//------------------------------// // Saying Sorry Couldn't Be Any Harder // Story: You Can't Help Who You Love // by Feather Flyer //------------------------------// "Shimmer! Is it really ok for you to be here?!" Twilight cried as soon as she saw her friend enter the building. She ran up to her and spread her arms wide for a hug. "No, no, Twilight. I'm still too sore for a hug right now," Shimmer said quickly, holding up a hand. "And...yeah. I think I'll be fine. It was only a few scratches. But Sunset on the other hand..." Shimmer shoved her hands into her hoodie's pouch pocket and looked down. "Is she alright? Shining told me she was already gone when he volunteered to take you home. And then he said you ran out of the car! What happened? My brother told me he lost track of you once some racing car sped by. He was called on his radio to chase it down. He was worried about you." "I just saw Sunset and I went out to help her home. I'm so sorry to cause your brother trouble. Sunset just looked really hurt when I saw her." Twilight sighed before waving a hand. She looked down at her clothes, noticing them for the first time. "Hey, you're not wearing your jacket or your shirt or boots..." This was, in fact, true. The fiery-haired girl was not wearing her usual attire. Instead of her chevron jacket, she was wearing a dark blue hoodie. It was clearly an old thing; the hood strings frayed and there being small snags on the sleeves. Shimmer had on loose grey sweatpants and red sneakers. Twilight pushed up her glasses and smiled. "Are you going for the homeless look?" "What? Do I really look that way??" "Nope. Just teasing," Twilight replied and nudged her in the arm. Shimmer flinched and carefully rubbed the jabbed area. She shook her head and the two of them headed toward the cafeteria where they were serving 'breakfast'. Whenever a person thinks of breakfast, they usually imagine cereal, eggs, orange juice, waffles, pancakes, bacon, toast, etc; the usual Continental meal. But when a student hears that breakfast is being served at school, that yummy image immediately turns into a sad one full of processed string cheese, skim milk, funny tasting juice cups, hot pockets with unidentified meats, and soggy things. And so, when the two came into the line they were faced with this disgusting-ness, except for one thing. Shimmer and Twilight grabbed a breakfast bar with great speed. It was the only thing people ate that the lunch ladies occasionally put out, but those almost always get snatched up right away. They never have enough of what everyone wants but too much of what no one wants. And the school district calls students wasteful. If they bought good food for the growing children of the world then the food would be in their stomachs, not in the trash. Twilight chewed on her bar and said as much as she frowned at the other choices. "I like how the district blames parents for the general unhealthiness of students and goes on to tell us we need a better diet when most days of the year we're being served the grossest meals the universe has ever seen in their own schools." "Word. I'd rather be anorexic than eat this stuff. I suggest we make a letter of complaint to Mr. Evermint," Shimmer murmured. "Agreed." The sophomore girls walked away from the 'food' in search of a table. Twilight glanced at Shimmer's hoodie before making another remark about her clothing. "Hey, that's pretty neat! You have a cool sun design on the back of your sweater...That kind of looks like the same design Sunset wears on her shirts. As a matter of fact, she's the only person I've ever seen wear that symbol." "Yeah. That's because it's her 'cutiemark'," Shimmer replied, waving her hands over her head in an arc. Twilight frowned. " A cutiemark? Is that some strange, new, trendy word that came out for something that's pretty much your tag? Like how the artist formerly known as Prince has some odd symbol that represents him?" "Uhm, sure? Sunset explained it to me last night at her place. I still don't exactly understand it but--" "Wait, you were at Sunset's?" Twilight piped up, cutting her off. "I was. I spent the night, actually. The clothes I'm wearing are hers since I didn't have any for today." Twilight lassoed her book bag from off her shoulder down onto a nearby table without a moment's hesitation. She unzipped it forcefully and whipped out a notebook and a pencil. After violently shoving the bag across the wooden surface onto the floor, she promptly sat down and patted a chair next to her. "Sit." Shimmer glanced at the fallen bag, wondering if she should pick it up or not, but seeing as how her friend was a bit fidgety, it was probably best to leave it alone and pop a squat. The bacon-haired one walked around and took a seat in the designated chair. "Tell me," Twilight said gravely, leaning forward. "Tell me all that happened last night. And don't you leave a single thing out." "Wh--" "Ut! Why you ask? For research. I've devoted myself to studying the interaction of two dimensional counterparts. Now go." Shimmer squirmed a little. It was always strange for her when Twilight went all Science Mode on her. No one experience was the same as another. The girl smiled to herself though. Even though Twilight didn't mention it she was also asking out of concern for her. She cleared her throat and tugged at one of the frayed hoodie strings. The nerd wrote something down vigorously as if the other girl had done something astonishing. "Well...Last night..." "Do you know at what time exactly?" "...No." The spectacled one grimaced, mumbling something about details and accurate accounts. Shimmer ignored this; everything that wasn't what she wanted made her irritable. "So, anyway, here's what happened..." Sunset yawned before shooting a glance at her bedroom door. Shimmer had been in the bathroom for over 30 minutes now. She gritted her teeth. "If my water bill comes back crazy high..." Standing up from her bed, she walked out of her room and came to the bathroom door. Without knocking, she burst into the small space. "Hey, you better not be racking up my...my bill..." Sunset stopped talking for two reasons. One, the room was invaded by a misty, warm vapor that clouded the mirror and beaded on her skin. The humid atmosphere hit her immediately as the mini warm front was sucked on out the door to meet 'the cold front' a.k.a. the normal room temperature air that drifted throughout the rest of the apartment. Sunset huffed. It was a bit difficult to breath in there since the humidity had been building up within the bathroom for about 30 minutes. The other reason had hit her even harder than the first. Across from her, was Shimmer, who stood with one foot in and one foot out of the tub, her arm extended to grab a towel. Her usually bouncy strawberry blonde hair laid flat on her shoulders in small baby curls of red and yellow. Her sea foam-colored eyes stared widely at Sunset not having comprehended the current situation. She shivered visibly from the cool air rushing into the bathroom as water dripped from her body onto the floor in a small puddle. Shimmer was a little curvier than expected. She more or less had an hour glass shape; a noticeable bust, small waist, and curvy-ish hips, but it was unlike fairy tale standards. Shimmer's body was, to Sunset, a realistic depiction of it without the exaggerated form of make-believe human princesses. If she had a bigger chest and was a tad hippier, Sunset was sure she'd get all the boys. Sunset's eyes eventually met Shimmer's after they had 'explored a new terrain'. The human had frozen out of shock and recovered only a moment later with a shriek. She jumped back into the tub, making water splash out onto the floor. Unconsciously, Sunset licked her lips. They had gotten dry very suddenly... Sunset blinked before smirking. "Hehehe..." "Why didn't you knock?!?!?!?!" Shimmer cried as she sank down into the water, the bubbles around her drifting aimlessly. Sunset shrugged before replying. "This is my apartment. I can do whatever I want." "N-Not when you have company!" the other girl shot back. "Hey, you were taking too long. I don't want to be all grimy for too long. Plus, I needed to make sure you weren't raising my utilities." The alien turned toward the mirror above the sink and wiped off the steam with her hand. Shimmer sank down even further into the tub, her cheeks as warm as the water. "I'm not raising anything... A girl can have a nice hot bath every once in a while..." "Yeah, but not every girl can have a hot body like that." "WHAT?!?!?!" "Nuh'm." Sunset tilted her head and continued to wipe the mirror casually as if nothing happened. On the inside, however, she was laughing her head off at her murmured innuendo. She looked into the mirror and saw her double's face glow red with embarrassment. "Y-You perv!" she cried. "Who me? I'm merely stating an opinion from my own observation. Besides, I've seen you without clothes on before." Sunset dared to glance at her other self and she looked just about ready to explode. Before she could erupt, the Equestrian added," After all, you and I are one in the same. How could I not have seen myself without apparel when I have to change everyday, hmm?" That was the tipping point for Shimmer. She abruptly stood up and splashed water at her laughing 'sister'. "Eeegh! You're so disgusting! My father should have let me take the bus home instead of stay here with you!" "Whatever. Get outta there. It's my turn in the tub." Sunset started to lift up her shirt and caused Shimmer to scream. "Get out!" she yelled. "I didn't even get to rinse off!" "No problem. You can do it with me." SPLASH! The human dashed out of the bathroom after grabbing a towel and left the other person, who was laughing, soaking wet. Sunset poked her head out into the hall and whistled at her. That only got the towel thrown at her face. "You're not getting this back, Shimmy!" The said girl let out a cry of annoyance before she came after Sunset. She came too late, however; the bathroom door was promptly closed and locked. *** Sunset was leaning against the kitchen counter when Shimmer came into the living room/kitchen area all dressed in some borrowed joggers and a T-shirt. She rubbed her hands over the goosebumps on her arms and pinched a limp curl of hair dangling from behind her ear. "Thanks to you, I didn't get to wash my hair properly or take a good shower. You took a thousand years to come out of the bathroom so I was freezing to death, completely naked over here!" She pointed at the other girl, who was acting too casual for her to really even assume she was hearing half of what Shimmer was saying. "And after an hour plus of waiting, I go into the bathroom to find the tub filthy with grime and all the hot water gone! Filthy pervert..." There was the sound of boiling water bubbling ferociously, a whistle of hot air coming from the kettle that rest on one of the stove's coils. Sunset grabbed a pot holder and lifted the kettle. She poured steaming water into a mug before setting it back down. Sunset reached into one of the cabinets and produced a box of assorted teas from Camomile to Earl Grey. "Choose one," she said, an amused grin on her face. Shimmer crossed her arms and glared at Sunset angrily before replying. "So you're not going to apologize? You're not going to say 'I won't trouble you like that again'?" The girl threw her arms into the air. "Nothing??" The Equestrian pushed the hot mug of water and the teas toward the human. "I'm doing just that." "By offering me tea???" "Yes. I know you like tea. I see you drink it all the time. If I didn't know any better I would think you were, what, Bretic?" "It's British." Sunset shrugged and went back to slouching against the counter. "Eh. I never paid much attention in History class. Someone says they're 'British' and the other claims to be from Rustla but they all look the same to me." Shimmer groaned. "Russia. It's Russia. And none of that has anything to do with apologizing. Giving me tea does absolutely nothing." Sunset breathed deeply through her nose. She was quiet for a moment. Then she picked up the mug and pressed its warm surface to her cheek and huskily replied, "You know you want it..." Shimmer opened her mouth to say something but closed it, a red blush spreading over her cheeks. Sunset was batting her eyes and puckering her lips. The human turned around and cursed silently. Today of all days, her usually bitchy version was a full-out perv. Just relax and don't let it bother you. You had a long day. Rest up. Shimmer shook her head and glanced at her counterpart no longer caring for an apology. It was clear she was still angry but after a few deep breaths her 'Whatever' face came over her features. Despite this, she spoke on the current subject with a shrug. "Hey, I'm not sure how you did it in your world but humans use words. It goes like this: I'm sorry." Sunset set the mug down, rolled her eyes, and wrapped her fingers around the cup protectively. "... It wouldn't be sincere. You can't tell me to do it if I'm not feeling compelled to say it. I...never really could." Shimmer ran a hand through her hair in puzzlement. She sat down on a sofa and raised an eyebrow. "You 'never could'? What does that mean?" The playful expression on Sunset's face was quickly replaced by a look of deep unhappiness. "It's...a long story." "...You don't mind elaborating on it, do you?" Hearing this, Sunset stuck her tongue out as her response. "Accept my apology first." "Fine, I will." "Your preference?" Shimmer just waved a hand and told her it didn't matter. A few minutes later, Sunset handed Shimmer the mug and the other girl lifted the cup to her lips. She hummed approval. "What's in this tea?" Sunset sat down across from her and answered her question. "Molasses, oats, and a pinch of cinnamon." "Really?" Shimmer glanced down at her drink, noticing the abundance of floating oats on its surface. The small things drifted around and bumped into each other softly, just swimming about in a leisurely manner. "I've never heard of putting oats in tea before. It makes it kind of chewy." Sunset shrugged. "It's something my mother always did whenever I was good." She sighed. "We were too poor to afford anything more than the bland food of oats, carrots, vegetables...The fact that we could snatch a small keg of molasses and a fag of cinnamon was a miracle. This tea was like a special treat; a reward for pulling through life despite everything..." "... Wait, too poor? Buying those things cost almost nothing. What do you mean..." Shimmer stopped talking and glanced at Sunset who sat in silence. Her face looked tired and somehow she appeared older than before. There was a crease between her eyebrows and a dullness in her eyes that indicated she was lost in thought. Shimmer looked down at her tea again and realized that for the first time Sunset had brought something up about her past in Equestria. And from the small bit she heard, it already seemed as though their pasts were not synched up like their features. For as long as Shimmer remembered, her family had never been poor; there was no such thing as budgeting and price checking when buying any item from a store. Every Christmas, she was never disappointed since everything she wanted was granted to her by 'Canter Hoof', the old pseudonym used by parents everywhere. Everything she got was already paid for. Shimmer cleared her throat timidly and asked a question that had been budding against her conscience. "Sunset? What was your childhood like?" The girl beside her closed her eyes as if trying to remember. "It... It wasn't an ideal one." Sunset shifted in her spot on the sofa and got comfortable. Her story was going to be a long one. "We were poor. One of the poorest families there were in Equestria, really. I grew up in the cruddy part of Canterlot, the place everypony called 'The Hoof'." "Wait, is that like 'The Hood' over here?" Shimmer asked, trying to suppress a smile that pulled at her lips. Sunset jabbed the human in the ribs lightly, the other girl's attempts at keeping a neutral expression clearly failing. "I guess so. The Hoof got it's name for being a notorious place where ponies up to no good hung around 'offering a hoof' to anypony that passed by. Their intent wasn't to be nice but to steal from them under the guise of doing a kind thing," Sunset explained. "But yeah. I lived there with my parents. Dad worked as a cart-carrier. That's like a taxi driver here. He went out into Canterlot very early every morning and came back late at night worn down and tired, having brought home only a bag of 15 bits. That's worth about 10 dollars here, I guess. It was only enough to buy a few apples and a little something extra, so we never had enough to live comfortably. "Dad had gotten his cart-carrier job back when he was a colt going through college to become a doctor. He would have become one but he couldn't pay for all of his classes and didn't dare try and get a loan. My mother used to be a teacher for little ponies in Magic Kindergarten, but when her parents fell seriously ill, she quit her job to take care of them. When they passed away, she couldn't get her old job back; she needed a higher level of credentials because the standards changed. It didn't take long before the support bits had dried up. If we could get a solid 150 bits into our home every week, life would've been a lot better. She took up painting and loved to depict nature in her artwork. Sadly, not many ponies had a need for paintings all the time. It was about once every 2-3 months that someone requested something and that would give us a nice 200 bits. My parents tried to save the bits, but so much was rundown that it eventually was spent. M-My father eventually decided to enlist in the Royal Guard. It was the only way we could earn more money without having to beg. My mother argued with him tirelessly not to saddle up with the army; she was scared of losing him and so was I. But he went on ahead anyway, saying that all guards were insured so if something happened... my mother and I would at least have some bits to live off of along with benefits..." Sunset sighed before continuing. "Mom and dad didn't spend much time with me as a filly. Dad was always working while mom tried her best to advertise herself in towns all over. I pretty much grew up on my own and so, without anypony to correct my behavior, I became a bitter filly. I was sick of being so low in society that I could barely bring a lunch to school. I wanted to be powerful and live a luxurious life... And that's when I became obsessed with developing my magic. From what I knew from reading stories about Starswirl the Bearded, a very powerful stallion, being the best of the best got you places..." Shimmer stayed silent as she let the new information sink in. Their childhoods were completely different. There was no wonder why they were not alike in many ways. To think that she, Sunset Shimmer the human, was living a life full of love and normalcy, while her other self had to survive through grueling poverty all alone in the world...It was unthinkable. There's just no way any of that is true Shimmer thought, but something told her that Sunset had no reason to make it up. There's just no way... Sunset shifted in her spot and gripped her mug in her hands. "I was foolish then. I had been foolish my whole life. Being the best doesn't make you great or likable. Being on top won't get you friends or make up for the past. It only places you on the highest pedestal so that when you fall, you'll go down harder than anyone else." Sunset's POV My hands. They wouldn't stop shaking, stop trembling... I bit my tongue. I spoke too much. I revealed more than I wanted to about my past. Shit, I didn't even want it to be brought up at all! The whole thing I had vowed to keep quiet on and had been doing so just beautifully for these last 3 or 4 years. Anytime someone asked me about my parents or my childhood I always masterfully avoided it and changed the subject. With just a small distraction you can make humans forget just about anything. All I had to do was poke around a topic of particular interest to the person asking, and the words that hung on their lips would dissolve like antacid tablets in water. But just now...How did I? Why did I? I stared at my tea. Aw bucking Tartarus! My guard had been let down and I didn't even realize it. And the person I told this all to...They weren't anyone who would understand. Shimmer wouldn't know anything about being humiliated everyday because of your shabby coat and unkempt mane displaying the position you had in the world. She wouldn't know what it was like to be judged every moment you're within someone's field of vision. The scrutinizing gaze of others was hard to bear, even if you were doing something completely normal, like walking to class. Just taking a step to your next destination under their angry stare made you feel like a criminal. I had been full of arrogance, feeling too good to say even the smallest, courteous things like "Please", "Thank you", and "I'm sorry." Well, I've learned my place now. I'm no better than anyone here. If anything, I'm worse. Thankfully, in this universe, my human counterpart hadn't made an ass of herself, otherwise I'd swear on Celestia's crown that my downfall was all but fate written in the stars. We stayed in our spots on the sofa in silence for who knows how long. My gaze had glossed over, my eyes looking empty as I stared through my beverage. I was lost in the maze of Recollection and Regret, browsing through all my sinful past actions and cringing at each and every one of them. It was only when I felt a warmth on my hand that my sight refocused, and slowly I looked to the source of heat. It was a hand with the same complexion as mine. It held on with a firm grip. My eyes trailed the arm that came from the hand and before long, I found myself looking at Shimmer. She wore an expression that I had never seen on her face before. The amount of concern and sympathy that radiated from her was suffocating. I wasn't worthy of it. She should direct her gaze onto some other unfortunate soul. I didn't deserve pity of any kind. I went to pull my hand away but found it was anchored in place. Her grip was surprisingly strong. "L-Let me go..." I whispered. "You already heard everything I had to say..." "Not everything," she said quietly. I frowned slightly. "What do you mean? My past is out there now. I told you all of it." The strawberry blonde shook her head slowly. With a quickness that I had not known her to possess, she took my mug and placed it on the coffee table along with hers, and grabbed my hand again. Only this time, she managed to get my other hand as well and pressed my palms together. A prayer I thought. A prayer to relieve me of my sins. I chuckled bitterly at my thoughts. That was something only humans did. Praying. When I had first learned of this, I had laughed out loud. They prayed because of a thing called 'religion' that was based on a God, an entity that had no form, that was apparently everything and nothing at the same time. It seemed absurd to me. Didn't these humans know that everything was in balance because of a Princess? Didn't they know they were worshiping something that was false, that it was a pony they owed the universe to? There was no such thing as praying away your sins. They followed you everywhere. Just look at me and it will make all your prayers fall flat. I glanced at Shimmer's face. She looked puzzled but it quickly went away as her lips moved to form words. "You still have more to say. I can tell." What's there to say? "What's there to say?" I asked, speaking aloud my inner dialogue. I grimaced. My voice came out more strained than I hoped. Somehow, even though I denied it, I knew she was right. There was more to fill the air, more words to float from my lips to her ears. "Well, you didn't tell me why you couldn't ever apologize." I sighed. It should be obvious why and I said as much. "I was a bratty foal. There's no way I'd let those words come out of my mouth, especially not after being accepted into the Princess' Academy. Once I found my talent in magic, I went overboard and used it to get ponies to do what I wanted. And now... I can't say it because it makes me look even weaker than before..." I gritted my teeth and felt the corners of my eyes sting. Oh no, please don't do this to me. Not now. My vision began to sway a little and blur. Why does this have to happen now? Why can't it wait until after Shimmer leaves? Why now? I turned my back on my counterpart but it's too late; she sees the tears gathering in my eyes. I felt her hand touch my shoulders and I shivered. "Sunset..." she whispered. I couldn't keep it in. I let out my tears of sorrow and buried my face in my hands. Words spilled from my mouth like a waterfall. "I fell! I fell! And everyone saw. I was no longer the best, it was Twilight Sparkle and her friends. They beat me and I was nothing but a squashed insect. You don't understand! You don't understand, Shimmer, what it feels like to lose everything! You have everything! Mom...dad...friends...a house to live in... Life has been so kind to you. I'm so weak, so aimless, so despised. Even uttering 'I'm sorry' is a blow to my own person. I'd be admitting that I really am powerless and everyone will cheer and celebrate..." I don't remember much after that. I was a sobbing wreck. All I can recall is Shimmer's arms wrapping themselves around me, cradling my limp body against hers, and soft murmurs in my ear. What she said completely faded from memory. I just know her warm breath tickled my ear as she spoke what I can guess to be words of reassurance, of comfort, of pity. What was spewing out of me became a dramatic, delirious, feverish bluster. Only Shimmer knows all of what I said. For all I know I could have been spilling even darker, more cryptic information to her than I intended to. I fell asleep somehow and awoke the next day in Shimmer's arms, my head tucked under her chin, and her frizzy hair tickling my nose and neck.