at all...we’re not even friends.” “But could you get out of here? You’re starting to annoy me, since you’re being a real creep, buddy.” Joseph turned to meet with a fake smile underneath a judging gaze. Con, however, simply shrugged it off and carried himself right next to Rarity, placing his hoof over her shoulder in one fell motion, much to her disgust. As Rarity levitated his hoof away and slid herself more towards Applejack, Con kept talking, “Aww, seriously? But I was having fun, buddy!” Con licked his lips before looking back at Joseph, and mentioned, “Hey, you’re kinda clutching your drink a bit tightly, it’ll spill out, buddy.” The girls looked down at Joseph’s cola pouch, seeing the Hamon sparks flying around it, confirming that most ponies are unable to see, or at least unaware, of the visual representation of Hamon energy. The sparks started to straighten out Joseph’s bendy straw as well. “The next thing, you’re gonna say is ‘My nose!’” As Con tilted his head in confusion, Joseph’s now straight straw shot like a bullet straight to the space between Con’s nostrils and impaled itself there, spurting out a small amount of blood. “Gah! My nose!” Before he could react to being read, Con got up and quickly scurried away to get his own nose treated, and pulled out the straw which only made the blood situation worse. Joseph picked up the bloody straw off the ground and threw it down onto the table to throw away later. “Wasn’t that a bit harsh?” Applejack questioned. “In all honesty, yes, I’m tired and he was pissing me off. Wasn’t he annoying you, too?” “That’s beside the point.” Rarity said, her gaze distracted by the disgusting straw that remained on the table. Joseph sighed, and drank the remainder of his carbonated beverage. “Well, sorry I’m not exactly being generous today. I just really don’t want to go to Ponyville…” “What, ya have something against our town or somethin’?” “Not something…somepony.” “Who might-“ Rarity was cut off as the train whistle screamed throughout the cabin, prompting the small amount of ponies that were getting off in Ponyville to stand up and crowd around the exit. Joseph got up without saying another word further and dragged himself into the rushing crowd of ponies, determined to make sure to take a look at the map and get this over with. “Err…about that.” Joseph turned back to look at Applejack with strained eyes, “What exactly do you mean?” “Well, the map, uh, kinda shows us to friendship problems that need to be solved, we just figured that we could convince you to let us help by now…” Applejack confessed. “…So you wasted my time? Well, at least that explains why your friend left.” Joseph let out a deep sigh and slumped in annoyance. “Great.” Joseph started walking away, his movements clearly slower with the recent revelation, in the general direction of pony activity and movement. “Uh, where ya going there?” “Food. I’m hungry. You need to go somewhere too, right? You spent an extra day in Manehattan, after all. In my house.” Joseph answered without turning back. “Well, Ah’m not sure that much could’ve happened in an extra day.” Applejack said. “Really? Since it seems like some foals got their cutie marks.” “What? How can ya tell?” Applejack asked as she rushed herself to start walking beside Joseph. “Because there are two kids yelling it over there.” Joseph pointed over to the square. “And now they’re coming over here. Yay." “Applejack, there ya are! We’ve been looking all over for you!” Applebloom yelled. “Yeah! Sweetie Belle already met up with Rarity!” Scootaloo added. “You won’t believe what just happened!” Applebloom and Scootaloo yelled in unison. “You got yer cutie marks?” “WE GOT OUR CUTIE MARKS!” Applebloom and Scootaloo turned to show off their new accomplishments. 'Huh, they match? That's actually kinda cool...' Joseph thought to himself. “And we need to have a party now!” Pinkie added. Joseph stumbled back, at the very sudden appearance of a pink Earth pony to the conversation, without any registration of her being there before. Pinkie’s eyes drifted over to Joseph, and the instant her eyes saw him was the instant that she was right in front of him. “Oh my gosh! We need to have four parties! One for each cutie mark, and a new pony party!” “Uh, don’t worry about that! I won’t be staying long after all.” Joseph protested. “Nope, doesn’t matter! We’re having a party!” “Uh... alrighty then.” Joseph said, willing to go with the tempo set by Pinkie. “But do you know somewhere that has some good food?” “Did you want to have the party in a restaurant? But then they might not fit everyone!” “No no, I just was hoping to get something to eat.” Jojo quickly said, exasperated, as he noticed more ponies were coming towards them in celebration. Cutie marks were something that were universally celebrated no matter the part of Equestria, and Jojo didn’t want to be in a crowd just in case he saw an unpleasant face. “Oh, look! Something distracting!” Joseph yelled while pointing in a random direction. “Where?!” Pinkie followed his hoof, with the only thing in that direction being Gummy who was sitting on the windowsill of Sugar Cube Corner. And then she saw a rainbow cutting through the sky right towards her. “Wow, that is distracting!” Landing flawlessly, Rainbow Dash embraced Scootaloo in a hug. “I heard you got your cutie mark, squirt! I’m so happy for you right now!” While Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo exchanged friendly greetings, Joseph made his way through the crowd of ponies, almost at his exit. And then he heard Applejack yell behind him. “Hey, where ya going?!” Applejack could spot Joseph in the crowd as he was the only one moving in the opposite direction. Deciding not to look back, Joseph could feel the ponies around him slightly disperse. He knew that it was because they didn’t want to be confused with who Applejack was talking about, but he still tried to take his chance and escape! “Hey, don’t ignore her!” Rainbow Dash said as she made her way to block Joseph’s path. And blink. “The next thing you’re going to say is, “Joseph?! Why are you here?!” “Joseph?! Why are you here?! AND YOU’RE STILL DOING THAT, YOU BASTARD!” “Shh, there are children here, Dash. There really is something wrong with you.” Joseph scolded mockingly. Joseph staggered back as he saw Rainbow Dash’s head come forward, her expression exuding anger. This continued for around half of an awkward second before the silence was broken. “So, should I add a reunion party to the list, too?”